Escaping the Pain - 12. Chapter 12

"You... why... uh," Dane stammered. He was a little angry but mostly just shocked. Honestly he wasn’t really sure what he was feeling.

Tap chuckled. "I kissed you. Best kiss I've ever had. Though since Neri is the only other person I've ever kissed it's hard to say. It could have been awful," Tap paused, thinking for a moment. "What do you think Dane?" he asked as casually as he could.

"How should I know?" asked Dane angrily, practically biting out each word. He looked like he was about to explode. Dane sucked in a huge breath and Tap braced himself for the coming storm.

"That was my first kiss," said Dane quietly, closing his eyes and giving a little shake of his head as he let out the rest of the air in his lungs in a huge sigh. It was too good to be angry about. "Why did you do that?"

Tap looked at him, incredulous. "You're kidding right? I like you. How could you have not figured that out before now?"

"And just exactly how was I supposed to have figured that out before you kissed me, huh?" Dane asked in indignation, one finger tapping on his thigh in irritation.

"Umm, well," Tap rubbed his head, "ok, I guess I get your point."

"Are you even gay?" Dane looked very serious, nervously nibbling the corner of his lip and watching Tap.

Tap resisted the urge to spout off a flippant answer, but just barely. "Yes," he said simply, before deciding to really bare all. You can't bake a cake without breaking some eggs his mother always said.

"I'm gay, I like guys, and I've wanted to kiss you from the moment you bounced off my chest that day on the sidewalk. I wanted to taste your lips even before I saw how beautiful your eyes were and how your heart shone from them as if they were windows into your soul. I want nothing more than to be able to sit and stare into them and learn every nuance of who you are."

"Oh God," Dane said, stunned. "I don't know what to say,” he looked away, unable to meet Tap's eyes anymore. Those liquid brown eyes held things that Dane had no experience dealing with. It was too much, he was overwhelmed with all the things he was feeling.

"It's okay," it was Tap's turn to speak quietly, his voice subdued, "look, I didn't mean to blurt everything out to you that way and I know I shouldn't have kissed you without asking. You don't have to say anything. I'm sorry."

Dane’s head snapped up when he heard the metal legs of the chair skid on the floor as Tap pushed it back to stand up. Tap was looking down toward the floor, his large body somehow seeming to have shrunk in on itself. "Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving so I don't make you feel uncomfortable. I don't want to hurt you Dane, not ever again."

"Then don't go," Dane said quickly, "please," he reach out and squeezed Tap's hand.

"Really? You want me to stay?" Tap looked anxious but he didn't try to pull his hand away from Dane. In truth his entire body was focused on the soft hand that held his in a strong grip.

"I do. I'm sorry, I'm just," Dane glanced away but made himself look up and meet Tap's eyes. "Really, I just have no idea how to deal with this; I’ve never been in a situation like this before. Plus everything inside is all jumbled up and nothing makes sense right now."

"I know. It must be so hard for you with everything that has been happening, your mom, your dad," Dane flinched when Tap mentioned his dad, unable to control the instant reaction.

It was Tap's turn to squeeze Dane's hand, bringing him out of whatever thought he was heading into. "It really is okay to not know how you feel. I don't expect anything from you. I just couldn't keep it to myself anymore."

"It's not that I don't like you Tap, I do. I just, I don't know what is wrong with me," Dane said in exasperation. He knew he wanted Tap, he had been trying to hide the longing he felt and apparently he had done a pretty good job. But for some reason it just wasn't as simple as he wanted it to be. With everything else going on he needed time to think; time to figure out what exactly all this meant.

"There is nothing wrong with you," Tap was quick to assure Dane. He sat back down; keeping their hands together he pressed them to his cheek. “I promise.”

"Yeah right. The guy I've been wanting for weeks kisses me and tells me he likes me back and all I can say is I don't know? Hell, I want to knock some sense into my own ass."

