The Billabong - 11. Chapter 11

The Colonels house was two stories, the downstairs containing lounge, family rooms, the Colonels study, kitchen, and laundry, whilst upstairs were the bedrooms and bathrooms. Flushed by the wonderful day he'd had, Kenny was in no mood to tackle his father. He needed to be aggressively angry in order to handle the poisonous confrontation with his Dad. Maybe tomorrow, certainly tomorrow. Opening the front door, he moved into the house proper, and started towards the stairs leading to his bedroom. The house seemed very quiet but that was normal; it wasn't a happy home and the sound of laughter was seldom heard. He was just about to mount the stairs when his father called, from his study,

'(Sternly) Kenny, in here please.' , to which he replied light-heartedly,

'Ok, coming Dad.'

The Colonels study was a big room with a wide but narrow antique desk in front of a window. The room consisted of a small conference table, about six uncomfortable looking chairs, and two large wing-backed visitor's chairs. An Australian flag stood in one corner beside the window, and complimenting that, in the other corner, was the official flag of the Combined Services. The Colonels chair was a masterpiece of intimidation. Also wing-backed, it was covered in green velvet with an embossed Coat-of-Arms as a centrepiece. Along the walls were photos of the varying stages of the colonel's career. The walls were wood panelled, and the floor carpeted in a deeper green than the Colonels chair.

The over-all effect was moody and uncomfortable. However, Kenny had visited this room many times, so he wasn't affected by the gloomy atmosphere. One surprise was his mother Ruth, sitting in one of the visitor's chairs and looking glum. When he entered, the Colonel was sitting on his desktop on the visitor's side facing the door.

(Cheerfully) Yeah Dad, what do you want?'

For a long moment, his father just stared at him, with a sneering look that bordered on contempt. Kenny's stomach started to feel uneasy.

Geeze I hope I don't stink of Jason's semen or sweat. We did have a swim after . . .'

'How well do you know Corporal Jason Meadows.?

'(Pause, Nervous) umm not well; I talked to him when he was serving at your garden party.'

'LIAR! LIAR! You bloody disgraceful liar! If that's the only time you've talked to him, how do you explain this?'

The Colonel - his face mottled with fury - then produced his mobile, which showed a video of Jason and Kenny furtively entering a room at the BOQ. Kenny stared at the offending item and his guts turned to water.

'How . . . (Struggling to stop trembling) how did you get this; I mean where did this come from? (Trying to sound indignant) Have you been spying on me?'

'NO I HAVEN'T! And I'll ask the questions here. What were you and Corporal Meadows doing going into an unoccupied room at the BOQ?'

Kenny had reached a crisis point in his life. Without any warning or preparation, Kenny reached adulthood. He had to man-up.

I could make up some lame excuse about secret meetings to smoke dope, or I could just tell the truth. I have to come out eventually, and making up some lame excuse, lying, lying, lying. . . Is only be worse for me. Sure I'm gonna go through hell, but I have no guilt. I'm me, and me's gay. It's so simple. Here goes nothing.

'Having sex dear father, I was having sex with my boyfriend Jason Meadows, because we're both gay and care deeply about each other.'

There, I said it!

Into the profound silence his mother began to cry, softly at first, but then with increasing volume. Shock was writ all over the Colonel's face - his white face. In utter fury, his mouth was opening and closing whilst his brain tried to find the words to express his rage. Eventually,

'(Spluttering) are you trying to be smart with me mister; you aren't gay, the son of Colonel Garth Stamins will not and cannot be . . . Gay. Now tell me the real reason you were with that poofter Corporal Meadows; and don't be smart.'

'If you didn't hear me right my mother certainly did. Listen to her crying and blubbering because she knows I'm Gay, and has known for some time, haven't you mama?'

'DON'T FUCK WITH ME MISTER!, YOU'RE NOT GAY! I just told you that being gay isn't an option. As the Colonel's son you don't have that option - hear me!'

Suddenly, another voice,

(Defiantly) OH STOP IT! I've put up with your abrasive nature for years now Garth. I've done everything a wife should do for a husband as well as being the wife of a Colonel. Over the years, I've shut my mouth and just carried on, but you didn't hear the nights I spent sobbing into my pillow because I've been so unhappy for a long, long time. Yes, our son is Gay, and I love him even more because he deserves my love. My love he'll get, because he isn't going to get any love from his father. He's never had any love from you . . .'

'SHUT THE FUCK UP WOMAN! Shut that stupid mouth of yours. You know nothing, and as the wife of an officer seeking promotion, you're useless. It's you who've held me back . . .'

