Escaping the Pain - 8. Chapter 8

“Please,” Dane managed to squeeze out between fits.

Tap picked up the small cup on the bedside table and filled it from the plastic pitcher, angling the straw to make it easier for him as he lay reclined in the bed. He held it Dane's mouth, letting him take small sips.

“Thanks.” Dane said his voice a little smoother.

“Dane, what happened? Tap asked, his expression hurt now that his fear had been reduced, “you said you would call me if you had any problems. You promised.”

“I don't know what happened, Tap. I don't remember, not really. I was going – somewhere and something happened.” Dane frowned, “I just can't remember where I was going. My head hurts.”

“You hit it when you crashed your dad's car. He said you stole it,” Tap told him.

“I stole his car? You said the police are here? Am I in trouble?” Dane was babbling, firing questions at Tap. He was clutching at the sheet and twitching a little.

“I don't know, but Dane, please don't be mad, I'm really sorry, I had to tell them. About your dad and everything.” Tap rushed on at seeing Dane go completely still, “I didn't do it because I wanted to but the doctor asked me when he saw the bruises. He knew, Dane, he knew already and I couldn’t lie. I told him and the deputies everything you told me. Please don’t be mad.”

Dane looked up at Tap, “I’m not mad. I know I needed to tell someone, but I was just so scared. Maybe I should thank you; I can’t get out of it now.”

Dane had another thought and sighed in defeat, “I bet they don't believe me, if I stole my dad's car. I can't go back, Tap, I can't. I just hurt so much. I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

“I'm sorry, Dane. I'm sure the doctor will be here soon, he’ll help you with the hurt.” Tap reassured him, “And I won't let you go back there, no matter what, but why would you do that, Dane? Why did you steal the car instead of calling me? I just don't understand.”

“I don't know either. I haven't really driven since I got my license. My dad never lets me and he said it would be disrespectful to drive my mom's car when she got too sick to drive it anymore.” Dane was confused about why he would steal the car too. He tried really hard to remember but his head was throbbing and when he couldn’t remember anything he gave another sigh and let his head fall back against the pillow.

“Tap? Will you- Will you hold my hand? The room is spinning and I feel like I’m going to fly away. It’s scary.”

“Of course,” Tap gently picked up Dane’s hand. Dane sounded almost sounded like a little boy asking for comfort after nightmare, soft and hesitant. Tap wished he could make this pain go away that easily as Dane’s eyes drifted closed.

Dane was asleep, his face pinched and pained looking but his hand was curled around Tap’s fingers and his grip was firm. “I’ve got you; I’ll never let you fly away.” Tap whispered to his sleeping friend. Tap was still holding his hand when Dr. Wickels walked in, followed closely by Deputy Jolston.

“He fell back asleep?” Dr. Wickels asked, moving to check the machine beside the bed. Tap nodded, his fingers nervously caressing Dane's hand. The doctor fiddled with the pump that was dripping the fluid in the IV taped to the back of the small slender hand so carefully engulfed by Tap's larger one.

“Daniel, wake up son. Daniel...” Dr. Wickels was gently patting Dane’s good arm. Dane groaned and opened his eyes slowly. He looked around the room, smiling when he saw Tap still sitting there in his wheelchair; he didn’t see the other men in the room yet.

“You're still here,” Dane said in a relieved voice.

“For a little bit,” Tap said, “Then I have to go home, doctor's orders.”

“You most certainly do,” Dr. Wickels said firmly.

Dane looked quickly over at the Doctor standing on the other side of his bed. Deputy Jolston had stayed by the door, the small room not really meant for a lot of people.

“Now, Daniel, I need to assess you really quickly, okay?” The doctor had experience with abuse victims before and he knew better than to try and touch Dane when he wasn’t expecting it.

"You are a doctor and this is a hospital. I sort of figure that's your job," Dane steeled himself for the pain but the doctor just shined a light in his eyes and made him do some strange finger movements.

“Okay, Daniel, I think we can bypass the 'Do you know your name and where you are?' questions,” Dr. Wickels chuckled.