Tap frowned, "Hey, no one is going to be doing any knocking on you, not with me around. Not even you. So ease up. You’ve been through a lot lately,” Tap’s frown changed into a smile, "Besides, you just said you liked me whether you realized it or not. That's enough for me right now. At least I know you know how I feel. I would hate it if some guy came and swept you off your feet while I dithered trying to tell you."

"Well it's not like I'm going to be on my feet any time soon so I think that's a pretty safe bet." joked Dane. He couldn't handle any more emotions and Tap could sense that. They turned the conversation to lighter subjects. Just being together was enough for now. Dane did some homework while Tap watched some TV for the rest of the afternoon. Right before dinner Tap stood up.

"I guess I should go," he said reluctantly.

Dane nodded, just as reluctant to be apart. He felt so much better with Tap near, both calmer and safer. But he couldn't stay.

"I'll be back in the morning," Tap assured Dane.

Dane nodded, "I'll be here,"

"Can I," Tap paused, "can I kiss you again?" he held his breath, waiting, hoping.

Dane drew in a quick breath and froze, his heart suddenly pounding. His mouth was dry and his hands shook just a little as adrenaline surged through his body. He couldn't speak but he was able to nod, just barely. Even before Tap moved Dane had his eyes closed, his lips barely parted as he tried to breathe, only managing short shallow intakes.

Tap was breathing hard now, excited and pleased Dane had said yes. Moving slowly so he wouldn’t startle Dane he first gently stroked his mouth across Dane's waiting lips. When Dane began to kiss back, pressing forward just a little Tap took advantage of that slight part and just barely dipped his agile tongue into Dane's mouth. Dane gave a little gasp before his mouth fell open allowing Tap to thrust his tongue fully into the warm recesses to taste his unique flavor. It was Tap's turn to moan as he swirled his tongue back into his mouth, enticing Dane's to follow.

Dane put his hand on the back of Tap's neck, curling it around to pull him closer as he took his first tentative foray into kissing. His slender tongue felt along the edge of Tap’s teeth before moving in farther to carefully rub along Tap's waiting tongue, the pair curling and moving in slow concert. The room was silent aside from the quick breaths both snatched whenever possible until the sound of a throat clearing in the doorway broke the oblivious teens apart.

"Well, looks like you have a good reason to have a decent appetite tonight," Cheri joked.

Dane instantly blushed scarlet but Tap just gave a throaty chuckle as he enjoyed the bright color that highlighted the slightly swollen and reddened lips instead of hiding them. "You got that right."

"Tap!" Dane objected. Tap and Cheri just laughed, their happy mirth and bright smiles finally convincing Dane he was only being gently teased and he began to smile. Tap reached out his hand and gently touched Dane's cheek where the appealing blush was just beginning to fade before rubbing his thumb across the lips he had just been kissing.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said slowly in a voice slightly huskier than normal.

"Can't wait." Dane said, his eyes fixed on Tap as he walked out the door.

** ** ** ** ** ** **

Tap called his mom on his way from the hospital to tell her he was running a bit late.

"That's fine dear. Neri and I are just having a little talk while she waits for you," Tap could hear his mom explaining that he was on the phone to someone.

"Neri's there?" Tap was alarmed. Who knew what she would tell his mom? He wasn’t ready for them to know about the conversation Neri had practically forced him and Dane into.

"Well I wouldn't say she was if she wasn't. She just told me to remind you about that ice cream you owe her. You do know you have to eat dinner first before you even think about going out for junk food mister!"

"Sure Mom," Tap said in a distracted voice, he was still trying to figure out a way to keep Neri's mouth shut. He just knew she was going to be bugging him about Dane the second he walked in the door. "I'll be home in just a few minutes, okay?"

"It had better not be too few. If you get a speeding ticket you know what the punishment will be."

Tap sighed, his mom was in full-on mothering mode tonight it seemed. "I won't, Mom. Bye."

