The Wink - 10. Chapter 10

10.1 Billy’s birthday party.

‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR FRECKLES . . .’

Billy stood totally embarrassed by the crowd of friends and acquaintances who had gathered for his 16th birthday. His father allowed him to hold a party at home and promised that no parents would be present. Instead, Bob Jenkins approached Jason and asked if he would attend and provide a mature presence and keep unruly teenagers under control. At first Jason hesitated, only because relations between him and Billy weren’t good, but as a favour to his boss he agreed.

Of course, Billy objected, but on second thoughts, having a gay older man in charge was a bit of a giggle. Not surprisingly, he invited Karl as well as Danny Gardener who made no secret of wanting to deep-dick him. It promised to be a scream.

After cutting the cake and best wishes sung, it was time to get down to some serious drinking.

Billy’s home reflected his dad’s success. It sat on ‘Millionaires Row’ overlooking Port Philip Bay which also hosted the city of Melbourne. On a clear day the whole city could be seen from the terrace. The party itself was set in the back yard which also contained a large swimming pool. Loud teenage music blasted from hidden speakers. Alcohol fuelled and inhibitions gone, several female guests swam naked in the pool, managing to inflame hormone aggravated male lust.

Billy was momentarily alone, standing on the terrace looking back towards the city that sparkled in the early evening.

‘Say Freckles mate, it’s a great party. Seeing those sheilas buck nakid gives me ideas. Before thish nites over I want to get you nakid and fuck the shit outta you. Whatya say?’

Danny Gardener emerged from the scrum and slung his arm around Billy’s shoulders. Lately Billy began to succumb to the boy’s overt masculinity - and what gay boy wouldn’t. Standing 185 cm, nature endowed him with blond hair and deep brown eyes. A member of the school swimming team, Danny had a perfect swimmer’s body – toned but not overly muscled. His smile, however would melt even the hardest of hearts. Anyone the subject to that smile felt privileged. He’d outted himself to Billy early in the year and continually made no secret of his desire to slake his lust inside Billy’s bum.

‘(Laughing) Hey Danny, promises, promises; you’ve been threatening to do that for some time. I reckon you’se just wind, no action.’

‘(Leering) That so, that so. Well what room’s gonna be empty in say half-hours time?’

‘(Suddenly aroused) You serious . . .?

‘(Grabbing Billy’s hand and placing it on his large arousal) Here, catcha feel of this. I reckon this’ll do the job, eh?’

The feel of Danny’s large erect cock made Billy giddy.

(Heart pounding) Jeesssus that’s big. Bloody hell would I love to get that big thing deep inside me. Shit No! I can’t do that with Karl here. Arrhh, . . . he’ll never know, will he? And I just can’t pass up an offer like this. I ‘d be mad not too. Anyway, whilst I told Karl I’m his, I meant that whenever he wants me, I’ll be his. Never said I’d be exclusive.

‘(Breathless) OK, yer on. Go to top of stairs and into the end room of the right. No-one will look in there. I got protection. See you in 30.’

‘(Seductively) Wait Tonto, don’t you want to hear what’s gonna happen? As a matter of fact, I’m gonna tell you anyhow because I’ve been drooling about you fer some time now. Is there a mirror in the room?’

‘(Perplexed) Umm, no, It’s a sorta craft room . . . why?’

‘You don’t get to ask questions. Pick us a room where there’s a mirror. You’ll understand soon.’

‘Well . . . let me think. Yes, I know, the maid’s room in the basement. It’s fully equipped for her to stay overnight but she always goes home. There’s a mirror?’

‘And . . .’

‘Oh sorry. Down the basement stairs and you’ll see a door on the far right. I’ll try and get there first. Now . . .’

Being so close together, Billy could smell Danny’s after shave and a decidedly masculine odour of sweat, mixed with lust. Moving closer, Danny whispered into Billy’s ear.