“Actually, only my dad and grandma call me by my full name. I go by Dane,” he corrected the doctor.

“Yep that definitely settles that question,” the doctor smiled before his face settled into serious lines, “but we, the police and I, need to know what you remember from last night.”

Deputy Jolston looked at Tap, “Maybe you should wait outside.”

“NO!” Dane cried out. His false calm disappeared and he trembled, “Don't, please, I...” he closed his eyes as tears leaked out of his eyes, “I need Tap here.” He was breathing hard and his monitors had begun to beep faster and faster, as his heart began to race and he began panting in panic, warning the doctor that he was feeling distress. The doctor cut his eyes to the deputy and nodded.

“Shh...” Tap was attempting to soothe Dane who was clutching at his hand and trying to sit up. Tap put a hand on his good shoulder, “No, you need to stay there, you have broken bones. Stay there Dane, you’re okay, shhhh.” Dane kept struggling against his hold. His eyes were wide open but it was like he couldn’t see Tap.

Stay still!” Finally Tap was forced to issue the command in a sharp tone. Dane slumped back to the bed suddenly and closed his eyes. Tap was really worried that he had scared him.

He continued in a soft voice, “I need you to be careful for me okay? You can't hurt yourself more than you are. I'm not going anywhere if I can help it, understand?”

Dane nodded as he accepted the tissue Tap offered almost like a white flag of truce, though he had to let go of Tap's hand. His other arm just wasn't working right. As soon as he wiped his cheeks he dropped his arm back to the bed and grabbed Tap's hand tightly.

Tap watched as Dane’s breathing settled down and his machines stopped beeping as frantically. He smiled gently at Dane, giving his hand a little squeeze of support.

As Tap was trying to calm Dane the doctor pulled the deputy away to talk to him quietly without disturbing the boys. “I think he should stay, he's the only thing keeping Dane calm. If he gets agitated like that again and can't calm down I'll have to sedate him and you won't get any answers," he warned quietly. Jolston didn't like it but he could see the kid was scared out of his wits.

“Fine, I’m not here to scare the poor kid. It’s just procedure.”

The deputy looked at Tap, “If you stay you need to be quiet.”

Tap nodded; relieved he wouldn’t be forced from the room. “See, Dane, I can stay. Calm down now, okay?” Tap said to the still crying boy who bravely tried to swallow his tears.

The deputy began asking the normal questions, what's your name, where do you live, which Dane was able to answer easily. But they hit a snag when he asked the all-important question, “What happened last night?”

Dane tried to shake his head but his neck was still trapped in the c-collar. “I don't know, I remember being home and my dad saying we were going to visit my grandma. I changed and put my books away and we left. I think we went to see her but... I don't know... I can't...” Dane closed his eyes in frustration at his inability to remember what had happened.

“That's most likely from the head injury, Dane,” Dr. Wickels told him, “it might come back but for now you are still in pretty bad shape. Give it a little bit of time.”

“Am I in trouble?” Dane asked the deputy tremulously.

“Right now I don't know son. If you knew why you were driving the car and what happened tonight it would be easier but right now we just have what your dad has claimed.”

Dane blanched at the mention of his dad.

“Son, my partner and I spoke to your doctor and your friend. Do you want to tell me how you got those marks on your back?” Deputy Jolston asked him gently.

Dane gulped, his eyes going straight to Tap in an unspoken plea. Tap nodded, tightening his grip on Dane's hand just a little, silently encouraging him.

Dane took a breath, and then looked at Jolston. “My dad beat me,” he admitted, “I broke curfew and wasn't home to make him dinner so he pinned me against the wall and beat me with a rubber hose. I don’t know how many times. When he let me go I fell down and he kicked me in the stomach.”

Tears were falling down Dane's face, he was so ashamed to admit that his dad beat him and there wasn't anything he could do about it. He didn't want to be an object of pity and even more he was afraid of what was going to happen to him.

“Was this the first time he hit you?” Deputy Jolston asked, writing more notes on the pad he had taken from his breast pocket.

