"NO!!!"I nearly shouted in a sudden outburst. Omigod! Oh Jesus! Calm down, Kevin! Breathe...
"Oh..." Rory said, a bit surprised by my reaction. "Um...ok..."
"No wait! I don't mean no as in....'no'. I meant no as in...ummm...hold on. I meant no as in 'yes'! not about the...well, if we're talking about...taking things slow, then I could totally...I could, like..." What the fuck was I talking about??? I'mruiningthe moment! I was trying to get myself back together, but didn't want to stop talking...because if I stopped talking, he'd think that I wasn't interested in us being...you know...'alone' together. And yet, the more words that came clumsily spilling out of my mouth, the deeper I dug myself in a deep hole that I thought I'd never be able to finesse my way out of again.
This is one of those cherished moments in every boy's life where being a total virgin just fucking SUCKS!!!
I heard Rory giggle softly to himself, saying, "Ummm...what? Hehehe! Sorry, but I really didn't make a whole lot of sense out of anything that you just said."
"Understandable. Sorry. My brain got all jumbled up. I wasn't expecting you to say that."
"I don't think I was expecting it either. Heh..." He said, bashfully. "It doesn't sound, like...'dirty' or anything, does it? I certainly didn't mean for it to come out that way..."
"No! Not at all! I think I was just...well I wasn't expecting..." Ugh! You know what? Trying to be cool or even remotely suave about this whole thing just wasn't working out for me. I wish it could...but it wasn't. And I remember my grandfather telling me when I was younger...when all else fails...tell the truth. It'll never fail you.
God, I hope he was right about this.
"Kevin? Is everything ok? It's ok, if it's not. I mean, no pressure or anything. I was just in a weird mood tonight, I guess. I shouldn't have said all that."
"Rory?" I said.
"...Yeah?" He asked, a nervous little tremble in his voice.
"Just the thought of you and me, like...being together...alone? It's almost too much for me to even comprehend in terms of some whacked out fantasy, much less in real life. But, if you and me...if we ever get together, I think it would be awesome. For both of us. Probably me more than you. Heh..."
Even through his silent little pause over the phone, I could almost feel Rory blushing from the overly infatuated comments that I had just sent his way. I was honest. Totally honest. But much more careful this time than I had been in the past. I didn't want him to think that I was regressing back to that horny asshole that was trying to talk him into having sex with me back at the park. This was different. This time, I just wanted to hold him. Kiss him. It wasn't just my hormones talking, or my fear of losing him to some other boy who was a bit more sexually confident and aggressive than I was. I mean, those stupid parts of me were lingering in the background, chattering with a symphony of whispers, pushing me forward to take the opportunity being given to me at this very moment in time. A sensual encounter with one of the hottest boys that I've ever laid eyes on. That I've even been close enough to touch with my bare hand. To inhale his intoxicating scent. To kiss those full, pink, lips. The pull on my heart was almost too strong for me to resist. But something had changed. Something that was there, but I hadn't quite realized the full value of it until just now.
The idea thatmybenefits of joy and happiness were secondary to his. That, in fact, I doubt I could be happy at all unless he was happy along with me. Is that weird? It's hard to put into words. Because it's not like I was 'sacrificing' anything for Rory's sake. It was more like...his happinesswasmy happiness. And the more love that I gave to him, the more I got in return. We had this endless circle of complete, undeniable, joy surging through us...and it felt like we could do this forever if we had to. The energy was inexhaustible. Infinite. And it made me feel so weightless in the middle.
Finally finding the words, Rory said, "I feel the same way. I feel like, I need you, Kevin. Like...NEEDyou. I just kept coming up with excuses to convince me that it wasn't the right time yet." Then he said, "I should probably stop doing that, huh? Especially when if comes to my boyf, hehehe!"
"It sounds so weird, the way you say it." I giggled in response, but wanted to make sure that he knew, "I'm really not trying to make you feel like you have tosurrenderto anything, ok? Being with you these last few weeks...it's been the greatest honor of my life, dude. I have FUN with you. I just want to hear you laugh, hold your hand...and maybe steal a kiss from you whenever I feel like I can't keep my feelings to myself. That's all."
"See? That's why I feel so in tune with you, Kevin. That's why you make me so comfortable being around you. I've never had that before."
"Never." He said. "I feel something special whenever I'm with you."
"Is it mymassiveboner? Because I haven't quite gotten full control over those damn things just yet!"
Rory laughed out loud, and with a sigh, he said, "Just...know that you're very special to me, ok? I mean that."
"You're special to me too, Rory." I replied, and we shared an awkward silence before I mustered up the courage to say, "I think I might have an idea for what to do for your birthday. So we'll get some kind of last minute plan together, k? Just you and me."