‘(Provocatively) So first I’m gonna get behind you and have you facing the mirror. Then I’ll take off your t/shirt so that you’re nakid. Slowly my fingers will creep up to your nipples and softly play with them. You can watch your face as you submit to having your nipples pleasured. Waves of pleasure will surge through you and you’ll be unable to stand up. Are you following me? (Billy nodded enthusiastically) Next, I’ll take down your pants with one hand whilst still playing with – let’s see yes, your right nipple. Then I’ll gently slip my free hand into your undies and slowly lower your underpants until your totally nakid. What do you think, sexy?’

‘(Moaning) I can’t wait . . .’

Oh Jeesssus, I’m getting hard and he hasn’t touched me. I can feel the waves of ecstasy surging through me because me nipples are really sensitive. How did Danny know that I . . .?

‘(Danny continued seducing Billy) I’m not gonna waste time with cock foreplay because I want to go to the main event. Your lying on the bed now on your back, with your legs over my shoulder. My left hand touches yer cock whilst the big finger on my right hand teases yer bum hole. Can you feel it freckles? Can you feel my finger probing gently? Using lubricant, I then slip my finger past yer opening and into your body. You know the feeling, the sensation of dire need to be penetrated? (Billy gulped as he nodded) Slowly I advance me finger until it’s deep inside. Feel’s good don’t it? But it’s not enough is it? (Billy silently signalled no!) . . .

Oh, my god, I’m so horny. I can feel his finger inside, I can feel the pleasure and the sensation of being slowly penetrated. But I want more! I want something big, bigger because I still feel empty. Please two – use two fingers – no, three.

. . . then comes the second finger. Withdrawing my finger, I make a unit of two fingers and then probe yer bum hole. Now two fingers stretch yer poop hole but they slide in without much effort. Then I gently twist the fingers around to loosen up yer sphincter muscle. I’m, still playing with yer cock so any discomfort is neutralized. It’s then I make contact with yer prostrate and you let out a gasp of gratification. Slowly, two fingers go deep inside you and you start squirming with desire as I knead yer anal tube. Nearly ready now, aren’t you. (Billy couldn’t help but nod frantically) . . .

Shit he’s gotta stop playing with me because I want that big cock deep inside and filling me completely. Oh my god, he’s just teasing me and it feels so real. I can’t wait, I can’t wait; sorry Karl but I’m way beyond reason now . . .

‘Now I take me cock out. It’s soggy with pre-cum so much so it’s dripping on the floor. Frantically you prepare by grabbing me and lining me up with yer bum hole. Then something happens that I didn’t contemplate . . . you impale yourself on my big sloppy dick and keep swallowing me until there’s no more cock outside. We’re totally joined, pubes to pubes, groin to groin and pelvis to pelvis. You’re desperate with need. Now you grab my buttocks and try and insert more cock. Then the real fun begins; you put yer arms behind me head and draw me closer. Now we’re one and as I plunge inside you, you push forward to meet the challenge . . .

‘(Pleading) Shit Danny stop, please stop! I’ll make a mess if yer don’t shut it. Gawd did I say 30 minutes? Come on big boy, I want you, NOW!’

10.2 Billy and Danny Gardener

Jason watched as a flushed Billy led Danny Gardener from the terrace and then towards the basement stairs. He tensed as instinct told him the two lads were intent on doing no good.

Jeesssus, they both looked red-faced. Obviously, Billy and his partner were heading somewhere private. What about Karl? Should I tell him that . . . no, what good would that do? Right now, Karl’s having a good time with Rhonda and some of their friends.

Returning his attention to the party Jason watched the young kids in the pool. He only drank lite beer so he stayed under the legal limit. At any time, he might be called to help someone in trouble, and by the antics of the nude girls in the pool, he knew that trouble wasn’t far away.

These young girls flaunting their nudity think it’s a frivolous game. They have no idea that they’re inflaming the lust in the guys. Got me eye on a group of heavies down near the keg. From the group stares and whispers, some young sheila is going to get in trouble very soon. Alcohol fueled hormones in sex starved kids, creates a level of lust that know no boundaries.

Karl was actually enjoying himself. Rhonda and some of her friends were indulging in idle but harmless gossip and he found it engrossing. Sometimes it’s good to have a good natter about others as long as it isn’t harmful. Such was the light-heartedness that they were even being playful with each other and he found it refreshing.