Tap shut his phone and put in down on the messy passenger seat. Glancing down at his speedometer he eased his foot off the gas pedal a bit. He was going a little fast. If his car was taken away he wouldn't be able to go see Dane. Not even keeping Neri from spilling all to his mom was worth that.

Dane. Tap wanted to close his eyes and savor the memory of their first kisses. He settled for lightly rubbing his mouth with a finger, almost as if trying to recapture the feeling of heat that had warmed his lips and faded so slowly after they had separated. He grinned until he started thinking about what he was going to say to Neri. Of course he'd tell her but in front of his family? Tap shook his head; there was no way he was ready for that. It wasn't that he was gay. His parents knew that, his coming out was still a bittersweet memory.

His mom had been a bit surprised but recovered quickly. His news was not really unexpected but she was fiercely protective over her children. She had been sitting next to him on the couch when he finally got up the courage to tell his parents his fears and her only reaction was to comfort him. His dad had been touchier. Tap had started crying when he saw the look of embarrassment and a bit of disgust on his dad's face.

"I... I don't know how to handle this," Patrick had said before getting up to leave the room, refusing to meet the eyes of his youngest son.

Tap had fallen into his mother's arms and cried like he hadn't since he was a small boy. His body had shaken with the force of his sobs but Keri had held on, soothing her youngest child.

"You are our son, no matter what else you are. We love you," Keri had said, holding his face up when he tried to look back down in shame. He had seen the love in her eyes and had somehow managed to give his mom a feeble half-smile in return, still snuffling a little."I'll go talk to your dad," Keri had a steely look in her eyes as she stood up, "Don't worry love, it will be alright, you'll see," then she marched into the kitchen, her back ramrod straight and on a mission to remind Patrick of exactly what his role as a father was.

Tap had seen, of course. His dad had come back to the living room about a half hour after his mom had begun her harangue. Tap had been able to hear the rise and fall of voices in the kitchen, his mom's dominating the often heated conversation but he had not been able to hear what was actually said. Looking back he knew he would always be grateful for that.

His dad had sat down next to him on the couch where Tap still sat with his head in his hands. Though he had hesitated Patrick gathered Tap into a firm hug. A long discussion had followed, filled with talk about sexuality, being a teenager and a parent, safe sex and love. It had been awkward and full of starts and stops but in the end both felt better.

Tap had gone to bed exhausted but feeling lighter than he had in months. His parents had sat down at the computer and found a website about PFLAG and other information about being gay or supporting a gay family member. It took a few weeks but Keri even joined them up in an online support group on the PFLAG website.

That had been two years ago, but while Tap was comfortable with who he was as a gay teen and his parents were too, this whole situation was different. This wasn't an abstract concept about liking a boy; this was real. Dane was an actual guy they had met, well his mom had met at least. Tap had a few crushes in the past but he had kept them to himself as well.

Neri knew him too well though. He was completely unable to hide things from her at all. She always knew when he was lusting after a guy, just as she had known this time. This time it went beyond that and she knew that as well. Dane was more than just good eye candy so it was the first time she had actually done anything to help him follow through on his feelings. After the butt-kicking she had given both Dane and him earlier ice cream and a spill session was the least he owed her. But first he had to get her away from his mom.

Sure enough the pair were clucking away like a pair of hens when he walked into the kitchen fifteen minutes later. Tap closed his eyes, begging silently for a reprieve while he bolted down his meal of chicken pot pie. He put his bowl in the sink and grabbed Neri, dragging her away from his mom.

"Bye, Mrs. L," Neri called over her shoulder as Tap dragged her relentlessly toward the front door, "it was good talking to you!"

"You too dear, come back again soon, I must hear more about this whole thing," Keri laughed as she watched her son forcibly shove Neri out the door, just shaking her head the whole time until he shut the door behind them. Talking with Neri was so informative, she thought. Getting up from her chair at the table Keri walked into the living room where Patrick was engrossed in the baseball game on TV.

"So I was right," she said without preamble.

"Right about what, hun?" Patrick looked over at his wife where she sat back against the couch like a queen reposing on her throne, a smug look on her face.

