I Hate This Town - 19. Chapter 19: Finally

The hospital loomed ahead and Alec sighed. Tucking his hands into his pockets, he trudged up the sidewalk to the main entrance. Amid all his Finn-related drama, his father had left the most hopeless voicemail in the history of mobile phones. Alec didn't want to feel bad. After all, Henry had made his bed. He had married Alec’s mother and stood by while she repeatedly hurt their child. This trip was obligatory and after only a few days he was sick of it all. He didn't want to deal with his mother's venom or his father's guilt trips. Finn was the incredibly attractive cherry on top of Alec's frustration. Alec wanted to build himself a little fort of blankets with pillows and never reemerge. He would extend membership to River only and maybe Ken. If he turned out to be decent.

Alec brushed his hair off his forehead and felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled the device out, half-expecting to see Finn's name. Instead, it was his father's, and he groaned. He'd come to Iowa. He was visiting the hospital again despite not wanting to. What could the other man possibly want now?

“Yes?”

“Alec, are you coming to the hospital today?” His father asked.

“Yes, I'm already here.” He tried to keep his voice even. He didn't want to be rude, but the temptation to snap at his father was strong.

“Alright. She isn't feeling well today and she's been very irritable.” Henry said.

“Great. I'll just leave then and I’ll come back on a day where she’s acting like someone else.” Alec sighed.

“Please come. If not for her, then me. I've been wanting to speak to you, but it hasn't happened yet. For obvious reasons.”

The desperation in his father's voice made him cringe, but he was already out of the elevator and walking down the hallway. He smiled at the girl at the nurse’s station and turned down the next hall. He wondered how awful it was caring for his mother, or maybe she put up a front for them? Maybe she was acting like the perfect Christian woman. Sweet and cooperative. That sounded like something she’d do. Alec had zero doubts that it would fit right in with her track record. Even when they’d gone to church, she’d presented herself as kind, generous, and accepting. Everything she wasn’t at home. Gag.

“I'll be there in a minute.” Alec sighed as he hung up. He was annoyed now. He wished his father hadn't called at all. Now he was going in with an even more negative mindset. He felt like he was marching to his execution, or something equally terrible. Alec took a singular deep breath and pushed into his mother's hospital room. She looked worse than last time, but again, his arrival was met with a glare. His father stood and wore a relieved smile on his face.

“Alec! Good to see you again! How's your visit been so far?” His father’s happy tone made him uncomfortable. What on earth was there to be happy about? He was married to Mae and stuck in a hospital room with her. Sounded like a painful, never ending sacrifice to Alec.

“Stressful.” Alec shrugged, crossing his arms as he stopped a safe distance away from both his parents.

“What do you have to be stressed about? I'm the one sick in a hospital bed. With an ungrateful son my husband has to beg to visit. Did you forget that I gave you life?” Mae sneered.

“Mae please. He's come all this way for you and-”

“Did I ask him to?” She snapped at Henry.

Alec watched his father swallow hard, and then he turned to glare at Mae, “This could be your last chance to see him. What if you don't beat it this time?”

“Who said I wanted to see him? He wrote us off. Why should I have to bend over backwards for a stranger?” Alec’s jaw clenched, but his mouth fell open as his father exploded.

“Has it occurred to you that I may want a relationship with my only child? He's all I have, damn it!”

Mae and Alec stared while Henry calmed himself down. He watched his father take deep breaths and slowly unclenched his fists. Alec was at a loss for words. His brain was stuck on buffering. His father had never stood up for him this way. He'd never yelled at his mother like this for Alec. There weren't words in English that could accurately describe what he was feeling. The room was eerily quiet and Henry was still breathing a little hard as he stared his wife down. Was this real life?

“How dare you talk to me that way?” Mae said, eyes wide and face absolutely livid.

“Alec, have you eaten?” His father asked abruptly, ignoring her.

“Not yet.” He answered while still trying to figure out what the heck was going on.