The situation at home hadn’t changed since that Monday night; his mother just absorbed the news with an attitude like, whilst I don’t want him to be gay, I’m going to protect him, and love him, no matter. His father remained surly and hadn’t really talked to him. His mother assured him his dad would come around in due course. What had changed however was his inner-most feelings. A great weight had been lifted from his mind; he no longer felt defensive and guarding a terrible secret. He wasn’t about to proclaim his gayness from the pulpit but rather, if asked, he’d admit to being gay. In short, he was back in control.

The situation between he and Billy improved because they agreed it enhanced their relationship to be open and not hidden.

I can’t believe my luck hitching up with Billy, it’s almost as if we’re made for each other. We get along well even after sex. And the sex, whew, it just gets better. Now he’s turned 16 and officially is not underaged, we can be more open with each other and our friends. Oh, that boy does love my cock buried deep inside him. (pause) He’s never made any suggestions that we swop roles, because he just loves dick. I don’t know how he can cum just by having my cock inside him, but he does. I can feel him twitch when my cock hits his prostrate and he cries pitifully for me to fuck him harder. Then when his arse pulses as he cums and he brings on me own special orgasm.

I wonder . . . I’ve wondered lately what it’s like to be fucked. Billy seems to get so much pleasure; I wouldn’t mind giving it a try when the time is right. Surely it must hurt, but it don’t seem to bother him none. Next time we’re alone I’ll broach the subject. Wouldn’t hurt to give it a try before . . .

Just then Karl spied Billy out of the corner of his eye going downstairs with someone in tow.

. . . ahh, there’s the birthday boy with one of his school-mates. Probably downstairs is the snooker room and they’re going to play some pool . . . Huh!

Someone called Betty asked Rhonda about her brother Jason, and Karl stopped musing and listened to Rhonda’s response.

‘(Looking towards her brother) Well, as you can see my brother ‘s still carrying a broken rib so they’ve got him strapped up. Doctor said the bandages will come off next week as the rib should be mended by then. Must say I’m proud of Jason because he’s been in bad pain and hardly complained.’

‘Did the cops ever catch the mongrels who bashed him up? I mean unless they catch the curs that done it, none of us is safe. What’s the latest?’

‘Last I heard they are interviewing several blokes and expect to make an arrest soonest. Jason will have to do an identity parade I suppose.’

‘I’m curious why they dumped him in Stanford Circle. Bit out of the way, eh?’

‘(Throwing a meaningful look at Karl) Yep Betty, it certainly is a mystery. Reckon it’s a bit complicated and I don’t know much more than I already told ya.’

Well done Rhonda. We both know he was visiting the gay sauna, don’t we? It’s weird but nobody’s linked Jason to the gay place. I knew as soon as I heard where he was mugged. I know he’s been there several times and must enjoy the sex. Well, good luck to him; at least Billy and I got regular relief but, for Jason, it’s the only outlet he’s got. Actually, I’m pleased for him . . . well that’s not quite true is it boyo? Before I met Billy, I thought Jason and I would hitch up. Maybe I feel a bit guilty abandoning Jason for Billy. I mean Jason’s more my age and is drop down gorgeous. If it weren’t for Billy, I’d probably be courting Jason. Talking about Billy . . . I’ll go find him and challenge to a game of pool.

Excusing himself, Karl took off looking for Billy. Jason watched Karl breakaway from the group of people and head towards the basement stairs. Following an instinct, Jason carefully followed.

10.3 Billy and Danny fuck

Billy trembled, his breathing shallow and his heart pumping madly, as he lay back totally naked on the bed. Everything that Danny described earlier had come about, except that his friend had graduated to 3 fingers before getting ready for the main event. And then Danny added another surprise. He draped a naked Billy across his knees and began to softly spank him, whilst three fingers continued to stretch Billy’s hole. Billy moaned as waves of gratification pulsed through him, and the longing to have Danny fuck him became intense.

