It was hard to not notice the looks from other people on the bus. I guess there were more high school students than I expected going to the Cineplex that night, and from all over town, going to see the same vampire movie that Rory and I were. And BOY, were they obvious about seeing the same undeniable beauty in him that I did. It was both uncomfortable and disturbing.
Anybody who says that all men are pigs...needs to REALLY take a good look at how some teenage girls respond to Rory even being on the same vehicle with them. It wasn't so much the constant stares in his direction...but the smiles, and the giggling, and the restrained whimpers and screams of uncontrollable attraction, that I had to endure on that short ten minute trip to the theater. THAT'S what really began to get under my skin after a while. Can't they just...not 'stare' at him like that? Jesus...
I don't know. Maybe I'm just being jealous.
How can I get upset or protective over someone who is wanted by just about everybody on the bus? I mean, it was frustrating, yeah...but what could I really do about it? Honestly. If I was in their shoes, they wouldn't be able to stop me from fantasizing about him either. Rory is the kind of eye candy that only crosses your path a couple of times in a lifetime. People turn heads, jaws slightly drop, conversations stop in mid sentence. I felt so....helpless. Like...I didn't want them gawking at him like that, but it was so far out of my control that even thinking about giving someone a dirty look for it seemed like a total waste of time to me. Who am I to keep him all to myself? If push came to shove, they'd just as likely STAB me in the stomach and just TAKE him from me by force. I would.
Again...I had to ask myself...what have I gotten myself into?
I don't think Rory noticed the extra attention at all. Or maybe he had become desensitized to it at this point. But he kept...like...focusing all of his attention on me, and I almost felt like it was...unfair. I can't explain why, but something about his beauty and his ability to grab the attention of each and every single person within sight of him...it was like taking a wrecking ball to my self esteem and swinging it at the speed of light. And yet...it was extremely flattering at the same time...which somehow made me feel even worse. If that makes any sense. It just...it almost hurt to think that this unimaginably gorgeous person had somehow been 'tricked' into liking me for reasons that I couldn't even begin to explain. I suddenly didn't fit into a believable concept of reality anymore. I didn't feel like I belonged with him. You know? Something about him set off this weird and shallow sense of 'competition' in my mind, and I was losing by a landslide when seated at my competitor's side.
I was never really worried about my looks before. I mean, I wasn't arrogant about them or anything, but I never really let it enter my mind that I had to be chased out of town by angry villagers holding torches and pitchforks before. But now...I don't know, things are different. I mean, what is it? Am I really envious if him? Is that what it is? Because it doesn't feel like envy. This feels totally alien to me. It's like...being on display for all of the wrong reasons. I feel more like a freak show oddity than a main attraction, or even a decent companion piece.
It's gotta be in my mind messing with me. It's GOTTA be. Because this is too strange to be real.
"What are you thinking about?" Rory asked me.
"Huh? Oh...I uh..." He seemed a bit concerned about my answer, so I did all that I could to suck it up an ease his nerves a bit. "It's nothing special. Just zoning out for a little bit. You know me." I smiled.
"Are you sure? Because you got all quiet on me again. Hehehe, C'mon. Tell me what's on your mind." Just then, I heard some more giggles and shushing coming from a couple of girls sitting further up towards the front of the bus. I guess Rory saw me looking over there while trying valiantly to keep my smile looking...somewhat 'un-fake'. When he turned his head to figure out what was going on, the girls practically squealed with a high enough pitch to drive every barking dog in the whole neighborhood into a frenzy. They quickly faced forward and tried to hush each other up...as if their cover hadn't already been blown. Dumb girls. Arrrgh!
I tried to keep up a brave face, but I slinked down a little bit in my seat without even really knowing that I was doing it. My body language speaking volumes with my pout like position.
It wasn't hard for him to take the hint.
Rory looked at me for a moment, those pretty brown eyes lifting my heart with a single blink, and then looked down at his feet. He blinks JUST a little bit slower than most people, you know that? Maybe it's the long lashes, but it's...you know...cute. Almost like slow motion. You can feel it in your chest when he blinks. It made me shiver a little bit. But despite the weirdness, I still attempted to sit back upright and pretend that I didn't notice the girls now whispering to each other and one of them giving Rory a little wave.
