The Wink - 8. Chapter 8

Grant seldom made visits to the bank’s outer office as he knew his staff would be uncomfortable to have him snooping around; after all, no one wanted the boss looking over their shoulder. He did, however, visit the water facilities in the office proper, as he deemed it undemocratic to ask his secretary to drop what she was doing just to get him a simple glass of water.

So, this Monday afternoon found him at the water bottle, pouring himself a plastic cup of chilled water. It was then he heard a whispered conversation between two female clerks . . .’

‘. . . no, I wouldn’t pass on malicious gossip; it was the boy called ‘Mary’ who let it slip that the boss’s son Karl is having an affair with that homo Billy. He even told his mates the size of the guy’s cock and how beautiful was his arse.’

‘Bullshit! That’s just bitchy tittle-tattle. It were Mary’s spin on what Billy might o’ said. Just look at Karl; he’s a masculine spunk and I can’t imagine him being a poofter!’

At the use of the word ‘poofter’ Grant gasped.

What’s that all about? My son . . . a poofter? It’s ridiculous. He’s a healthy good-lookin’ male, plays footy, is a lifesaver and has . . . I think . . . a girlfriend. Nah, it’s just bitchy gossip among school kids; I’ll pay no mind. But if I get hold . . .

The conversation continued interrupting his thoughts.

‘. . . Just because he don’t look like a poofter don’t mean he ain’t one! We used to think queers were boys who looked and talked girly but that’s not true anymore, is it? Most gay men just look and behave like straight guys do. The only way yer knows they’se gay is when they come out and admit it. Anyway Nancy . . .

Nancy! I must try to talk to her to see if’n she knows more . . . Nah! What am I thinking; doing that would only make the situation worse. There’s only one way to resolve this and that’s to ask my son direct. To-night!

‘. . . you’ll get into trouble and maybe cause problems if you keep spreading this gossip around. What would happen if he ain’t gay and everyone assumes he is?’

‘Well unlike you I was at Margo’s party and saw the way the two o’ them kept together. It were obvious they’se attracted . . . ‘

‘Wait there Nancy; who ‘re ya talkin’ about? Who’s the two of them?’

‘Don’t be so bloody stupid girl. I’m talkin’ about Karl and his queer mate Billy. No soon as they’se saw each other they just became joined at the hip. Billy didna leave his’n side all night; what’s more they’se went home together, they’se did.’

‘Maybe, maybe. But I heard Margo fucked ‘im stupid. She got I’m to take his wet clothes off and when she came back, he were nakid – so she fucked ‘im. Well, that’s the story goin’ round.’

‘Yeah, I gotta admit that’s strange – if’n he is queer. But ya knows Margo; she coulda seduced ‘im somehow. I heard he confessed to that churchie Rhonda, that he were thinkin’ o’ someone else that gave ‘im a stiffie. Apparently, Margo went ape-shit when Rhonda done told ‘er.’

‘Ha, Ha, I’d luv to see the bitch taken down. But she still fucked ‘im so the story goes; that don’t make ‘im queer.’

‘Yeah, I dunno. Mebe we should ask Rhonda what she thinks, eh? But I tell ya, when they’se were together at the party they sure looked close. I’se seen plenty of couples in love together and Mr Karl and that Billy sure looked intimate.

8.2 Grant’s struggle

It was probably the most unpleasant afternoon he’s spent in a long time but, as soon as he could, Grant headed for home. His mind was in a turmoil. On entering he called,

‘Sandra, Sandra, I’m home. Where are you?’

‘Where do you think? I’m in the kitchen preparing dinner.’

All afternoon he’d been thinking how to raise the subject with Sandra but now he was confused, and scared. So, he walked into the kitchen, leaned against a wall pantry, and said nothing. Sandra became alarmed at his silence.

‘What’s the matter Grant, you look upset?’

Silence.

‘Grant, you’re making me nervous. Out with it. Somethings the matter, I can tell by just looking at you.’

(Sigh) Here goes!

‘(Hesitant) I heard a rather upsetting conversation this morning between two of our female staff. Well, it was a whispered conversation that I overheard when getting a glass of water. They didn’t know I could hear them. I . . . I . . . sorry, I’m having some difficulty with this. I don’t know how to say what I need to say . . . it’s . . . too difficult. (Choke). It’s about . . . Karl. It seems . . . ‘

‘(Impatient) Oh for god’s sake, just spit it out!’

‘(Rushed) They said our son’s gay!’

