It became a daily ritual for me to look at Rory's picture every time I sat down at my computer. I couldn't help myself. Something about the depth of his dark brown eyes just...sighhh...they reminded me of his uniquely entertaining personality online. I mean...it gave me such a clear picture of him with every word that he typed out on that screen. He instantly made me talk to him on my own account, now that we had both come clean about the weirdness going on before with Kyle. And I was happy to oblige him. There was a certain feeling of freedom in it, you know? Talking to him as myself. It made things so much easier.
We talked last night for over an hour and a half before he was forced to turn his computer off. I guess his parents get in a weird 'mood' every now and then, and decide that he's spending too much time online. Which just sucks, because Rory says that it just comes out of nowhere, and it's usually when he's in the middle of something fun. Like talking to ME! Hehehe! He actually said that! And believe it or not, it gave me this instant infatuated orgasm of giggles and good feeling that caused me to wiggle uncontrollably in my seat from the time he said it until he signed off for the night. And then for ten minutes more. I never, in a million years, thought that I would see text on a screen and consider it sexy...but wow...this was a whole new experience for me. There was an actual 'person' behind these sweet words and cheerful ramblings. I was totally engaged in what he had to say at all times, and just knowing that the boy in the picture was just...out there somewhere, reading my answers and reacting to them in such a welcoming and friendly way...it made me feel sooooo good.
Rory was more than just a cute face. He was so smart. I mean, he would get an 'A-' on a test and be bummed out that he got like TWO questions wrong. He was so sweet! He wanted to know everything about me. He'd ask questions about my life, and when I told him the answers...he'd remember them! Easily. Like...like details about my existence would be at all important to someone so...sighhh...amazing.
The real confusion came when I found myself thinking about him outside of us just talking online. When it invaded my real life in the most mind-boggling ways. I'd find myself repeating things that he said to me in casual conversation at school. Or jotting down notes about things that I wanted to talk to him about next time. What had originally started out as a virtual babysitting mission to keep Kyle's 'target' fresh while he was off screwing somebody else, had become the most exciting part of my day. And it kept getting better and better the more we learned each other's quirks and qualities. I could always tell when he was getting ready to make fun of me, or when he was setting me up to say something 'dirty'. And I knew exactly what buttons to push to make him laugh, or how to get him to blush with a surprise comment here and there. It was soooo 'alive', the interaction between Rory and me. And he liked my picture too! He told me I was sooooo cute. Hehehe, which, you know...made me proud.
I wish I could say that it was just a friendship. Because there were a lot of times when it felt just like that. A good buddy to talk to at night once my homework was finished. But by the end of the second week...I noticed how much his appearance online just...thrilled me. Almost to the point of not being able to TYPE anymore. I realized how excited I was. The rapidly beating heart, the shortness of breath, and the constant smile on my face while we traded comments. Sometimes, I'd type out a comment, and find myself fidgeting and tapping the keyboard and bouncing on the balls of my feet...impatiently waiting for his witty reply. If that's not a major crush, I don't know what is.
It made me shiver with inexperience, wondering how to proceed any further. I mean...Kyle and Jason were the masters at this type of thing. They know how to 'close the deal', so to speak. They knew how to ask the right questions, make the right flirtatious comments, and still be smooth about it all, to the point where it made them looked 'innocent' in the act of getting into some boy's pants. But I was never like that. I don't know anything about flirting with boys. I've never even had a DATE before! But...ugh...I wanted to be closer to Rory. I NEEDED it! I craved just a little bit more of an emotional commitment than just a few fun times in a chatroom. I mean...as much as I loved our times together...I was finding that it wasn't enough anymore. I kinda wanted to get more involved.
Oh WOW! What if I get to meet him in real life??? Like in PERSON!!! He's not that far away from me. Omigod, I'll be soooo nervous! If I ask him, will it freak him out? Will he think I'm some kinda sex crazed pervert? I don't want to be too forward or anything. I just...I wanna be a part of his life. I wanna know him so bad that it causes me to toss and turn in bed at night, just TRYING to think of ways to break into that new territory and move to the next level.
The following day, I went to Kyle's house for a bit, when Jason came over with a grumpy look on his face. He plopped down on the bed next to me, and his expression was so 'cartoony' that Kyle and I almost started snickering under our breath. "What's so funny?" Jason pouted.