"I wonder what previews they're gonna show tonight. I've been in the mood to see what the Summer movies are gonna look like. Should be some good ones. We can go see them all." I tried to say something 'normal', but looking at Rory, even though he gave me a faux smile before looking back down at his feet again...I could tell that he was already feeling the awkward tension of the situation. Ugh! What was I doing? I was screwing this all up again, wasn't I? I've got the hottest boy in the WORLD on my arm right now! I should be super proud and excited about it, not shying away from the social rush of attention. Like Rory doesn't get enough of this without me adding to it and making it worse.
Now...I'm not a total closet case when it comes to my sexuality, but I'm certainly not Mr. Rainbow Flag on the shirt collar either. So I guess this would count as somewhat of a 'bold' move on my part. I reached out, and I lightly took Rory's hand in mine, and pulled it towards me, grasping it lovingly as I held it for all the world to see. Or..erm...at least the rest of the bus.
Rory looked confused at first, but it wasn't long until the biggest smile and the most subtle blush spread out over his face. For those few minutes, with those pesky females now looking away from us and whispering frantically about what they were seeing...I actually felt like my 'date' and I were truly together. The rest of the world be damned.
I swear...I'd do almost anything to see that boy smile. It's too beautiful for words.
We bought a medium popcorn and shared it as the movie started. It was actually a horror movie, but it turned out to be an awesome date movie too. I was a bit nervous at first about reaching for his hand again, but as soon as he felt my pinky touch his, he reached for mine first. Another heartwarming smile. I can't believe that he's actually having a good time right now. It was like I kept trying to wake up from an impossible dream. I had to work hard to silence my own insecurities, but deep down, something was screaming 'ALRIGHT! This joke has gone on for long enough! Get back to reality already!' But the longer I waited for the big hidden camera reveal...the more time I wasted just...not having fun with the gorgeous boy on my arm for the evening. I wish I could stop. I wish my brain would just switch off for a little bit and be happy for me. He's holding my HAND! He's SMILING! He WANTS to be here with me...so just...chill out and let it happen.
I think I mustered up a few precious moments of pure bliss that night. But just letting go of the worries was more difficult than you would believe. It's really hard to look at him, or see how other people look at him, and not feel it cutting me all the way down to the bone. I half expected some guys in ski masks to run up, shove Rory in a potato sack and throw him in the back of a van. It's real beauty when it attacks your pride and makes you question your own self esteem. Especially when he doesn't even realize he's doing it.
When we left the theater and got back on the bus, Rory seemed to be more talkative than before. If only I could describe the way he was glowing. You would have thought that he had never had a friend in real life before. How long had it been since he did something as simple as go to a movie with someone he liked? Who knows? Maybe they were sitting there worried about his looks like a jackass. Yeah...that's me.
We rode for a while longer, and the evening was rapidly coming to a close. "Well, this is my stop." Rory said. "Heh...awww, I kinda wish things didn't have to end so soon."
God, he's cute. His blond hair is practically waving like a wheat field and there isn't even any wind in here. "Yeah. Sucks." I said, then clearing my throat.
He stood up to get off, and I suddenly got this awful case of jitters in the pit of my stomach. This gentle 'panic' of sorts, and I suddenly didn't know what to do with myself. "Say, we'll have to find something else to go see next weekend. What do you say?I can buy the popcorn next time."
"Sounds...awesome. Yeah. Let's do it." I said, my voice shaking slightly. "So...yeah..."
Rory hesitated as the bus rolled to a complete stop and the doors opened behind him. He bounced on his heels for a second or two, then he giggled and rolled his eyes in the most adorable way ever. "I had a great time tonight, Kevin. Thanks." And just like that, he was gone. Just...gone. I looked out of the window to see him looking back over his shoulder with a smile... and the chaos in my stomach got even worse.
No. No no no....this isn't...I mean...I can't just...NO!
The bus started moving, but I suddenly JUMPED up from my seat and hit the button repeatedly. Then I reached up to pull the little emergency lever to force the driver to stop. He gave me a dirty look in the rearview, but I just yelled out, "Thank you! Sorry!" And hopped off the bus to chase my dream boy. The night can't just...'end'. That's just not gonna happen. Not like this. "Hey! Um....wait up."
Rory turned around and gave me a weird look. "You got off the bus?"
"I can catch the next one." I said. "I thought...it would just be cool to walk you home." Rory smiled at me, and I blushed as I attempted to avoid his bashfully accusing eyes. "It's the least that I could do for my 'date' tonight, right?"
"Undeniably cute and a gentleman. You're beginning to impress me." He grinned.
