I kept coming back to Jesse's page, hour after hour, to see all the comments made to his previous video about boy crushes and infatuations. Wow...there were sooooo many! Hehehe, that one video seemed to have such an impact on everybody who saw it. Even people who had never really watched before. His subscriptions went up by almost 100 members after that! And he got sooooo much praise for his views on the subject. Guys and girls from all over were writing in to encourage him and support his honesty. I don't know, but I was suddenly so PROUD of him for standing up for what he believed in. Why SHOULDN'T gay teenagers be open with their sexual impulses? Sex is EVERYWHERE! Adults talk about sex all the time, and they don't think about it HALF as much as we do! Maybe THEY need to grow up for a change!
Omigod, I saw soooo many names in the comments! And, of course, when it came to the hottest boys around for them to have a crush on...Jesse and Artie easily made the list! PLENTY of times! I didn't even realize that I was smiling that much until my cheeks began to ache from it. But even when I forced myself to stop...it was only a few seconds before I started again.
I couldn't explain it. My infatuation with Jesse had just grown so much and so fast, and I couldn't STOP it! I couldn't even slow it down. WHY??? It's not like I had known him for years and years and we shared a bunch of 'romantic' moments together or anything. He doesn't even know who the hell I am! And yet....for some odd reason....it didn't matter in the least. Because if he's even HALF as incredible in real life as he is in the hours of YouTube video I've watched from him...he'll still be the most amazing boy on Earth to me. And something about seeing brought such a great deal of comfort to my life. Simply because he was proof positive that these boys actually EXIST out there. And that some of them are mouthwateringly GORGEOUS!
The next morning, I went to school with Jesse on my mind. Having these strange, and surprisingly dull, fantasies about me and Jesse just being 'friends'. Actually imagining what it would be like to talk and laugh with him. Both of us teasing Artie together, and then having a giggle over it. Walking around in the mall together, or just hanging out in his room while he filmed his newest video. Is that SANE? I mean...what the fuck was I DOING??? I wasn't even dreaming about kissing his soft lips, or feeling his scalding hot teen body on top of me as he breathed my name in my ear....mmmmmm...that's what I SHOULD be thinking about. Instead, I'm using bits and pieces of his playful personality to like....I dunno...erase my 'loneliness'. Which sounds so much more psychotic.
Actually, even thinking about me being psychotic is, in itself, psychotic. Arrrgh!!! I've GOTTA stop thinking about him!!!! This is STUPID!
He's a random boy on YouTube for Christ sake!
I spent most of my school day, trying to block out dreamy nonsense for the sake of my academic performance. Unfortunately...'sexy blond boy' versus 'mindless educational routine' isn't much of a fair fight for a 15 year old closet case. The only thing worthy of breaking my sappy habit of staring off into space was having Jason Fixx call out my name in the hall today.
Even though it was CLEARLY me that he was talking to, I took a moment to look around, just to make sure. Then again, maybe there was just a part of me that was worried that Lori would see me even acknowledging his existence...and would run up and TACKLE me where I stood. Who knows? Maybe she should. I know that it had only been a month now since Jason basically dumped me for not being his 'cum dump' whenever he wanted one. And that would probably still rub most people kinda raw. But...as sick as it is to admit it, Jason was kinda....my first love.
UGH!!! How screwed up is THAT? What a fucking WASTE of a first love, right?
And yet, still at his beck and call, I crossed the busy hallway to follow him into the bathroom to...'talk', I guess.
As soon as we were inside, Jason looked all around the bathroom, checking behind the doors. "Hello? Anybody in here?" He called out, and he opened all of the stalls to make sure. He even went over to the window to roll it shut, and then stood against the sink where he could watch the door. I don't know why I'd expect anything less. I mean...I WAS just a big visible 'sissy' to him, after all.
"Jason...what do you want? I have to go to class." I said.
"I know. I know. I just..." He leaned against the sink, and he practically fluttered me those big brown eyes at me. "...I miss you. You know that, right?"
Fuck. I REALLY don't need this today! "Whatever. Look, don't play games with me, ok? You dumped me, remember?"
"Hey, whoah...who said anything about dumping you, Tristan?"
"You haven't even TALKED to me in, like, three and a half weeks. You don't wanna be seen with me..."
"I TOLD you, Tristan...I can't be figured out. I CAN'T!" He said with a bit of a whine. "I'm just...I wanna be with you, but...we have to be careful. A few whispers can destroy both of our reputations. And you don't want that, do you?" He said, and I rolled my eyes. "Well, DO you???"
"Well, alright then! I'm just looking out for us. That's all. Now....why don't we just stop this. Ok?" He said. "Come on, Tristan. I wanna 'see' you this weekend."
"Why?" I asked.
"Hehehe, why?" He tried to laugh it off, but I wasn't laughing.
"Yeah. Why? Why do you wanna see me this weekend?" I repeated.
