Krista's Prompts - 12. Leap of Faith - Fail

“What do you mean you can’t come down?” I asked as I held the phone up to my face as I ate a late dinner. Glancing around at my apartment, dark because I hadn’t turned on any lights after coming home.

“I’m sorry Fin,” Brandon said as I placed my fork on my plate and pushed it away. It was delivery, Chinese, but it no longer held my attention.

“We missed Christmas together,” I said and I grimaced at the sound of my voice. We had been doing this long-term relationship since graduating high school. I was now seven and a half years into Veterinary school two hours away from home. He moved up north, to go to law school. He had hopes on Harvard, but ended up in Georgetown, which got him closer to his main goal anyway.

“Look, you might be finished for the summer, but I have internships, you know this,” he countered and I glanced down at my phone when I heard him sigh.

“They are volunteer internships, and I didn’t until you texted me right before I called,” I argued as I picked up my fork again, feeling a stress eating binge coming on. One that would have me at the gym two more days next week after the guilt of having eaten everything in my apartment struck.

“You were the one that decided to stay close to home, I wanted out of there,” he said, his southern accent that he tried to hide falling back into place. We were both from an overly privileged sort of life. It was still in Alabama and that wasn’t ever going to be good enough for him. My dream was to be a veterinarian, to be married to him someday. I had it all planned out, a stable for my horses and everything. “I don’t want to pick a fight, it is Friday night.”

“I know,” I said looking towards the front door. Friday nights we promised to talk or video chat. When we were newer to being separated by miles it had been nice. We mostly ended up both naked in separate beds, but lately the promise of calls had been me silently waiting. Early on, he made trips down, but that was a year and a half ago. He lived in a house with three other people, they were all adult enough not to talk about those visits. The apartment I lived in, I lived in only because we needed privacy, and space. It still belonged to the University, so it was still going on my list of debts, being outside of the scholarships that would have paid for housing. It was worth it, in the beginning. Now I just thought about all the dark and empty rooms with no reason to ever go in them.

“I’ll try to make it down in about three weeks, my boss is going on vacation,” he said after we both fell silent.

“I remember you saying that during the Christmas break,” I countered knowing I was being unfair. Both of our upper graduate levels demanded more time than we had. I just finished all of my labs and finals, I had already gotten my grades. I was still top of my class and just one year away from graduating. Then I could do my certification and one or two years of residency under a veterinarian anywhere I wanted. A year suddenly felt like too much time.

“Why don’t you go see our parents, if you’re bored,” he said and I sat back in the high backed chair at the bar.

“We were supposed to do that together too,” I said looking down at the engagement ring on my left ring finger. Brandon had surprised me the last time he made it down. Rolling it around on my finger, as it was slightly too big for me, I frowned. I had been too chicken to tell our parents, they were members of a huge Baptist church, although they were always welcoming to both of us and knew. I didn’t want to press my luck, and I didn’t want to do it alone either. Brandon’s parents would have been perfectly okay, but he had refused to tell them. Always saying it wasn’t something to announce until it got closer to when we could get married. Joking that his Mom would be picking out decorations and venues, hounding us both until we were done with the entire thing.

“Oh shit, that’s right,” he said as he groaned. “Could you just tell them whenever you go?”

“No, I’m not doing that by myself,” I argued as someone knocked on my door. Not expecting anyone I got excited thinking this was some sort of elaborate plan for Brandon to surprise me. Sliding out of the chair, I walked around the counter and opened the door. Seeing Dr. Braxton on the other side and not Brandon’s goofy smile, I sighed and held up the phone.

“You’re going to want to hear this,” Dr. Braxton said as he hovered just outside my door.

“Dr. Braxton,” I said as I held up the phone higher, hoping to get his attention. “Why are you here, I didn’t fail a final.”

“No, you know that,” he said as he waved his hand. His mixture of his British accent, from having moved here when he was around five, and the southern American had caught me off guard when I stepped into his office as a Freshman. Being a Biology pre-vet major, he was assigned to me, to make sure I enrolled in all the correct classes. He became my main professor in most of my classes now. I saw more of him than I did my own family over the years.

“Why is your professor visiting you?” Brandon asked and when Braxton looked down at my phone he rolled his eyes. He knew about Brandon, Braxton was very openly gay and I hadn’t been around very many openly gay people when I first arrived. So I had told him about Brandon early on.