A strange silence followed. Grant felt the burden lift whilst Sandra silently breathed a sigh of relief. No one spoke for several moments. Then, Sandra,

‘(Gently) Well that settles that. I spent last night and today dealing with the same probability. At the hospital yesterday, I sensed something between our son and that young man called Billy. There was a tenderness there that should have been between Karl and the girl Rhonda, but . . . well, call it a mother’s instinct, but something wasn’t right. Then last night I thought of silly things like there wasn’t any suggestive posters of females on his wall, only posters of males . . . sports photos. Then he hasn’t had any crushes on females that would be normal for a teenager, and . . . well, . . . a lot of other stuff that made me face up to our son being attracted to males not females.’

‘So, you think it’s true?’

‘Yes, yes I do.’

Silence.

‘(Pleadingly) So what are we gonna do Sandra? I don’t know how to handle this. I’m worried if I do or say something wrong it may have a bad impact on Karl. I mean I love him and will just have to accept he’s . . . he’s . . . gay. Whew! That’s hard to say.’

‘Welcome to the club, Grant. I don’t know either.’

‘In simple terms we have two options. We either confront him or we wait for him to tell us. I don’t know which is best.’

(Sigh) I’d rather wait for him to come out to us. If we confront him before he’s ready to tell us we may do some damage. No, I’d rather wait until he’s ready. In the meantime, we should subtly let him know where’re gay friendly and certainly not homophobic.’

‘Yeah, I feel like a coward but you’re right. (Sigh) I wish I had your guts, Sandra . . . I really do. Oh, by the way, where’s Karl?’

‘He called and said he’s doing some research at the school library but will be home for dinner.’

‘(Terse) Well I bloody hope that’s true. (Sigh) Until we clear this up, I’m gonna be suspicious.’

8.3 Billy and Karl @ SurfC

‘. . . wow. I got a full bucket o’ splouge inside me. You been savin’ that up fer me? I didna think you’d be in the mood after yer punch up with the little blue bastards. That were the most energetic fuck I’se had fer a long time. Good to know they’se haven’t affected yer sex drive.’

‘(Laughing) enough of the blue bottles, it’s you my sexy man that motivates me. Yer one hottie and I can’t get enough of you.’

They were in the usual place at the surf club in the store room. Although not comfortable it was at least somewhere secure that they could enjoy some private time. This late in the afternoon there was little chance of anyone disturbing them. Waiting for his discharge yesterday morning, all Karl could think about was sinking himself deep inside Billy. The image of his face and body, even clothed, kept Karl in an aroused state. He’d fucked Billy so energetically he now lay back in a state of contentment; and yes, he’d cum a shit-load.

For several minutes they just lay side by side enjoying the after-glow of sex. They now had an easy familiarity allowing them to savor these stolen moments. To Karl these were the best times, enjoying his sexual needs without having to handle the trauma of coming out.

‘(Turning towards Billy) I want to ask you something Billy. (Pause) You seem to like being fucked and I’ve meant to ask you if it’s painful. I mean I’m not super big, but I’m not small either. Doesn’t it hurt when I enter you?’

‘(Thoughtfully) Yeah it does a bit, but it only lasts a little but then comes the pleasure. There’s something great about feelin’ yerself full of someone else’s cock. ‘Course if’n that someone is a bloke that yer like real much, it’s heaps better, it is. Why d’yer ask?’

‘Just something I’d like to try one day. I mean I’m a top and always have been, but the other day I thought I ortta try getting’ fucked just to understand how you feel when I’m inside ya.’

‘(Laughing) You want me to fuck you?’

‘Ummm, yeah; just to see what it’s like. And ‘cause you’ve done it before and knows how not to hurt, I thought you’d be the best to break my cherry.’

‘You’se still a virgin, is that it? You want me to take yer virginity. (Pause) Hey, that’s cool, I’ll do that fer ya. Bit of advice. Get something like a cucumber and practice shoving it up yer arse. Start small and then get bigger. Yer arse-hole’s very sensitive and pleasurable; soon you’ll be amazed what you’se can take, . . . size I mean. When it’s in far as it can, just lay back and enjoy the feeling. Nothing like a real cock but.’

‘Yeah thanks. Life’s all about new experiences, ain’t it? Way you describe it, sounds like fun.’ Then changing the subject,

‘(Tentatively) Hey big boy, have yer given any thought to commin’ out?’

‘(Surprised) No, why?’

‘(Carefully) Well, look at it this way. Rhonda knows and, and . . . well, I said something to ‘Mary’ that sorta outted ya . . . wow OUCH! That hurt . . . You didn’t . . . ‘

(Alarmed) Why did ya tell that gossip-hound? I thought it were just between us; you promised me, mate, you promised me!’