"Don't be like that, babe. Look, why don't you come by my house on Saturday? My parents will be away all afternoon, we'll have the whole place to ourselves...and we can talk. You always said that we needed to talk more. So let's talk. This will be the perfect opportunity..."
"...For you to get another blowjob from me? Is that it?" I knew that there was nobody in the bathroom with us, but I made sure to raise my voice a little. If for no other reason than to see him squirm and jump in shock. "I'm NOT just some guy that you can call on when you get horny, Jason. I wanted something more than that. And you tricked me into believing that you could be that person for me, but you're NOT!" I told him defiantly. "So just...do us both a favor and leave me alone. Find somebody else to be your 'hormone pump'." And even though I was hoping to embarrass, humiliate, and totally reject him...he actually gave me a snobbish little smirk as I pushed him aside to leave.
He didn't care. He didn't give a SHIT about me. Outside of my mouth, my asshole, and what was dangling between my legs, I doubt he had any use for the rest of me at all. And I *KNOW* that! I know it deep in my heart, beyond the shadow of a doubt! So...why does it still hurt so much to know that he doesn't care?
That was a question that bugged me for the rest of the afternoon. Hell...I should be thankful for the distraction. Somewhere between my real life relationship with Jason...which was a HUGE failure, and my imaginary relationship with a boy online that I've never even met...which seems to be a smashing success, and will continue to be one as long as I never meet him face to face...
...I seem to be missing a certain level of balance that I might actually be able to ENJOY for a change.
Annnndd.....there I go....thinking about him again! Sighhhh, I need therapy.
After school, Michelle and Lori drove me home, and Lori decided to get out and keep me company for an hour or two. She can always tell when I'm dealing with varying degrees of misery. Normally, I'd put up some resistance to her company, knowing that it wouldn't do a damn bit of good. Trying to stop Lori once she got her head wrapped around an idea was like trying to stop a runaway train with a freaking spiderweb. But today, I guess I just needed a friendly ear.
She was bouncing around on my computer while I laid back on my bed, staring up at the ceiling and tossing a small rubber ball in the air. Not quite high enough to hit the ceiling, but I was amusing myself by seeing how close I could get without doing so. And after a bit of small talk, I came clean with her.
"I saw Jason today..."
She turned around in the chair, giving me the daggers I expected from such a revelation. "Dude...what the hell are you DOING? When did you talk to him?"
"Some time after lunch, I guess. We went into the bathroom."
Lori was SO disappointed. Almost hurt. "Tristan, what have I TOLD you about him??? Huh? He's no GOOD for you! He's just a fucking USER who wants a performing 'monkey' to satisfy his own little urges, and...."
"I KNOW, Lori! I know, ok? Don't worry. I told him to piss off. It's just..." I stopped, afraid that I was about to confess to something that I wasn't ready for.
"You just WHAT?" She asked me.
"Being there alone with him again...having him ask me to come over for the weekend....it almost sounded kinda 'genuine', you know? Like...he really wanted to see me."
"Oh, for FUCK'S sake, Tristan!"
"No...I *KNOW*!!! I'm just SAYING!" I told her. "I know it sounds crazy, but...some part of me just misses being a part of....'something'. To actually have someone who 'wanted' me to come over. Someone who enjoyed kissing me, and wanted to do it as often as possible. Once I got a taste of what that was like...it's soooo hard to go back to living without it, you know? I mean...a big part of me really wanted to say yes. And I HATE myself for it, but it doesn't make it any less true." I looked over at Lori, who was now ignoring me to save herself the frustration, I assume. She was turned back towards my computer screen, and I just kinda figured that she was done trying to get through to me about him. I dunno...maybe I deserve that. "I'm sorry. It sounds like I'm being an idiot, but believe me....being 'alone' without any hope of salvation makes a guy WEAK to these kinds of temptations. It's either that....or silence. And silence sucks."
"What about Jesse?" She asked. Arrrggh! JUST when I had stopped thinking about him!
"What ABOUT him? He's not even real. He might as well be Bugs Bunny, as far as my life is concerned."
"Oh really? That's too bad." She said. "Because he's got a brand new video up!"
"Whatever. I'm not falling for it." I told her. "I just checked his site before I went to school this morning."
"Maybe you did....but this just went up less than an hour ago."
"It what?" I didn't want my adrenaline to start pumping...but it did. I didn't want my breathing to speed up, getting ragged and short...but it did. And when I turned my head to look at the computer screen, I saw a screen capture that I hadn't seen before on his site. And I instantly dropped the ball to the floor and sprung up out of my bed like the damn mattress was on fire! "What the hell??? What is it! Click on it! What did he say???"
Lori gave me a surprised grin, and said "Well YOU certainly came back to life awfully quick! Seems like all that 'lonely' has found itself a nice little distraction in Mr. Jesse here! Hehehe!"