That's how they ended up in the hospital cafeteria with trays of questionable food in front of them. So far, there hadn’t been much conversation. Or any. Alec didn't know what to say, or even where to start. The last time he'd eaten with his father, he'd stormed out. He wasn't sure how this would go, and he was nervous. His guard and walls were sky high. They didn't have a bond. It had wilted and died a long time ago. Right around when Alec figured out he couldn't count on either of his parents. No. His father didn't know him anymore. He had been gone for most of his adult life. Alec didn't want to think about how much it hurt that he had no familial ties. He was sitting across from his father, and neither of them could even start a conversation. It was telling as much as it was painful.

“I saw you developed that game. That's amazing, Alec.” His father smiled uneasily.

Alec decided to throw him a bone, “Thank you. I worked really hard on it.”

“We-I always knew you’d do fantastic things.” Henry said, picking at his food.

“It would have been nice if you told me that while I lived at home.” Alec resisted the urge to fidget nervously, opening his carton of milk.

“I should have done a lot for you that I didn't. I wish I would have been strong, so you didn't have to. You were too. You were so strong, Alec. More so than any child should have to be. You've been through so much and I'm so proud of the life you've made for yourself. It feels selfish to say but…I would like to be a part of it.”

Alec fiddled with his napkin, staring down at his tray. Again, he couldn't piece together his thoughts or words. Strong? Alec had never in his life felt strong. Not once. He felt weak every day. Now his father was telling him he wasn't. Alec tried to collect himself and pushed his tray away slowly. He was starting to feel like he may be ill. He had no idea what to do with himself. He hadn't been prepared for this today.

“Alec, I know this is hard for you, and I know I don't deserve your time, but you're my son. I don't want to go another ten years without my child.”

“I'll think about it.” Alec said softly.

“I appreciate it. I'm thankful you're even considering giving me another chance. Lord knows I've had plenty of them and failed every time.” Henry’s eyes were wet with unshed tears.

Alec couldn’t look at him. He didn’t want to feel guilty. He would not feel bad for his father. He refused to. He needed to limit the amount of emotion he allowed into his decision-making process or he’d get hurt again. He’d been hurt enough by both parents and he was unwilling to hand either of them another chance without a lot of soul-searching.

“Sure.”

“I know the answer, but do you want to go back up to say goodbye?” Henry asked, sighing heavily and rubbing his face.

“Yeah, I have something to say.”

The men stood and took their time heading back to the room. They hadn't even touched their food. Alec was so tired, but he didn't know if he'd be back. He didn't know if this would be the last time he spoke to his mother. He had to get everything off his chest. He was still a bit out of sorts from his conversation with his father as well. Alec didn't know if he wanted to open that door. Did he want to reconnect with Henry? He hadn't considered it. He honestly didn't expect it to be an option. When he'd come back, he didn't plan for this. He was confused. It was true that the things his father had said were nice and it would have been just what Alec wanted to hear when he was younger. That was the problem though, teenage Alec didn’t exist anymore. Were the words enough? After all these years and everything he'd been through, was it too little, too late? He was already planning to schedule another appointment with his therapist. He felt like he was going to need it. He wanted to talk to River too, but he needed to give his friend a break. He needed to stop being so damn codependent.

He braced himself as they reached his mother's room. His father entered first and Alec followed reluctantly behind. She was laying down and it again struck him that she looked so small. She was still tinged yellow with jaundice and the blanket was pulled up to her chin as she looked out the window. An untouched tray of food sat next to her on the bedside table. It was strange and almost surreal to see her in this state. He didn’t even know how sick she was. Was she getting better? Was there hope? Would she make it through this? Why the hell did Alec care?

“Alec is leaving Mae.” Henry announced as he slumped into the chair beside her bed.

“I don't care.” She replied without pause, and Alec bit back an ugly retort.

Instead, he very calmly traced his finger over the thin silver rings he'd worn that day and met her eyes, “You are going to regret this at some point, you know. You may not believe me but wait for it. Maybe you'll get better and it won't happen for a long time. Or perhaps your God-the one you use to justify every wrong thing you've done-will decide you don't get another chance. You treat everyone around you terribly and it's gonna catch up with you. Hell, it may have already. You're so hateful and prideful that you may as well have poisoned yourself.”