Kyle filled me in on the situation. "Our friend, Jason, is just in a bad mood because the super sexy, Robin, dropped him like a bad habit for someone a little more athletic Hehehe!"
"Whatever. I didn't like that Robin guy that much anyway." He said, looking at the floor. "I don't know what's so special about that Rick guy, anyway. So what, he's got biceps? I've got biceps"
"More like 'uni-ceps', if you ask me." Kyle teased, and Jason threw a pillow at him. "I TOLD you it was gonna happen, Jason. Robin doesn't do emo."
"I'm NOT emo!!!!"
"Really? Because you seem a little 'emo-motional' to me right now."
Jason sucked his teeth as he didn't have much to come back with. But I was sure he'd find himself another cutie to take his mind off of the last one. Strange thing is, since I started talking to Rory with some kind of real connection...I didn't seem to envy their sexual exploits as much anymore. I don't know, I mean...it's not like I had a boyfriend or anything. I couldn't say that I was getting laid. But...the emotional involvement with someone special made their pursuits just look more like a waste of time and energy than an active search for love. Something about that made me feel lucky.
Kyle said, "So...I've been trying to get Christian to give me some, but he's been shrugging me off for a week now. It's driving me CRAZY because I know it's gonna be hot. But he's sorta playing the virgin role, you know? Wants it to be special and right and...stuff. I'm like, I'll bring candy and flowers! Champagne, scented candles, rose petals on the mattress, whatever you WANT, just give me some ASS already!"
"That's what you get for trying to have two boyfriends at once." I told him with a grin. "Aren't you getting enough from Vince? You've gotta have a back up plan?"
"Vince is awesome, but I've kinda climbed that mountain already."
"Oh, so this is the unexplored territory, huh?"
"In more ways than one, baby!" Kyle said, and when he saw Jason still pouting a bit, he threw the pillow back at him to try to cheer him up a bit. "Still, I don't know about this Christian thing. He might be too into the dating thing to really have much fun. I still wanna give it another week though. He's too hot for me to give up now." Then Kyle looked back at me with a smirk. "I'd say that I'd love to talk to Rory again, but I think little Kevin is developing a crush. Hehehe!"
"It's NOT a crush!" I said, a blush rushing into my cheek as I tried not to smile too wide.
"Which one was Rory, again?" Jason asked.
"You remember, Jason. The one that was really cool to talk to. He sent me the pic a few weeks back?" Kyle said.
And Jason actually said, "What? The 'ugly' one?"
My smile disappeared, and I sorta stared over at him in disbelief as Kyle tried to silently give him the signal to shut up. Trying to hold back my anger at the shallow little punk's comment, I said, "Do you have ANY idea what 'tact' is, Jason?"
"Uhhh, actually, no I don't." He replied.
"It's the subtle art of giving your 'honest opinion' without being RUDE and CRUEL and HURTFUL and fucking HEARTLESS...with EVERY fucking mean word that comes out of your MOUTH, you fucking DICK!" I said, giving him a hard enough shove to almost knock him off the bed.
He sat up straight again, rubbing his shoulder. "Gee...where was the 'tact' in that?" He asked. "Didn't think you'd be so touchy about it all. Sorry."
Still angry, I said, "You know...sometimes when you say something that harsh, you really just end up looking like an asshole."
"Okay, okay! Jesus, I said I was sorry! What do you want?"
Ugh! Like he could EVER understand! What the hell did he know about Rory? Not a goddamn thing! Sometimes 'sorry' doesn't cut it when you purposely hurt somebody's feelings. To hell with 'sorry', learn how to say something without being a jackass. Taking a shot to even up the score, I said, "You know, for the record...you don't know the first thing about true beauty, Jason. Rory's not ugly. Ugly is being totally fucking DUMPED by some hot 'piece of ass' because your hair's too long and you have the physical development of an 11 year old. THAT'S ugly!"
"OUCH!!! Hahaha!" Kyle said in shock, and gave me a high five for the slam dunk on Jason's pride.
"Both of you suck, fuck off." He said, and laid back to return to his pouting fit.
Kyle smiled at me and said, "You must really LIKE him, Kevin. What's going on between you two? He never told me that you two were so close."
"Never...told you? What are you talking about?" I asked.
He said, "I just talked to him the day before yesterday, and he barely mentioned it. I think you've been hiding something from me, bitch."
I don't know what it was, but my heart suddenly felt as if it had been completely deflate, and sent bouncing around inside my ribs like a sputtering balloon. "You talked to him?"