"Omigod...it really is new! He posted this less than an hour ago? Don't make me wait! Click, click, click!"
She didn't bother to battle me on the issue, although it was a prime opportunity to tease me to the point of TEARS for changing my angsty position at the drop of a dime. But I think she was just happy to see me smiling again, and did me the honors of starting the link for me. The title of the video was 'Artie SPEAKS!!!' And that alone had me smiling. No doubt another trick, as Jesse was known for them. Lori knew that just as well as I did, so we waited with bated breath to see what was about to happen next.
Sure enough, when I clicked on the link, my angel came on the screen with a smile!
"YOUTUBE!!! What's up??? Hehehe!"
I almost wanted to say hello 'back' to him, but I stopped myself since Lori was sitting right next to me. Geez! Am I totally obsessed or what?
"You guys are probably expecting this to be a big joke from the title, but nope! Me and Artie had a looooong talk about it, and he has agreed to STOP being so silly and let our viewers know what he sounds like in real life! Because he's too CUTE to be hiding in silence back there all the time!
Artie rolled his eyes a bit, but it only made Jesse grin from ear to ear. Was he really gonna do it? Awww, his voice was so sweet. I'd LOVE to have a recording of it so I could play it anytime I wanted to hear it. It was so...angelically 'light' and trembly. Hehehe! He sounded like he was still years away from puberty, to the point where it almost didn't match his looks at all.
"So are you guys ready? Because his voice is sooooo cute! Seriously! It's sexy! He doesn't think so. But I think so. I get hard whenever he talks to me on the phone, really! Hehehe!"
Artie's eyes opened wide with shock, causing Jesse to giggle quietly as he turned the camera in his direction.
"No way!" Lori said. "You don't think he's gonna do it, do you?" But I just hushed her up so I wouldn't miss it.
"Ok, dude...talk dirty to 'em!"
We both leaned forward in anticipation as Artie looked right at the screen, and suddenly the whole video went into slow motion...making Artie's voice sooooo inhumanly DEEP that it literally made Lori and me laugh out loud!
Lori leaned on my shoulder, laughing so hard that she could barely breathe, and since my frail little body couldn't really support her weight for long, I accidentally fell out of my desk chair, bringing my best friend down with me. Every time I thought of the look on Artie's face, that monstrous baritone voice coming out of his little mouth...I laughed even harder. Wiping tears away from my eyes, Lori and I tried to get up and rewind what we had missed from the rest of the video. You know...if it had been anybody else doing that same bit, it wouldn't have been half as funny. But something about Jesse and Artie made it CLASSIC! And as we tried to go back and find our place in the video, we caught a short glimpse of it again, and our giggles started up again.
"Wait wait...hehehe...stop...shhh shhh shhh!" I said, trying to hold the laughter in so I could hear.
"Yes, there you have it folks! That's actually Artie's REAL voice, I swear! He'd use it all the time, but that's just TOO damn sexy! We'd be mobbed every time we go to the mall! It would be CRAZY! So, no you know!"
Even Jesse seemed to be giggling a bit, and had to compose himself before going on. He looked over his shoulder at Artie, who was smiling, and shrugging his shoulders as if to acknowledge his sexiness for everybody watching. And that just made Jesse crack up again.
"Hehehehe....ok...um....yeah! Hehehe, he's such a goofball! But REALLY, you guys...like, really? Artie worries too much. He has a cool voice. I promise. BUT...that's not what this whole video is about! Because it would be a total rip off if it was. Right? So here goes..."
"I'm gonna make a FAQ video on Thursday, because a few people asked me to, and because I don't have any ideas for anything else to do unless you wanna just watch me, like, make out with Artie or something..."
Both Jesse and Artie both made a jump cut really close to the camera, until they were cheek to cheek and almost filling up the whole screen. Jesse whispered...
"Contrary to popular belief, despite our apparent horniness and shared sexual preference...Artie and I DO not, HAVE not, and WILL not be caught kissing each other or engaging in sexy time! NOT that we would enjoy it and cum buckets at the very thought of it, but it's just not something we do! Sorry, hate to spoil the fantasy! We're just homies! Promise!"
Artie was nodding the whole time, then Jesse quickly kissed him on the cheek, and he gasped out loud before the jump cut went back to their original position.
"SO...if any of you guys have a question about me or my faithful 'sidekick' here, then please let me know! Just email me or comment below and ask me...whatever! And I PROMISE to be honest! Unless of course you ask me stuff like where I live, my last name, where I go to school, and all that naughty naughty internet predator info, cause I'm NOT gonna tell ya! You'll just have to cruise around the streets in an old ice cream truck with a bundle of rope and a scarf to gag little boys with, like they did back in the old days!"
"Hahaha! Omigod! That's SOOO wrong!" Lori giggled!