‘(Annoyed) Hey, I didn’t do it on purpose, I didn’t. We were just messing around and ‘Mary’ asked me jokingly what yer arse is like and before I could stop meself I sorta indicated . . . well, I said something that meant I’d seen ya bare-arsed. One thing led to another . . .; look I’m sorry, it were just innocent like, and . . .’

‘And now the whole school gonna know about me private-life! Gawd, I didn’t want this.’

‘(Exasperated) Well, what do yer want, Karl? You can’t keep hiding forever. First me, then Jason, then Rhonda, probably ‘Mary’ and soon . . .; what about yer folks, don’t they need telling? Wouldn’t be good fer them to hear it from gossip, would it?’

Silence. Karl knew that what Billy said was the truth. He was just being a coward, harboring a genuine fear.

‘(Chastened) Yer right of course. Sorry, I didn’t mean to get mad when It’s my problem. I just been dreading telling me dad, that’s all. I reckon mum’s OK, but I don’t know how the old man’s gonna take it. I don’t want to hurt him, err . . . I mean, both o’ them. Compared with you, I’m a right proper wimp. How’d you do it? Was it hard?’

‘(Pensively) ‘Cause it were. I told me mum first and she floored me by saying she knew for some time. Usual story, Mums are cluey when it comes to their kids. (sigh) Me dad was somethin’ else. The look on his face told its own story. He were disgusted and he told me he were. Didn’t speak t’me fer about a week. Couldn’t look me straight in the eye until mum got him aside and read the riot act. He warmed up a bit but we’ve never been the same. I reckon we’ll never be the same. The thing is ya gotta be prepared to put up with some shit but once you’ve told the truth ya feels better. I promise.’

‘Guess yer right. I’ve got some thinkin’ to do. Gawd, why does it have to be so hard? (Standing up) But fer now I’d better get dressed and off home. It’s getting late.’

8.4 Billy wants open relationship

After Karl left Billy got dressed and sat on the sand in front of the Clubhouse.

Karl, Karl, Karl this can’t go on forever. The truth will have to come out; unless, unless, he really wimps it and don’t tell his folks. He doesn’t realise his so-called secret ain’t a secret any more. The gossip-mill will be working overtime and the whispers getting louder. And what about me? Am I exclusive to Karl? I sorta said I were but I can’t go on with Karl if’n he won’t declare himself. I just don’t want to be a dirty little secret forever. I mean Danny Gardenner makes no secret he wants to play with me. Ha, ha, it sure pays to let people knows yer gay. Makes connecting easy. He’s a looker too, as well as being a great footy player. Yeah, I’m too young to be exclusive to Karl, especially when he won’t be truthful.

Do I want to be exclusive? Umm . . . no, not really. I mean, I like Karl a lot but what does that mean? Going steady? Getting married? Nah, gawd not at sixteen . . . well, fifteen, soon to be sixteen. He could only be a friend . . . with benefits, as they say. Nah, I’d better start cooling things off; let him know he’s not the only shell on the beach. I know, I know I done told him I’m his, but surely, he’ll understand he can’t have me all to hisself? I mean, I’m just a kid really and need to ‘speriment. It’s amazing once I came out, I’ve been getting interest from blokes I never woulda thought . . . yep, woulda thought would like some male to male sex. I guess some just can’t get it from their girlfriends, so they’se come on t’me.

Then there’s that sauna in Seaford, I done heard about. Haven’t been yet but sounds interesting. Bet there’s some spunks who’d like to fuck me stupid. Nothing romantic, jest sex, sex, and sex. I gotta go, I gotta go.

Now ‘bout Karl; what to do? Well, next time he tells me he wants to . . . well, I’ll just say ‘not now boyo’. Gotta cool ‘im somehow. So, what If’n he starts to sex with others? How would I feel, eh? Well, I dunno. Would I be jealous, would I get bitchy? Maybe, then mebe not. He’s eighteen and should play the field before he gets serious with anyone. Yeah, I reckon I could accept that without getting’ bent outta shape.

Sure, is beautiful ain’t it. Just look at those waves, and the sand, and the sky, and the birdies and . . . wonder what’s the best day to go visit that sauna?

8.5 Karl prepares to come out

Unbeknown to Billy, Karl was in a state of anxiety and uncertainty. Even though it was past 6 in the evening he found himself dawdling on the way home. It was crunch time; he knew he had to fess up and find some guts. As he passed a small children’s park with swings and other playthings, he sat down on a bench and concentrated his thoughts.

