On the Strawberry Moon - 12. Chapter 12

‘Stop it, Will is disgusting!’

‘You got to give him a chance,’ Ronny raised his eyebrows, sniggering.

‘Bah, Humbug’ Sammy retorted, folding her arms.

Everyone was laughing, teasing Sammy about a boy at the party who clearly had a crush on her. Everyone except Kalum.

The vision of them hurt his eyes. Robert and that guy. They were in the corner laughing and whispering, they kept putting their hands on each other backs.

They were all at a party at Tom’s friend Bobby’s house.

‘I know it’s really weird comment but this house smells really nice,’ stated Oscar, sipping her drink. ‘Like vanilla?’

‘Yeah,’ Tom nodded, looking around the large groups of people laughing and talking around them. It was a very fashionable house with fine dark wood and fancy lighting. ‘Bobby’s parents have a really nice place.’

‘Oh,’ Daz reached out and tabbed at the guy walking past them with long blonde hair. ‘Great party, man!’

Bobby nodded back, and gave a thumbs up before talking to another group of people. The large rooms were spaced out for enough people, the music was very soft in the background.

‘Should I go get my amp? This music needs to be booming,’ said Ronny, while the gang all shake their head and laughed at him

Jasper stamped on Kalum’s foot. Kalum bit his tongue and looked down, aware of Jasper glaring at him.

He didn’t want to look gloomy and stare at Robert and that guy. He wasn’t doing it on purpose. Kalum looked down and took a sip of his drink.

‘Tell you what,’ Billy announced, grinning. ‘We’ll go ask Bobby if he wants an amp then we’ll go get it? Girls can all stay here.’

‘You bet ya,’ Sammy raised a glass to him.

They all rushed off, excited. Kalum trailed behind, focusing on drinking his drink. Tom, Billy, Ronny and Jasper were all talking loudly with each other and Bobby. Kalum kept silence. Bobby’s friends joined in with the amp idea, pumped up and wanting to get it. The music had to be super loud and messy to contradict the politeness of the house.

Since there was so many of them in the group going for this amp now, Kalum held back a little. He needed five minutes. Just five minutes, it was hard to snap out of this gloomy feeling. It really hurt and that hurt just made him ask more questions.

Having been to Bobby’s house before for Halloweens, Kalum knew the best place. He crept away from people and went up the stairs, past couples making out, up to the loft. He climbed out the window and onto the flat roof. Careful with his footing, he walked along and sat on the edge, hidden and away from site.

He knew Jasper would kick off the minute he knew he was gone but he just needed that few minutes. It was really hard to pretend everything was okay. He wasn’t prepared enough to see Robert and his new ‘guy’.

He could remember when Robert had told him how he felt. How Kalum basically turned him down.

He couldn’t be angry at Robert for wanting to move on.

‘Oh,’ someone came on the roof with him.

Kalum looked over in the corner of his eye. His heart sunk. Robert.

But. No new guy.

‘Hey,’ Kalum swallowed the lump and force a small smile.

Robert smiled back and slid along next to him so they could sit together. ‘Ah, roof buddy.’

Despite himself, Kalum couldn’t help laugh at that.

‘Wearing your favourite colour?’ Robert asked.

Oh. Kalum looked down and laughed. He had red orange stain on his shirt.

Robert smiled relieved, ‘Knew it was you.’

‘Is the colour orange the secret code?’ teased Kalum.

‘Orange code, you can do so much with that, think of the songs, the films.’

‘The dinosaurs.’

Robert laughed at that one nudging Kalum’s shoulder. They giggled before staring out into the garden of people dancing.

‘How are you?’ Robert asked, genuinely wanting to know. ‘How’s things with your brother?’

Kalum nodded, ‘Yeah, it’s fine.’

‘I always have the numbers if you need them. I wanted to speak to you before I went to anyone else, I was going to ring someone on your behalf, maybe get them to speak with you.’

‘I appreciate that, but I also appreciate you not telling anyone.’

‘I only want to help you.’

‘I know.’

‘I’m here whenever you’re ready. I won’t go away.’

It was silent.

‘Okay,’ Kalum said, his voice low. ‘How are you?’