Sensing the time was right, Danny turned a nude Billy on his back and began removing his clothes. Trance-like, the birthday boy watched as Danny enticingly striped off his shirt showing his swimmers torso. He was slender in structure. Wide shoulders and narrow waist were the result of many hours doing laps in preparation for swimming carnivals. His smooth tanned skin glistened in the dimness.

Now came the ultimate, or more correctly the penultimate; he slowly unbuckled his pants and let them fall to the floor. Billy’s mouth watered and he couldn’t stop a little dribble escaping down his chin. His eyes glossed over because straining against the underdaks was an aroused penis that had already deposited a big glob of pre-cum into the garment. The cock itself was large, and in a swift movement Danny let it escape from its containment.

Now primal lust permeated the room.

‘C’mon baby, pull yer legs back and get yerself ready for this (indicating the swollen shaft). I’se been dripin’ real heavy so I think I’ll just spread some of me ooze over me and just inside yer bum-hole. Do yer wants any extra lubricant before . . .?’

‘(Gasping) No, no please, please I want that big thing inside me, now . . . quickly.’

With the fat head of his cock lined up against Billy’s hole, Danny prepared to slowly ease himself in. But Billy was having none of that. In one swift movement he impaled himself on Dany’s cock and didn’t stop until the damn thing was in as far as it could go. In fact, Billy took over. He used his arms around the blond lad’s neck as leverage, and began to fuck himself brutally. Sensing the rhythm, Danny met each thrust willingly. They were fused into a single unit, each thrusting against the other. It was blind, senseless pleasure as each became desperate to find release from the terrible need consuming them.

On and on, on and on they danced, giving and taking until they each felt their climax approaching. Both cocks painfully expanded preparing to deliver their seed which was now pouring out of containment.

With a screeching cry they mutually exploded. Billy’s cum splattered all over his stomach whilst Danny emptied himself gratefully into Billy’s body . . . and

. . . alarmed by what they thought was a cry for help, Karl and Jason burst into the room.

Three pairs of eyes stared in disbelief whilst the remaining pair registered horror.

Karl simply could not believe the sight before him. Billy, still underneath Danny and experiencing a post-orgasm high, suddenly felt terrified.

For several agonised moments the tableau remained frozen; Karl shocked, Billy horrified, Danny pissed-off at the intrusion, and Jason simply saddened.

Suddenly embarrassed, Danny and Billy hurriedly disengaged themselves and grabbed pillows to cover their nakedness.

No one spoke.

Karl was white and lost the power of speech. Seeing Billy thus compromised, all Karl could do was remove himself from the offensive scenario. Without saying a word, he turned and almost ran from the room. His reaction jolted Jason to action and he swiftly followed Karl outside.

Whilst Danny shrugged away any concern, for him it was just a damn good fuck, a terrible sadness enveloped Billy. His affair, if indeed it was an affair, with Karl had terminated. Seeds of longevity having been sowed, were now dead, leaving behind profound regret.

I don’t know why I feel such loss. It’s not as if we were marrying or going steady, because that was never discussed. We were just two friends with benefits. Fuck-buddies. So why do I feel so bad? Was I developing feelings for Karl beyond the sex issue.? Was I falling in love with Karl? For shit sake, I’ve just turned 16 and haven’t a clue what romance is about. I wouldn’t recognise any romantic feelings towards another person, because I ain’t had any experience . . . Oh dear, we both trusted each other but now that’s been shattered. Karl could never trust me again and if he can’t then what we had is over, gone, dead and buried. Hey, but it’s not my fault, I’m still a kid and just exploring life. Karl had no right to view me as his property. I ain’t gonna feel any guilt.

He rolled over and gave Danny a kiss. He’d moved on.

10.4 Jason consoles Karl

‘Karl! . . . Karl, wait up.’

Karl ran blindly up the basement stairs and then onto the terrace, which is where Jason finally caught up to him.

‘Hey, hey boyo, you don’t look so good; not that I can blame you. I was a bit shocked myself.’

Karl still didn’t respond and an uncomfortable silence descended. Eventually,

‘(Struggling for words) I’m upset, but don’t know why. I mean, we hadn’t made any formal commitment or even professed love for each other. We hadn’t. So why am I upset? Why do I feel betrayed? What’s wrong with me, Jason? I feel so miserable, and I wish I knew why.’