Billy’s right; I can’t go on hiding myself. I am gay and that’s not gonna change; what’s gonna change is trying to hide my true self from others. What about Billy, he’s only young but much braver than me. I mean he knew trouble would follow but he still told his parents, particularly his dad. I suppose I should look at the matter like me dad would look at a balance sheet. Assets versus liabilities; good versus bad. On the negative side is the pain I’ll cause my parents, name calling at school, perhaps ostracism from the surf club guys, maybe a loss of a few friends. Perhaps a bashing or two. Who knows? I don’t know how folks will react . . . but who cares? Should I care what people say or think about me? No, I shouldn’t care . . . but I will. That’s just being me, but at the same time it’s not fatal, is it? I mean, it’s probably gonna be a strain for a few months and I’ll just have to find the guts to persevere.

And then the good side. No more struggling to keep a secret, the relief to finally be out in the open; no more lying. To walk down the street holding hands with a person I really care about. Maybe not the holding hands so much but somehow to demonstrate that I care about someone. I’ll be a new person; a new open and honest person. I’ll finally be meself, and if others don’t like it then that’s their problem. Yeah well, it’s easy to say ya don’t care when a large part of me will care, (sigh) but the main thing is I ain’t got a choice now. The process of outing has already started and I just must see it through.

Karl stared for a while into the gathering gloom and then with a sigh stood up and continued his way home.

8.6 Karl faces the music

He opened the front door with his key and advanced into the welcoming glow of his home. Immediately on his right was the sliding doors that gave entrance to the lounge room and he could hear the TV set to a news channel. Every night before dinner his dad watched the news before eating. This meant his mother was in the kitchen, so that’s where he headed. His heart thumped uncomfortably and he started sweating.

‘Hi mum, err . . . how long before dinner?’

‘Not long. Hey, how was your day? Any after affects from the stinging? I mean could you sit comfortably in school?’

‘Yeah, yeah, It’s cool. I had some pain killers on me and I took a couple about lunch when I started to feel uncomfortable. I may take a couple more before bed. Where’s Dad?’

‘(Laughing) Where do you think; he’s got his head buried in the news as he does every night.’

‘(Nervously) Look, I want to talk to you both and I want to do it now before we eat. Can you . . .’

Just then his Dad walked into the kitchen.

‘(Harsh) I think that’s a good idea, that we talk now, because . . .’

‘(Alarmed) Grant! You said you wouldn’t force, . . . well, let Karl talk when he’s comfortable . . . .’

‘(Impatiently) Yes, I know what I said but I changed my mind. This is too important to put on hold whilst we eat, and I can’t delicately handle delicate matters. (Short pause while Grant stared at his son). I eavesdropped on a conversation at work . . .’

‘(Angry) NO GRANT! I don’t want you to bully the boy. It’s better . . .’

What’s going on here? Do they know something already? Sounds like they’ve had a talk, agreed on an approach, but now my Dad has changed his mind . . .

‘. . . to let Karl talk to us when he’s ready. That’s what we decided . . .’

‘BULLSHIT! I know this is gonna be rough on all of us but I want to know the truth. (Hesitate) Karl, I heard a whispered conversation between two of my female staff about you being . . ., being . . .’

‘(Suddenly calm) About me being gay? Is that what you heard? Yes? Well it’s true, I am . . . gay.’

The room stood still, the only sound being muted noise from the TV. Sandra Williams then gave a short gasp and turned to face the wall. Grant stood immobile staring at his son with a blank look. Breaking eye contact with his father, he turned towards his mother,

‘Mum! Please, are you all right. Please look at me. I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to hurt you. Please . . .’

‘(Sandra turned to look at Karl) Oh I knew . . . or, at least suspected; there are times a mother‘s instinct tells her that somethings not right. I felt it Saturday at the hospital. The atmosphere between that young girl Rhonda and yourself was not what I’d expect for two people having a romantic affair. On the other hand, you and that William Jenkins seemed close, not just friendly close but . . . but . . . close, close. So, I guess he‘s the significant person in your life?’

‘This isn’t about Billy and me, it’s about me, mum. I . . . I’ve known for some time that girls don’t interest me, err . . . romantically. (pause, close to tears) At first, I was terrified and . . . frightened. Believe me Homophobia isn’t dead it’s very much alive and nasty. I simply lied because I was afraid . . . afraid of many things, but most of all hurting you and dad. Now I just can’t live the lie anymore because it’s gonna tear me apart. I . . . I, just hope you don’t hate me.’