Jesse then appeared with a pair of fake glasses, dressed up in a suit in front of a large piece of paper on the wall. Artie, dressed up with his hair slicked back, silently pointed to the paper, with a cartoon drawing of a little boy licking a big lollipop on it...and a dirty old man sneaking up behind him with a net! I couldn't help but laugh myself.
"The internet just makes EVERYTHING too easy, nowadays! No pride in developing your craft! Get a 'SKILL' already! Slackers! Later!!!"
And with that, the video came to an end, and Lori and I were left to look at one another with a grin. "I swear...I am SO addicted to that boy! Both of them, really."
"Well at least SOMETHING was able to cheer you up out of your chronic depression, 'angst boy'!" She said.
"Hehehe, alright, alright...you got me. But I can't help it! They make me so happy when I'm feeling down. Now I've gotta wait four whole damn days to see them again. It sucks. Hehehe!" I said, and Lori's eyes looked at me with a wild stare. "What?" But that made her smile get even wider. "WHAT????"
"Tristan! Omigod, dude, you TOTALLY have to ask him a question for his FAQ!!!"
I nearly choked to death on my own saliva when she said that, and ended up coughing and sputtering before I could speak! "WHAT??? What the fuck are you TALKING about???"
"Dude, C'MON!!! You can TALK to him! You can actually talk to Jesse-101 and ask him a question! You've GOTTA do it!" She said.
"Are you CRAZY??? Lori...ugh! Why are you always pushing this so hard? Why can't we just watch his videos and laugh without you getting all weird and shit on me."
"What's WEIRD about it? He needs questions to answer, I'm sure you've got PLENTY! So give him one! That's not WEIRD, that's PROGRESS!"
"Noooo! No PROGRESS here! We're not doing this! He's a celebrity that we watch on a screen! I'm not dumb enough to think that I'm suddenly gonna stand out among THOUSANDS of his fans!"
"814 fans, actually! And they don't all live in the next freaking TOWN next to him!" She said. "Come on, please? It's ONE question! You can ask him anything you want! Just ask him something!"
"Like what, Lori?"
"I don't know! Tell him to pull down his pants and 'moon' the camera! Oh wow, I'll bet he has the hottest ass EVER! He's so CUTE! He'll do it! I'll just bet ya he would!" She giggled. I know that Lori MEANT well, but this just...it wasn't a JOKE to me! You know? What I felt for Jesse was more serious than just some silly infatuation, and I was trying to deal with this weirdness as best as I could without her making it worse. I almost felt like she was treating this as if it was some cute little 'win a date' contest in the back of a teen mag or something. And it wasn't. Not to me it wasn't. She was asking me to just...expose myself to what might be the biggest, most heart bursting, feeling I've ever had in my whole life. She wants me to just let it all in and get CRUSHED by the fact that it's NEVER gonna happen! I can't do that! Not even online! I can't 'just talk to him' yet. It's not that easy. It's NEVER that easy!
"Can we just....not do this right now?"
"What's the PROBLEM? Tristan...what are you afraid of?"
"He doesn't want to talk to me, Lori."
"How do YOU know that? Maybe you're EXACTLY who he wants to talk to! Why is it so hard to believe that he just MIGHT be cool enough to understand you and want to, at the very LEAST, be friends!" She said, and she moved over to sit next to me as I sighed hard enough to blow my own hair up. "Just...say something!"
"He..." I started, trying to just get her OFF of me already. "He could have his pick of anybody, Lori. Everybody is in love with him. What chance do I have of even getting his attention?"
"As good a chance as ANYBODY!" She exclaimed. "He's just a normal teenage boy, dude. Just like you. He's not above falling for one of his viewers! Think about all the time you've wasted already?Take a chance...you never know! He might totally GO for you!" She told me.
I struggled with the idea for a minute, but something about her enthusiasm actually made me feel like I could actually DO this! And I HATED her for it!
"What do I....arrrgh....what do I ask him?" I said.
"I don't know. What do you want to know?"
I sighed to myself dreamily, and said, "Everything."
"That sounds great. But it doesn't make for a good two or three minute video." She said, and then she asked, "If there was ONE thing that you could ask of him, what would it be? Something simple. I mean...I'm sure everybody is gonna be asking sexy questions and stuff...but what do you REALLY want to know about him as a person? A REAL person."
Lori and I talked back and forth for a few minutes about the many things I wish I could ask him...and then, like magic, an idea came to me. "I think...I think I'd just like to know what he's truly passionate about. You know? Like...what does he really enjoy? What does he put his heart and soul into...when he needs a 'release'? I guess, I just wanna know what really makes his heart flutter, you know? Something personal. That special 'place' in his heart where nobody else can touch him. I think that's the true spirit of a person. When they find that one thing that they'd do for free for the rest of their lives....just so long as they could be happy."
