Escaping the Pain - 2. Chapter 2

“Get up and go to school!” came a sharp order through the door, “Hurry up, if I find out you're late to school today you will regret it,” Dane got up slowly, wincing. His legs were sore and his ankle was a puffy mess. He limped gingerly out of his room to the bathroom. After he was done cleaning up and brushing his teeth he limped back to his room and opened his dresser, picking out clothes for the day. He knew better than to try and wear jeans so he put on a pair of old khaki pants and a soft cotton shirt. He grabbed two pairs of tight socks hoping it would help with his sore ankle and then picked up his backpack from its spot on the floor.

“Don't embarrass me today,” Dane's dad said through the open door of his office as Dane slowly made his way out the front door. Dane was hungry but he wasn't going to risk going into the kitchen for breakfast. If he was walking he could stop at the cafe that that guy Tap had taken him to. He had really enjoyed the coffee and the muffins looked good. Oh, well, he'd survive until lunch.

“Yes, sir,” Dane said.

“Come right home after school, we have to go see your grandmother. I also have to go by the funeral home and finish the arrangements for your mother's funeral,”

“Okay Dad.” Dane closed his eyes, rejecting the thought of the funeral to come. He didn't want his dad to see the tears in his eyes, weakness wasn't tolerated. He was so busy trying to stay calm he forgot himself.

“Excuse me?” His dad's sharp voice was a warning, one he heeded. Geez, he was just asking for it. He was trying so hard to get out the door to avoid his dad that he was going to get himself in trouble again.

“Sorry sir, I mean, Yes sir.”

His dad grunted. “Go to school.” Dane's dad had already turned away and walked into his home office, shutting the door behind him with a loud slam. Dane closed the front door behind him as silently as possible and took off for the bus stop. He was 17 but didn't have a car. His dad said he didn't deserve one so he rode the bus back and forth to school. At least he didn't have to walk the 3 miles today. That would be impossible in his current condition.

His day was the same as it had been for the last 6 weeks, slow and boring. It was true; most of the classes were far behind where he had been in his old school. The students were finishing up the end of the year syllabus and teachers were busy preparing the typical finals. For the seniors this would be the final months of their high school lives. Most of them were busy living it up and enjoying their time with their friends as much as possible before adulthood and college started separating them.

Dane sat on the sidelines of all of that. He was the new kid that came just months before graduation. Really what was the point in getting to know people when they all knew that they wouldn't see each other after high school anyhow? He was sitting alone at a picnic table eating outside in the courtyard when a heavy weight plunked down on the bench beside him. Dane nearly choked on the bite of roast beef sandwich he had been hungrily chewing.

“Hey!” The deep rumbling voice rolled over him as Tap clapped a hand on Dane's shoulder and greeted him cheerfully. “How's it going?” Dane looked up at the big guy, his face surprised but he couldn't help the smile that tugged the corner of his lips up in response to the happy smile that Tap was sporting.

“Uh, hi. Okay, I guess,” He said quietly. “What are you doing here?”

“Well it's a game day. I thought I would come in early and work on my skills before class. Got to be ready for the baseball game tonight. You're coming right?” Tap asked eagerly.

“No. My dad said I had to go home straight after school,”

“Oh,” Tap's face fell. He had been hoping Dane would come to the game. “So you got grounded for yesterday?”

“Not really. I think you have to be allowed to actually do things before you can be grounded from them,”

“But you can't come?” Tap pressed.

“No, family stuff,” Dane said shortly. He really wished he could go but he knew better than to risk disobeying his father. He didn't want to be on the brunt of his anger again.

“Oh, about your mom? I'm sorry about that by the way, her dying,” Tap blushed and frowned a bit, then trying to apologize for his stupid comment, “That came out a bit wrong,” but Dane brushed it off before Tap could do more than try to pry his awkward foot out of his mouth.

“Don't worry about it,” Dane refused to think about it, breaking down in the middle of lunch period really would be the final clincher in his social outcast status. “What kind of a name is Tap anyway?” he asked out of the blue.

“My name is really Patrick but since I'm a junior my family always called me Pat. I had a slight dyslexia problem as a kid and for some reason I always wrote my name as Tap. I always insisted it was my name and I guess it just stuck with me,” he said with a sheepish smile.

“Oh,” Dane chuckled a little as he pictured a mini Tap standing with his hands on his hips insisting he was right, just like he had yesterday with him. He had to admit that it was kind of cute. “That's a good a nickname as any I suppose,”

“What about you? Any nicknames you were saddled with as a kid you're not revealing now that you are living here?”