"Of COURSE I talked to him. I thought that maybe I could still meet up with him some time. He makes me laugh." Kyle said, and it became increasingly harder to breathe as I tried to hide the overall disappointment on my face. "I think he's kinda interested too. He mentioned maybe catching a movie some time, so.."
"Oh..." I said softly.
I think Kyle caught the hint. "OH! But, I mean, I won't if you guys are like...trying to hook up or something."
"No. No, go ahead. I mean, if he's...'interested' and all. I don't care."
"C'mon, Kev...you know I would never do that to you, bro. Honestly. I didn't know you guys were, like...talking. If you're working on him, dude, then go for it." He tried to be encouraging but the biggest part of the fantasy had already been smashed. It's just...sighhh...if Rory was still trying to hook up with Kyle, then why didn't he TELL me? Better yet, why didn't I figure it out for myself?
Stupid. I screwed it all up, didn't I? Kyle was right. He was totally right. I'm sitting here talking 'puppies and rainbows' to a cute gay teen, and Kyle's cutting straight to deep kisses and blowjobs. As usual. Which one was he SUPPOSED to choose? Kyle knows how to do these things. And me? All I know how to do is lock myself in the 'friend zone'. Great. If I'm lucky, maybe Rory will be 'friendly' enough to tell me how hot the sex was with my best friend.
The rest of that afternoon was kind of a blur. A muddy, murky, image of halfhearted jokes and a few glimpses at free gay porn. But the whole time, I was missing somebody that I obviously never had to begin with. It just bothered me. And I spent most of my night sulking about it until I got the message online from Rory with a big smiley face, saying, "Wakey, wakey! You home? Feel like talking?"
My hesitation was more from stubbornness than doubt. More from caution than anger. But at the end of the day, it was silly of me to think that I could even consider not answering him. Despite his intentions to get with Kyle...MY feelings hadn't changed. And his very presence online drew me in every time, without fail.
I signed in, and thanked the stars that I could type in a 'smiley face' in the chatroom. Lord knows I wouldn't have been able to fake on in real life. Not at that particular moment, anyway.
We talked, sure. And I didn't really mention Kyle at first, but the question was burning in my gut the entire time. I think Rory could tell that I wasn't being as festive as I usually was, and he asked me what was wrong. "Nothing I guess I'm just a bit tired." I lied.
"Oh. I'm not boring you, am I? I'm sorry."
"It's not that. Just had...an exhausting day, I suppose." It kept bubbling up, and soon I just couldn't take it anymore. "Soooo..." I typed in, trying to find a 'tactful' way to ask without looking like a total nerd about it. "Kyle said he talked to you the other day." I kinda cringed when I hit the 'Enter' button. That sounds like an envious accusation or something, doesn't it? That sounded all wrong. I typed in, "Hehehe..." To hopefully make it look like I was just, I don't know...playing around, I guess.
Rory wrote back, "Yeah. For a little while. It was only for five minutes or so though"
"Right." I said but that wasn't the extent of my question. My heart wasn't satisfied enough to start beating again like normal. I didn't know I was so wrapped up in Rory's online persona until I thought I was getting ready to lose it. "So I guess...you guys'll be going out soon, huh? Hey, maybe you and me will get to meet one day. You know, if you and Kyle aren't busy being naked and sweaty together." And again I added, "Hehehe..." It was the only protection I had for his answer.
Just then, Rory wrote back, "Hahahaha!!! WHAT???" Which...I didn't know if he was laughing at ME, or laughing at what I said. Then he continued with, "Dude, that is SO not gonna happen! Like..ever."
Hope. Glorious hope.
"Really? I mean...I thought you guys were...like...I don't know." I said, a bit confused.
Rory asked me, "No way. Geez, what did Kyle tell you?"
"Well...he said that you told him you might wanna see a movie or something, so I just figured, hey...you know...that's great." I told him. "I mean, he's the one you wanted to hook up with in the first place, right?"
Rory laughed again, and said, "Aww, Kevin...you wanna know what Kyle said to me? He said maybe one day we could catch a flick together, but nothing that would distract him too much from giving me a hand job in the back of the theater! And I was kinda trying to be polite, you know? So I'm like, 'yeah, that sounds...hot', but there was, like...nothing 'hot' about it, believe me."
"Really? So you're not, like, interested?"