"Good. I was hoping." He's happy. He thinks I'm sweet. Omigod, I'm actually doing this. I'm actually making an impression on what may just be the most beautiful boy walking the planet. I held out my hand again, not only feeling extremely nervous, but sexually excited on top of it. Thank goodness it was dark out. I'm sure that I was 'showing'. Especially when Rory took my hand and put it up over his shoulder, his arms moving to wrap around my middle as we strolled forward. Rory was slightly taller than me, so it was a bit awkward trying to walk like that, I assume for both of us. But I'll be damned if I let him go. His body was so warm. I think he's just one of those people who just radiate heat whenever you touch them. It was kinda nice. I think this is the most body contact that I've had with him yet. And as we came to a stop sign, I took a moment, and kissed the side of his head. It was like...this weird, unplanned kiss on his temple or something...and I instantly felt kinda stupid for not just kissing him on the cheek like a normal person. But Rory just gave me a squeeze, and sighed as we continued on to his house. This is Heaven. I think I actually died and went to Heaven.
We walked to the end of the street, and I got to see his house from the outside. It seemed pretty normal. I don't know why I expected more. I guess, in my mind, someone like Rory deserved to live in a golden palace full of hot boy servants and a harem of readily available man slaves for his pleasure. Instead, it was just this quaint little house in between two others that looked just like it. It was a cute house. I guess it fit him after all.
We stopped walking as we got to his driveway, and he let me go, standing up straight and looking me in he eyes. "I can't believe that you actually missed your bus to walk me home. That's like...major points on your scoreboard. You know that, right?" He said.
"Really? I didn't know you were so easily won over."
"I am...when it comes to you." He said, and looked down at his feet for a moment while he fidgeted slightly with his fingers. He looked back at his house and the lights were on. "My.....my parents are home so..." He didn't say anymore, but I kinda didn't want to miss any hints. If that was, in fact, what he was giving me.
"Oh yeah. Yeah, sure. I just..I wanted to make sure you got home safe and all. And...hehehe, here you are so..."
"Awww, were you looking forward to kung fu fighting some baddies for me?"
"You know it. I'm a badass, didn't you know? prolly should have told you that when we first started talking. Kevin is a total badass. I could have typed that into my email signature or something."
Rory laughed at me, and the sound of it nearly lifted me right off of my feet. I just watched his sweet candied lips as his smile created a turbulent rush of love struck tingles throughout my entire body. I suddenly felt myself so lost. No past, no future, no good thoughts, no bad thoughts. Just me...and Rory's smile. I've never had anybody make me feel this damn GOOD inside before. It's not like he's giving me a hand job in the street, he's just...standing there. Looking beautiful. Maybe even kissable.
"I like the way you make me laugh. And I really love the way you look at me sometimes. Kinda like now." He said.
"Yeah. It's cute. It's really cute. So....hehehe..." There was a pause, and Rory looked over his shoulder again to just make sure that his parents weren't looking out of the living room window or anything. "I think I should probably..." But I didn't let him finish. I couldn't help myself anymore. When he turned his head towards me again, I was already leaning in for contact.
Our lips found a sweet and natural embrace, and even though I had gotten him by surprise, he was quick to pick up the pace. His warm breath tickled my cheek as our passionate lip lock grew in intensity. Then he pulled back from me with a chuckle and said, "Wait...hehehe, ummm...come on. Follow me."
He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward his house. "Where are we going?"
"Shhhh, just come on." He said. For a second, I felt a jolt of utter HORROR run through me as I thought he might be guiding me inside to meet his parents. But instead, he pulled me over to the side, between his house and his neighbors', where it was dark.
"Wait, where are we...?" I was cut off as Rory turned around in mid step and hungrily pressed his lips against mine. This time, clutching onto my body and pressing my back up against the wall. It was the most powerful, most amazing kiss that I had ever known. And once his tongue entered my mouth, I got hard enough to puncture a tree with the rod in my pants! I think the darkness was the only thing keeping me from creaming in my boxers right away. One look at Rory's face would have sent me waaaay over the edge. I was sure of it. But there was still something overwhelmingly erotic about kissing him in the dark. Feeling him out. Hearing his heavy breathing....r was that my own. My whole body was on fire. There are some people that you hold against you, and it just feels 'right', you know? Rory was that boy for me. And, God, was I ever thankful.
