Imagine There's No Heaven - 13. Chapter 13

Colton swooned beneath that first kiss. They say that the first kiss is heaven without having magic involved. This was different. It oozed magic. It oozed feeling. It came from the heart. From kiss heaven. Richard’s full lips trembled with each touch. Colton stroked his face and ran his fingers through his hair. Richard's dark eyes remained open for a few seconds before closing. And as they closed, his mouth opened to welcome Colton's searching tongue. Colton pulled away several times, but Richard held onto him for dear life and drew him back each time. Ten minutes seemed like forever before they finally pulled away, lips swollen, chins red. Colton took Richard’s hand and led him back to the shack. ‘What just happened?’ Richard asked, dazed. Colton laughed, ‘I think we had our very first kiss.’ ‘Fuck, that was better than sex.’ Richard said. Colton laughed out loud. ‘That’s just the beginning.’ ‘Do you think Bernard and Jack will be angry with us?’ Richard asked on the steps. ‘I don’t think so. Well, maybe Jack. I know Bernard is celebrating.’ ‘You reckon?’ ‘He was a wise kid. I loved his maturity,’ Colton said. ‘He knew.’ ‘He knew? What did he know?’ ‘He’d known about you for a long time.’ ‘About me?’ ‘While you and Sue were calling for an ambulance he told me that he had seen you with a guy. That he didn’t mind. He knew you were looking for someone and that you’d brought this guy to your flat. He also told me that your wife hurt you by running off with another man.’ ‘Ex-wife. She wasn’t good for my ego. He really told you all this? What else did he say?’ ‘Ok. I want you to sit down.’ Colton gently pulled him onto the top step and sat beside him. He took his hand and gently kissed it. ‘It’s nothing bad, Richard. Okay, what I’m about to tell you, you need to know that it came from his heart. So, I don’t want you to be sad. I don’t want you to suddenly go into reverse. Will you promise me that?’ ‘Just tell me what he said, for god’s sake.’ Colton’s eyes never left Richard’s for a second as he related Bernard’s last living moments. [i]‘Who was Jack. Why did you cry back there?’[/i] [i]‘You are how old? Eleven?’[/i] [i]Bernard shook his head. ‘No. I’m thirteen.’[/i] [i]‘But your dad said you’re eleven.’[/i] [i]‘He lied. I don’t know why he lied but he did. I could have said something there and then but it felt as if he was trying to stop that man from taking me. So I kept quiet.’[/i] [i]‘Clever move. Thirteen. Hmmm. Okay, I’ll tell you. Jack and I were like girlfriend and boyfriend.'[/i] [i]‘You mean, gay?’[/i] [i]‘Yes. I’m gay.’[/i] [i]‘When you…you know… kiss and make love, is it the same as kissing a girl?’[/i] [i]‘Well, firstly young man, your dad should be explaining this to you, not me. But, all I’m going to say is yes, it is the same. ’[/i] [i]‘I’ve seen dad.’[/i] [i]‘You’ve seen dad? I don’t follow…’[/i] [i]‘I’ve… seen dad kiss his friend.’ [/i] [i]‘Oh. Well, maybe it was his friend’s birthday?’[/i] [i]‘Nope. Dad came home late one night from a dinner party. I crept down the stairs quiet as a mouse. I saw two shadows so decided to go back up to my room. I watched them from the landing. They kissed, then went into the lounge where I couldn’t see them.’[/i] [i]‘How did that make you feel?’[/i] [i]‘I didn’t mind, I thought it was cute. I was happy for my dad. A little confused, but happy.’[/i] [i]‘So then you don’t mind that I’m gay?’[/i] [i]‘I don’t mind what people are. So long as they’re happy, I’m happy. Mom and dad were happy once.’[/i] [i]‘Why did your mom leave? Is it because she knew your dad was kissing his friend?’[/i] [i]‘Nope. [/i][i]Told you, s[/i][i]he ran off with another man. Haven’t seen her since.’[/i] [i]‘Do you miss her?’[/i] [i]‘No. But dad does. His misses her terribly. That’s why I want him to fall in love with someone. It’ll take his mind off mom.’[/i] [i]‘What happened to the friend?’[/i] [i]‘Haven’t seen him again.’[/i] [i]‘I’m sure your dad will find someone. Give him time. Time heals everything. What about you? Have you got a girlfriend?’[/i] [i]‘Girls ignore me. I’m not the best looking kid at school. Did you love Jack?’[/i] [i]‘In my eyes, love has no boundaries,’ Colton said. ‘Besides, God demands that we love. I don’t think he really worries about whom we love, just as long as we love. I would like to think that Jack loved me. Yes. I loved Jack.’ Tears stained his cheeks.[/i] [i]‘I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…’[/i] [i]‘No. It’s fine. You are one hell of young man. One day you will also love. I hope to God that it’s a true and perfect love.’[/i] [i]‘I hope so, too. I love my...my dad...I’m sleepy. My arms are cold…so sleep….’ [/i] [i]‘No! No! Bernard! Bernard! Stay with me. You. Stay. With. Me! Open your eyes damn you. Open your fuckin’ eyes!’[/i] [i]‘Water…please…Uncle Colton…water… throat dry…’ His voice, weak and pleading.[/i] [i]‘Water? Where the….water! Christ!’ [/i] ‘I found some water, but by the time I got back to him…he…he…gone.’ Colton’s voice cracked under the heaviness of the words. He turned away from Richard for the first time and wept like a naughty child after a spanking. Richard moved across and put his arms around him. ‘Oh…God! I feel…I feel your pain, Richard. I feel it every godforsaken day and I’m so sorry I couldn’t save him. Please…please forgive me…I’m so sorry. So sorry.’ Richard stroked Colton’s head as he wept into his shoulder. When he lifted Colton’s chin, not only was his face awash with tears, but his nose was running too. ‘I…I tried to revive him,’ Richard said through enfiladed eyes straining to see. ‘But it was too late, he’d lost…lost so much blood…’ Richard swallowed hard several times as the tears streamed down his cheeks. ‘It’s going to be okay, Colt. It’s going to be okay,’ he said finally. Colton stood and walked away, shoulders slumped, shuddering from the emotion. Richard wanted to stop him and kiss him again to prove that everything would be okay, but he held back for a moment, then joined Richard beneath an old, worn tree. He took his hand. “Why? Why did God do this to us? He’s supposed to be a loving and powerful God. Yet He allows tragedy, murder, and evil. I sometimes ask myself if there’s a heaven. Is there God? He created us not to just experience love, but also gave us the ability to love. He is [i]supposed to be[/i] love. He is [i]supposed to be[/i] free will. Not even His angels have free will. There is no love in Ireland. It’s filled with hatred and sorrow and broken lives. That’s all I’ve been asking myself these last few days while I’ve been here. And guess what,’ he giggled, ‘I don’t have the answer.’ Colton had calmed down enough to speak without breaking into tears. ‘There is one person who will probably know the answer. Ma.’ Richard smiled, ‘That’s one hell of a mother you have there. She’s the wisest person I’ve ever known.’ Colton shrugged. ‘She has her faults.’ Richard led Colton by the hand towards the shack. ‘I’ve had enough of crying for one day. What do you say?’ ‘I agree.’ Inside, Richard poured two mugs of warm coffee from a flask. ‘So you kissed me earlier because you know I’m gay.’ ‘I don’t think I would have kissed you if I thought you were completely straight.’ ‘I think I would have kissed you.’ Richard said. Colton liked his choice of words. He smiled broadly. ‘What now?’ ‘Now, we kiss each other again.’ Richard moved into Colton’s space. ‘I love the way you kiss. Besides, it’s just us two, no one else here. Damn! We could even go naked here and no one would be offended.’ ‘Hey, maybe that’s a plan.’ Colton said, removing his shirt. Richard stood to one side, watched him unbutton his shirt. 'Are you serious...Colt, I don't think that's a good idea.' 'Why not. There's just us two. Besides, it's not like we'are going to have sex.' Colton removed his shirt. The hair on Colton’s chest glistened in the sunlight as it filtered through the window. A treasure trail led from his belly button. 'That's just it. The day I go naked for you, is the day we make love. I want that to be special.' 'I...I'm sorry, Rich. I know the time is not right. I'm jumping the gun here. I'm sorry.' Richard reached out and touched Colton's cheek. 'I'm happy that we managed to sort out our problems. You're so very beautiful, Colt. And I want you badly. But, I need time. Will you allow me that?' ‘No. You are beautiful. Very,’ he said. ‘Your perfect brown eyes, those beautiful thick eye-brows and rock hard square chin. Fuck, you turn me on so much. But, yes, if time is what you need, I will wait.’ Colton said. He came up to meet his lips and they kissed passionately, slowly. Wet. Warm. [center]***[/center] Between the cuddling, kissing and touching, they remained in each other’s arms the entire morning and forgot about the time when suddenly Colton leaped from the bed. ‘I think it’s time to go back, babe.’ ‘Babe?’ ‘Sorry, I could call you something else.’ Richard smiled, ‘No. I like it. No one has ever called me babe.’ ‘Not even your ex-wife?’ ‘She called me dickhead.’ Colton laughed and leaned over to kiss him. ‘Well then, babe it is. But, right now, we need to get dressed. I can’t wait to get back to the cottage just to see Ma’s face when she sees us together.’ ‘She’s one person who will be delighted.’ Richard said. ‘Actually, if I’m not wrong, there are two people. I think you’ve made me the happiest guy today.’ ‘And the saddest.’ ‘Let’s not go there.’ Richard held Colton’s face and stared into his blue eyes. ‘Well, I think it should be the other way around. I’m the happiest man alive today. In these last couple of hours, I forgot about everything.’ ‘I think we should come here everyday.’ ‘I think so too.’ Colton put on his shirt and went outside to wait. Richard took the opportunity to open the table’s only drawer. Satisfied that Jack’s journal was still there, he shut the drawer and headed for the door. ‘Hey, are you coming?’ Colton shouted. Richard closed the door behind him and reached for Colton’s hand as they walked away. ‘Thank you.’ Richard said. ‘For what?’ ‘For being there for me. For today. I was so self-centred and you managed to get me back on track.’ Richard said. ‘These last few weeks have been hell on earth for us. You won’t believe how I feel now that all that is behind us.’ Richard picked a single shamrock from its bushel and twirled it between his fingers. ‘I need to ask, did they find Jack’s body in the ruins of that house?’ ‘Funny you mention that. No one came forward saying how many bodies there were. I’m sure they did. He was killed even before the explosion.’ ‘Are you going to hold a memorial service for him?’ ‘Maybe. One day. When all this has passed. It’s all still too fresh.’ ‘Do you think he was involved with the IRA?’ ‘I read some things in that journal of his that indicate he was in Peter Hunt’s cell. What I read sickened me. I hope they never find that journal. It should be burned.’ ‘He could have been working for the British Secret Service.’ ‘He could have been a double agent. If that’s the case, I hope he burns in hell.’