"Hehehe, heck no." Rory replied. Music to my eyes. "Like I said, I was just being polite when he asked me if I wanted to talk. So I did for a few minutes, then I think he got a 'message' from somebody else and tried to rush off to go talk to him instead."
"Yeah. I asked him if he wanted to keep in touch, but you know what his answer was?"
"He says, 'Sure. Who knows? Maybe I'll write you some time.' And he's gone before I can even reply." Rory said with a grin
"Omigod, he DID that?"
"Yeah, he did. The bad thing is, I don't even think he meant for it to be rude. I doubt it even crossed his mind that I'd be aware that he was totally blowing me off. But hey, I already had three strikes against me. I'm not his idea of 'super hot', I'm not hanging on to every word that comes out of his mouth, and I'm not willing to let him smooth talk me into dropping my pants and letting him just 'do me' like the rest of his frisky little fanbase. Hehehe! So there's really no reason for me to be the least bit hurt about it."
"Rory...God, I'm sorry."
He giggled and said, "You don't have to apologize for him. There are plenty of gay boys out there that are looking to buy exactly what he's selling, and they're gonna love every minute of it. I just happen to not be one of them. I'm sure he won't have a shortage of hotties willing to take my place."
"You're taking this WAY too well, you know that?" I said. "You should be either depressed out of your mind, or riding around town with a shotgun looking for his house. Hehehe, that's what I would do."
"Well that shows just how much of a psycho YOU are, doesn't it?" He smiled. "Besides, I kinda expected it. But I took a chance anyway. I'm glad I did. Because now I got to meet you."
"Heh...well THAT'S like trading your goat for some magic beans, isn't it?" I said. But he quickly gave me an online 'smack' for letting my insecurities show. "But you WERE interested in him at one time, though, right? More than me?"
Rory said, "Hehehe, of course. Kyle is HOT!"
"Um, EXCUSE me?"
"Hahaha!!! Awww, Kevin, you are too! It's just...Kyle is like 'arrogantly hot'. You're more like...undeniably cute."
I felt a rush from seeing that particular text appear on the screen. "Undeniably cute. I like it."
"Good. I'm glad." He smiled. "There's something that's...you know...entertaining about Kyle, and he does have a certain 'way' about him that could be considered really sexy. But to be totally honest, it doesn't really last for long. It tires pretty quickly."
"You know...I'm glad he's not your type." I said, and I was trembling with a pinch of fear as I continued to type out my true feelings. Even though I smiling the entire time. I said, "I would have missed you if you had somebody else." And this time, I didn't follow it up with a laugh. I wanted him to know, or at least get a very big CLUE, as to what my heart was trying to say.
"I would have missed you too, Kevin." He said, and I wiggled in my seat, feeling myself harden for no reason other than I was extremely excited by the sudden 'change' in atmosphere. A build up of tension that was somehow transmitted through the screen and over a great distance...to touch us both simultaneously. Then he said, "Actually...sometimes I miss you...just during the day. You know? Is that weird?"
"No. That's not weird at all. Sometimes, I miss you too. ALL the time, actually."
"Sighhh..." He said, and added another smiley face.
It might have only been a few seconds, but it felt like a thousand years and counting. And yet, even though we were both waiting for the other boy to type something first...it was almost like I could feel him breathing.
Then, he said, "Wow...hehehe...what was THAT? Did we just have a 'moment' there?"
It was the only thing to break up some of the pressure I felt inside. But not by much. "Hehehe, yeah! I think we did. An 'undeniably cute' moment."
He laughed, and asked me, "God...Kevin are you blushing right now?"
"Hahaha...yeah. Kinda." I said, my face hot and turning red faster than my heart could pump the blood to my cheeks.
"Cool." He said. "Me too." There was another short silence while we both squirmed and grinned to ourselves. And then he said, "Well...I have to go. I've got homework and stuff, so..."
"Ok. That's...yeah, go ahead." I said.
"See you here same time tomorrow?"
I don't know what it was, but some inner alarm went off, and it told me that this was my moment. That THIS was the chance I had been looking for to maybe move forward, instead of trying to find comfort in the same old routine of talking to Rory online. I don't know where I got the courage, but I found myself just...going for it.
"Hey Rory? Do you think...maybe, you might wanna, like....talk on the phone some time?" There was a pause, and I couldn't tell if it was a good pause or a bad pause. But it seemed to last for an eternity. So I added, "ONLY if you feel comfortable about it! You totally don't have to say yes."