Dane thought about all the names he had been called in the last year by others his age: Danielle, wussy boy, faggot were just a few. He winced. Yeah, so not sharing those he thought sarcastically. “Well my real name is Daniel so I guess Dane is a nickname, no story behind it though my mom might have known. She never told me,”

Dane looked sad so Tap tried to make a joke, “Okay, well I'll just have to give you one then,” Tap said, cocking his head as he looked at Dane. “Hmm, how about Speedy or the great Escaper?” Tap let out a big booming laugh that had the other students in earshot looking at them curiously. Tap was well known and liked, not just for his ability to focus the baseball team and bring them to State every year but because he was a genuinely nice guy that everyone either wanted to be or wanted to know.

Dane scrunched up his face and stuck out his tongue, the soft sad look in his eyes replaced by a sparkle of mischief. Tap laughed again. “No? You don't like those? I guess I'll have to think about it some more. Get to know you better,” Dane's eyebrows scrunched down and he frowned a bit, he wasn't sure that he wanted anyone to get to know him better. He didn't want what happened at his last school to happen again.

“I...” The warning bell chose just that moment to ring, interrupting him from trying to brush Tap off.

“Got to go!” Tap said as he clapped Dane on the back before he stood up. He didn't miss the wince or the quiet indrawn breath that Dane couldn't prevent. “Oh, I'm sorry man. Sometimes I forget to watch what I'm doing. Did you hurt your back when you fell yesterday? I'm just going to be apologizing to you every few minutes aren't I? Do you need something for it? Mr. Benz has some great muscle rub down in the athletics office. I could get you some and rub it in,”

“No!” Dane stood up quickly, “It's fine, it's no big deal,” He didn't want the other student to see his back or exactly what would happen if he starting rubbing his bare skin. He didn't need a beating on top of the one he got last night.

Tap studied him closely but didn't say what he was thinking, “Okay,” he shrugged. If the guy didn't want help then he wouldn't force him. “Well, since I won't see you at the game I'll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Dane looked at him, a bit confused at why he was being so nice but managed to mumble out something that sounded like okay before Tap took off jogging for the gym. He threw away his trash and then hurried to get his book from his locker and head off to class. Geography was boring as always but he paid attention, this was the one class that he hadn't been enrolled in before at his previous school. It hadn't taken him long to catch up though since it was mostly just memorization but he had to get a good grade so he focused. After that it was just economics and he was done for the day, not that he was exactly looking forward to going home.

He put his books into his backpack at his locker and silently set off for the bus, alone and set apart from the other students around him. He wasn't included in the shouting across the halls for evening plans and goodbyes and he didn't offer any of his own. He was walking down the sidewalk about to get on the bus when he heard his name.

“Hey Dane! Dane!” Dane looked up from his inspection of the cracks in the concrete, his eyes wide. “I'll see you tomorrow!” Tap called with a cheery wave as he left the locker room dressed in his practice uniform. Dane blushed at the attention the greeting got him; kids were looking from Tap to him and back again. Tap had paused, clearly waiting for something. Dane's throat closed up but he managed a nod and a wave and Tap grinned before running off toward the baseball field. Dane certainly appreciated the view but was careful to keep his look to just a quick glance. The casual goodbye actually made him feel good, even if it he did find the attention a bit awkward. It felt like the kids on the bus were talking about him, little glances coming his way off and on. To avoid them he scrunched down in his seat and balanced his Lit book on his knees, trying to get some homework done before the bus got to his stop.

Getting home, he walked in quietly but his dad's car was gone from the driveway and the house was silent. He grabbed a glass of water and went up to his room and started on his homework working diligently for an hour. It was almost all review of the material he already knew but he had to show his work on the math and write out his essay for his lit homework. He was studying his geography book when he heard his father arrive. He quickly pulled a button up shirt over his t-shirt and tucked it in, wincing when his hands pressed on a particularly sensitive bruise at the small of his back.

He combed back his dark black hair with his fingers and pulled on a pair of loafers. Sitting at the desk with his open book in front of him and his finished assignments laid out, he was ready when his dad stepped into his room. Mr. Kendricks frowned a bit when he took in Dane's neat appearance and went to take a look at his homework. Finding nothing out of order he snapped at Dane, “Let's go,” Dane followed his dad silently and settled into the backseat of the car. He was not looking forward to this visit; his only comfort was that his grandmother was just as nasty to his dad as she was to him, just over different things. Of course, today wasn't any different.

“So, you finally decided to come and see me, Alan?” Grandma Esther said. “About time. Now that your no good wife has finally died you can show some respect and come around here to help me out like a proper son should!”