'Promotion? Promotion? You've got buckley's mister. The army doesn't want idiots like you leading men and women. What about that disgraceful Press Conference singling out Gay people serving in the forces. It was a disaster; I heard the other wives laughing at you mister - behind your back, everyone's laughing at you. You’re a disgrace as a husband, a disgrace as a father, and a disgrace as an officer . . . MISTER! Now I'm going to take my son and leave you MISTER!'

'DON'T YOU DARE! DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE ME!. I'm the head of this house; I'll tell you when you can leave. I'll also deal with this . . . This . . .'

'Are you referring to me father, your Gay son?'

Suddenly Garth Stamins was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. His wife's cruel words had taken all the fight out of him. The possibility that she was right had not sunk in; also, he just refused to comprehend that Kenny admitted to being Gay and acknowledged having sex with one of his enlisted. His libido had taken a battering recently, first the Army acknowledgment about gays serving in the armed forces, then the modification of fraternization rules, then learning his gay son indulged in sex with one of his enlisted men, and finally his wife's accusations and attack. His libido resembled a used condom.

* * *

11.2

Kenny and his mother had adjourned to the kitchen where Ruth quickly made them coffee. Kenny was bursting with pride at the way his mother had stepped up for him.

'(Genuinely grateful) Mum I can't thank you enough for coming to my aid just now. If you hadn't stepped in, the outcome would've been ugly. Over the past few weeks, I've come to accept who I am. It hasn't been easy; at first I was terrified, but I'm lucky I've made some really close friends who've been very supportive. Now I know that you're backing me, I think I can face life with a bit more confidence. However, if Dad had gone physical on me I would've retaliated - hard.'

'(Deep sigh) don't get too enthusiastic. On one hand, I don't understand what being gay is, and I certainly don't want any gory details. Nevertheless, I'm your mother and I just love you. One. . . (Pause) oh dear, I was going to say that one day you'll be a parent and will understand the love that a parent has for their children, (sigh) but that's never going to be , is it?

'(contrite) No, I'm sorry to disappoint you mum. I didn't choose to be gay y'know. I was born this way, and I can't do anything about it. I can't tell you the terror I've had to live with since I first realized. Not only my father, well especially my father, but at school, playing footy, hanging with me mates. . . It's been bloody awful. At nights, I've cried myself to sleep. I had no one to turn to, no one; I've never felt so alone and desolate - and scared.'

'I can't begin to imagine your pain Kenneth; I've cried too, because I do know being Gay can be traumatic. I know it's certainly not a choice, because how could anyone choose to be vilified as Gay people are. Let's not talk about grandchildren because that's my problem, and you have much bigger mountains to climb. What about school, are you going to come out to your mates?'

(Thoughtfully) No, I think not. I've only got one semester to go before sitting for my High School Certificate, so I don't want any unnecessary distractions. I'll reconsider afterwards. Surprisingly, I don't care, because I've been so miserable for a long time, that if anyone rejects me I'll just tell them to bug off. (Beseeching) I know you won't want to, but you should meet Jason and his friends. You may've heard of Captain Mark Peters and Corporal Scott Grainger; (she shook her head) well, they're the two servicemen who refused to obey an order to end their relationship. They were to stand trial but the Army's relented, changed the rules, and backdated the commencement date. Now their free, and it's a testament to the strength of their love for each other that they stood firm against the army. I can only hope I'll find someone to love eventually.'

'I hope so too son. Just give me some time to come to terms with your, . . . your, ummm, orientation. Having decided to be brave, you should think about coming out - oh dear now I'm using that term - ahhh, coming out to our close relatives, but, on the other hand, best leave that to me.'

'Thanks mum! Err, are you really gonna leave dad?'

'Now that's not your problem. Your father and I have to have a quiet talk once he's calmed down. I hope this doesn't upset you Kenneth, but I don't love your father anymore. I've put up with a lot over the years and I'm afraid I've lost all feelings for him. The man I loved has long departed and I don't recognize his replacement. I also worry about his mental health because he seems to be associating himself with unsavoury characters. Last night, someone knocked on our door and I opened it to an unpleasant person called, called . . . how did he introduce himself . . . ahh yes, Corporal Kreek. He said the Colonel was expecting him, so I led him into your father's study. After that, the door was firmly shut in my face, and I was left to wonder what my husband was doing with an enlisted man, so late at night and so secretive. That's . . .'

'Mum, think clearly, did you say his name was Kreek, Corporal Kreek?'

'Yes, that's the name he gave, why?'

'Jeessuuss, that's . . .'

'Don't you take the Lords name in vain in this house, young man. Show some respect.'