A moment or two later, he answered, "Wow...um..sure. Yeah."
"Hehehe, oh man...I'm blushing so BAD right now!" He said. "Yeah! Cool, let's do it. Um...here, here's my number." I wrote down the digits and sighed to myself as he got ready to sign off for the night. "Ok, so...I'll 'talk' to you tomorrow then."
"Yeah. Ok. Um...G'night."
"Sweet dreams, Kevin." Rory had said that to me before. It was his usual way of signing off. But tonight...for some reason tonight it felt sooooo much more potent than any other night before it. And I practically had to lean back in my chair and clutch my heart with both hands to keep it from bursting right out of my chest.
That was the next step that kept me soaring through another week. So light that I was literally dancing on air. I'll never forget the first time I heard his voice. I'll never forget the violent quakes that rumbled through me as I picked up that phone and dialed the first few numbers. Everything about Rory was magic, and I couldn't believe that I could fall even harder for him than I already had. Until the first time I heard him say, "Hello?"
"Rory?" I said, my voice shaking as I slid out of my chair and down onto the floor.
"Omigod, hehehehe! HI!" Wow...his voice was so...so sweet. I'd even go so far as to say that it was really sensual, simply because it was such a soothing tone. Not too deep, not to screechy...it was perfect. And just hearing him put together even more pieces of the puzzle for me as to who this magical boy really was. His voice was really expressive, you could almost hear the smile in his voice with every word. And it was so cute the way he could sometimes ramble on and on and end up on some topic that was so far from where he started he couldn't find his way back again. But I loved it. And hearing him laugh in 'person' was like...wow. SO much better than text on a screen. Nothing came close to hearing it for real.
While we were talking, we made the occasional flirtatious comment to each other here and there. Joking around, mostly. But even though I was too much of a chicken to say what I really wanted to say to him, I think Rory could tell that I was rapidly falling in love with everything he was. And the best part is, unless I was totally making it all up in my head, Rory was feeling the same way. And we ended up giggling nervously at the close of every conversation we had.
Then came Friday night.
"Ok, I got one for you..." Rory said. "...'The Riddler'."
"Psh! Too easy! Edward Nigma!" Hehehe, after totally trashing him on the 'Bond Villain' game we played a few nights ago, it looked like I was gonna trash him even worse on the 'Batman villain' trivia. "Alright, 'The Penguin'."
"Ummm...shit..." He said. "Oswald Cobblepot!" He giggled. "Ok, so...'Catwoman'."
"Selina Kyle. Your turn. 'Two Face'."
"Harvey Dent..." Rory replied, but I heard something in the background this time.
"Did I just hear you turning a page?"
He started to giggle a little bit. I could always hear his smile. "DUDE...you're totally CHEATING right now! Are you reading these out of a book?"
"Hehehe, shut up! I don't know what you're talking about."
"Awww, you suck! You forfeit! You got smashed...AGAIN!"
"Hehehe, you know, Kevin, you should NOT have this much knowledge stored up in your brain anyway."
I chuckled. "It's easy when I get rid of stuff that I don't need up there. You know like MATH, and geography, and every bit of history that stretches back further than 1995."
"Ah, good strategy." He said proudly. "But next time, we do 'Dick Tracy Villains', and I'm tearing you a new one."
"Whatever, cheater. Just make sure you study hard. Hehehe!" We did share a few laughs, and that weird silence fell between us again. That silence that always meant that we'd have to hang up in the next fem minutes...and neither one of us wanted to go. It used to be awkward, but not anymore. If anything...I was starting to find it sexy. Again...I don't know what gave me the courage, but I decided, once again, to take that scary leap of faith towards something more.
"Hey....Rory..." I said, nervously pulling at the tiny fringe of my carpet.
"Ummm....hey, I know this is kinda...forward and all, and you can say no if it seems too soon for you...but do you think that...maybe we can..." C'mon Kevin. SAY it! "...Maybe we can..meet some time?"
Rory seemed to get extremely nervous at that point. He stuttered and stumbled a bit at first, and for a second, I thought for sure he was going to turn me down. "Kevin...I think you're awesome. And I really like you a lot..."
I didn't give him a chance to finish. Please let this happen. Please, God. "Then come meet me. We'll go some place public, and keep everything simple. We'll practice all the 'internet safety tips' that we know for a first time meeting. I promise."
