Poems and Short Quips - 1. Cinched In

This made me sad. The writer is trapped in a place on a journey he doesn't want, with someone he no longer wants to be with. It's very well written.
Hope you'll wander over to the Live Poets Forum ..
tim

On 01/23/2017 11:43 AM, Mikiesboy said:

This made me sad. The writer is trapped in a place on a journey he doesn't want, with someone he no longer wants to be with. It's very well written.

Hope you'll wander over to the Live Poets Forum ..

tim

Thanks, tim. Sometimes the vicious circles keep us hostage for a while. Glad for your feedback. I do stalk the Live Poets forum from time to time... ;-)

Like Tim, this made me sad also. I pictured the road and the narrator's relationship as being the same -- just one endless boring landscape that holds no interest for him anymore with both in need of repair.

I read this... and had to leave and come back. The first two verses opened up the despair of this metaphor for a relationship going bad in a powerful and poetic way. You led us to it like a lamb to slaughter. How bad is this relationship? It sounds very... I found the line about digging fingers into the bone rather unsettling... like someone deliberately firing salvos they know will hurt... I understand that all to well. Has this reached the point of abusive? The final line... in need of repair... had me wondering if it was the people or the relationship in need of such... was there hope? I wanted to think so, despite what came before. Stark and powerful, buddy, and I apologize if I got it wrong. Cheers... Gary....

On 01/23/2017 01:37 PM, Lisa said:

Like Tim, this made me sad also. I pictured the road and the narrator's relationship as being the same -- just one endless boring landscape that holds no interest for him anymore with both in need of repair.

Thanks Lisa, the road is a metaphor for the relationship. But even more so, the vehicle they're traveling in together like a prison they can only look out the windows of, watching opportunities pass by...

On 01/23/2017 01:37 PM, Valkyrie said:

I'm not feeling well, so am not up to an in-depth review, but I wanted to say that this is well-written and quite sad. A sense a little bit of Travis in this poem.

Sorry you're not feeling well, Val. Thanks for taking a moment to comment. If there is a little bit of Travis in this, I suppose that's because there's a little bit of Travis in me. Anyway, feel better soon.

On 01/23/2017 01:42 PM, Headstall said:

I read this... and had to leave and come back. The first two verses opened up the despair of this metaphor for a relationship going bad in a powerful and poetic way. You led us to it like a lamb to slaughter. How bad is this relationship? It sounds very... I found the line about digging fingers into the bone rather unsettling... like someone deliberately firing salvos they know will hurt... I understand that all to well. Has this reached the point of abusive? The final line... in need of repair... had me wondering if it was the people or the relationship in need of such... was there hope? I wanted to think so, despite what came before. Stark and powerful, buddy, and I apologize if I got it wrong. Cheers... Gary....

In my head again, Gary...? You pulled everything out perfectly. Wish I could give you a positive twist on it all, but I can't really. Thanks for your in-depth review, it means a lot.

I get the feeling this is very personal to you. While reading I almost felt like I was peeking into something I shouldn't have, but you opened a door and allowed us in, so thank you for that. It's sad and beautifully written.

On 01/23/2017 03:50 PM, LarryT said:

I get the feeling this is very personal to you. While reading I almost felt like I was peeking into something I shouldn't have, but you opened a door and allowed us in, so thank you for that. It's sad and beautifully written.

Thanks for the comment, Larry. I appreciate your thoughts on it, and yes, I did open a door a crack. You were invited in, so don't feel bad. ;-)

A journey in a car as metaphor; you spin it out so well. I am taken back to journeys made with my family, trapped next to an older sibling or cousin in the rear seat. I have images of long, tense rides, with silent tension in the car filling the air with unspoken conversation. I recall in this poem being alone with thoughts which refuse to let go, digging deeper and deeper into the psyche. I cannot help but identify with so much in this. It is deeply sad and enormously powerful.

On 01/24/2017 12:25 AM, Parker Owens said:

A journey in a car as metaphor; you spin it out so well. I am taken back to journeys made with my family, trapped next to an older sibling or cousin in the rear seat. I have images of long, tense rides, with silent tension in the car filling the air with unspoken conversation. I recall in this poem being alone with thoughts which refuse to let go, digging deeper and deeper into the psyche. I cannot help but identify with so much in this. It is deeply sad and enormously powerful.

Parker, thank you for this thoughtful review. I'm glad that the words and the metaphor I described reached you so deeply. Shared experiences can bring people together - but they can also push people apart. Thanks for reading and commenting.

This calls to mind a relationship neither really want anymore but can't quite let go of either. Where one clings more desperately then the other to what once was. Do they reach their destination only to walk away?

On 01/24/2017 04:49 AM, dughlas said:

This calls to mind a relationship neither really want anymore but can't quite let go of either. Where one clings more desperately then the other to what once was. Do they reach their destination only to walk away?

Hi dughlas, thanks for your comments. There is definite futilely to the journey, but there is a horizon at the end; whether good or bad, at least it's reached. Cheers -Mac

I am not so fond of big and heavy poems. But your poem just held me there until you blowed that bomb of sadness. But the sadness made me relate to this poem very much. I could say an heart wrenching situation handled very bravely. I can feel the narrator's pain to grip or to loose the relationship with the other.

Wonderful yet sad poem. Well done.

~Emi.

On 01/26/2017 05:01 AM, Emi GS said:

I am not so fond of big and heavy poems. But your poem just held me there until you blowed that bomb of sadness. But the sadness made me relate to this poem very much. I could say an heart wrenching situation handled very bravely. I can feel the narrator's pain to grip or to loose the relationship with the other.

 

Wonderful yet sad poem. Well done.

 

~Emi.

Hi Emi, thank you for reading and taking a moment to comment. I'm glad that there are points to this poem that you can relate to, but I'm sorry that we share some of the same sadness... At any rate, you're kind to comment. Cheers - Mac

i come back to read these now and again... and the ache and sadness is near palpable. Terrible and beautiful. The pain in this is not desirable but it seems you cannot fight it .

Like tim, I reread this, and I felt the pain and melancholy anew. This is a poem that cannot pass easily, unlike the car you travel in. 

Your words bring the imagination and a lot of emotions Sir. Futility and vicious circles are not fun in any relationship and endless highways like prisons is an effective metaphor to describe it.