I could hear our lips smacking in the space between the two houses, and things got hotter as Rory leaned into me...and he was....um....hard. I'm making RORY hard??? I mean, I know why I'M hard...but why is HE hard??? Oh wow! Oh WOW!!! With that knowledge increasing the sensation tenfold, I took a chance and lowered my hand to lightly grab one of his perfect butt cheeks, and he whimpered a little bit into my mouth. I pulled him against me, and we grinded a little. In fact, it was more humping than I ever would have expected, but it nearly caused me to EXPLODE!
Then, a light came on in one of his neighbors' windows, and we noticed that it had been open the entire time. Were we being...uhhhh...'loud'? Rory and I stopped kissing, and when we saw the curtain fly back and an older woman with curlers in her hair peek out, we both squealed, "Oh shit!!!" And giggled our way through to Rory's backyard. We were probably caught red handed, but it didn't matter. We were having too much fun to care at the time.
Rory were out of breath, and we nearly doubled over laughing as we hid around the corner from the old lady's prying eyes. I was still hard as a rock, but my stomach was starting to hurt from trying to hold my giggles in. And when we both caught our breath, I looked at Rory, and I brought my hands up to his face to kiss him once again. "You're...amazing. You know that?" He blushed a bright shade of pink, and directed his eyes elsewhere. "I'm sure you hear that all the time."
"Not from someone who sees the real me I don't." He grinned. "I swear, Kev...you're the only one who makes me feel beautiful." He kissed me again, and I felt truly moved by the admission. It didn't make any of the nagging questions go away though. Just let me smile despite their rock solid case against me.
What happens if I'm not cute enough? What happens if he finds somebody cuter than me? What happens if us being together and all sweet and lovey dovey with each other wears off? Novelty wears off, doesn't it? He'll hate me. He'll think he made a mistake. He'll leave me and I'll spend the rest of my life miserable and alone because deep down I'll always know that someone beautiful won't EVER love me like this ever again. What happens if I fuck this all up, and the jackals move in on him to take him away from me? Even while I was still reeling from his kiss...I just couldn't get those blasted questions to stop blasting me with their confidence crushing comments. I was looking at Rory as he started to walk up his back porch to go inside. And I felt I had to say something. I think he could see it on my face. Something about the way he looked back at me...I just knew that he could tell. But I had to know. Why me? Of all the hotties he could've had...why me?
"Rory? Can I ask you something?"
"Not if it's what I think you're gonna ask. No." He smiled, and blew me a kiss as he opened the screen door on his back porch. "Kevin...you've already got me. Quit worrying. It's really sweet, but...stop. K?"
"I know." He said. "I love you too." I think my heart just swelled up big enough to puncture itself on a rib and spin around in my chest like a loose balloon. "Now get off of my property, ya weirdo. Hehehe!"
"Yes, sir!" I grinned, and I blew him a kiss back as he went in his house and I tried to sneak between the two houses to walk back to the bus stop. My boyfriend. Wow...I never had an actual boyfriend before. This is fucking GREAT!!! Can I call him that? Should I ask him first? No..that would be a dorky thing to do. I know he said it once before, but it might have been for Jason and Kyle's benefit, you know? I can't be sure. I'll just...I don't know...maybe I'll just say it around him and see how he reacts to it. Yeah. That'll be cool. My boyfriend, Rory. Hehehe, hey guys! Who's this? Oh, this is my boyfriend, Rory. Hey...two tickets for the movie. For me and my boyfriend, Rory. Hey, Mr. Pharmacist. What is this huge economy sized package of condoms for? They're for me and my boyfriend, Rory. Yes...I'm sexually active now. Gotta protect myself. Not that I need it. Still, can't be too careful. that's what my boyfriend, Rory, always says. Hehehe, omigod! This is gonna be awesome! I just know it!
I could hardly sleep a wink that night. I got up to play around on the computer, hoping to read something until I got tired enough to get some shut eye. But when I opened my mail Rory had sent me a few silly emails, and that only worked to make the excitement in my heart even more potent than before. Especially the ones where he said, "I just can't stop thinking about you." He actually said that. I feel like I've waited my whole LIFE to hear something so affectionate and sweet! It's funny how something as simple as a single sentence can convey a lifetime worth of love and caring, lifting my spirits and sending me soaring miles higher than 'cloud 9' could ever hope to reach. Those few seconds he took to write that...they changed my life. I couldn't have asked for anything more.