Dane’s dad said nothing, grunting in a non-committal fashion as he bent down to kiss one wrinkly cheek. Grandma was seated in her recliner in the living room of her musty smelling apartment, her hair pulled back severely into a bun and a pinched look on her face. Dane had always thought it was as if every caustic phrase that came out of her mouth must have puckered it like a lemon, though she'd been a bitter old hag for so long that it was surely permanent. He knew that a certain familial duty is expected of younger generations so he figured anyone who heard that thought would be a bit shocked but if they heard her next statement they'd have totally forgiven him in the next second.

“What is the matter with you boy? Standing hunched over like that? You play some of your sick perverted games with some filthy man? I bet he was old and ugly," she cackled, "About the only thing someone as worthless as you could probably do. Certainly no real man could have come from that weakling you married Alan,” Dane simply shrugged off her comment as she turned to harangue his dad, knowing it was mild compared to what could and did come later. It hurt though. By the time they left 2 hours later Dane was almost in tears he was so angry. His dad had misdirected his grandmother's frustration and misery out on him, taking turns making comments and insults. He had to excuse himself to the bathroom to grip the sharp edge of the counter and breathe slowly several times in order to prevent himself from back talking or screaming in sheer torment. That had brought questions on whether or not he stood up or sat down to take a piss. Yeah, what was left of his family was a real support in his time of grief, right.

They pulled up in the driveway back at their house after another silent car ride. Dane quickly went inside and started dinner before his father could complain about being hungry. He made his dad a steak and baked potato with a cottage cheese salad. He dished up a small bowl of the cottage cheese salad, grateful for the silence as his dad ignored him. He forced himself not to gulp his food but finished it quickly. Standing up, Dane began to take his dish back into the kitchen when his dad barked out a question.

“Where do you think you're going?” He asked in a huffy voice, causing Dane to jump and drop his spoon on the floor.

“To do the dishes?” Dane said meekly, quickly picking up his spoon, hoping his clumsiness wouldn't set his dad off on another tirade.

“Damn right. Get me a beer while you are in the kitchen too,” Alan got up, leaving his plate on the table and went into the living room where the big screen TV sat. He flounced down into his chair and turned on the golf channel. Dane sighed silently but picked up the soiled dishes and placed them gently in the kitchen sink along with his. He didn't wait until he was done with the washing up to grab his dad's beer; he knew that would get him in a lot of trouble. He took it into the living room silently, pleased that his dad didn't acknowledge him. Maybe it would be okay tonight.

Dane did the dishes and carefully dried and put them away. Grabbing a cup of water he went upstairs to his room, the narrow twin bed with a single blanket and a dresser was all that had seemed to have made the move. He used to have rows and rows of books, a nice desk and chair set, and a lamp that had been his Grandpa Paul's before he died. He'd loved that lamp, a deep blue marble block that had been carved with geometric patterns that had a light set inside. It had lit the room with a blue glow and he had spent many long hours contemplating the ins and outs of his life while randomly shifting the stone shade on its base to create patterns on the walls and ceiling at his old house.

But that was before. Before he came out to his parents, before his mom got cancer and got sick, before his dad started drinking and blamed him. Oh yes, as bad as he thought things had been at those times, this was so much worse. He hated living with his dad but his grandma would be no better and she was home all day! Not to mention he didn't think anyone would be willing to take in a kid almost a full year shy of his 18th birthday, even if he was close to graduating high school. He'd probably end up in some sort of DSHS facility or lock down and get raped or something. No thanks! Beatings he could deal with, the fear of being outted and having some jerk force him frightened him a lot more.

Dane had just pulled out his Economics homework to finish that up when his door slammed open. “Stupid, lazy, good for nothing,” Each pause was punctuated by a hard blow to Dane's head from his father's strong fists. Dane just cowered in his chair, yelping each time his dad's hand struck his head. The blood was rushing in his head so fast and loud that he couldn't even hear the rest of derogatory insults his dad was hurling at him as he smacked him around.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” Dane cried as he tried to get away, his voice thick with snot and blood that ran down the back of his throat. He kept apologizing as he cowered away, even though he had no idea what he had done. Grabbing Dane's arm in a vice like grip so tight that his knuckles showed white Mr. Kendricks jerked Dane to his feet and dragged him painfully out of the room and downstairs to the kitchen. Dane stumbled as he tried to stay on his feet, knowing that falling would only hurt his arm and shoulder worse.