"Sounds like Heaven to me." He said. "G'night, my favorite 'boyf'." He smiled.
"Still sounds weird when you say it."
"Aw, come on. I thought I nailed it that time. Hehehe!"
"You thought wrong. But it's still adorable to hear you say it at all. So that's a win." I said.
"Maybe you'll have to teach me how to do it right some time. Help me to use my lips and tongue just right..." Rory flirtatiously grinned at me, and I could swear that my body heat temperature shot right through the roof.
"Ok,nowyou're just being cruel, dude. I'm breaking out in a sweat over here."
"Hehehe, you're so cute. Mwah! I'll talk to you soon, k?"
"M'kay..." I said with a heavy sigh. "...G'night."
"Later." It kind of sucked to hear the phone hang up. I mean, I didn't even have a whole lot more to say...but it would have been cool to just sit there and listen to Rory breathe for a little while. Am I being weird when I start thinking about things like that?
I mean, make no mistake, the novelty of my new boyfriend being one of the most incredibly gorgeous specimens of boyhood to ever walk the face of this Earth never gets old or wears off. Don't think that I don't notice how stunningly beautiful he is. Idefinitelynotice. But...there are also these growing moments between us where I just realize how little it matters in the long run. It's almost like I 'forget' how pretty he is, and our hearts just connect on this whole other level that I can't quite put into words. I've never felt anything like it before. To see Rory from a distance, it really is next to impossible to believe that the most beautiful parts of who he is lie beneath that shiny aura on the surface. And it makes me feel blessed to know that I was granted a VIP pass to the exclusive party that is the truth and grace of his heart and soul. I swear, it baffles me that any of this is evenhappeningto me right now.
So, immediately after I was able to shake myself out of my love stricken daze, I got online and checked around for the ideas I had concerning my little touch of genius for Rory's birthday. These things aren't half as scary as one would think to plan and execute when you actually know the other person as well as I knew Rory. I know what makes him happy. What makes him smile. What makes him laugh out loud. What makes him blush timidly and look away as the emotion inside begins to overwhelm him. And I planned to put all of things together in one night, if possible...and then maybe add just a little bit extra. Hehehe, it'll be great.
I made the plans, and got Rory to agree to meet me at the bus stop on Michigan Avenue around 7 O'Clock on Friday night. I men, we both were taking separate trains to get to the downtown area, but I wouldn't ask him to wait for me or try to seek me out in some dark underground tunnel crowded full of early evening drunks, nutball street preachers, and rats the size of a well fed raccoon. That's just rude. A boy that beautiful deserves better. I just hope that everything goes to plan.
I, apparently, had gotten there first, so I tried to find a wall to lean against until he arrived to join me. I made sure to wear my lucky shirt, too. With the little button up collar, and red...or, well...more like a very dark pink. Which just happens to be Rory's favorite color. I laced up a brand new pair of sneakers too. I had never even worn them before tonight, so they were squeaky sneaky clean! Hehehe! I teased my hair to the point where you could almost consider it 'bullying' by the time I was through, but I had to look my best. Tonight had to be awesome.
I checked my backpack to make sure that I had what I needed. Nothing major. Just a large blanket, a smaller blanket, my apple filled cupcake and a candle, lighter, some extra cash, and my birthday card. 'To the brightest star in my night sky, to the air that I breathe, to the missing piece of my emotional puzzle, and the inspiration of my wildest dreams...happy birthday. I would have gotten you a gift, but the truth is...youare the gift. There's no comparison. Thank you for being a part of my life, and for allowing me to be a part of yours. I love you.' I mean, maybe the 'I love you' part was a bit much, but that's what the card said...and it's not like it could be too far from the truth. Rory is my everything. A day without him is a day without sunshine as far as I'm concerned. So why not let him hear it? Or...at least read it. Out of all the cards at that convenience store, this was the one that most elegantly spoke the words that my heart needed to say. So I made sure to grab it right away. Like I said, I needed tonight to be awesome. A few smiles from Rory and maybe a lingering kiss on my lips before the night is over would be all I needed to break my emotional addiction to him for a short while.
Oh yeah...it was sure to come back to take me over again in a day or two...but sometimes, getting a quick fix from my sweetheart helps to carry me over from one infatuated depression to another. Hehehe, but don't worry, I mean that in a good way.
I think I had only been waiting about ten minutes when I saw Rory come walking around the corner of the building and start looking around for me. Now, in downtown Chicago, with all of the businesses and the tourists and the college kids...you're probably going to have about a thousand people walk passed you every sixty seconds or so on Michigan Avenue. Especially this close to rush hour. But the moment that I saw Rory step out from around the corner...that entire crowd seemed to freeze up like a simulation in the Matrix. Hehehe! God DAMN was he ever hot! He really does stand out. And he doesn't even try. It's actually kind of funny, watching people do an occasional double take when they catch sight of him out of the corner of their eye. It's almost like randomly seeing aunicornappear on the sidewalk. Like, 'wait...is that real, or am I losing my shit here?'