‘Me? I’m all dandy.’

‘I haven’t heard that saying in a while.’

‘I’m an old soul,’ teased Robert.

It was silence again.

‘Are you mad, about, um?’ Robert trailed off. ‘Paul?’

Kalum stared forward into garden. Guess Robet did move on and did have a new relationship. ‘I want you to be happy. You guys look good.’

He was expecting Robert to thank him but Robert just stared forward too. He edged closer to Kalum; their hands were a few inches apart.

‘Shame we couldn’t go out.’

‘Yeah,’ agreed Kalum. ‘It is. I’d have taken you on a great date.’

Robert chuckled, ‘So, what’s your idea of a date?’

‘A great date.’

‘Yeah, a great date.’

‘Well,’ Kalum clicked his tongue and grinned a little. ‘I’d pick you up first, we’d get a bus.’

‘A bus?’ giggled Robert.

‘Yeah, a bus. To the ice rink. Just because. I’d teach you a few moves, hold your hand, glide you around. I am pretty terrible at it but you’ll still love it, ha. Afterwards, we’d get hotdogs with smelly onions on, sauces, the lot. I’d take you to shops then and we’d walk around, I’d let you pick whatever shop you wanted and buy random things in there for you. Then we’d need grab some takeaway food, stuff it in my backpack.’

‘Why a backpack?’ Robert was looking at him amused and completely entertained.

‘Because that’s how we sneak it into the cinema!’

Robert laughed at that, shaking his head, grinning.

‘So, yeah, that would be the date, lots of smiles, fun, and all that boring stuff,’ Kalum giggled, looking down.

‘Then what happen after the cinema?’

‘Oh, um, I’d make sure you get home safe.’

‘Then?’

‘I’d hold your hand before you went in.’

‘You wouldn’t hold my hand during the date?’

‘Oh, yeah, not through the whole date, got eat my hotdog and takeaway, you know,’ smiled Kalum.

‘Then end it with a good bye kiss?’

‘Those are the best.’

They were both quiet as they turned to stare ahead in front of them, into the sea of random people in the garden. The random people were having a good, laughing, talking with friends, dancing. Not one of those people could see Kalum and Robert sitting on the roof together.

‘You and, um…’

‘Paul.’

‘You guys are good together.’ Kalum said. ‘He could take you out that date. He could openly be with you. You wouldn’t have to hide with him.’

‘Yeah,’ whispered Robert.

‘That’s what you deserve, and he’s completely dotty for you.’

‘Dotty?’

‘I’m an old soul too,’ chuckled Kalum. ‘He’s going to make you happy and that’s the most important thing.’

Before Robert could response, a phone buzzed, the noise was harsh and loud, Kalum felt it vibrate through his pocket.

Group message from Billy asking where he was.

‘I got to go,’ smiled Kalum, getting up, waving Robert goodbye.

As Robert waved back, Kalum knew Jasper would be annoyed. His throat felt tight. He felt the emotions hitting him suddenly, like someone had smacked him from behind with a metal bar. His eyes felt sharp and his throat was really hurting. If he let one word out of his mouth, he was scared of people seeing how he really was.

He couldn’t hide it.

It did hurt. He couldn’t be with Robert. It really hurt.

He could feel his chest tightening, his breath holding in his lungs, his throat too sore and closed up, as if his brother was right there putting his hands around his throat again.

The dreaded feeling of having to act okay and endure Jasper’s wrath after. Kalum rushed to the bathroom, he locked the door and sat on the edge of the bath tub. He stared at his hands. They were shaking, shivering away.

He felt like he was drowning. He couldn’t breathe, he was trying hard to breathe in and out. His face felt wet, he touched his cheek.

He needed to not feel like this.

This was too raw and so public. He needed to act okay and happy in the next five minutes. This pressure to be okay made it hard for him to catch his breath. He cursed himself for this. He didn’t want these feelings.

The more he couldn’t breathe, the more his heart was pounding inside his chest. The bathroom felt so small as the ceiling and walls were crashing into him.

‘Hey,’ someone knocked on the door. ‘You nearly done?’

Kalum breathed in heavily before croaking out, ‘Two minutes, man. Two minutes.’