I sent him back as many kisses and cute little messages as he sent me, and then a few more. He enticed me to share. He made me smile. I don't think I ever knew what love was until Rory gave it up to me so completely. It took him all of ten minutes to give my whole spirit an orgasm. Hehehe, and I LOVED it!
I love you, Rory....God, I love you.
When I finally did get to sleep that night, I dreamed of our kiss again...and marveled at the idea of maybe one day...going all the way. You know? It was just a dirty little thought in the back of my mind. Something to 'entertain' while thoughts of that HOT boy kissing me on the lips lingered throughout my morning.
Kyle and Jason had left me 16 messages online and had shown up multiple times on my Caller ID. I KNEW what it was about, and they were both treating it like a total emergency. Hehehe, I don't blame them. Serves them right. Let them squirm for a while. Hehehe...the deserve to be punished for saying what they said about my sweetie.
It didn't last long though. They kept calling and calling and sending emails and practically STALKING me online to see if I showed up so they could freakin' POUNCE on me the second I left so much as a digital footprint where they could find me. JESUS! Finally, I picked up the phone, and Kyle was practically shouting to Jason in the background. "I *GOT* him! Hello? Kevin...what the hell, man??? Where have you been???"
"Does it really matter?" I teased.
"Well come over here! NOW!"
"I don't know. I think I might be busy with something today..."
"Dude...don't play games with me right now! Get your skinny little ass over here!" Kyle demanded. "Either you come over here, or Jason and I are coming over there! Make up your mind. I'm not screwing around here!"
"Hehehe, alright, alright! Geez! Do you mind if I get dressed first?"
"Whatever, just hurry up." He said, and before I could say anything else, he hung up the phone. They must REALLY be curious. have to admit to having an ego moment. Yes...I DO have the most beautiful boyfriend in the world. What about it? Hahaha! I'm SO gonna rub this in their faces when I get there.
I made sure to look nice and went over to Kyle's house with the biggest grin ever on my face.
Little did I know that I wouldn't be leaving the same way.
Kyle literally 'yanked' me into the house by the collar when I rang his doorbell. Jason was on the computer looking at some free porn site, and they both sat me down on the bed...staring at me like some kind of celebrity. Kyle said, "You mother fucker!!! What the hell was THAT about??? Snatching a perfect '10' and then not answering your pone or your email!"
Jason chimed in with, "Yeah! What's the big idea hiding how freakin' HOT Rory was from us, and keeping him all to yourself, huh???"
I smiled, and turned my nose up at them. "Why...whatever are you two talking about?"
Kyle playfully smacked me across the face. "Hehehe, STOP it!!! Start talking! Tell us everything!"
They both were mad dog staring me down so bad that I could hardly say no. Besides...I felt so GOOD about the whole thing that I couldn't have held it in if I tried. "Omigod...the whole date was so AWESOME!" I whined, and fell over on his bed, holding his pillow up to my face to keep from screaming. It was like being there with Rory all over again...feeling his lips pressed against my own. Sighhh....I still can't believe he's mine.
"What HAPPENED??? C'mon!" Jason said, bouncing loudly in Kyle's desk chair. "Wait...first things first...what does his ass look like?" The question kinda seemed to come out of nowhere, and I didn't have time to react really before Jason added, "Rory looks like one of those guys that, you know...he LOOKS like he's too skinny to really have an ass on him. But once you take the pants off, it's like...a thick STEAK of an ass, you know? God, I'll bet he was tight! PLEASE tell me that he was as tight as he looks! I'm gonna cum all over myself!"
"What?" I asked. "I...I didn't even..."
"No, come on. Tell us....how was he? Don't hold back any details." Kyle said. "I don't think I could have lasted long with a hottie like that, man. I'd have to blow a quick load right away, and then try to be more skilled on the second round. Honestly, the second I saw him, I was like...whoah. THAT boy is a ten score and a half! He's literally a fifteen, Kevin! I swear! You fucking lucked out BIG time! I am bowing down to your greatness right now! You're the fucking MAN!!!"
I didn't really....have much to say. Kyle and Jason completely battered me with lewd questions for the next few minutes, and when I didn't answer...they acted like I was being 'secretive' about it or something. To be honest...it was really kind of offensive in a creepy way. The more they went on about my boyfriend's parts and all the things they'd love to 'do' to him if given the chance....I don't know...I didn't like it. In fact, I got really quiet and began to squirm as they made graphic comments and asked insanely personal questions about how Rory and I spent our time together completely naked. It got to a point where I just didn't want to say anything at all.
