Strange Family, Unusual Lovers, and Other Jobs - 1. Strange Family, Unusual Lovers, and Other Jobs

Strange Family, Unusual Lovers, and Other Jobs

My life seemed to be as normal as anyone else’s I guess up until about three weeks ago. Ending high school really changed my entire life. The man I had called my father showed his true colors. Oh, it isn’t that he wasn’t always the same it is just I lived with blinders on. I kept thinking he would change and then there was that damn news show the day after my graduation party.

“Jonas, did you hear what happened in that court case about the gay beating. Such a shame.”

I thought my father had finally changed his spots. It had been all over the news for the last month and I found it to be really horrific. This little college kid, 18, all of 5’2”, and maybe 100 lbs soaking wet was beaten up so badly because this dumb jock found out his roommate was gay. The jock stood at 6’2’’ and was a solid slab of muscle and stupidity. I kept hoping they were going to throw the book at him. They said the gay kid had lost nearly all eye sight in his left eye, and the hearing on that side from the vicious beating he was given. Hearing my father say it was shame, I thought I could finally come out to him. I should have known better.

“No. But I have to tell you Dad, I am so glad to hear you find it is a shame too.”

“Why?”

“Well,” I nearly stopped but took a deep breath. Sometimes you wish you could back up time and fix it. If I could I never would have finished that sentence as I did. “I’m gay too, Dad. And seeing how you reacted to the news I am glad I can finally tell you.” I felt so relieved. Sometimes I am just so stupid.

My father sat there very quietly for a few minutes, and then he got up and faced me. I thought he was taking time to understand and all. Instead, he walked up to me, looked me straight in the face, and proceeded to punch me so hard in the stomach I fell immediately to the ground.

“I was sorry to see a fine upstanding boy being sent to prison for the next twenty years for hitting a faggot. Guess I failed and raised one myself. You are now eighteen years old, boy. I expect you packed and out of this house in an hour. I don’t let a piece of trash live in my house with me.”

I lay there breathing heavy and trying hard not to cry. My own father was a goddamn bigot. Why the hell didn’t I learn? Once I could stand I shuffled off down the hall to my room. I looked around and realized that I had a limited time to pack what I wanted. At first I thought maybe he was kidding.

“Faggot you have 34 minutes left to pack and get the fuck out of here. Anything left I am giving the fuck away. I don’t want a trace left o f you. I have no son. If you aren’t packed I’ll have the cops toss your ass out. Move you little bitch and don’t waste time.”

Each word was like a physical blow. I opened drawers and tossed clothes into duffle bag that had originally been bought for camp. When I nearly emptied the dresser I quickly slid down the hall and grabbed a garbage bag for the few shirts and things in my closet. I didn’t have time for cds, DVDs, or much of anything else. I grabbed my phone, my iPod, and the only picture I had of my mother. My father might be disowning me but he couldn’t take her memories from me.

I slipped out the back door like a thief in the night. I had a whole three minutes left as I put my stuff in my car. Lucky for me it really was my car. I had bought the car with the three part time jobs I had taken over the last year and paid for everything including insurance. So I had wheels, some of my stuff, and no where to call home. I began to phone friends and finally Jenny answered and said sure I could crash on the couch in her family room. I have never been so thankful to anyone in my life.

The following morning found me searching online and through the local newspaper for a job. I literally applied for 40 positions in less than fifteen minutes. Then went through more help wanted ads that demanded you drop your resume off in person. I dug through the garbage bag, found my one real dress shirt and a pair of tan dress pants. The kid barely out of high school, who less than 24 hours ago was thinking of nothing more than what part time job he would find till he went to college, was instead trying to find a job that would pay enough to put a roof over his head. I hated my life.

I didn’t want to sponge off Jenny. I had about four hundred dollars saved for what I figured would be my living expenses in college. Now I was going to have to dip into that just to survive. I had a whole fifty dollars in my wallet when I walked into the local diner and ordered a burger for dinner.

