Fallen - 7. Chapter 7 - Bridge's Story

He stares at me for a moment, his eyes scared and his body stiff. He couldn’t speak now if he wanted to: he is too scared, too tense. I brush his hair away from his face and gently lay my finger tips against his throat. He relaxes and sighs, closing his eyes. He knows what I have done. “You still don’t have to tell me.”

After a few minutes he opens his eyes and stares at me thoughtfully, relaxed now, calm. Snuggling back in my arms, hiding his face he speaks almost dreamily. “My life was... okay, until my father brought the man home and told me to do whatever he wanted. I was very young and didn’t question; I just did what I was told.” He blinks and licks his lips. “It scared me but it wasn't too bad. My father told me that it was normal, it’s what all boys do for their fathers and the only reason I didn’t know about it was because it was a secret and I had to keep it just like everyone else did. I believed him.”

Although I am shuddering inside I force myself to smile encouragingly at him.

“At first it was only one or two, now and again. It paid for things we needed. But then he started to get drunk all the time and we needed more and more.”

“That is hard to hear Bridge but I understand that it was so much harder to live.”

“Not really. I didn’t mind, not then. I thought it was normal and it didn’t hurt too much.”

“How old were you?”

“I’m not sure. Young.”

“Were you at school?”

“In the beginning. I stopped after I got to high school. When there were lots of men I got tired. Sometimes I was up all night. And I was ill a lot. So I stopped.”

“Did your father ever...?” I am sick with horror and part of me doesn’t want him to continue. He feels so small and frail in my arms.

“No, no he just watched and took the money.”

“How long did it go on for?”

“A long time, a very long time. It got worse slowly so I didn’t realise how bad it was until they really started hurting me. In the beginning they didn’t have full sex with me, it was mostly just me sucking them and letting them play with me, but as I got older and developed they started doing other things.” He sighs and tenses and I relax him again. For a while he is silent and I wonder if I gave him too much and he is unconscious.

“Sometimes they hit me.” He murmurs at last, with a little hiccup. “Sometimes they raped me. I think that they damaged me but my father wouldn’t let me go to the hospital.”

“What do you mean ‘damaged’?”

“Broke my ribs, hurt me inside, made me bleed. Sometimes I was very ill. I thought I was going to die but I never did. He made me do it even when I was ill, when I was sick or bleeding.”

“Didn’t he do anything when they hurt you? Did he try to protect you?” I can barely believe that there was a man who would treat a dog, let alone his own son like this. I make a mental note to try and look him up sometime.

“No, he just beat me even harder if I complained. I was making lots of money and we moved to a bigger house. That was when we found out how ill I am. The men who came were better; doctors, lawyers even judges. One of them, a doctor wanted me tested before I... before he would let me...” He stops again and shudders.

“So he tested me and I wasn’t clean. He gave me some pills that made me really ill for a week and then he fucked me anyway. I think that the pills he gave me weren’t just to help me get better. It was a strange time and I don’t... I remember some things but there are other which... they could be memories or just nightmares.” He shudders deeply and I tighten my arms around him.

“It’s alright. That time is gone now.”

“Yes, but the memory isn't, not yet. There was one time... I... Sometimes when my father wasn't drunk he would cry and tell me how sorry he was for how far things had got out of control. He would promise me... just a little more; just enough to get us back on our feet. He was kind to me then, gentle and... and he took care of me... like a father.

“There was one time... I was ill. Really ill. One of them had hurt me and I was sick. There was blood and I was scared. He came in when I was in bed and held me in his arms. He cried and told me he was sorry, so very sorry and I got angry with him. I thought I was dying and I begged him to take me to the hospital, to do something, anything. I was in so much pain and I shouted at him that it was all his fault.” Bridge closes his eyes and bites his lip. He is trembling but I don’t want to relax him again because I feel that this is something he needs to work through, something he has to conquer on his own.

“Eventually he called that man, the doctor and he came. He was angry. He said that if I wasn’t such a good fuck he would let me rot. He gave me an injection and after a while the pain went away; everything went away for a while.”

“At least they helped you; they saved you. I’m glad they did.”

He gives me a strange look and swallows hard. “Yes. They saved me but... I don’t know if some of it is a dream but... While I was... off the planet...” He gives an ironic little laugh and continues. “I don’t know what he did to me; the doctor but I remember pain, so much pain. They kept giving me more drugs and I was blanking out then coming back and there was pain.” He shudders and snuggles closer in to me, staring up into his face. I can feel the rapid beat of his heart and I stroke his chest, letting my hand lie over it. I can’t bear to see him like this. I don’t want to hear any more but I know he needs to say it so I hug him fiercely and let him continue.

“I think he cut me. The memories are all mixed up but I remember that there was a knife and I was screaming. My father was holding me down and the doctor was swearing at me. I think he hit me but that pain was nothing compared to what was happening in my belly. I kept screaming until he drugged me again. But even then... even then there was pain.”

I am shocked speechless but when he looks up at me with his wide green eyes I see it, I see the pain in them, in his and my shock turns to anger. “He operated on you? In your house?”

“I think so. There was a cut that hurt a lot. But even after my father kept giving me the drugs and by the time I was aware again it was pretty much healed. There’s hardly a scar now.” Unconsciously his hand moves to his stomach and he strokes it with the tip of his finger. I can’t look. There are two men on my list now. I will find them. One day I will find them and I will repay his pain moment by moment.

“It was after that I ran away. I figured life on the streets couldn’t be worse than that.”

“And was it?”

“Yes.”

“How old were you then?”