I think I truly STUNNED Lori with that answer, and she immediately told me, "Oh....my....GOD....that's soooooo cute! You HAVE to ask him that!!!"
"He's not gonna answer that, Lori...."
"NO!!! No, don't DO that!!! That's the question! That's the most awesome thing I've ever heard you say, and I'm writing it down before you forget!" She said, grabbing a pen to jot it down on a small yellow Post-It note by my desk.
"Ok...whatEVER! Can we wrap this up now? My mom's coming home soon." I said.
The look on her face was priceless. "Are you fucking kicking me out of your house for telling you to email Jesse?" She grinned.
I hesitated for a second, but why lie. "YES! Yes, I am! So...skidaddle, bitch!"
"Ugh! RUDE!!!" She laughed. But before getting up, she made sure to stick the Post-It note on the top of my computer screen. "Tristan...PROMISE me that you'll send the question in before Wednesday?"
I fidgeted a bit, and told her, "Fine! Just LEAVE, already! Hehehe!"
"NOOOOOO!!! Say the words, 'I Promise'!" She demanded. And with a HEAVY sigh and a roll of my eyes that nearly made me dizzy, I said...
"OK! I PROMISE!"
Did I really mean it? Well...at the time...no. I had actually planned to come up with a decent excuse for NOT doing it the second she accepted my fake commitment. But.....after she left...I watched the Jesse-101 video again, and stared at the question...written on a little yellow Post-It note on the top of my screen. It was hard to avoid looking at it. And it made me wonder...you know....what if? I mean...really. What if I sent him the question and he answered it? How awesome would it be to know that I had made...'contact'? To know that I had bridged this seemingly PLANETARY gap between him and me with just a few words and an internet 'smiley face'?
It was a question that haunted me for the next two days. With Lori hounding me every step of the way. I actually sat there on Wednesday night, looking at some of the comments on Jesse's videos, perving all over Jesse, perving all over Artie....really just doing everything short of turning naked somersaults in the snow to get their attention. And I wondered if this ONE question might actually stand out enough to get a reply.
I mean...it was HARD, you know? I kept wondering if I was just as bad as the others. Trying to find some gimmick or angle that would get him to notice me over hundreds of other people. But...at the end of the day, I just wanted to know who this amazing person was. At his heart...he seemed so fascinating to me. And I wanted to find some kind of connection. A connection to this fabled internet personality that had captured my heart so completely and refused to let go. And...with a lot of wiggling in my seat, and a nearly audible whimper of boyish shame...I typed in the question to his site....and God help me....
...I hit 'SEND'.
Going to school Thursday was about as shaky an experience as any that I had ever known! He's not gonna answer my question! I KNOW he isn't! I kept telling myself that, in the feeble attempt to keep my expectations from getting too high. But no matter what kind of 'reality based', pessimistic, mantras I managed to conjure up for myself...I couldn't control the rising excitement I felt in my heart as the end of the day reached its end! I even had to cling tightly to Lori's arm and ask her to come to my house on Thursday to watch it with me. I don't know....I just felt like I'd be CRUSHED if he ignored me! And yet, I felt like I'd be out of CONTROL if he answered me! Either way...I needed my best friend there to handle the reaction. Because chances are...it was going to be too much for me to handle on my own.
And when the day finally came...I was practically on pins and needles waiting for the video to finally be posted on YouTube! I don't think I've ever hit the 'REFRESH' button so many times in a row as I did that day! Reloading his page over and over and OVER again as I tried to keep from EXPLODING into a big ol' mess right there at my desk!
"Hehehe, don't look so SURPRISED! You know...every once in a while...I actually make GOOD on my promises! And me and Artie wanted to give you guys a nice little gift to say thank you! Because you guys were soooooo AWESOME about the last few videos! And even though the 'other' comments hurt a little bit, you guys stuck by me! And I can't tell you how much that means to me! Seriously! So thanks to you all! And I promise that me and Artie will continue being just as horny and silly and perverted as we've ALWAYS been! ONE...because it's who we are naturally! And TWO...because we got 116 new subscribers this week because of it!!! Woo hoo!!! We must be doing SOMETHING right! Hehehe! I guess they're right...sex really DOES sell!"
Jesse said, and then added....
"Speaking of *SEX*....have you guys ever seen Artie with his shirt off??? OMIGOD!!!"
At that moment, a still picture of some hot muscular construction worker's chest appeared on the screen...scrolling down slowly, with some Barry White song playing in the background. It *SO* wasn't him! Hahaha! That big chest on a little 'slight build' boy like Artie was sure to make him tip over when he walked! But when it came back to the regular view of them both, Artie was nodding as though he had taken extreme pride in his fictitious physique.
"Don't you guys go giving him a big head, now! Hehehe! And I'm NOT talking about the one on his shoulders!"
Jesse stuck out his tongue, and then the video jumped to Artie holding a handful of index cards to pass to Jesse over his shoulder.