I guess you might say it was lucky I stopped in. The booth I slid into had a newspaper left in the corner. I picked it up and it fell open to the help wanted section. Scanning it I grew depressed and then I noticed the little help wanted description on the bottom of the page.

Wanted – Someone willing to take a chance in a new department at Kroger’s Emporium. Job requires an open mind, the ability to work odd hours, and helping to make the dreams of our customer’s a reality. You must type and be able to file. All those interested are to inquire in person.

The phone number was listed below the ad. Considering how many non-replies I had I couldn’t pass up another possible job. Besides Kroger’s was well known for being an upscale store, which in my mind meant I might make enough to get a place of my own. Normally I wouldn’t even bother to try to enter because I knew I would never afford anything inside. I mean what use would I have for a gold plated walking stick or summer house on the beach. Kroger’s was that exclusive. Figuring I had nothing to lose I called the number. I mean, everyone takes a walk on the wild side sometime don't they?

“Good evening, Mr. Openseter speaking. May I help you?”

“Um, yes, sorry to be calling late but I was curious if you were still accepting applicants for your position mentioned in the paper?”

“Yes. The position is still open. Can you be here by six pm?”

“Yes,” I nearly shouted into my cell phone. Struggling to get myself under control I continued. “I’m sorry. Yes, I can be there by six.”

“Your name, Sir?”

“I’m sorry. I’m Jonas. Jonas Mark.”

“Mr. Mark when you come in the front door ask to be sent to the new Fantasy Office. They will get you directly to me.”

I think I swallowed the burger whole and nearly ran out of the diner. My dress shirt was stuck to me in the summer in heat and I had maybe a half hour to get to the store. I stopped at Wal-Mart and bought the first dress type shirt I seen so I wouldn’t walk in looking a total disaster. I nearly ran lights to make it to Kroger’s Emporium on time.

I walked into Kroger’s and immediately felt like a poor kid in a rich store. Hell, even the janitors looked more upscale then I did. A security guard approached me two feet in.

“May I help you, Sir?”

The look he gave me, made me feel like shit but I needed this job. I wasn’t about to slink out of there.

“I was looking for the Fantasy Office. I have an appointment with Mr. Openseter for a job.”

“Yes, Sir. Just go through the door behind jewelry counter. You will see a green line on the floor. Follow it to Mr. Openseter’s office. Good luck.”

I nodded as I realized I might be reading more into the Security guy’s look than was there. I felt out of place but knew if I wanted this job I had to act like I belonged. I followed the directions and came up to the door at one minute to six and knocked.

“Come in, Mr. Mark.”

The man inside the office was not exactly what I was expecting. I mean how often do you walk into an office and find a cross between a man and a dragon. Well that is how he seemed to me. Mr. Openseter was nearly 7 feet tall. His eyes were like a cat’s, only purple. He had red hair that sort of seemed to have scales in it, I don’t know how else to describe it. I blinked and shook his outstretched hand. It was cool and sort of scaly but I really needed this job and that difference in his hands wasn’t enough to put me off. For all I cared this could have all been Halloween makeup and he liked to walk around nude, I needed this job and his differences weren’t going to stop me. I mean this couldn't get much wilder could it?

“Well you didn’t scream or run. That is different.”

I looked up into his purple eyes and tilted my head.

“Are you in shock, Mr. Mark?”

“No, just curious as to why you, um, sorry there is no polite way to put this, look so different Mr. Openseter.”

“Honest as well I see. Well that is because I am different, Mr. Mark. That difference is what is going to make this department work so well.”

“May I ask what exactly you need of me?”

“Okay, let us get business out of the way. If you are hired your job will not be too complex. There is a very special computer in the Fantasy Office. Your job is to put in what our clients are looking for. We don’t promise that we will be able to deliver all requests but if we can, we will contact them. Some are looking for objects and others well people.”