‘(Alarmed) Hate you? Oh, my boy, how could you even think I’d hate you. You’re my son, my flesh and blood, I could never hate you. Never! Just give me time to absorb this. We’ll have to talk about how you want this handled, or at least, who you want to tell. It’s your issue son; all I can do is . . .’

‘(Harshly) You’re gay. You’re a queer . . . you’re a poofter . . .’

Grant Williams snapped out of his stupor, glared at his son, and said the first words that came to his mind.

‘GRANT! STOP THAT! How dare you! Don’t you ever use those words again in this house, y’hear!’

‘(Mollified) Well, it’s true ain’t it?’

‘No, it’s not true what you called him, except he’s gay and is attracted to males not females. I know enough to understand it’s not a choice; he was born this way. There’s no fault here and we must stand behind him and support him. Gutter language – abusive language - will not be tolerated in this house . . . or anywhere. Understand?’

Grant ignored his wife and continued staring at his son.

‘(Antagonistic) You mentioned ‘Billy’. Is that William Jenkins, the son of Bob Jenkins the owner of Bob’s Auto?’

‘(Softly) Yes.’

‘(Ridiculing) Yes, you said ‘yes;’ your fucking . . . ‘

‘(Furious) GRANT, STOP IT! I won’t have foul language in this house. Watch your tongue mister; your being offensive. Do you understand?’

Ignoring his wife,

‘. . . an under-age boy. How old is he?’

‘(Shamed) He’s fifteen, soon to be sixteen (Sandra gasped) This isn’t about Billy . . ..’

Sandra interjected,

‘(Mortified) Your having sex with a minor? Oh my god Karl what were you thinking about? How could you? On this matter I’m with your father; it’s got to stop, because you’re breaking the law and could go to jail. Oh, please promise me you’ll end it . . . now!’

‘(Menacingly) At least your mum and I are on the same wavelength. You’re brooking a disaster. I know Bob Jenkins; if he finds out his son is being molested by an older boy, he’ll do everything to make sure the law’s enforced. I don’t know what to think of you Karl; how could you put yourself and your parents in such a dangerous position? Not only do I have to deal with the fact that my son is gay and soon the whole world will know, but he’s also involved in criminal activities.’

‘(Angry, but close to tears) Oh gee I’m sorry that you have to deal with my being gay, really sorry. I thought this was about me, but I can see now it’s only about you and what people will think. As to Billy, it’s been entirely consensual.’

‘That isn’t the point and you know it. The law doesn’t stipulate anything about consensual just it’s a crime to have sex with a minor. OH CRAP! This is disgusting! You will stop any further involvement with this young boy . . . YESTERDAY!’

And stamped out, leaving Karl close to tears and Sandra sick with worry.

‘(Firmly) You will do what he says won’t you Karl? He’s right of course. For a sensible boy who’s never put a foot wrong you’ve brought a lot of potential trouble on yourself . . . and us.’

‘(Softly) Yes, yes I will. God I’m so ashamed, I don’t know what I was thinking. Then again, I could never make you understand. I’ve been so alone, emotionally alone. Never had anyone to talk to. Always in fear of discovery. Then, along came a person who was like me and liked me; I didn’t have to lie about who I was. It was such a relief. He genuinely feels for me, y’know. Of course, I’m attracted sexually. But that wasn’t the point. After years of hiding myself I was able to talk and be myself. You’ll never know the feeling of being an outcast. I don’t regret starting a friendship; I wish I coulda left it at that. But I’m young, I’m healthy; I have the same sexual needs that hetro guys have and I just acted on it. Am I sorry . . .? No, not really? Am I regretful . . .? Yes, because he’s obviously under age?’

Sandra suddenly had a need to choke back tears. She began to understand Karl’s solitary struggle over a long time; that he had to travel so alone filled her with remorse. Something wasn’t right! Something was wrong with a society that caused such pain. Through gossip she’d heard that the Reverend Andersen was harsh towards gay people and that made her mad . . . mad as hell. Thank goodness Karl wasn’t involved with the Reverend’s daughter. Softly she walked over to her son and enveloped him in a big hug. She could feel his shoulders heaving with silent tears.

‘(Softly) You aren’t alone any more sweetheart. I’m here and on your side. No more secrets; any time you want to talk, about anything, I’m here. I’ll always be here. If anyone harms my son, they’ll have me to reckon with. You betcha!’

‘What about . . .?’

‘Your Dad? Leave him to me. He’s just ignorant and confused right now. He’ll come around; you take my word for it.’