Dane shook his head; at least he tried to until the collar stopped him. Jolston understood though.

“How long has he been hitting you?”

“Everyday stuff like a slap or a punch, about a year but it got really bad when my mom had to go into the hospital and stay. That was 4 months ago. Since then, 3-4 times a week he would hit me over and over on my back, legs, arms, and stomach. He always seemed so mad but he only did it in places the marks wouldn't show. Couldn’t have any embarrassing inquiries he told me,” Dane’s voice was bitter but it was better than the broken ashamed voice he had been using.

“What about that burn on your chin?”

“Last week I forgot to turn off the burner after making dinner, it was a stupid mistake. Dad saw it and came into my room. He started hitting me on the head and back and then dragged me downstairs and was screaming at me while pushing me toward the hot burner. I slipped and my chin touched it. When I screamed he let me go right away. He must have gotten scared that someone might notice because after that he didn't beat me again until I was late last Friday.”

Tap was crying too, horrified all over again even though he had heard this all before. “You weren't stupid,” he countered fiercely; “everyone makes mistakes sometimes. No one deserves to be hit or burned by their dad! No one!”

Dane shook, his father had beaten down his personality and self-confidence so badly over the last year that it was hard to remember that he hadn’t always considered himself worthless; that other people had loved him and thought he wasn’t a stupid, worthless burden. He couldn’t agree with Tap, but a small bit of his self-loathing eased.

“What's going to happen to me?” Dane asked Deputy Jolston. He looked so small and pitiful that Jolston couldn't help but feel sympathy for him.

“Right now? You're going to stay here. You still need your arm and leg fixed. Social services will be notified and I'm sure they will do an investigation. Your dad tried to assault your friend and his father so he's under arrest for that and will be going to lock up for at least 24 hours. You won't have to see him, okay?”

“He tried to hit you?” Dane cried, staring hard at Tap, trying to see any marks.

“It’s okay, Dane. My dad stopped him. He didn’t hurt me.” Tap smiled at Dane.

Dane felt a surge of relief, he didn’t want his dad hurting Tap but he also felt a brief stab of jealousy that Tap’s dad stood up for him, that he loved him enough to keep him from getting hurt. But it was just a small feeling, one he immediately squashed.

“I'm sorry to have to ask this but with the way your dad was speaking of you we have to ask. Has he molested you in any way?”

“What? No!” Dane objected, his face bright red. “Wait. Wh... Wha...” Dane stuttered, “what has he been saying?”

“He's been making quite a few derogatory marks about you being gay. That doesn’t matter to the case Dane, but you have to tell me the truth about everything. Has he touched you sexually in any way?”

Dane looked at Tap, horrified his dad had said that and Deputy Jolston would repeat it in front of Tap, “He said what? No! No! I'm not... He's never touched me, not like that, I swear.” The monitors were beeping wildly; Dane was really agitated, looking wildly at all the men in the room.

“Okay, son.” The deputy soothed him, “Calm down. I had to ask. You're fine son, it's okay.”

Dane wasn't looking at him though; his terrified gaze was fixed on Tap who was looking at the floor. “I'm sorry, Tap, I'm sorry. I don't... I mean, it's just not like that. I don't want you to hate me, please don't hate me.”

Dane looked at Tap who was sitting rigidly in his wheelchair staring hard at a small spot on the floor. He had pulled his hand free and both his fists were clenched and he was breathing heavily.

Tap shook with the force of his emotions but hearing Dane say he was sorry and worry that he hated him was so far off base he managed to push it all back. “No, Dane! Don't be sorry to be who you are, never be sorry to me. I don't care and I could never hate you!”

Tap didn't want to tell Dane that he had been coiled, ready to leap from his wheelchair and track down Dane's dad and beat his face in if Dane had said he'd ever touched him. He didn't need to know how dangerous Tap was, Dane was special; his soul was pure. He would never understand the kind of anger Tap could unleash.