Mae tried to interrupt him, but Alec soldiered on, “Nope, my turn. I'm not finished. You're gonna die alone. Sure, Dad may be here, but only physically. You've driven away everyone who might have mourned you. Anyone who cared. I'm sad for you, but you did this to yourself. Now the knowledge that you isolated yourself is the only thing I'm going to leave for you when I go.”

Alec left the room without waiting for a reply. He felt lighter, better. He'd been able to completely control himself. He'd gotten his point across, and he hadn't had to swear or yell. Smiling to himself as he unlocked their rental car, he couldn't help but feel a little proud. Had he been a little petty? Yes, but he still felt good. He'd feel bad about that later. Maybe.

He pulled out his phone to text River and simply stared as it vibrated in his hand. How? How is it possible he'd called right then? Should he answer? Was it a good idea? He closed his eyes and mumbled under his breath about blonds, parents, and the freaking Midwest. He missed Washington so much. He deserved something nice when he got home. He should treat himself. Perhaps River would be down to tattoo him? If he wasn’t whisked away by his super secret, hot, mystery man.

His eyes popped open as he realized the phone had been buzzing for quite a while now. Alec’s mood flagged as he answered, “Hello?”

“What are you doing?” Finn didn’t sound as bright as usual. He sounded down for some reason.

“Leaving the hospital.” Alec said, voice guarded. He frowned softly as he climbed into the vehicle.

“Can we talk? In person?” Finn asked. Alec didn’t like how flat his voice was.

“When?” Alec sighed, resting his face on the steering wheel.

“Whenever.” Finn sighed. He was starting to become irritated with the man’s attitude now. What was Finn’s problem?

“I'm free right now, for a while.”

“Fantastic. Do you want to meet somewhere?” Alec couldn't help but grimace at the sarcastic tone of Finn's voice.

“I don't care, Finn.” Alec answered with some venom of his own.

“Fine. Just meet me at the bakery then.” Alec blinked back his surprise when Finn hung up without a goodbye. Alec wasn't sure why it, coupled with Finn’s tone, bothered him so much. What the heck did he have to be angry about?

Oh yeah, the impromptu make out session. Fair.

Alec groaned softly. He didn't want to deal with this either. He wanted to celebrate his tiny victory. He drove as slow as possible from the hospital to the bakery. He was a little upset that he didn't have any time to feel happy about what had just happened with his mother. Luckily, Alec was an old pro at stalling. Especially when it came to Finn. By the time he pulled into the bakery's parking lot, the other man was already there, leaning against his truck. He looked gorgeous as always, and very pissed off. The anger was definitely new. Alec was a little ashamed that he found it attractive. He parked slowly and began to fiddle with anything and everything he could so he wouldn't have to get out.

When he finally did, he walked over to Finn. They weren't parked too far apart and Alec wished the walk were longer. The blond watched him, head tilted back and face clearly annoyed. Alec scratched the back of his head. Why was he sweating suddenly? Now he felt and probably smelled gross. To top it off, there Finn was, all perfect and delicious smelling. Alec felt himself sighing again and watched Finn rub his thumb over his lower lip. The taller man was silent as he appeared to be thinking. Alec’s eyes flicked down over Finn’s tight t-shirt and jeans.

Why? How did he make clothes look so good?

“This looks like it's gonna be a fun conversation.” Alex said, trying to lighten the mood and attempting a weak smile. It died as Finn's expression didn't change. He continued to lean against the truck and just study Alec. It was maddening. Why wasn't he saying anything? He was the one who asked Alec to come here! He wanted the day to be over. He shouldn’t have left the hotel bed this morning.

“There are some things we need to address.” Finn said after what seemed like an eternity.

Alec tilted his head to the side and shifted weight from one foot to the other, “Agreed.”

“Get in.” Finn ordered, stepping away from the truck to open his own door.