“Look at that!” Dane's dad threw him against the stove and grabbed him by the back of his head. He pushed his face down over the burner until Dane could feel the heat drying out his wide eyes and tightening the skin on his face. “You left the burner on! How stupid are you? Do you want to burn my house down? Are you trying to kill me?” Dane braced his arms and struggled against the crushing force his dad was using to push him closer and closer to the burner with each screamed question. So much smaller than his dad he couldn't fight back against the force pushing him ever closer so he tried to lift his face up and ended up brushing his chin against the hot metal burner.

Dane screamed in pain and jerked so hard his dad wasn't able to hold him. Alan stepped back startled at the force that Dane moved with trying to get his body away from the searing pain that blasted through him. Dane fell to the floor, curled on his side and crying. His hands cradled his chin but he only surrounded the source of his agony. Alan got a good look at the large heat blister and red mark that covered a good portion of Dane's chin. That would not heal quickly and there would be questions. He was even angrier that Dane had done that to himself and yet frightened at the same time. He drew his foot back and kicked Dane viciously in the side before he left the kitchen in a huff, slamming the front door as he took off to the bar most likely.

Dane let out a choked cry when he was kicked, curling up to protect his stomach and then simply whimpered from the pain of the latest attack joining the pain of the fiery burn and the throbbing bruises on his arm and wrenched shoulder. He lay on the floor, hugging his arms to his body and tried to push it all down, trying to take the silence and isolation into his soul. The pain, the fear, and the hate all swirled inside his head until he felt like vomiting. Dragging himself to his knees he made sure to turn off the stove top before he struggled upstairs and into the bathroom.

Unbuttoning his shirt and then carefully pulling off his t-shirt Dane tried to minimize the movements of his shoulder and keep the collar from brushing up against the burn that still consumed him. He dropped his pants and underwear and stepped naked into the shower. He turned the water on as cold as he could stand and just stood letting the water calm the fire that raged in his skin and muscles. He sighed in relief as the flame of the burn faded under the cold washcloth he very gingerly held to his chin. He had to think of something. It wasn't likely that anyone would notice but just in case he didn't want to have anyone wondering without having some sort of excuse. He couldn't stand in the shower long enough to come up with a solution though before the hard drumming of the icy water drove him out in search of warmth.

Stepping out of the water was a relief to his shivering gooseflesh but his chin began to burn as soon as he removed the cold wet washcloth. He avoided looking in the mirror, no point in agonizing over his appearance now. Not like there was much to ruin. He dried off and then wrapped his towel around his waist to go to his room. Pausing to listen he couldn't hear anyone in the house so he opened the door and scurried down the hall. In his room he quickly shed his terry cloth covering and pulled on a pair of threadbare sweats and a v-neck shirt that had a nice loose collar. His chin was beginning to really hurt so he went downstairs to the kitchen. Hurrying he got into the cabinet above the stove and pulled out the burn cream his mother always kept on hand next to the fire extinguisher. He wasn't very hungry even after such a small dinner so he didn't worry about making anything but brought up a few slices of bread in a napkin to his room for later if it didn't hurt too much to chew.

There was no help for it; Dane had to look in the mirror to put the cream on his face. He was back in his bathroom with the tube in hand. Getting a quarter sized dollop on his fingers he took a deep breath and looked at his reflection. The burn was about 2 inches long but seemed much bigger on his small face. His hazel eyes got watery before he even touched the painful area; the sight of what his father had done to him was distressing emotionally as well as physically.

He took a deep breath and focused on gently putting the numbing cream on the large blister and surrounding raw flesh. Dane washed his hands and took the tube with him, hiding it in his book bag. He got clothes ready to go for the morning and set his alarm so that he would be up and out of the house before his dad typically got up. He felt a sense of impotence but the only thing he could do was try to be prepared in case he had to leave the house unexpectedly if his dad came home drunk and was looking to vent his anger on him again. He finished his economics homework, slathering more burn cream on before going to bed fully dressed.

Dane didn't sleep well that night after he woke up to the sounds of his father stumbling up the stairs. He lay tense under his thin blanket, expecting him to come in but barring some mutters and a body thudding into the wall near his door he was left undisturbed. Even so he slept fitfully, waking up at the slightest sound, straining in the darkness to hear or see whatever threat jerked him awake. He got up before his alarm, turning it off and sitting up in the pre-dawn light. He visited the bathroom, creeping down the hall on feet covered only in socks, carrying his shoes and backpack.