Dane was shocked; other than his mom, Tap was the first person who he'd ever cared about who said they accepted him being gay. He wasn't ready to tell other people but just knowing the one person here in Laurelhurst he had feared finding out the most was okay with him being gay overwhelmed him.

Dane slumped back against the pillows in the bed, tears still silently flowing down his cheeks, completely exhausted. He stretched out his hand toward Tap who took it, squeezing their fingers together gently. When Tap smiled at him there was a lightening in the way his body was slumped as he seemed to melt. Honestly, Dane hadn't been sure that Tap would take his hand. Words are easy; actions are much more difficult to fake.

“Can I go to sleep now?” Dane asked as his eyes started to droop, “I'm really tired.”

“Sure,” Deputy Jolston smiled at Dane, “you get some rest. Right now things are probably hard to understand; we will be back in the next few days and someone from Social Services will come by too. Good luck son.” The deputy left as Tap sat there holding Dane's hand.

Dane wasn't really reassured by the reminder that Social Services would be involved but he was in so much pain and the drugs were dragging him back down into the black depths of oblivion that he had only recently escaped.

"Your paperwork is probably done," Dr. Wickels said over his shoulder to Tap as he checked Dane's chart against the machines in front of him. "You need to rest those feet and get a good night's sleep." He patted Dane on the shoulder before he left the room.

Dane fought to open his eyes a few seconds after that comment registered. “Will you come back?” he asked Tap in an anxious voice.

“Yes,” Tap reassured him, “they couldn't keep me away. I should be able to walk enough to get here in the morning, if I promise to just sit here and not walk on my feet more than I have to my folks shouldn't mind."

“Your feet? What happened?” Dane's curiosity woke him up a little and he tried to look over the side of the bed but gasped in pain when he shifted.

“Stop that!” Tap ordered him, “Sit still. It's no big deal; I got some cuts when I found you. They got me all cleaned up. I just have to take it easy.”

“I'm sorry. It's my fault,” Dane apologized. He felt horrible that Tap cut his feet up trying to get to him. “You're parents must be so mad that you got hurt helping me.”

“No, no, Dane, they're not like that,” Tap was quick to reassure him. “I was the idiot who didn't grab shoes, Mom and Dad aren't mad, they were just worried about you and me. Now Coach is another story. We're supposed to be playing Grandville this week. No way am I going to be able to run the bases with these.” Tap made an exaggerated grimace of pain as he waggled his bandaged covered size 13's. “He's going to work me hard to make up for it when the doc clears me. I fully expect you to make it up to me then! I’m gonna want lots and lots of foot rubs."

Dane smiled faintly as his eyes drifted closed and the morphine kicked in, “Sure thing,” he murmured just before he let out a soft snore.

Tap smiled indulgently, happy to watch the rise and fall of Dane's chest as he slept until a nurse came to get him.

The night was restless for Dane. He kept waking up in pain or to the nurse checking on him which made for a long night. His dreams were flickered with images of glass breaking and the sound of metal screaming.

Tap at home wasn't sleeping much better. He was worried about Dane and his surgeries; he worried what was going to happen to Dane because of the charges his dad was spewing. His feet throbbed and he tossed and turned in his queen bed. The bright moon shone on the leaves of the trees he could see through his big picture window. Their gentle movements in the sultry breeze didn't soothe him with the sense of serenity it normally did. It was a long night.

Early the next morning Tap arrived at the hospital, driving his car and under strict orders from his mom to get in a wheelchair at the first nurses desk he came to. He didn't even make it that far; Veronica saw him pull up and was coming to the front ER door with a chair. He smirked at her.

“Mom called didn't she?” he asked as he sat down, sighing a bit in relief at being off his still tender appendages. Not even thick socks on top of the bandages and his loosest shoes could cushion him enough to not feel every rock in the parking lot he stepped on.

“Yeah, and you're just unlucky that I'm just as afraid of Aunt Keri as I am of my mom. I was told to put you in this chair and tie you to it if I had to. Otherwise my ass is grass. So do me a favor and listen, huh?” she said in a mock stern voice.