"Alrighty, I told you guys a few days ago that I'd finally do this FAQ thing, and you responded with a LOT of questions! Which is MAJORLY cool! So thank you! Some of them were the same or similar, so I'll just go with the first person who asked it. Oh...hehehe, and SOME of you....um...you need help!"
"Ok...so here we go! Question number one...."
I couldn't take it! My heart was beating so heart, swelling to such an unmanageable size, that it was pressing against my lungs and preventing me from BREATHING!
Please ANSWER me!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!
"First question is from 'Jeff'. He asks...
"Jesse-101...please tell me...when is your birthday?"
"Ok, so...as you guys know, I didn't post that info on my YouTube account. And I said that I was 24 because YouTube totally restricts you from EVERYTHING if you say that you're only 14 or 15 years old! So I'm really 15 years old, and my birthday is on April 19th! Cool? It's a day before HITLER'S birthday, if you need to remember.But...um...if you just happen to know Hitler's birthday off the top of your head then you're probably a weirdo. In which case...don't remember me at all. Hehehe!"
Ok...so he's starting with someone else's questions first. Understandable. I DID wait until the last minute after all. I can be patient, right? Patience! PATIENCE!
"The next Question is from 'Ryan'! And he's asking if I will ever keep my word, and actually do a vlog TOTALLY naked!"
Hahaha! Artie's big blue yes opened wide, and the both of them looked at each other for a second before Jesse got the courage to answer.
"Um....hehehehe, well....in order to do one totally naked, I'd need someone to film me. And I'd have to edit out the naughty parts. And honestly...the very thought of being naked in front of all you hot guys who might be watching is pretty...'arousing'. So I don't want this monster suddenly 'peeking' up over my shoulder while I'm trying to talk to you guys! That would just be inappropriate and wrong! Hehehe!"
"So to answer your question...MAYBE!!! But it depends on whether or not Artie wants to see me naked!"
Artie shook his head vigorously, a frown on his face, and it made me and Lori giggle to see it. Even though I was slightly disappointed. I'd give ANYTHING to see Jesse completely naked! ANYTHING!!!!
"Ok...next question comes from Kathrine!"
"Jesse-101....do you have a job outside of school?"
"To Kathrine...yes I do! It's called 'HOMEWORK'! And LOTS of it! Hehehe!"
"I've got one here from Dom, and it asks..."
"Dear Jesse-101, do you wear boxers or briefs to bed?"
"Sweet question, Dom! I actually wear boxer-briefs! Can you believe it! I just recently found the awesomeness of this undergarment hybrid, and it has been treating my 'goodies' VERY well these past few months since I found out about them! Hehehe! BUT...just in case you don't believe me...HERE THEY ARE!!!"
With that Jesse actually stood up in front of the camera, and began to unbutton and unzip his pants! I think I literally reached out and grabbed a tight hold of Lori's arm as I caught a glimpse of the bright red boxer briefs in front of the camera...up close and personal! But I only got a quick, half-second, peek at it! Because the SECOND his pants came down further past his succulent 'bulge'...the scene jumped to a still pic of a big Clydesdale HORSE, with its hard penis nearly touching the fucking GROUND, and the sound of a horse rearing up in the background! And when it came back to the actual video, Jesse was zipping up and sitting down again! AHHHHHH!!!!! BASTARD!!! He REALLY has GOT to stop playing with my emotions like this!
Artie handed Jesse another card.
"Ok, this question is from 'unknown'! Ooooh, mysterious! Anyway, here's what it says:"
"I am in LOVE with you, Artie!!! And I think you're the coolest boy EVER! Please tell me....what do you look for in a boyfriend? Because I'd REALLY love to ask you out some time!
Artie looked soooooo flattered to be included in the questions like that. And I could clearly see him blush a deep shade of pink as he looked down at his feet. Both Jesse and Artie were quiet for a second, and Jesse had to give him a 'poke'.
"C'mon Artie, don't keep your fans waiting. He wants to know what you look for in a boyfriend. Spill it!"
At that moment, Artie, shrugged his shoulders. And then he blew a kiss at the screen to thank his secret admirer for the compliment.
"Oh well, folks! There you have it! You heard it here first! A big shoulder shrug from the 'A'-Hole! Hehehe, which means he's pretty much looking for anything with a pulse and a penis! And preferably a pulsing penis! And Justin Bieber, of course, but that goes without saying!"
Jesse turned to look Artie in the eye as he licked his lips.
"Hehehe, dude....he's NOT gonna turn out to be gay! You know that right? The gay teen pop star thing...that's so cliché now."
I waited, getting more tense and less tense simultaneously with each passing question. I must have been holding Lori's hand tight enough to draw BLOOD at this point!
"Alright, so 'Rosalyn' wrote...