“Um, I know Kroger’s is upscale but slavery?”

Mr. Openseter stared at me a moment. Then he shook his head sadly as he looked at me.

“No, we don’t deal in slavery, Mr. Mark. All of our people are also looking for something specific. If it happens that they both match up we will attempt to set it up for them.”

“Oh, so you do object collections and a dating service?”

Now Mr. Openseter smiled.

“Yes. That is more or less exactly what we are going to be doing. However in your office is a door that will only open into your room. People who come through it will be,” he paused and really seemed to look me over before continuing, “different and like me. When they come through you are to call me immediately.”

“Yes, Sir. I can do that.”

“Good. In addition to typing you will file all our orders in the file cabinets in your office. Basically most days your hours will be nine am to five pm. There will be days when special arrangements will be needed. Your hours are bound to change accordingly. You will have full health benefits, vacation time, and stock sharing.”

“I got the job?”

“Yes.”

Mr. Openseter took out a sheet of paper and scribbled something on it. I was told to fill in the missing information and hand it in to the hiring department. It wasn’t like any other job application I had filled out. He even had written down my salary on the line stating hiring salary. I nearly passed out. How many high school kids get hired right out of school for twenty one dollars an hour?

The paper immediately told me this was special. The top read for Fantasy Office Only in bold letters across the top. It asked for my age, height, weight, likes in movies, books, favorite TV show, any special hobbies, and the last one through me for a loop. I was sure it was illegal to ask if you liked men, women, or both on any job application. But the last part where it asked if these had to be human really sent my mind reeling. I figured it had to be a joke. I answered male and no to the second part. I figured if they were going to have fun with me I could return the favor. I figured with as weird as my boss looked things couldn't really get much wilder.

I went through orientation and was given my office. It was really nice, had a coffee maker, water cooler, and copy machine. I think the only thing I used in my first two weeks was the water cooler. It was only in the second week that the orders began to come in.

The orders were as strange to me as it would have been to anyone. So far all the items seemed like joke orders. I mean who really wants a sword that shoots energy beams, or a ring that will draw your lover to you even in dreams. My favorite was the request for a bowl that would always be full of good food and never empty. I felt like I worked in some sort of demented fairy tale half the time.

However, no matter how odd the item orders were when the first romantic request came in I nearly died laughing. It sort of was like the paper I filled out when I was hired only more detailed, where they checked off whether it was required or requested. I couldn’t help but laugh as I went through it.

The identification number simply read R-01. The request was for a female, minimum height of six foot, warrior training, green hair – that was optional, non-human – that was required, for long term – I assumed marriage or relationship but even I couldn’t help but laugh at it.

I had no sooner put it through when Mr. Openseter came in carrying a copy of my typed request in his hands.

“Hmm. Really, I wish he had been more specific when he put in his request. Did he write anything extra in the notes section?”

I flipped the paper over and looked. There was a section for additional details but it was left blank.

“Sorry that is all that the request had.”

“Damn, I hate it when we can’t get exactly what they had in mind. Oh well, if they don’t like each other they have the custom eight Blands to decide.”

“Blands?”

Mr. Openseter looked up.

“Oh, right. I meant sixteen days.”

He wandered out of the office. I swear I could see something in his pants leg swinging back and forth like a tail. The job was not hard but like the ad said the 'job requires an open mind', I was constantly having to try to keep mine open and not think of it as a joke or close it. I knew there was more to this job than just typing and filing but other than a very odd boss I was content and the money was damn good. Besides I had even rented a great furnished apartment and moved out of Jenny's couch. I had made a copy of my mother's photo and one was at home and the other now on my desk. Life was looking up for me.

Two days later, as I was starting my third week, the door opened for the first time. The woman who strode into my office stopped me cold. She was huge, and I mean that in all ways. She towered over me at six foot four and she was in low heeled boots. Her dark orange skin, yellow gold hair, and deep red eyes made my blood run cold and I admit it, I nearly peed my pants as I called Mr. Openseter to tell him a guest had arrived through the door.