“Oh, I don't know...” Tap said teasingly.

“I could just tie you to a spare bed and then roll you in with old Mr. Baker. He's really cranky this morning. His surgery messed up his digestive system so now every time he eats he...”

Tap's face screwed up in disgust, “I don't want to know, icks, stop. I'll stay off my feet, promise.”

Veronica smirked in satisfaction, “Good. Just as long as you know the rules and abide by them I won't have to play dirty,” she said.

“Uh huh,” Tap said as he watched her cautiously trying to hide his smile, swiping his finger in an x across his heart, “heart's honor.”

“Alright, go visit your friend. It's not quite visiting hours but the SICU is pretty much empty. He'll enjoy your company before his surgery.”

“When's that supposed to happen?” Tap asked.

“In about 2 hours, but it really depends on when Dr. Wickels comes in.”

Tap took a deep breath and nodded his head. He would take what time he could get. Right now his whole body was urging him down that hallway to the room and the boy waiting in the bed, all alone. He took off so fast he almost peeled out.

“Hey, lazybones, wakey wakey,” Tap called out when he rolled up to Dane’s bed. The room looked the same as when he left last night, down to sleeping Dane with his head kicked back on the pillow, far too pale and tired looking. “You look like crap; did you sleep at all last night?" Tap asked.

Dane opened his eyes and smiled faintly at Tap, “Not really.” He was relieved that Tap came back just like he said he would. He had halfway expected him to not show up. The thought of that had worried him more than the upcoming surgery actually, “Too nervous.”

“About the surgeries? Dr. Wickels is great though, he'll take care of you. My cousin has been working here for years, she says he’s the best in the area,” Tap reassured him. “You'll be back to normal in no time.”

“Yeah, sure,” Dane said. Of course he wouldn't tell Tap exactly what had really been bothering him. He might know he was gay now but finding out that Dane had a crush on him was a different story. Tap might not like that at all.

“You're going to love me,” Tap grinned, pulling his backpack out from behind the chair.

“Why's that?”

“I ran by the school before I came over this morning and asked the teachers for spare books in your classes and asked for the week's assignments. I figured you'd get bored and I know how important keeping up your grades is to you.”

“Oh, wow! Thanks Tap! I can't believe you did that.” Dane was amazed; Tap was always thinking of him, “You are the best friend I could ever ask for.” That much he could tell him safely at least.

Tap beamed at him, “You're welcome.” He loved knowing he was the one that put that big delighted smile on Dane's face. “The teachers said just do the assignments in the folder and when you're done I'll take them back. Tomorrow afternoon I can get your assignments for next week too. Vice Principal Stephens said to tell you that you can take any tests when you get out of here and back to school.”

Dane's face got serious and sad fast. “What's going to happen? What if I can't come back to our school?”

“Don't you have a grandma you could live with?” Tap asked.

Dane grimaced, “No, not really. She's in an assisted living building, no kids allowed.”

“Oh. That sucks.”

“Not really. She's not much better than my dad. She's awful to me and says really mean things all the time. I hate it when we have to go see her.”

“I'm sorry your family sucks.” Tap was frowning as he thought about Dane's family. They really didn't deserve him.

“Don't worry about it, I'm used to it," Dane was blasé about it. "I miss my mom and Dad's been a real ass for the last year but before that he mostly left me alone. He works a lot. Grandma has always said bad stuff I guess but when my mom was around it didn’t seem so bad. Maybe I just never noticed it. I could deal with the stuff they say but I just don't think I can deal with the beatings anymore. I hate being scared all the time,” Dane admitted in a whisper.

Tap stood up and moved down to wrap Dane in a very gentle hug without saying a word.

Dane jerked back a little in surprise before he sighed and leaned his head against Tap's shoulder in front of him. "Thank you." He was still whispering.

Tap whispered back, "Just as long as you don't tell anyone. Nurse Ratchet at the station threatened my mental happiness if I didn't stay in my chair. If you tell I'll be forced to smell the odious evacuations of the crankiest senior citizen in town as I lay tied to a bed 20 feet down the hall from you."