“I don’t know,” I answered as I stepped aside and let him enter the apartment. I watched him looking around the place, probably at the dark state of it right now.

“I’ll call you back if I have time,” Brandon said, bringing my attention back to the phone. I heard the dropped call notification before I could say anything. Frowning, I closed down my phone and slid it into my pocket. Then I turned back around and flipped on a few of the light switches to give us more light.

“Sorry to have dropped in on you like this,” Braxton said as he whirled around to look at me. “It came today.”

“What did?” I asked as I watched him fumbling around in his bag. When he fished out an envelope he glanced at it before turning it around to show me.

“Your letter from Dr. Royce,” he said as he closed the distance between us. I barely moved my hand fast enough to catch him shoving it at me. “About your study abroad application.”

“Didn’t you make me do this application?” I asked, having completely forgotten about filling it out last semester. It was worth twenty-five extra bonus credits on any exam. I didn’t need to use the points, but it helped lift my GPA higher overall.

“You’re damn right I did, boy, and aren’t you a lucky ass,” he said smiling at me and then down at the unopened envelope. “Now open it before I stroke out, I ran all the way over here.”

“Alright, don’t fall over on me,” I said, shaking my head as I peeled back the sealed flap until the paper gave way and it ripped. Peeling it the rest of the way down with my finger, I pulled out the letter. It was made of thick, creamy yellow paper that had a texture under my fingers. Unfolding it, I saw the date the letter was issued. A week ago, followed by my name, then Congratulations. I stopped reading it after that and looked back up to see Dr. Braxton craned towards me, his scruffy salt-pepper beard ruffled and more unkempt than it usually was. His usual soft brown eyes that seemed welcoming were burning holes through the back of the letter.

“You didn’t get in?” He asked, snatching the letter out of my hand. We had lost a lot of professionalism between us over the years too. He became more of a friend and mentor than a professor.

“I did,” I answered as his eyes shifted over the letter.

“Then why the hell aren’t you hitting the ceiling?” He asked as he shook the letter at me. “We both know what this is.”

“I know,” I said smiling. Dr. Royce’s name was on most of my textbooks, he was the main author or a co-author. A leading specialist veterinarian that was currently based in Africa. He was from there and wanted to return after having ground breaking practices all over the globe. He started abroad programs two years ago, for veterinarian students. He only chose three applicants out of thousands, Braxton was right, any other day I would have shot through the roof.

“Are you feverish?” He asked as he folded up the letter.

“I can’t go,” I answered, taking a step back when his hands flew into the air.

“Why the hell not?” He asked, nearly knocking his glasses off the bridge of his nose. He only used them to read or to look through microscopes. Always groaning about old eyes and older hands. He no longer practiced himself, just taught. I expected him to be leaving in a week or two, he always vacationed back in London visiting family. His mother was still alive, at the age of ninety. Both his parents moved back after they retired, his Dad had died over a decade ago.

“I have a lot going on,” I answered and when his eyes landed squarely on me I wanted to look away.

“You look like you do,” he said and I frowned hearing the judgment in his voice. “I found you here, not out with the other young things burning couches or doing whatever you guys do on weekends.”

“That’s only if Auburn wins a championship,” I answered, only ever being to one couch burning party. It was the first year I was here, but I didn’t even get drunk. I was too worried I would pick up bad habits that would hinder me later on. “I’m not really all that young anymore, I’m twenty-five.”

“You keep talking like that and you’ll have to make me an irish coffee,” he said, pushing his glasses further up onto his head. “I’m standing here in my late sixties, creaky knees and arthritic hands. I would still be on the first flight I could get, and I know Charles Royce, a close personal friend if you recall.”

“Are you saying I only got in because of your friendship?” I asked, smirking when he dramatically fell into the barstool that I had been sitting in earlier. Eyeballing my half-finished and cold chinese food he grimaced.

“You know damn well you got in on your own merits,” He countered and I watched him gently move my plate away from him. Probably to protect himself from putting his elbow in it more than anything. “Now tell me what is more important than a once in a lifetime chance to study under one of the best?”

“I could be getting married, or, or something. Maybe a trip to Paris,” I said, cocking an eyebrow when he smirked.

“Griffin,” he said, his voice falling to a more careful tone and I knew I was about to hear something I didn’t want to hear. Something that he would only get away with because I had allowed us to be this close to begin with. “As someone who has been married four times, I think I know someone ready to be married when I see them.”