"Psst!" I said, moving closer to tap him on the shoulder. The smile that spread out on his face was so adorable. It really does wonders for the spirit to see him happy, you know?
"Kevin, hey!" He said, and we moved in close to give each other a warm hug as the rest of the pedestrian traffic weaved their way around us in their rat race city rush.
"Mmmm, you smell good." I said, inhaling his candied scent.
"Really? I bought this spray stuff to put on. I like it too. It's just a nice clean scent. Not too strong, not too sweet. I saw it in the mall. Pretty cheap too." He said, proudly.
"Money well spent." I smiled, almost getting lost in his eyes for a moment before getting my focus back on track. "So...you ready?"
"I guess so." He blushed. "I wasn't sure if I should dress up or anything. Then again, I didn't want to beoverdressed either. I mean, this is kinda 'middle of the road', right? Kinda casual, but a little preppy too, maybe...?"
"It's perfect." I said, and surprised him by stepping in to lightly give him a kiss on the lips. "Everything about you is perfect."
He fidgeted for a moment while snickering to himself. "Is this going to turn into one of those 'massive boner' moments that you were talking about on the phone? Because there are alotof people out here watching us. Hehehe!"
"Don't worry. If it does, I'll find a way to hide it. Promise." I said.
"In my mouth? They'll never think to look in there!"
My eyes suddenly opened up wide, and Rory laughed at me as I gasped out loud. "Hahaha! Omigod! Somebody's found their inner perv, haven't they?"
"Oh please. Was he really hiding all that deep to begin with?"
"Apparently more than I would have guessed, yes!" I giggled. "Well, tell him to stick around with us tonight. I'll bring my inner perv out too and we can double date." With that, I took a hold of his hand, and I think he expected me to lead him further down the street, possibly to one of the pizza joints or cafes on the street...but instead, I took him to the crosswalk and waited for the light to head out East towards the Lake.
"Wait...where are we going?" He asked.
"You'll see. Just follow the crowd. Hehehe!" I told him, and he gave me a sideways look...but was ready t go as soon as the light changed. There were more people heading in the same direction, and some of them had blankets and lawn chairs, some of them brought coolers too. Rory started looking around more as we headed into Grant Park, and he gave my hand a squeeze as he smiled gracefully at my right side. Our eyes connected, and everything just seemed to feel right with the world, you know? Just me and my baby...getting ready to share a fun evening together. If that doesn't bring joy and satisfaction to your heart...then what else is there?
Now, I don't have a whole bunch of money. It's not like I've got a job or anything. And this was sort of a last minute type of game plan tonight, but lucky for me...Chicago has tons of free activities at our disposal if we know where to look. So as we felt the crowd getting increasingly thicker, Rory's smile widened, and he said, "Are we doing the 'Movies In The Park' thing tonight?"
"Maaaaaybe..." I grinned.
"Omigod! That's crazy! I've been hearing about this forever, but I've never been before. It's sort of like one of those old drive-ins, right?"
"Yep! Well...it's more like a 'walk-in', but the idea is pretty much the same. But I know how much you like those old black and white movies and stuff..."
"I DO!" He said, an extra little kick in his step. "I can't believe you remembered that."
"Of course, I did." I smirked. "You said that you never used to sleep when you were a little boy, and your mom used to put on the old movies and TV shows because they were pretty much the only things that were on TV at that time of night."
Rory sort of gave me this really dreamy gaze when I said that. I couldn't really describe what it was that he was feeling at that moment...but it actually made me a little bit nervous. Not in a bad way, just...there was this pressure building up in my chest all of a sudden. As though my heart was being inflated to capacity with a heavy dose of helium. Rory's expression was like this mixture of love, and confusion, and gratitude, with a few sprinkles of lust thrown in there. All covered in this sweet syrup of complete and total comfort around me. Was it the fact that I remembered a few details from his life, through hours and hours of candid conversations, really impress him so much that he found himself stuck as for what to say next? I never would have thought it would have been that easy to win over a heart as incredible as the most beautiful boy in the world. I mean...all you have to do is 'care', basically. How hard is that?
"Yeah. That's right. That's...that's totally right." He sighed. Then after a few more steps, he leaned over to kiss me on the cheek. Almost as if in a moment of weakness. Hehehe, I don't think he could help himself.
Wow, the night's just getting started, and I'm already scoring points left and right here. Sweet!