It made him giggle sweetly, and after a sigh or two, he said, "God...I wouldn't do this for anybody else but you." It flattered me. It made me feel soooo amazing inside. I smiled until it HURT, and Rory got serious. "Look, Kevin...when we meet...I mean...I kinda..." He stumbled some more, searching for the right words. "You know, I may be a little 'different' than...what you're expecting so..."
"Omigod, I KNEW it! You're like a 50 year old man, aren't you?" I said, poking fun.
"Hahaha! No! Shut up! I'm trying to be serious here."
"Ok, ok...I'm listening."
He sighed again, and said, "I just don't want you to think that I, like...'lied' to you or anything, ok? I'm kinda self conscious, you know? About how I look."
"I've seen your pic, Rory, and I told you already, I think you're really cute."
"Yeah...you said that." He sounded almost...'sad' about it. I couldn't understand why. "Well, just so you know, that picture is like...almost two years old, so...if you meet me, I might not look exactly the same, ok? I just...Kevin, I want you to know..."
"Rory...dude, I don't care. I just..I DON'T! If you show up tomorrow, and you're 500 pounds, covered in Viking battle scars, and have a Siamese TWIN growing out of the side of your face...I'm not gonna care! Because I'm..." I stopped myself for a second, and then said it anyway. "I think I'm falling in love with you, Rory." He stopped talking completely, and I thought that I might have just messed up by moving too fast.
Until he finally spoke again.
"I think I'm falling in love with you too." I practically melted into the carpet right then and there, and as soon as we made arrangements to meet, he was quick to say, "Ok...I've gotta go. Bye, Kevin." And he hung up. No 'sweet dreams' this time. He was REALLY nervous about this. It made me worry a bit about what it was that he wasn't telling me. But I doubted that it would make much difference. At this point, I just wanted to be close to the boy that had become such a big part of my life. Who had taken my heart, and refused to let it go.
The hardest part, was waiting for the next morning to finally get there. I hardly slept at all, and et, I had enough energy to run across the entire city and beyond if I had to.
I knew about this big submarine sandwich place next to the old mall, and figured it would be great to go there so we could eat and talk and then, you know, if he wanted to we could maybe go over to the mall and spend the rest of the day together. The plan was set to meet at 3 o'clock, and I had gotten there 20 minutes early. BIG mistake! Because I was seriously driving myself CRAZY trying to kill time!
I sat down at a table...but I didn't order anything yet. I don't know...should I? Was I supposed to order something? Or just sit here and look like a dork at an empty table. Ugh! I don't know why I was so nervous, but I was literally bouncing up and down in my chair, tapping my fingers like a madman on the table as I kept an eagle's eye view of the clock behind the register It was almost time! It was almost TIME!!! My finger tapping got more frantic, and soon it was hard for me to even breathe. I wondered if I was ready for this. If I could actually handle meeting the boy that I had been talking to practically every night for almost a month now! Or...if I should just run out of there, top speed, and head home before Rory even got there. I mean...what if he's expecting me to be like Kyle and Jason? What if he's looking for me to get naked at the end of the day, and give him a good...um...'pounding' or something? I don't know how to do ANY of that stuff! I never did it before! What if he doesn't like me? Shit..what if he HATES me? What if we're talking, and I choke on a big piece of HAM??? That would be sooooo embarrassing!!! My mind was racing in circles, and as much spontaneous courage as I had last night....it was quickly evaporating into thin air while I sat there at that table. Staring at that damn clock.
And I tapped.
And I fidgeted.
And I agonized.
And JUST as I was getting ready to get up and run out of there...I heard a voice over my shoulder. "Hey..."
I was almost too scared to look. The picture of Rory in my mind...those eyes, those lips, that sweet and cheerful smile...I had been studying it every day. It was frightening to come face to face with the idea that he'd actually be real'. And then...this...BOY sat down at the table across from me.
I say....this 'boy'...because I didn't recognize him at ALL! "Um...hi?" I said, a bit confused.
"Kevin, right?" He said. My eyes attempted to adjust to what I was seeing. My ears recognized the voice, but my brain wouldn't match it to the vision before me. "It's me. It's...um...it's Rory. Hi." He said with a blush.
"R-R-Rory?" I said.
"Heh..ta-daaa..." He said, spreading his arms out a bit, a bashful smile on his face. I swear to you...my whole BODY froze up as the realization settled in that it was really him!