Jason waited before replying. He needed Karl to proceed at his own pace. Then,

‘Look I don’t know anything about yer relationship; what was said, what wasn’t said, what was implied. What I do know is when two people have shared the intimacy of sex then a bond does exist between them. I’m not talking about a casual fuck or an assignation on a beat. That sort of intimacy requires complete anonymity. You don’t even exchange names. And in most cases, you never see the other person again. But I suspect you and Billy have indulged in several intimate encounters, giving rise to some sort of proprietorial understanding Correct?’

Karl nodded.

‘So, you feel betrayed (Karl nodded again) and hurt. It’s normal and the only cure is time. Even though you’re 18 and he’s just turned 16, you’re much more mature and will recover quickly. Yer a strong person Karl; You’ve just come out to yer folks and now you’ve dealing with that. I mean, that’s more important than a teenage fuck, so . . .’

‘(Hesitantly) It was the rejection. I can’t handle rejection well. Since I was little, I’ve been afraid of rejection. Don’t ask me why, because I don’t know where this issue comes from. It’s one of the reasons I took so long to come out, because I’m afraid of rejection. That’s the main emotion I felt when I saw Billy and . . .’

‘I heard someone call him Danny. Isn’t he in your year at school? Not that I know him or anything about him. But be that as it may, he’s not part of the equation; he just came along and hooked up with Billy. That’s all I know. (laughing) But let’s talk about now and what you’re gonna do to overcome the shock. Best thing is get pissed, go home, sleep it off and get up tomorrow morning to face a new day.’

Silence, Jason watched as Karl struggled to say something. Then,

‘(Timidly) Jason, can I ask for a big favour?’

‘Sure, anything; of course, anything within reason.’

‘Will you hug me, please?’

For a moment Jason stared at Karl and then slowly enveloped him in a close hug. To Karl, having the touch of another human helped dispel much of the emptiness inside. It just felt so good. To Jason, something clicked inside and an upswelling of happiness washed over him. Their bodies melded in close contact; so close they could feel the others heartbeat. Enjoying the closeness of the other, neither man wanted to break free, but they soon became aware of other partygoers watching them. They parted, reluctantly, Karl was the first to speak,

‘Thanks Jason. It’s nice to know someone’s on my side. (Quickly changing the subject) Anyway, you’ve got some issues yourself haven’t you. Rhonda told me some of what happened at the hospital with yer dad. I reckon he’s gonna be a hard-arse to deal with. What about the cops? What did you tell them?’

‘(Responding, but still thinking about their hug) I told them verbally what happened because it may help to apprehend the shits. However, when it came to a formal statement, I reverted to the story I told my folks. I don’t care if it weren’t true because I’m just not willing to come out just yet. At least not until I can minimise the pain to Kathy. I don’t care about my folks; well that ain’t completely true because I do care about hurting my mother.’

‘Yeah man, you’ve got a shit-pile of problems. My problems are nothing compared to yours. Anytime you want to talk, just remember I’m here. Now, I’m gonna take up your suggestion about getting pissed. I don’t have any commitments now.’

‘Say hang in there until I close this party down. I’ll give you a lift home.’

10.5 Jason closet problems. The aftermath

Since being discharged from hospital, Jason wrestled with the aftermath. The diversionary tactic that he and Rhonda planned, shifted any focus from him onto his father. Now all he had to do was live with himself and the consequences. As Rhonda stipulated, all he’d done was to buy time. He knew he’d have to declare himself at some time, but now wasn’t the time. Anyway, as long as he could live an active but secret gay life whilst, at the same time, performing his husbandly duties for Kathy and the child, life could return to a semblance of normal.

Normal? What is normal for me? Can I play the role of child, sibling, husband, and father and at the same time? And what is happening with Karl? We get close then move away, come back close and then separate. I don’t know what Karl thinks or indeed what he wants in a relationship. At some stage I’d like to have an intimate talk to clear the air.

And then there was Eric; what to do about Eric?’