Flushing as quietly as possible Dane brushed his teeth and put more cream on his chin, trying to do it without looking at the damage like it was on his face, objectivity was the key. It was a burn, they were bruises, but they weren't a burn or bruises on his body, he tried to take care of them as if they were on someone else’s body. His plan was to say he slipped while cooking dinner, which sounded silly but honestly, who would suspect the truth? His long sleeved, collared shirt covered the bruises that smudged the back of his neck and his ribs where his dad had kicked him. Dane slunk down the stairs and out the front door, putting his sneakers on while sitting on the grainy concrete steps. Since it was so early he decided to walk the 3 miles to school despite the slight pain in his ankle; the air still damp and cool as the sun waited for the moon to relinquish its dominance of the sky before breaking over the horizon.

Dane got within a few blocks of his school and still had 45 minutes before the campus opened so he decided to stop at the coffee shop most of the students patronized. His stomach rumbled so he ordered a mint tea and a bran muffin, cheap and nutritious. Dane liked the nutty flavor of the muffins, though he got a sidelong look from the older woman working the register when he ordered it. There were many more chocolate chip and blueberry muffins in the display case; they definitely catered to teenage tastes that normally ran to much sweeter choices. He was sitting quietly at a table by the window watching the sky brighten to a cerulean blue when he heard a familiar deep voice call out from the back room.

“Hey Mom, I started the bread rising for the sandwiches and cleaned up in here; took out the garbage too,” Sure enough, Tap came out of the kitchen area, a floury apron around his neck and tied behind his waist. His short hair was caught up in a hairnet, the kind lunch ladies wore. Dane snickered quietly, or so he thought. Tap looked silly but he was kind of cute too. 'Gah, stop that!' Dane ordered himself as he stared into his tea cup.

“Hey, you see something funny?” Tap asked, stepping around the corner of the counter. His eyes fell on Dane and widened. He grinned happily at the teen sipping his drink, “Dane! Great to see you bud! I didn't expect to run into you this morning,” He ran his hand through his hair, or at least he tried to before his fingers got tangled in the fine mesh covering it, “Oh, umm, heh heh, still have my hairnet on. I guess that would be pretty funny looking,”

“Yeah,” Dane agreed. He tried to keep his sad mood from infecting his voice with gloom but his fake cheer didn't sound much more convincing. He kept his face turned down and kept studying his cup as if it held all the answers to the secrets of the ages. His empty muffin plate was in front of him so he couldn't hide behind his food but maybe his mug would work. Putting it in front of the raw ugly spot on his face he looked up, briefly meeting Tap's eyes. Tap was stunned at the almost palpable sadness and despair he could see in those hazel depths; prompting him to move closer and take a seat at Dane's table across from him.

“So, anyway, what are you doing here so early?” he asked gently.

Dane shrugged, “Couldn't sleep,” he answered succinctly.

“Oh? Why not?”

“Bad dreams I guess,” Dane said evasively. He changed the subject, “Did you say Mom earlier?”

“Yeah, that's my mom Keri, she works the morning shift," Tap pointed a thumb over his shoulder at the older woman cleaning some dishes at the sink, "Tammy owns the shop but she's been pretty sick throughout her entire pregnancy, especially first part, so Mom and I open the shop and get started on the food for the day so she can sleep in a bit,”

“Wait... Tammy is?” Dane looked confused.

“She's my sister,” Tap said with a smirk.

“Oh!” Dane said, blushing. In his embarrassment he forgot what he was holding his cup up to cover and lowered it just a fraction faster than his face turned down. Tap was reaching over the table toward him the instant he saw his chin.

“What happened to you?” he demanded, his hands hovering in the air by Dane's face. Dane flinched from the near contact making Tap's mouth tighten. He was adding things up in his head, Dane's actions, his dad's, the evidence before him but he held it in, forcing him exercise the most discretion he ever had and vowing that he would not invade Dane's privacy until he was ready to trust him. Otherwise he would shut him out and Tap would never be able to get to know this wonderful guy. He already felt like that would be unacceptable.

“Nothing. I slipped last night when I took the pan off the burner while I was cooking dinner,” Dane outright lied to Tap. He didn't want to, he really liked him and hated lying but he thought it was the right thing to do in this case. He knew what happened if you reported things to social services. Your parents get notified and you get a worse beating as soon as everyone's back was turned away again. No way could he handle that.

“Dane,” Tap reached out and touched his upper arm gently. He'd promised himself but, c'mon, slipped? Right. “Really?” His voice was serious and soft but his face spoke his skepticism loud and clear, though he said nothing more than that. Dane didn't answer and he didn't need to. His face was twisted in a look that somehow combined impotent fury and humiliation but he just couldn't talk about it.