Let me tell you something...I have seen a LOT of movies, a LOT of television, a LOT of teen boy popstars, and a LOT of teeny bopper mags in the grocery story checkout line. I've seen every last ONE of the 'ten score' boys that Kyle and Jason have been drooling over for the past few months. And they were all...HOT, you know? But nothing...and I mean NOTHING...even came CLOSE to the unimaginable beauty of the angelic boy sitting in front of me!!! He was.....I mean he was just...he was completely.....
My mouth, quite literally, dropped open, and my heart stopped beating completely as this delicate vision of perfection attempted to keep himself from squirming awkwardly in front of me. Evidently, he knew that he had surprised me. REALLY surprised me. Why was he even bothering to fidget??? Why was he nervous??? He had NO damn reason to be nervous!!! EVER!!! He was, by FAR, the most MERCILESSLY gorgeous boy that I had ever laid eyes on! Gorgeous in a way that didn't even fucking make SENSE to me for the first few minutes! For a moment, I actually thought he was a figment of my imagination.
I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. I couldn't even sweat! And my eyes must have been wide open in shock, because it made him extremely uncomfortable to have me stare at him the way I was.
Rory didn't look ANYTHING like his picture! Not at all! Well...I mean, the picture was HIM...I could tell by the eyes and the lips alone, but...but....omigod...WOW!!! I had to fight from sliding right out of my seat and hiding my face under the freakin' table! He wasn't chubby at all anymore. I mean, his size never bothered me, but...the baby fat had melted away to give birth to high cheekbones and a slim and sexy flat stomach that looked soft to the touch. His short buzz cut dark blond hair had now been grown out, and lightly bleached to light sunshine colored strands of medium length white gold...with bangs that tenderly brushed across the sides of a flawless face that was free from a single scar or blemish. A warm pool of liquid cream that held within it the most subtle touch of a rosy blush...that nearly caused my lungs to collapse from its adorable display. His eyes were even more beautiful in real life than any online photo could capture. Chestnut brown liquid splendor, with a dreamy gaze that exposed his whole heart to you in a single glance. His lips were the same pink strips of kissable charm that I had been staring at for weeks....but now alive and quivering slightly as he wiggled timidly a bit more in his seat. The silence was getting beyond awkward. I guess I just...I wasn't prepared for this. Not prepared at ALL.
I tried HARD to speak. "Hi...hey...so....yeah..." Did that make as little sense to him as it did to me.
His eyes looked down at the table, and his blond hair kinda flopped forward a bit. "I'm sorry, Kevin. I mean...I know that...I don't look like...what you expected..." He said his voice even MORE alluring than it was when spoken through the clumsy wires and mechanical parts of a ham-handed cell phone.
"Y-Y-You're....you're...." I stuttered.
His blush deepened, and he looked away from me for a moment, his long and delicate fingers tightly gripping a nearby napkin. He almost looked...ashamed to be so beautiful. He was literally peeking over his shoulder at other people in the sandwich shop. Some of them BLATANTLY staring directly at him in awe. Men and women alike. "Um...look, if you think...this is gonna be...weird or anything..."
"NO!!!" I shouted! And much louder than I expected to. "I mean...I mean....wow..."
He smiled sheepishly, lifting his eyes and looking back at me. "Hehehe, Kevin..." He said it in the cutest way. Flattered, but without a hint of the ego I would have had if I was even HALF as stunning as he was. He asked me, "You're not...you're not, like...mad at me, are you? For not being 100% honest, I mean."
I found myself staring and waiting for him to keep talking...hardly even aware of the fact that he had just finished his question. It took a second to shake myself free of the attraction. "Oh...um..no. It's just...um...I didn't know. I just thought that you...uh...wow." I tried to straighten myself out, but I couldn't. I mean...JESUS! "You don't look...ANYTHING like your picture, Rory."
"Heh...yeah, well...that was a while ago. Awkward phases and all that."
"But...but you said you were self conscious about your looks?"
He bit his bottom lips shyly. "I am self conscious about my looks."
"No...you can't just...reverse it! When someone says their self conscious about how they look, they're supposed to look..like...not like YOU!" I said, and he gave me a weird look, accompanied with a heartwarming smile that I could feel snatching the breath right out of my lungs. "Oh wow...Rory, you're...oh man..."