" "Dear Jesse, I really really LOVE you! I mean it! You're the craziest most amazing boy EVER! But I'm a girl! And it sucks! Why can't you be straight?"
"Hehehe, wow....um...I'm....sorry, I guess?"
"I don't know what to say. Why can't I be straight? Um...I've got a better question. Why can't YOU be a boy?"
"If you can find an answer to that question, then my answer is...'ditto'. But I LOVE you though, Rosalyn! Seriously! And thanks!"
I kept going back and forth in my mind. Please read my question, please DON'T read my question, PLEASE read my question! Arrrgh, it was driving me crazy!
"Ok, so 'Jeremy' in Canada asks...."
"Are you and Artie boyfriends? And are you getting it on in real life? If not....WHY NOT????"
"I can answer that easily! Me and Artie are **NOT** having sex!!! I CAN'T stress this enough! So you guys...just....STOP asking! Hehehe, ok? His mom knows my mom...we're REALLY good friends! We have been for ages now! But there's NO hanky panky going on!!! You gay guys talk about stereotypes so much, well stop pressing this one sooooo hard! K? Just because two gay boys hang out together, it doesn't mean that they're screwing like jack rabbits. BUT...if you're asking if I *WOULD* have sex with Artie...if circumstances were different..."
There was a short pause as Jesse looked up in the air, then he gave the camera a wink and a smile.
"I'll just leave that up to your imagination! And um...Artie too! Hehehe!"
It was a bit of a relief to know that they weren't boyfriends...but I could STILL see them maybe having a little 'fun' every now and then. I mean, they're both just too damn cute NOT to! You know?
"Okay...so this question comes from Matt! He asks..."
"Dear Jesse....are you a 'top' or a 'bottom'?"
Hehehe....ummmm.....that's for ME to know, and hopefully for Logan Lerman to find out!"
Jesse jumped to the front of the screen.
And he mouthed the words 'I LOVE YOU', before going on to the next question.
"Ok, Erick from California says..."
"OMIGOD, Jesse!!! You are SOOOOOO hot!!! I WANT you! I want you inside me! I want to be inside you! You're the hottest boy I've EVER seen!!! PLEASE send me your phone number so we can meet up some time!!!!"
"Ummmm....okaaaayyy...that's technically not a question! Hehehe, but from the pic you sent, you look awfully hot yourself! So here's me putting my mouth on you, cutie!!!"
And I saw Jesse lean forward with his mouth open until he fogged up the camera lens and showed the whole world his tongue and lips as he lewdly sucked on the camera for a few seconds! It was sooooo HOT, but it made me laugh to see it just the same!
"Alrighty...so 'Joe' asks us..."
"You said that you were a virgin in one of your recent videos. I have to ask....how 'far' have you ever gone with another guy?"
Jesse looked up for a second, his finger on his chin. And with a smile, he said...
"How FAR have I been with another guy? Well, that's easy. Me and my DAD actually drove from here all the way down to Florida once! That's about the farthest I've ever gone! Hehehe! Annnnnnd....yes, I know that's not what you meant, but the rest is private!"
As I saw the video only had about 90 seconds left to go, I have to admit to being both disappointed and relieved that he didn't answer my question online. I turned to Lori, and with a slight pout, hidden behind the curtain of 'normality', I told her, "You SEE? I TOLD you he wouldn't answer! It's just...there's too many people clawing at him for him to ever..."
"And this question I wanted to save for last! Because it's just...a really cool question and I wanna thank you for not being...you know...'weird', or whatever. I love you all, but me and Artie both agree that this one is pretty deep. So here goes..."
Nooooo....Jesse, don't do it. PLEASE don't do it! My heart can't take it!
"This one is from 'Tristan'...and it says..."
"Jesse-101....I've been watching you and Artie for a few weeks now, and I LOVE everything you guys do! You really make me smile! I just wanted to know...what are you really passionate about? What do you guys really like to do when you're not making videos? I just wanna know more about you."
"Thanks, Tristan! That's an AWESOME question!!! And you are SO sweet for asking!"
"So here goes...my number ONE favorite thing is..."
I stopped the video, and Lori looked over at me as though I was completely crazy!
"Tristan??? What are you DOING??? This is your question! Play it! Play play!!!"
"No, I am! I...I AM...I just..." I got up and left the room in a daze. I went to the fridge to get something to drink, as my mouth had suddenly gone completely dry. He...he read my email. He said my name. With THAT voice...he said my name. Out loud! To ALL of his viewers! And he likes...umm....he likes my question.
"TRISTAN???" Lori called from my room.
"I'm COMING! Just....HOLD ON!" I was trembling inside. Literally trembling. But I had to go back. I had to see what he says. I can't even imagine how he's gonna answer this, but....wow. Just....WOW! Ok...I'm going back now. I'm just gonna go back and hit play. And...let Jesse talk to me. Like...'directly' to ME. Sighhh....omigod omigod OMIGOD!!!! Ahhhhhh!!!! Calm down! Calm down! Ok...going back now.