“Anxtas, Glad to see you. Come this way, I will call Charlene to meet you. I hope you two will find this agreeable.”

Mr. Openseter didn’t even blink as he led her out of my office and down to his own. I nearly killed myself to get to the bathroom. My stomach hurt and just thinking of that woman made me feel deeply uncomfortable.

However in the next three days nearly sixty romance requests hit my desk. The details and desires in them staggered me. I thought some of them had to be reading some really odd stories. It seemed like fairy tales gone wrong. I typed in descriptions of what I could only in my own mind call trolls, fairy goddesses, Greek myths, Japanese myths, hell even Indian myths. I mean who wants someone with 8 arms and can kill so much? One asked for a blue man, light fur and massive sexual proportions. I really would have enjoyed knowing if these requests were for men or women but all I ever got was a number. As I typed the last one in it was for R-61.

Mr. Openseter came in late that afternoon. He was smiling. Guess I now know what a barracuda looks like if it smiled. I got a shiver but I also knew my boss never really came to my office unless he had to.

“You are doing a great job, Mr. Mark. A few of our customers are due to arrive tomorrow evening. The first is due to arrive around five in the afternoon. The last I believe said he would arrive around two in the morning. Please arrange your schedule accordingly.”

“Yes, Sir. No problem.”

“Oh, and Mr. Mark you didn’t indicate if you were single when you filled out your application. Also I need to know if you were planning on family involvement or if you were willing to go to his home instead?”

I was floored. I mean this was all some sort of joke or a fantasy wasn’t it? I really began to wonder as he said his home and I got the feeling he wasn’t talking a home across the state line.

“Single,” I muttered before I realized I had even said it. I knew that I blushed a deep red.

“Family?”

“No, my father disowned me for being …”

I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I mean I worked here and they didn’t have a right to my personal life no matter what.

“I see. Well that is something that will be dealt with in due time. I don’t like my employee upset. Thank you, Mr. Mark.”

I sat at my desk very confused. What had I just done?

The following night brought a bunch of strange people through my special door. I had some sort of man who seemed to stink of decaying woods but was massively built come in followed immediately but a strange but intoxicatingly beautiful woman with green tinted skin. They arrived nearly together at a few moments after five but Mr. Openseter was there immediately to take them to his office.

An hour later there arrived a very short powerful woman who literally cracked the tiles as she strode out of the doorway and into my office. She had to sit and wait while Mr. Openseter finished with his first two clients. The woman was very polite though and refused all offers of anything to drink.

“Daxia, I am so glad you came. Come follow me to my office. I think you will be enchanted with each other.”

I had an hour alone before three more arrived in rapid succession. A tall haughty man dressed all in gold and purple. His hair might have been golden but his manners were atrocious. A boy, or so he seemed, also arrived. He wore little more than some kind of skirt but his skin was totally smooth and he glowed almost white. When he turned I swore I saw small clear wings. The last to exit the door was perhaps the strangest of the group. She wore a huge coat that covered her completely. On her head was this huge hat that engulfed all traces of her. The only reason I even knew it was a woman was because when she bent to grab a cup for water three blue breasts popped out. I nearly fell off my seat but rapidly called my boss who collected the group in silence.

After a while I just sort of stopped noticing the differences. As soon as the door opened I grabbed the phone. Between visitors I typed up more paperwork and filed what I could. The night seemed to stretch on and on. The only thing that really made me happy was while reading through the paperwork I realized anything after ten at night meant they were paying me double time. That meant four hours at forty two dollars an hour. My job was going to pay for college at this rate and I sure as hell wasn’t going to complain.

Time seemed to fly. By rough counts it had been twenty three customers and now it was five minutes to two. My night was nearly over. All I could think about was going home and climbing into bed. I would be expected back here at nine in the morning.