As soon as possible after being discharged from hospital, Jason called Eric and they agreed to meet at the Canadian Bay hotel. It brought back memories of his meeting with Billy.

On entering the pub and seeing Jason, Eric rushed over and wrapped him in a big buddy hug.

‘Oh, you poor man. I went to visit you but you’d been discharged quickly. Are you allright now?’

Something about Eric caused Jason’s cock to misbehave. With his baby-face and sexy body, Jason found him attractive. But was this just a budding friendship or the start of something more intimate?

‘Well, my rib hasn’t completely healed but I don’t feel any discomfort; in fact, I can move around quite freely. The bandages come off in a few days. Now, what are you drinking?’

‘Don’t you dare, I’m buying and fetching. Do you want a refill? (indicating Jason’s nearly empty glass)’.’

‘Ummm yes thanks; it’s a lite beer, any kind.’

As Eric sauntered away, Jason watched as his perfect little arse swayed as he walked.

Nice! That’s the most fuckable arse I’ve seen in a while. The way the boy moves, and at the same time, invites, is very mouth-watering. Karl’s the only one who has a better arse, because it’s more compact. Yes, oh yes, both are very fuckable.

Eric returned with two foaming pint glasses of booze. They both raised their drinks and clicked together in the age-old gesture of goodwill. After taking a big gulp, Jason probed,

‘What’s been the impact at the Sauna? Have the owners done anything to beef up security?’

‘Oh yes, much. They’ve installed cameras outside the front door and all along both sides of the street. But more importantly, through their underworld contacts, they’ve found out who the attackers are. The cops are running around trying to find some gay vigilante group who they believed attacked you. Can you believe how stupid they are? Most gays can’t punch their way out of a paper bag. Anyway . . . oh, you probably don’t know but the Sauna is owned by the one of the head gangster families here in Melbourne. It’s supposed to be a secret but everyone in the business knows who owns it; that’s why we seldom get raided.’

‘(Taking a sip) Wow, that’s interesting. Did the numbers drop off after the news got out.?’

‘No, anyway I don’t think so. I’m only on duty weekends and Public holidays so I don’t know what’s happening the rest of the time. It’s not as if us gays are afraid of danger; we go to sleazy toilet blocks and dense bushland all the time in search of sex. One of my regular customers told me they now carry brass knuckles and pepper spray just in case.’

‘(Jason pondered for a moment and took a large gulp of beer) Y’know, as soon as I get me bandages off, I’m coming back. I need the physical relief I can only get at the Sauna and the bastards ain’t gonna stop me. Anyway, from what you tell me, the owners have dealt with the cunts and they won’t be causing any more problems. That’s reassuring.’

Silence followed Jason’s last comment. Eric sat with his arms folded looking down at the table. As if deciding, he took a big sip of beer and said,

‘(Softly) Look I’d like to know you better, Jason, and wondered if you would like to go out for dinner one night. Ummm, no strings attached, just a friendly meal and some chat; personal if you want, if not just to shoot the breeze. I don’t bite, and I am toilet-trained.’

‘(Laughing) Thanks, I’d love to because I like you Eric; I also find you very sexy. But can you do me a favour, please?’

‘Yep, what?’

‘Don’t cross yer arms. Uncross them because it makes you look defensive.’

‘(Self-consciously) Oh, sorry. Just a bad habit I’ve got into. There, (placing his arms on the table and leaning forward on his elbows) is that better?’

‘Very much. Is there a reason you feel defensive?’

‘(Smiling) Well I am sitting opposite a very attractive and sexy young man. ‘(hesitating) . . . I get scared that my ex will turn up some day and try to get back into my life. As you’ve probably gathered, I tend to have a malleable personality so that anyone so inclined can dominate me. I’m not proud of who I am, but that’s just me. The bastard hurt me . . . he hurt me bad, Jason, and I still haven’t washed him out of my system. Every time the phone rings or someone comes to my front door, I get nervous. Sometimes I have nightmares and wake up trembling with fear. I just wish he could go away and let me get on with life.’

‘Hopefully I can help. He sounds a real dick-head; if he sees me with you, perhaps he’ll think twice about harassing you. Anyway, when do you want to have dinner?’