"Well, don't just sit there!" Kyle said with a big grin. "Jason, shut up. Let him tell it. I wanna hear this."
"There's....really nothing to hear. We just went on a date." I said. As much as I wish I had a super hot story to tell them about us getting naked and making love for hours on end...I didn't. Actually...to be honest...if I DID have that kind of story, I doubt I'd want them to know about it. I just...I felt like the little world that Rory and I had built for ourselves was suddenly being invaded by these perverted terrorists, and they didn't belong there. Am I being really weird for thinking that? That our connection is too perfect for other people to tread on? Who knows?
"Yeah, yeah, the date. And THEN???" Kyle asked.
"And...and then what?"
"What happened AFTER the date? C'mon, Kev, don't make me beg!"
Jason said, "How did he taste? Just looking at him...I'll bet he tastes like warm doughnuts. Hehehe!" I frowned up at him and sat back against Kyle's headboard.
"You know what, I think we really need to talk about something else right now. Ok?" I said.
They looked at each other with a shared grin, then Kyle asked me, "Kevin? Um....what exactly 'happened' on this date?"
"I told you what happened. We went to a movie. We had popcorn. We took the bus home. That was it." I said, purposely leaving out the kissing part.
"Wait...are you being SERIOUS here?" Kyle asked. "Kev, answer this...." He leaned forward in his chair. "Did you fuck Rory or not last night?"
I winced from the power and vulgarity of the question. And Jason chimed in with, "PLEASE tell me that you didn't let a whole night go by without any fucking!"
I didn't answer at first. Just shook my head. Then Kyle asked, "Kev? Did you have sex with Rory last night?"
"I don't think that's really any of your business, to be honest."
Jason slammed his back against the chair in frustration. "That's a 'NO'!"
They both groaned in unison, and I felt even more insulted than before. "WHAT???? What the hell is wrong with me and Rory having a good time and dating for a little while?"
Kyle grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. "No no NO! Omigod, Kevin! Are you kidding me??? Rory is the one of the hottest pieces of ass that you're EVER liable to get in this life! You hear me? You can't get all 'rainbows and butterflies' on a boy like that! Do you know how many people want a piece of that? You've gotta accelerate the whole sexual pursuit to lightspeed, dude, before he gets bored and moves on! Or before...God forbid, you end up in the 'friend zone'." I was gritting my teeth, feeling my muscles tighten, as I tried to close my mind off to the both of their assaults on my common sense.
"You wanna know something?" I told them. "Rory and I had a DAMN good time last night. It was awesome for both of us. So...you know, how about we just drop the whole 'jumping his bones' idea. K?"
"I knew it. He's gonna screw it up." Jason said. "He's gonna get all fluffy and unattractive, and Rory's gonna leave him for somebody else before he even gets any ass from him."
I got sick of them both, and said, "There's a LOT more to being with somebody than just back to back sexual interludes, you know? It doesn't have to be about pounding someone's ass all the time." They exchanged another look, and broke out laughing. WHAT'S SO GODDAMN FUNNY???
"Dude, you sound like such a virgin right now! Don't you ever let me hear you say that again!" Kyle giggled, and I swear...it cut my heart out. I sat silent for a second and Jason tapped Kyle on the shoulder, pointing at me. Then they shared another hidden look. An inside joke, which I seemed to be the butt of.....again.
"What?" I asked.
Kyle had to hold back a smile, but he asked anyway. "Dude...wait...are you a virgin?"
From one teenage boy to another...it was possibly one of the most horrifying questions that could ever pass between them. And how you answer could very well determine the rest of your life as a total 'loser'....or a total 'liar'.
So I tried to take the neutral route. "That's none of your business either..."
"OMIGOD!!! That's a YES!!!!" Jason cheered, and they gave each other a few playful slugs and pushes.
"Ok, hehehe...ok, dude, it's ok." Kyle said, his mocking grin shaming me into folding my arms and just wanting this whole conversation to be over. "It explains a LOT!!! Hehehe! So...Kev, we're gonna help you out here. Ok?"
"I don't need your help."
"No...trust me, you do."
Jason was still laughing. "VIRGIN! Hahaha!"