I sort of got lost in thought and didn’t notice the last one through the door. He got my full attention though when he touched my arm

“Hello, you must be Jonas.”

His voice was deep and sent a rumble right through my whole body. He had these crazy blue green eyes. I don’t mean they were a mix of blue and green, I mean the top half was blue like the sea and the bottom half was this intense emerald green. They were just fascinating to look into.

“Yes, I’m Jonas.”

Yeah I know, I was so not on the ball right. I mean how often do you face someone with the body of an Adonis, with little tufts of blue hair over his body and these incredible pants that were tight enough to show the muscles but loose enough to hide the good parts. I just couldn’t seem to put together any sort of sentence.

The stranger smiled and picked up my phone and handed it to me. I looked at it blankly for a moment. My phone, what was I suppose to do with it? Oh, right, call Mr. Openseter.

“Um, hi, yeah Mr. Openseter, your last client arrived.”

I could hear laughter down the line. It was odd and I could almost picture flames escaping as he laughed into his phone. I wonder what he found so funny.

“Can, I, umm …. Get you something to drink?”

“Jonas, just sit down and relax. I’m fine.”

I sat down and looked at him. Well to be honest I tried not to drool looking at him. He was gorgeous. I hoped I hadn’t let any other hunk go through while the evening had gone on. This guy was just perfect I mean. I was totally flustered and didn’t know what I meant.

“Ah, I see you met my assistant.”

“Yes, Opey. I find him rather attractive.”

I blushed. I mean I was sitting right there as they talked about me.

“Behave, Lu. I haven’t had time to explain yet.”

“Well I have things to tell you afterwards. If he agrees there are some parts of his past that need to be cleaned up.”

“You scanned him already? Did you tell him?”

I was worried. What were they talking about?

“We touched and he nearly flooded me with information.”

“Jonas, I hope I may call you that, when you were hired as a bonus you were also entered into the data base. You stated your fantasy didn’t need to be human and you didn’t care if he accepted your family,” began Mr. Openseter.

I sat there dumbfounded. I had been entered? When? Then I realized with a sort of horror that what I had taken as a joke was actually my application for a fantasy. No wonder he had asked such questions. Did that mean the blue Adonis was here for me?

“That may have been what he said but whether he realizes it or not, his father matters to him.” Lu stated nonchalantly.

“Will you please be quiet, Lu. I will get to you in a moment. Anyway you have been doing exceptional work. You have been matched three times but Lu is the first to state he wanted to meet you and pursue you.”

“Lu?” I stared at the beautiful man before me.

“Lucifer Renoladous Grantitius Overlordium the third. Lu is my nickname and only those very close can use it.”

“Fallen angel?” I couldn’t help it. I mean how many Lucifer’s do you run into. Especially ones who looked like this!

“Angel? Well I am not a devil but doubt anyone would call me angelic.”

“Well your body is to ... Oh my god, what am I doing?”

I hadn’t even realized that I had come out from behind the desk and was rubbing the soft tufts of blue hair on his granite like chest.

“I thought you were saying hello and liked what you had in your hand,” stated Lu in a rather husky voice again.

“I see you don’t need me. Well, Jonas, if you have any questions just ask me or Lu. By the way, you have a paid four days off as per the request of Lu. Take your time and see if you two are compatible.”

So that is how this all happened. I mean I went from being tossed out of my house by my father, to living on a friend’s couch, to getting my own place. Just when I thought I couldn’t get much more out of life I suddenly had a stunning boyfriend who just happens to be blue. Okay so my life is a little strange. I mean it couldn’t be worse than when my father admitted after my mother died he had been having sex with male and female prostitutes. I still don’t know why he changed but now he says he is happy to see me settling down and hope we adopt so he has grandchildren. That my friends just goes to show how strange people can be when you take a walk on the wild side. Lu just smiles at me whenever I mention it to him and asks when we should adopt and from which world.

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