"That boy in the hospital, Dane. Looks like we might have a romance on our hands."

Tap’s dad looked thoughtful, "I trust Tap but it sounds like that kid has a lot going on in his life, not a lot of it very good."

"Well you know Tap. If he's made up his mind about that boy there will be no changing it. I think Dane just needs some love. What Tap told us during that police interview just about broke my heart," Keri looked sad, her eyes filling with tears. Patrick turned off his game and got up from his favorite chair in front of the TV. He sat down next to his wife on the couch and gathered her up in his arms.

"You know and I know that Tap will do the right thing by his friend. No matter what that is. I'm sure that social services will be involved and keep that asshole father of his away from Dane. Not to mention I bet Tap will bring him around often enough for you to do all the mothering your heart desires." He rubbed her back as she sighed and leaned into him. He gave her the same smile that had hooked her the first time he had asked her out in college when she looked up at him.

Keri smiled back at her husband, "You're right. We'll get that boy happy again in no time. Now how did you get so smart?" Keri reached up with her hand and feathered Patrick's hair away from his face so she could stare into the deep brown eyes that his son had inherited.

"You are so beautiful when you smile," Patrick said, a little stunned after she flashed the big beautiful smile that she had also gifted to their son. He was always floored when he caught a glimpse of the carefree and bubbly woman he had first met. God, he was a lucky man!

** ** ** ** ** ** **

Tap expected Neri to begin grilling him the second he turned the key in the ignition. Instead she just smiled at him.

"I want a banana split," she informed him after they pulled out of the driveway.

"Okay, I guess we'll head over to DQ," Tap started driving toward town, glancing over at Neri every minute or so in apprehension, just waiting for her to pounce.

She was sitting in the passenger seat Tap had hurriedly cleaned off; her small skirt was showing a generous expanse of thigh, giving the illusion of long legs. She was dressed as smartly as always, a picture of the proper young woman, at least until she started into her torture routine. Her hands were folded demurely in her lap as she watched the sun setting in a blaze of pink and purple splendor over the hills in the distance. She noticed the looks but ignored them as she tried to keep all but the smallest of smiles from gracing her face.

Finally Tap made a sound of frustration, a groan of suffering at the game Neri was playing. “You are so annoying!”

"What?" she asked in a falsely sweet voice, as if she had no idea what Tap was waiting for.

"You know what!" He voice was practically a snarl though he knew it wasn't wise to let her know she was getting to him. That would only make her worse.

"Nope, sorry. I just know I did you a big ole favor and I deserve a banana split."

"You don't want to know what I said, what he said?" Tap looked at her with one eyebrow raised.

"I suppose if you want to tell me. It's no big deal." Neri looked a little smug that she had made him ask.

"Nah, it's not that good of a story. Don't want to bore you. How about some music?" Tap reached over to the radio and turned it on, tuning it to the local alternative station. He started driving into the outskirts of town tapping the steering wheel in time to the beat of one of his favorite songs. He kept his eyes on the road, knowing Neri as well as he did though he could feel her getting more and more irritated.

"Alright darn it!" Neri reached out and shut off the radio. "Funny funny, turning my game around on me. Now tell me everything and don't you dare leave anything out."

Tap was laughing, "Everything? Are you sure you want to know everything we did?" Tap drew that last everything out, a naughty little smile on his face.

"What do you mean? You didn't?" Neri's mouth was open. Then her eyes narrowed, "Patrick Leeran, you better not have done anything that would hurt that boy! He's in bad shape, certainly he shouldn't be..."

Tap couldn't hold it in any longer. He was roaring in laughter as he drove, her prim outraged speech at the thought he had been naughty was so mother hen that he was unable to keep a straight face.

"Ooh, you are so bad." Neri reached over and slapped his arm, a scowl on her face before she finally couldn't hide her smile anymore.

"Actually I was good, very good," Tap winked.

"Alright, enough teasing! Tell me what happened already!"