‘How about next Wednesday? (Jason nodded enthusiastically) What say we meet at my place about 7 pm, we’ll have a few drinks and then go to my favourite restaurant for dinner about 7:45 pm. That OK? Oh, here’s my address.’

Jason looked at the address Eric just gave him.

Wow, he lives on the Esplanade not far from Billy’s place. That’s an expensive location, eh? He did say earlier that his folks were well off, so I guess that explains it. It’s a town house apparently overlooking the bay. This is getting interesting; maybe he’s part of the local royalty.

Just then Eric interrupted Jason’s musings,

‘Jason, what about your wife? Will she get hostile? I mean you’re going out on your own on a week night. I don’t want to cause trouble. We can make it another night if it’ll be easier?’

‘Nah, she’s used to me going out at night. I tell her I’m meeting up with some mates and she seems OK with that. But I do hate having to tell lies and hide who I am. Up till recently, I thought I could live with the pretence, but, now . . . ahh shit, I gotta stop bleating about poor me; others are far worse off than I am.’

Eric just placed his hand over Jason’s hand and gave it a squeeze. With a future date all set they finished their booze and departed, both looking forward to next Wednesday.

10.6 Karl and Rhonda Outside Shool

‘Oh Karl, if there’s anything I can do please tell me. It mustof been a bad shock, I mean, to walk in like that and . . .’

‘Much like the shock I expect you got when you walked in on me and Margo. I still don’t understand why I feel so bad. Billy and I weren’t boyfriends, we weren’t going steady, we weren’t monogamous. We were simply friends with benefits and on that basis, he has every right to have sex with someone else. Yeah, that’s the truth of the matter, so why do I feel shitty?’

Not wanting to face Billy or even that Danny, Karl avoided the cafeteria. He and Rhonda sat on an outside bench under a shady gum tree. Since that night Karl couldn’t shake the negative feelings which were engulfing him.

‘I can’t understand it Rhonda, I just feel so miserable. I told Jason it might be that I’m afraid of rejection, and if that’s so I’ll need to deal with the feeling somehow. I can’t blame Billy, so I’ve got no one to foist my bad on.’

‘Yeah, that’s a bummer allright. Also means no-one can help you. Sorry mate. Look I’ve gotta talk to someone before afternoon classes. Will you be alright?’

Nodding his affirmative, Karl sat back and put his thinking cap on. Classes didn’t start for another half hour so he had plenty of time.

I feel like a little kid who’s been told he can’t have another ice cream. So, I’ve been rejected . . . so what. It happens, shit happens. If I were talking to a shrink right now, they’d say ‘just accept it and move on.’ Good advice. How about I do a self -audit. On the plus side I’m reasonably good looking, a nice body, friendly personality, caring about others and supporting family. On the negative I’m apparently sensitive to rejection, inclined to self-doubt and, well . . . I don’t know what else. Do I heap my problems on others? Nah, don’t think so. Wait . . . wait. I wonder if it’s sex? I wonder if I realize I can’t have sex with Billy anymore? I wonder if that’s it? Maybe . . . maybe my sub-conscience is telling me I can’t enjoy sex with Billy anymore. Let me think because I feel sad when I think about that rejection.

Long pause.

Hey, the reality is I can still have sex with Billy, if I want! See now, I’m in charge. If I want to have sex with Billy all I need do is ask and I’m sure he’ll agree. Just sex, no lovey-dovey shit. And there’s the Sauna at Seaford. I haven’t been there yet, maybe I should ask Jason.

Jason! Jason! I can still feel his great body pressed against mine up on the terrace. Geeze that felt so good. There’s something between Jason and I that is alluding me. I have feelings, but what feelings? I wonder what it’d be like having Jason deep inside me . . . fucking me? WOW! That sounds really good. WOW! Where did that come from? Something’s there and I’ve just gotta explore these feelings deeper. Me . . . a bottom? Who cares as long as it’s enjoyable? What did Billy say . . . practice? Practice with a cucumber. HAHA. Now that’s gonna be fun.

I feel better already