“I can drive myself.” Alec said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I never said you couldn’t. You can obviously drive, but I’d prefer if we had a real conversation and I’d like it if you didn’t run.” Finn said. He ran his fingers through his hair and Alec ignored the heat that pooled in his lower body as Finn’s eyes locked on him. The stare was intense and Alec resisted the urge to fan himself.

“Fine, but are you going to have an attitude the entire time?” Alec said as he walked around the truck.

“Are you going to be a brat?” Finn raised an eyebrow and Alec glared as he climbed into the truck.

“I asked first. You were the asshole first today.” Alec slammed the truck door. He hid his grin as Finn scowled at him.

“Is it a competition? Should we add up how many times we’ve been shitty to each other? See who comes out on top?” Finn was smirking and Alec was relieved that some of his foul mood seemed to have dissipated.

I mean there’s something I want you to be on top of but that’s beside the point.

“It’s not a competition. Where are we going?” Alec changed the subject. It was safer that way. He dutifully ignored the hand that gripped his headrest as Finn turned his upper body to watch as he reversed.

“Outlook? Seems to be our spot, huh?” Finn put the truck in drive and Alec watched him. Watching someone drive was oddly fascinating. Maybe Finn could teach him?

When idiot?

“I guess.”

Just like that, Alec was sitting in his second long, awkward silence of the day. Finn drove with one hand at the top of the wheel. His other arm was propped up on the other side and he was toying absentmindedly with his short hair. It was spikier today than the last time he’d seen him. Not that Alec was paying attention or anything. Alec rubbed his thumb along his cheekbone and rolled his window down. It was a nice, summer day and the breeze was warm. He forgot how different Iowa was than Washington. As strange as it sounded, he’d missed the air. He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes as he tipped his chin up. The gentle wind ruffled his hair and he basked in the sunlight. It was nice and since Finn wasn’t talking, he decided to let himself enjoy it. There weren’t many things he would miss when he went back. Driving on a warm summer day was one of them, though.

“Can you stop?” Finn snapped from across the truck.

“Stop what? Breathing?” Alec refused to let Finn take the moment away and he leaned more into the fresh air.

“No.” The truck jerked over and Alec braced his hands on the dash as they came to a stop on the side of the road. Finn shifted into park aggressively and turned on Alec. His eyes were filled with annoyance and…want?

“What’s your problem now?” Alec asked. He glared at Finn, meeting his intense gaze.

“You. Always you. You’re so fucking- “Then Finn was unbuckling his seatbelt with a growl and slamming the center console up. It made the front one large seat and Alec found himself smashed against the passenger side door. It was uncomfortable and awkward, but he didn’t care. It was worth it.

Alec’s eyes closed as soon as their mouths met. As aggressive as Finn had been, his kiss was gentle. His fingers wove themselves into Alec’s hair. He smelled like smoke, cedar, and maybe a touch of sweetness? Alec couldn’t place it, but it didn’t matter. Finn smelled edible and Alec was near ravenous. He squirmed around and wrapped his arms around Finn’s neck, opening his mouth immediately when he felt a tongue swipe over his lower lip. Finn’s fingers were holding his head, gripping the place where his neck met his nape. His grip tightened and the kisses became dirtier. Their teeth clinked together as they met each other’s intensity. It’d gone from sweet and gentle to rough and Alec’s mind was completely blank. Finn broke the kiss and his grip loosened on Alec’s neck as he rested their foreheads together. Finn was panting.

Oh, I am too. Oh.

“No. No. We need to talk.” Finn wiped at his mouth and sat back against his door.

Finn’s eyes were still on him and Alec hated the distance between them. His thoughts were returning and he wished they wouldn’t. Being kissed stupid meant he couldn’t chase after his racing worries. He’d figured it out. He was so sick of convincing himself he didn’t want the other man. He couldn’t want the other man. Talking with his therapist and River, he knew his thinking was flawed. In all honesty, he’d always known that. To acknowledge it though, seemed impressive to him. He’d made something of himself. He’d worked on his mental health for him. Why was it bad for him to want a man who was interested in him? A man who had been his peace when he was younger.

Alec readjusted in his seat and smiled softly at the blond, “Then let’s talk, Finn. I’m ready.”