'Ahh sorry. I'm just concerned, because Jason and Scott were savagely assaulted in the showers by Corporal Kreek. But much worse than that, he's also under suspicion with the MP's regarding the murders of American Gay servicemen. That he's meeting with my father secretly at night is deeply concerning. This was last night, are you sure?'

'Yes, . . . yes it was. Do you think it's significant?

'I don't know. What on earth is my Dad doing getting involved with a murder suspect. I mean it's all over the base that Kreek's become a person of interest, so why would my father jeopardise his position by holding secret meetings with the cretin. What else leads you to believe he's not mentally ok?'

'Well it's just little things that only a wife would notice. He doesn't sleep well; he roams around the house late at night. He's conducting a vendetta against gay people serving in the army; you should hear some of the words that come out of his mouth. He's become paranoid; little things upset him, and he talks like the army's against him. A lot more, but I'd rather not go into it.'

(Sigh) Ok, Ok. I've heard enough to worry me. Getting back to family matters, where would you go if you left him, and where do I stand in all this?'

'Oh for a while we'll just sleep in separate beds, and nothing will happen to you. I certainly wouldn't leave you alone in this house with your father. I mean, you'll finish school, and then go and do some university course, hopefully down south, and away from your father. Have you decided what you want to study?'

'No, no I haven't and in any case I'll have to talk to Jason, and . . .'

'Son, my beautiful boy, don't rely too much on your friend. You're only eighteen, and you've got the world ahead of you. You mustn't think about settling down at your age, and if this Jason is truly a friend, he must know that you'll have to go your own way until you're old enough to settle down. I hope he realises this.'

'I don't know mum, I love him and I'm sure he loves me. Is it love when you can't bear to be away from a person, when he's in all your waking thoughts. I've . . . I've never been in love before, but I feel something I haven't felt before - and it's powerful . . . and wonderful. I may be young but when you feel . . .'

'(Hostile) You're still here, eh? Cuddling up to yer mama like the little poofter baby you reckon y'are. (Pause) GET OUT! I never want to see you again. GET OUT, HEAR ME, GET OUT! I don't have a son anymore; just looking at you makes me wanna puke.'

'(Scolding) Garth, my son isn't going anywhere; he stays here, and if you try to physically harm him I'll call the MP's, at which time I'll be able to say a few choice words about you. Understand? Also, Kenneth has raised my concerns about your behaviour. What were you doing the other night with that Corporal Kreek?'

'NONE OF YER BLOODY BUSINESS WOMAN . . .'

'Garth, don't shout, there's no need to shout. Let's try and be civilized.'

'(Firmly) I'm concerned father; Corporal Kreek is a person of interest in the murder case involving gay American servicemen. Why would you want to have secret talks with such a person. Who else knows about this meeting, and what were you discussing?'

'(Glaring at Kenny) Army business, and it's none of your business. Just get out of my sight. NOW!'

'OH I will, and seeing I'm not your son any more, I don't have any loyalty to you . . . Colonel. If you're trying to influence a murder investigation, you know that’s a criminal act. I don't care what happens to you, but I do care what happens to my mother. If you do anything to harm her, you'll answer to me . . . Mister.'

With a look of pure hatred and disgust, the Colonel walked out leaving behind two worried people.

* * *

11.3

. . . The previous night . . .

Garth Stamins was white faced and deflated. He continued to stare at the offensive scene on Kreek's mobile.

'(Apologetically) I'm sorry sir to be the bearer of such awful news, (pause) believe me I thought long and hard before coming to see you. There's no doubt sir, that you're witnessing Corporal Jason Meadows and your son Kenny entering the empty room; no doubt sir. I reckon if it were my kid I'd be shattered. Ummm, should I leave now sir, and give you some time alone. I reckon it's been a shock.'

(Thickly) What? What? Oh no, no . . . please continue Corporal. It's, it's just . . . I'll need some time to absorb all this. You understand I'll have to confront my son before I can accept that he's . . . that he's . . . well, you know.'

'Gay sir? If I hadn't seen this video tape with me own eyes, I just wouldn't believe. If someone had suggested that the Colonel's son was Gay, I'd kick their head in. Truly sir, it was a shock to me too. (Stamins barely nodded) Sir, there's another way to look at this, and it may help. (Stamins nodded to proceed) What if this cretin Meadows has drugged your son with some kind of sex drug? (the Colonel suddenly looked up interested). It's common with women sir, and no reason why things like the date-rape drug shouldn't be given to guys.'

'Yes, yes of course, that's it, he was drugged. It must've been that way; I mean it's impossible that my son's . . .'

'Gay sir? No, being drugged is a real possibility, and with your approval I'll try and get the truth. It might take a little rough nudging, but I'm sure I can get the facts and ease your mind. I just want to say sir, that you're like a father t'me, and I'll do anything to take your pain away. Anything sir.'