But Kyle tried to keep his composure. "Kevin....Rory is a...special kinda boy. Understand? I mean, you've gotta really be able to come with something fierce if you're gonna be able to 'handle' somebody like that. He's not...he's advanced honors, dude. You can't stumble around and try to do the whole 'After School Special' romance with this boy. That's great for TV, but it's not gonna work in real life." I felt like such an idiot, having Kyle talk down to me like this. Having JASON backing him up. This was humiliating. "Rory has...needs. You know what I mean? I mean, you guys get along, and that's great. But boys don't wanna talk about happy-go-lucky sunflowers and cotton candy all the time. They want...something 'hot'. You understand? You've got to show some 'interest', Kevin. I mean, you've got a chance at a smoking hot hook up here, and you're blowing it by trying to be too...'cuddly' about it. Get that boy NAKED!!! Jesus! What are you doing? If he gives you any signal at ALL that he wants to get frisky with you...you TAKE it! Otherwise, you're gonna end up being all tension to him and no action. It's frustrating. What are you WAITING for? TAKE him! Dude....ARRRGH!!! Look...let us coach you through this, ok? Let us help you. Because, I swear...if you and Rory part ways before you seal the deal, I'm gonna totally disown you as a best friend. I mean that. No exaggerations."
Jason moved closer to me and said, "Open up your virgin ears here, man, and listen. No more puppy dog tails and wacky, giggly, bullshit. You've gotta be aggressive. On your next date, you've gotta take your cock and balls out in public, and say, 'spit or swallow, baby?' That mushy baby talk of yours is for the birds, man. Rory's a TEN! Do you really wanna waste what little time you have together discussing circus clowns and ice cream? I mean...really...you should have totally shagged him by now." I put my foot up and kicked Jason's chair away from me.
"How about you STOP helping me now? How about that?" I told him.
"Say what you want, dude. But you're gonna keep playing the little fucking corny Disney kid role, and you're gonna mess around and miss out on the best sexual experience of your whole life. Mark my words...beating around the bush is NO way to keep a boy's interest. That gets old really really fast. Once Rory gets tired of being your little platonic playmate...he's gonna go find somebody else out there who will be MORE than happy to suck and fuck his brains out until he can't even stand anymore., Someone to satisfy his REAL needs, all day, every day, until he isn't even able to remember your name, much less ever wanna date you again. So you figure it out."
I was hoping that Kyle would back me up, but he just shrugged and said, "The spud's gotta point, dude. You only get a boy like this ONCE in a lifetime, man. And you're throwing it away over nothing." Then he put a hand on my leg, and it repulsed me. Almost to the point of tears. "If you let him get away, Kev...somebody else is gonna rush in and pick him up in a heartbeat. You KNOW they will. He's a Grade A, top of the line, number one draft pick. You don't play games with something like that. It's gonna really HURT when you lose him to somebody better. Believe me." Then he tried to give me a sympathetic, "I just don't wanna see you get dumped and forgotten just because you were...you know...afraid of telling him what you really want and going for it when you had the chance. Regret is a bitch, and it lasts a lifetime."
"A virgin...wow..." Jason snickered. "No wonder you can't get laid."
"Shut up, Jason." Kyle told him. "Kevin, it's fine. You're just a late bloomer, that's all."
"A late bloomer? I'm 17 years old."
But Kyle said, "Dude...nowadays, kids are losing their virginity at age 12 and younger."
"Yeah, with a Catholic PRIEST, maybe, but how about something normal?" I said.
"We're just trying to help. That's all."
Then Jason asked, "Dude...how many times do you have to jack off a day to justify you being a virgin? Don't your BALLS hurt?" And the two of them started laughing. Laughing at ME. Kyle tried to hold it in, but he couldn't help it. And as I watched the two of them making fun of me...I felt myself sinking further and further into a quicksand pit of misery. Not so much because of the comments they were making...but because I was letting it get to me. Every last word. And I began to wonder if I was really the docile imbecile that they painted me as in Rory's eyes.
I honestly looked at both Kyle and Jason for a few seconds in silence, my emotions taking a VERY unexpected hit from their condescending laughter. It hurt. It hurt a LOT. And I was seriously tired of having to feel like an outsider among my own friends when it came to matters of the heart. As always, Kyle caught on to my change in attitude first. "Awww, Kev, c'mon. We're just fuckin' with ya! Seriously, don't get mad." Too little, too late.
"You know what? I think I'm just gonna leave. Since I obviously don't get the joke the way you guys do. Why don't I leave you two here to chuckle it out amongst yourselves? Come talk to me like a real friend when you've got all of these stupid giggles out of your system." With that said, I got up and left the room.