Dane snorted and then giggled, "We can't have that can we? You had better sit down."

Tap did but his arms felt curiously empty. Dane sat trying to stop the soothing warmth he'd gotten from the hug from escaping. "So, Dane. Umm, about Saturday," Tap began but stopped, “um, how was...” Tap hesitated, not sure if he should ask.

“How was what?” Dane wanted to know.

Tap looked unsure, “I was just going to ask how your mom's funeral was, but then I thought how tacky that sounded and I was worried it might upset you.”

“No, I was really angry when I found out she died and my dad didn't let me say goodbye but I know she knew I loved her. I know she loved me; she was the best mom ever. Always taking care of me and making life fun. I miss her though, a lot.”

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad,” Tap said, handing Dane a tissue to wipe off the tears he couldn't keep from escaping.

“It's okay. I never get to talk about her; I don't have anyone who will let me.”

“You can talk about her with me anytime you want,” Tap offered.

“Thanks, that helps actually,” Dane said with a smile. The two teens just sort of stared at each other silently for a little while before Tap broke the silence.

“So, they feed you anything good in this joint?” Tap asked. As a teenager, food was never far from his mind.

“I don't know, they won't let me eat because of the surgery.” Dane looked scared again. The reminder about the procedure fast approaching frightened him. Tap saw that and hurried to distract him again.

“Oh that sucks; I was hoping you'd have some leftovers or something hiding around here.” Tap's voice was plaintive as he rubbed his stomach and looked pitiful, “I'm so hungry I just might waste away. Before you get out of here I might be as abnormally small as you are.”

“Hey!”

Tap leaned back in the wheelchair laughing. “Yeah, I know, I don't think that would be possible.”

“You are so not nice. I'm not that small,” Dane protested.

“Sure you're not,” Tap was definitely insincere.

“Just because we aren't all giants that swallow whole any food that gets within arm reach doesn't mean I'm not normal. You're the abnormal one.” Dane said sarcastically.

“Hey!” Tap looked shocked.

Dane started laughing, “See how you like it when you get made fun of for you size!”

Tap started giggling which made Dane laugh harder. The nurse that came in the room smiled at the boys, she was new, not one of the nurses that had been on last night but they had passed along all the information about what happened on the previous shift.

"What is going on in here?" she asked.

“I really can't say,” Tap giggled, “You should ask freak boy over there.”

“Young man! What is the matter with you? You can just get out if you are going to act that way and insult this poor boy,” the nurse was indignant.

“Oh no, it's okay, it's a joke,” Dane was quick to correct her, not wanting Tap to get thrown out. “We were just playing around, I kinda called him one first. Tap's my best friend, he would never be mean to me,” Dane reassured her.

“Oh, well, okay. But still, you shouldn't call a person a freak, it's not nice.”

“Yes, ma'am,” Tap said, "I'm sorry," he was very contrite. “Is it time for Dane to go now?” Dane looked so nervous all of a sudden that Tap reached up and grabbed his hand, squeezing it.

“It'll be okay.” Tap told him in a confident voice.

“Yes, it will be. It's not quite time yet but you need a bit of a sedative in your IV before the orderlies come and get you. They should have the OR ready in about ten minutes.” She opened the port on Dane's IV and squirted a syringe of clear fluid that mixed with the saline flowing down the tube before capping it and putting the used needle into the hazard container hanging on the beige wall. Bustling around the room she moved a few things around and straightened Dane's blanket. “Okay, you just relax, they'll be here soon.”

Dane had a death grip on Tap's hand but after a few minutes it eased as his muscles relaxed and his eyes began to droop. “Oh man, that’s good stuff. I'm really sleepy.”

“Don't fight it if you want to sleep,” Tap told him.

“You'll be here when I wake up?” Dane felt like everything would be okay just as long as Tap was there for him.

“Yeah, I'll be here. Wild horses couldn't drag me away… or evil nurse cousins.”

Dane fell asleep with a smile on his face.