I came back into the room, and sat at the computer. Then I got up and sat on my bed instead. But that didn't work either. So I slid down and sat on the floor with my knees drawn up. But then I couldn't reach the keyboard from here to start the video again. Then again...I don't wanna start the video. I want Lori to start the video. No wait...I should do it. It's...better if I just....NO! No, I'll let Lori do it! That's better. Much better. "Will you stop FIDGETING already? Hehehe! Geez!" She teased me, sure, but I could tell that she was soooo happy for me. It was like she just wanted to stare at me as I twisted and turned in pained infatuation. My God, what have I become?
"Ok....whew...ok, I'm ready." I saw the paused pic on the screen, Jesse's beautiful smile being displayed in all it's glory, and I took a deep breath as Lori rewound the video a few seconds and started it again.
"And you are SO sweet for asking!"
"So here goes...my number ONE favorite thing is actually writing! Which, a lot of people think that it would be film because of the videos and stuff. But my REAL passion is writing stories. I LOVE it! It's like, I get to be all alone with just my thoughts for a while, and just take a piece of my life and make it into something...'special'. If that makes much sense."
I was literally MELTING as he talked about it. And he was looking at the camera, and...out of all the people in the whole world that would KILL to have Jesse-101 all to themselves...he had dedicated a few moments of his time...JUST for me. I am so in love right now!
"I actually used to take a writing class on Fridays, and I might try again over the Summer. I had to stop because my school work is so crazy right now. But it was really cool! But...I'm also sorta blacklisted! Hahahaha! I think everybody HATES me because I never finish anything! And I start new stuff, and then my teacher would say, 'Well, what happened to the other one?' And I'd say I'll get back to it later, but then I'll just start another one...and voila, they hate me now! I get looked over for a lot of stuff. But it's ok. I just love to write. If I could do it for the rest of my life and nothing else, I would."
He writes. That's so cool. That's so special. Awww.....it's so CUTE!
Jesse looked over at Artie next.
"As for Artie, he's an AMAZING artist! He drew our creepy boy kidnapper picture in the last video, and he did all the artwork on the front page of my YouTube site...over...'there' somewhere. Left side? Right side? Well...just look around the screen! You'll see it!"
Anyway, we wanted to maybe do a cartoon or something someday together! Like I could write the story, and he'd do the animations and stuff, and then we'd put it up on the site for all of you guys to see! So...yeah! That's our passions! Thanks Tristan! I'll totally show you one of my stories some time! Just, like...write me or something! And thanks again for being cool!"
I saw Artie smile and give me a double peace sign to silently say hello. And then I gasped as Jesse added...
"And now here's me putting my mouth on you!!!!"
"Owwwwmmmmm Nom nom nom nom!!!"
Lori and I laughed out loud as my jaw dropped open and Jesse swallowed the camera again!
"Hehehe, I have NO idea who you are, Tristan! Hehehe! You could be, like a 60 year old war veteran or something for all I know! But you're mega cool, so you get to 'mouth rape' me whenever you want! K?"
"Thanks soooo much for the questions, you guys! Kisses and cookies for all of you! And we'll see ya later! K? Love ya!"
I literally rolled over on my side, curled up, and crossed my arms over my stomach to keep myself from exploding into a shower of glitter and sparkles. LITERALLY!!! I was smiling uncontrollably, but I felt like crying! And when Lori spoke to me...all I could do was whimper softly, and follow it up with a few giggles as I balled myself up even tighter.
"You know...if he has this affect on you from a YouTube video ALONE...imagine what would happen if you ran into him at the mall!" Lori said, and she came down to sit next to me on the floor, lightly rubbing my back as I attempt to contain this violent surge of overwhelming, unmanageable, all-encompassing, JOY!!!
I tried to speak, and it took a few helpless whines before I could actually put a few words together. But when I did, all I could say was, "I'm so in love..." I shouldn't be. It should be a weird little psycho crush and nothing else. But...no...I think I was actually in LOVE with a boy I've never met.
"You know what you should do?" Lori asked.
"You should come with me and Michelle back to the mall so we can search for him again."
"C'mon, Tristan! What's the harm in just....wait! Did you....did you say *OK*???" She was shocked, and I gently nodded my head as the playful little bubbles inside of me went wild with the possibility. "Omigod!!! REALLY??? Oh dude, we are SO gonna go! We're gonna find him! And you're gonna talk to him, and he's gonna love you, and everything will be MAGIC!!!!"
I think Lori went on for the next five minutes all by herself, hehehe. Just talking about how amazing it would be if we actually got to meet him. But as I worked to physically hold myself together...all I could think about was the sound of his voice...saying my name out loud.
I've been damaged beyond repair now. And it's the greatest feeling in the world.