“One of those was a vegas wedding and to a woman,” I countered pointing my finger at him.

“I honestly thought those things were for shits and weren’t real,” he said smiling at me. “Does Brandon know you’re about to be married?”

“We’re engaged, that’s the next logical step,” I said, suddenly feeling the weight of the engagement ring on my finger. At first I thought it was stupid. Being given a ring as a promise, I hadn’t ever envisioned us getting engaged. We were never all that big on traditions, but then he surprised me and I accepted. A year between that day and now had already come and gone, but I never thought the next logical step should have happened already. I had thought that would come when we both had more freedom and time. We both had dreams, mine to be a veterinarian, and him to work in government or a practicing lawyer. We were always on these logical steps towards milestones, I was going to get there before him, only having one year left. I still hoped my next logical step still met him on his. That our paths didn’t somehow Y-out in two different directions.

“Next logical step is to have your ass up to date on vaccines, your passport checked, and a formal conversation with Charles so he can expect your arrival,” Dr. Braxton said as he stood back up. Unlike me he gently pushed the stool back up to the counter before turning to look at me. “My boy, you have known this Brandon chap for twenty-three years of your life, so he also knows what this would mean for you, surely.”

“I never told him, I didn’t expect to get in,” I countered as my heart picked up its pace for the first time since he showed me the envelope.

“I’ll let you tell him the good news and get out of here,” he said, offering me a small smile. “Turn some lights on, it is depressing to sit alone in the dark.”

“Fine,” I said smiling when he clapped me on the shoulder as he walked around me.

“Take the leap, Fin,” he said, nodding his head once. “If the man loves you, he’ll wait just as you have waited.”

“Have a good night,” I said, not wanting to acknowledge what he said as he headed towards the front door. Over the years of missed trips and broken plans Braxton barely hid his frustration with Brandon, but this was one of the rare times he ever gave me advice on the matter. Mostly he just listened to me vent my frustrations, something he would most definitely not do with his other students.

“I hope to not see your ass in the fall,” he said as he opened the front door as I grabbed my phone out of my pocket not knowing what I would tell Brandon.

“Have a safe trip to London,” I said and when he smiled, he gave me a small wave and stepped out into the hallway letting the door close behind him. When it clicked softly, I looked down at the envelope resting on the counter. Beside it was the folded up acceptance letter that I was only one word into. I didn’t know what the rest of it contained, I was too afraid to unfold it. If I read the whole thing and it finally hit me, I didn’t know if I would still have the strength to decline. Dr. Charles Royce picked me out of thousands, one of three all over the planet. I would be working on animals that were only found in zoos here and out of my reach. If I succeeded there, it would set me up for wherever I wanted to do my certifications and residency. His name on my applications would get me more than I could imagine.

Scrolling down to Brandon’s name, I pressed the call button. When it immediately failed, I pressed it again as I looked at the clock. It was still early enough for him to be awake. We had talked all night in the earlier years many times. Falling to an hour or two on Fridays when one of us finally felt guilty enough to call, hoping the other one answered. Braxton hadn’t been here that long and after the third time I gave up and picked up the letter. Unfolding it, I read it all the way down to the contact information to formally accept. It was time sensitive, the date of my expectant arrival was two weeks from now. Brandon would still be well into his internships, something he hadn’t told me until this evening. I already had my mind on the trip to Paris we talked about when we missed our window to see one another around Christmas. I would have settled for a week on a beach, our asses in the sand, and getting tanned. Instead I put in my passcode for my phone again and scrolled it down to Mom’s number knowing she would answer by the second ring.

This one sucks, because after I started the Leap of Faith anthology, I got really busy with real life. I would also have to research veterinary medicine, how most universities do studying abroad, etc. More energy than I wanted for an Anthology as well. I also knew that it would turn into a bigger than the Anthology would have allowed as far as word count, it is a constant issue for me.  
I still do like the idea and the characters though. Don't know what I had planned for every little detail of this story as well and it has been too long for me to remember. Rereading didn't help me remember either. 
--- The next one is --- "The Vagina that Heals" --- my joke poem. I am a bit on the fence about posting it, because it was totally meant to be a joke and when I posted it all those years ago I did receive a bit of backlash for it... don't know if that sort of thing has gotten better or worse. I'm going to find out anyway.