He lowered his eyes a bit, and said, "It's ok. I mean, you'll get used to seeing me, right? I mean, I just want us to be...you know...like how we were before." He brushed some of his blond locks out of his eyes, and I involuntarily slid down further in my seat to try to keep the butterflies in my stomach from eating me alive. He noticed it, and I think he was trying to sorta...I don't know...'hide' himself a bit more. How could someone so attractive ever want to hide himself from ANYBODY. His beauty was a gift from God. "I'm sorry." He said again, his eyes looking back at the table.
"No...don't be sorry. I'm the one who should be sorry. I just...I'm being silly. Forget it. I just..." He peeked up at me again, and I felt myself slide down a little bit further. "...Oh wow." Have you ever seen someone so pretty that you actually wanted to CRY? Not with any recognizable emotion attached to it..just tears for the sake of keeping your eyes wet enough to keep staring at him. "Um...sooo, Rory. Cool." I said, my chest shaking visibly with every word.
"Hehehe, yeah." He said. "So...you wanna get a sandwich or something? I'm starving."
"Sighhh....yeah. Ok." I said, and tried to stand on shaky legs as we headed towards the counter.
I tried really really HARD to just be normal around him, but this had definitely had a completely different effect on everything. I don't know why. But this unexpected turn of events had suddenly caused this huge shift in everything that I felt for him. It was hard for the personality that I loved so much to be even remotely visible with all of this HOTNESS in the way. But I did what I could. And I think it helped Rory to open up a bit more and come out of his shell. He could really be sensitive and shy sometimes, even more so in person than online. But just knowing that he was giving me a glimpse of his true self every now and then made me feel like the luckiest person in the world.
It made me blush when, at one point, he said, "Quit staring at me, hehehe! You're making me nervous."
"I'm...I'm sorry. You're just...wow."
He had the most adorable way of physically dodging compliments by wiggling in his chair a bit. "I was so happy that you wanted to keep talking after that first time online. I really wanted you to like me."
"How can anyone not like you, Rory? I mean...wow..." I said again. It was the only word I had that even came close. Even when I said it with a whimper.
"No, I mean...like ME. You know?" He said. "People kinda treat you different when they think you're..."
"...EXTREMELY fucking HOT?" I said, making him blush and giggle in the cutest way.
"It's hard for a lot of people to kinda talk to me and not hear what I have to say when they find out. So..online was the best place to kinda meet genuine people. I don't have to worry about my looks online. I can just be...you know...me." He said. The weird thing is, he was so gorgeous that I could only imagine how hard it would be for anyone to look him in the face and not fall madly in love with him on sight. But...for somebody looking for something more emotionally satisfying than a quick screw and a few lewd comments from every gay boy on the PLANET...I imagine that it would be extremely...'lonely'. It was a loneliness that you could actually see in his eyes if you looked closely enough. And I didn't envy him at all.
"So..I mean, am I a genuine person?"
"Hehehe, you're the most genuine person I've ever met, I think." He giggled. "But really, be honest...would you have ever put any credibility behind anything that I had to say if you knew that I was...uh.."
"...EXTREMELY fucking HOT???"
"Hahaha! STOP that!" He said, and tossed one of his pickles at me. But then his smile mellowed out a bit, and he bit his bottom lip again. "You know, it was so amazing being able to just 'talk' to somebody for a change. I mean, I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid that...things would change." Then he added, "I really don't want things to change, Kevin. K? I mean...I'm still 'Rory', you know? I'd miss you if 'this'..like..got in the way."
I gave him a smile, and said, "Well, you wearing a bag or a pillow case over your head would help." And it made him laugh. Sighhh...the sound of that laugh...it made the whole world come alive in an instant.
"I'll bring one with me, next time"
"Deal." I said, and we both went back to eating our sandwiches. But I made sure to tell him, "I can't believe you had to cheat on an easy answer like 'Two Face'. You're like the worst Batman fan ever."
He nearly spit out his food as he started laughing. "Hehehe, you ASS! I almost spit out my food! And you can't prove I cheated anyway!" Just seeing him look at me like that...it was still hard to focus on anything other than the fact that he was the most attractive boy in creation. But more than anything, it warmed my heart to see a whole other level of comfort settle in between us. And it made me ask myself...
Is he still falling in love with me? Because if he is...I've SERIOUSLY landed myself the most incredible boy in existence. And I didn't know if I could ever be....'worthy' of him.
I need to think this out. This budding relationship could hurt. A LOT.