"Kevin! Dude, c'mon...!" Kyle called out, but I didn't stick around to listen to anymore of their bullshit. Honestly, I was going to let them both have it if I stayed there much longer. Both barrels. I needed distance from both of them. I actually felt GOOD about me and Rory going slow and enjoying each other's company until they decided to stick their fucking noses in our business.
Why are they pushing sooooo HARD on this??? Why are they pushing at all? What do they know about me and my boyfriend? What makes them think that I need them manipulating my every move we make as a couple in order for me to be happy? I *AM* happy! We're doing just fine without their help. Who cares if I'm not playing this stupid 'ten score' game of theirs the same way that they're playing it. I've GOT a sweet and sexy boyfriend. They don't. Kyle and Jason are in no position to dictate any rules of engagement to me. They can just butt the hell out and leave us alone to figure things out on our own. For the love of God...there's NOTHING personal that they need to know about us. NOTHING. It's *NOT* their relationship.
And yet...the 'damage' had already been done.
Their unwanted meddling had already taken its unwanted affect on my psyche, and they had officially triggered that little nagging voice in the back of my mind that makes me question if I even knew what I was doing here to begin with. Like...at all. It made me regress right back to wondering if Rory was still gonna love me a month from now when me saying 'I love you' stopped meaning anything to him anymore. How many times can he hear it before he gets bored with it and just wants to....'leave'? When will he stop saying it back to me? When will he start ignoring my affections altogether and just abandon me to start looking for something more interesting? He doesn't care about me at all, does he? It's almost over. This fantasy of mine. Maybe I should be glad.
Arrrgghhhh...I tried to block the self hatred out as best as I could, but it was THERE now. I couldn't take it back. I couldn't 'un-hear' it. The words were already creating a mountain of doubt, and despair, and anger, inside of me. If only Jason hadn't opened his big mouth. If only Kyle hadn't started talking to me like I was some helpless baby. They just think they know everything about fucking EVERYTHING, and it sucks! What's so wrong with how I date Rory? What's so wrong with not screwing somebody the same day I meet them for the first time? I mean, Rory and I TALK. We LAUGH. We have FUN with each other. Maybe we don't need a whole afternoon of ass pounding anonymous sex to fill up the time we spend together. Did they ever consider that there's more to loving somebody than having them be hot with a tight ass? Maybe we're trying to get to know each other first. There's nothing wrong with that. I guess that's hard to explain to someone who only sees other boys as pieces of meat. Most gay boys do. If they're not cute enough, they don't want them. And if they ARE cute enough, they want to use them. It's sick.
Maybe Rory and I are the ONE exception to the rule. Maybe, through some cosmic accident, two people found each other and actually fell in 'love' for once. A one in a billion chance that might never happen again...but it happened for us. And that's all that matters.
Ugh...why did they have to say anything? Now it's all I can think about. FUCK!
It bugged me for DAYS afterwards. My whole mentality was screwed up to the point where I didn't even answer emails from Rory when he sent them. Is he not attracted to me in that way? I mean...he KISSED me, right? He said he loved me. That should be enough, right? Of COURSE it's enough. But...whether my mind has distorted the facts or not...when I look back at our time together, I wondered if I was missing little hint and nudges for something more. I mean...maybe I'm not the 'sexiest' person in the world. I just...I wanted to hold his hand and put an arm over his shoulder. Maybe snuggle once in a while. Go to the mall or the movies. Awwww man....was I blowing it? I'm being LAME, aren't I? If it had been Jason or Kyle, they would have nailed him by now and they'd be getting together three or four times a week for more hot buttered sex. Am I being a total wuss by trying to romance and finesse Rory with kindness and friendship when I could be...really making the kind of impression that keeps hotties like Rory coming back for more? I mean...who was I kidding? He doesn't need me. I'm lucky just having him pay me all the major attention that he does. A whole planet full of cute boys, and he chose *ME* to shower with praise and love and beauty. And how do I respond? With nothing worthy of all his extra effort. The most 'aggressive' thing I did last night was offer to pay for the popcorn. I don't even know if I kissed him right. Maybe he hated it. Maybe he hated me.
Yeah...there was no logic in it...but that's how my mind was working at the moment, and it didn't help to clear the cobwebs out of my useless heart. I'm so screwed.
I'm gonna lose him now. I'm totally gonna lose him.
And I don't know if I can handle that. Especially if it's all my fault.....