'Thank you Corporal, thank you. Sometimes I feel as if the whole worlds against me, and it's gratifying to have someone like you, a fine specimen of manhood, on my side. (Pause, with a faraway look) Everyone, my wife, the army, Caesar Augustus, Boadicea and Auntie Janet . . . oh them bitches, they sap ya and drain yer manhood away - like clothes pegs. I want to get back at ‘em and do harm. How dare they corrupt my own flesh and blood. They talk t'me y'know; when they think I'm alone, they come and whisper vile things in my ears. Vile, vile things, you wouldn't . . .'

(Shaking the Colonel) Sir! SIR! . . . It's me, it's me Bert Kreek. C'mon sir yer worrying me, Sir! Sir!'

But the Colonel was in another world, another time and place. Carefully, Kreek sat him in a visitor's chair and with a sorrowful head shake, left the room and house.

* * *

11.4

Back in his room Kenny called Jason,

'HI lover-man, I hope this's a happy call?'

'I wish it was. Jason, my Dad's got a video of you and I at the BOQ. It shows us entering a room and looking a bit furtive; I nearly pissed meself when I saw it. Literally it was a smoking gun. I was about to deny it but thought better. OK, he had me on the back foot but with him occupying the moral high ground, I reckoned it was now or never. I think I retaliated with ‘Having sex with my boyfriend Jason Meadows, because we're both gay' or something like that; I just blurted it out, and to hell with the consequences.'

'Hey boyo, that was terrific. I couldn't have chosen better words meself. I guess he wasn't happy and wished us well, eh?'

'(Laughing) That’s an understatement; he refused to believe I am Gay, saying that the son of Colonel Garth Stamins couldn't be gay. He was about to really lash into me, when my mother attacked him verbally. You should've heard her Jason, she said she's fed up and gonna leave him. She also told me he's not mentally stable, but I'll fill you in properly when we meet next.'

'(Impressed) Wow, that’s getting kinda heavy ain't it? She's gonna leave yer dad; I bet he was pissed off some. Will she really leave him or was it just a threat? It takes guts to go it alone at her age . . . ummm, don't get me wrong, I didn't mean to insult yer mum, she's a real angel.'

'Nah that's OK, nah she's not gonna walk out, just not share his bed for now. I think she'll wait ‘till I go to Uni, and then leave him proper. It may be I'll have to go down South to study and get a degree, which means I won't be living with him.'

Or me either. I wonder if our bond is strong enough to weather long distance. It's something I'll have to think about.

'Well at least you're out of the closet now mate; what about yer other friends, are you gonna come out to them as well?'

'I'm gonna play it by ear; I don't want anything to distract from my graduation, so I'll probably lie low in the short-term. Anyway, enough of me, I'm worried about you . . .'

'Don't worry about . . . why would you worry about me? You're the one whose facing the shit.'

'You interrupted. My mother told me that Corporal Kreek visited my Dad late last night; apparently they were huddled in his study for some time. She didn't hear Kreek go, but my Dad stayed put for a while. Now I'm sure Kreek gave my father the video feed; how he got it I don't know.'

'Don't worry I'll find out. So d'ya think Kreek may get physical again?'

'As I said before my father is not acting rationally. I don't know what action he may contemplate but one thing for certain, Corporal Kreek will be involved. That shit-head will do anything my Dad asks of him, and I don't want to dwell on what ‘anything' may comprise.'

'You think your father will target me?'

'(Earnestly) Yes, yes I do. As bad as he is I don't believe he'll harm me; he's not stupid, and he's now got my mother to contend with. (reasoning) So the only other person is you Jason, and I'm worried he may do something drastic. (Pleading) Please look after yerself big boy because if you got hurt, seriously hurt, I'd be destitute. Your suffering is my suffering. Please promise me to be careful; y'know, if yer goes out at night make sure someone's with you. Promise me.'

(Slowly) Now yer startin' to worry me. Not that there's a problem; in barracks, I'm either in the Canteen, visiting with Scott, or in bed - alone. In any case I'll be careful, but I'm not gonna go chasing shadows. I'll not give him that pleasure.'

'OK nuff said. (long pause) I love you Jason. I'll never forget your tears at the billabong; that's something I'll always remember for the rest of me days.'

'And I love you too, it's all good. The only sad note is your going South for University. We'll have to talk about that my little prince. But not know, you go and get some sleep, after all it's been a tumultuous day hasn't it; a great fuck and you commin' out to yer Dad. You're really special Kenny - really special'

'Hey, knock it off, you'll have me crying next. Good night sweet prince, I'm gonna dream about you . . . 'night dude!'