“I don’t know... maybe fifteen or sixteen when I first ran away... maybe a little older. That’s what the doctor said I was when he was getting me tested and it wasn't so long after. After a couple of months on the streets I thought I was going to die. It was so cold and I was ill all the time. My stomach hurt. I was hungry but I couldn’t eat and when I did I was sick.

“Every time I got sick I thought I would die... I hoped I would die but I just kept waking up every morning. I started whoring and because I am pretty and prepared to do just about anything I made a lot of money. But I knew they hated me. I saw it in their eyes every time.

“And then I started to bleed. Every time I had sex it hurt... in my stomach and I knew I didn’t have long. It would have been a relief if it hadn’t hurt so much. I... bought drugs to stop the pain and it took up most of the money I made so there wasn’t much left for food; but I wasn’t hungry anyway. I didn’t care what I ate because it was likely to just come up again anyway. I got food out of dustbins, anything I could keep down... which wasn’t much.

“I knew I was dying. I always knew. I think that I knew the day I left that I was terminally ill. There was just something inside that wasn't... right. I thought that it wouldn’t be long but I just kept going and I was too much of a coward to kill myself. The winter came and went and I still didn’t die. The summer was better. Sometimes I walked in the park and felt the sun on my face and wanted to live so badly. I pretended that I was well, that I was going to save some money and get out of that place and live a proper life, a long life.

“But the pain didn’t go away, the sickness didn’t go away and it got so bad that no one wanted to fuck me any more and I couldn’t get the drugs and I had to... I was too ill to live; so I waited for death.” He smiles up at me. “But you came instead.”

“If I had taken you there and then; if you had known that I was draining you and was going to take your life; would you have cared?”

“No, not really. At least it would have been an easy death.”

“And what about now? If you were dying right now, would you care?”

“Of course I would. Now I have you. I have something to live for.”

I have to make him sleep. I can’t bear it. The trusting eyes, the sweet smile. No one has ever looked at me like that before. No one except... This is her. I know it is. Perhaps her soul resides in Aqua but it has touched this one too.

I lie and watch him sleep, his eyelids fluttering with dreams and tears flow down my cheeks unchecked. It has been many hundreds of years since I last cried. It has always been for her, and in a way it still is, but now it is not just for her.

I lie with him long after the transfusion is complete. They only need to take a little after all, my boys. Bridge is having more than most because of his fragile health but even so it is not long. But I can’t stay here forever. I am hungry and Sacha will be waiting. I smile when I think of Sacha. He has already been good for me and he will be good for Aqua too.

Hurriedly I dress and then carefully disengage Bridge from the drip. Suddenly something comes over me. It feels almost as though I have been stabbed through the heart, but this is not physical. There is something about the pale slender figure; his frailty, his helplessness, his complete trust that touches something deep inside me.

Impulsively I vow that he will never have to go through this again, not that it was a great trial for him. In that moment I decide that none of them, my family; Aqua, Sacha and Bridge will need to do this again. I will take care of them. They will feed from me and in that way we will grow even closer. In that moment Bridge becomes part of it, part of my family.

Chancey has set up the equipment so that Bridge would not have to be pierced by needles every time he needed a transfusion which will be daily for a while. He has put something in his arm that is supposed to stay there and it isn’t easy to get it out. Even asleep he flinches when I try. I don’t want to hurt him but it is offensive, anything that mars his beauty is offensive.

I make him bleed and suck the place until the bleeding stops, then I lift him in my arms. He stirs and cuddles into my shoulder, putting his arm around me.

“You smell good.” He purrs and my heart soars even though I had not expected him to be awake.

“Hasn’t Chancey taught you to call me ‘My Lord’ when you speak to me? He shall be punished if he has not.”

Bridge’s eyes fly wide and he tenses. “Oh no, no don’t punish him. He did tell me, he did. He told me but...um... I forgot. It’s just that you seem... and I thought...” He mumbles into silence and I smile.

“You still didn’t do it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Bridge?” I raise my eyebrow with mock severity. He stares at me intently and a few times his lips twitch, but then he frowns and shakes his head.

“I can’t. I just can’t. You’re too... too... I just can’t. It doesn’t fit.”

“Doesn’t fit?”

“I don’t know. I can’t describe it. It’s as if there is something inside that stops me. I want to. I really want to but... I just can't.” He is contrite and there are tears in his eyes as he drops them and bows his head.

“Bridge.” I say softly. “You are going to come with me now, to my personal suite. There, Sacha and I will take care of you. You are part of my personal family now. You will never have to call me anything you don’t want to. From you My Lord would seem... wrong.” I smile at him as he lifts his dancing green eyes and smiles.

Then he sighs. “I am very tired.”

“Then sleep. I will carry you. It isn’t far.”

“Thank you Luma.” He whispers as his head grows heavy on my shoulder. As his eyes close mine snap wide.

“What? What did you call me?”He murmurs something but he is too sleepy to react even to the command in my voice. “Astaria,” I growl to the air. “This is you. This is all down to you and I don’t know what the Hel you are playing at but...” With a sigh I realise the futility of my actions and stride off towards my suite.

Sacha is characteristically unsurprised when I walk in carrying Bridge. “This is Bridge. He completes our family. Take care of him. He will be your charge as well as Aqua and god knows I anticipate he will be by far the easier one.”

“Yes My Lord.” He says smiling at me and gazing at Bridge with a strangely tender expression on his face. Is that all he needs to make someone fall in love with him, one look? I smile and lay Bridge gently on the bed.

“He is not well. Make sure he eats and sleeps as much as possible this afternoon. I will have Chancey bring clothes and we will eat on the terrace tonight. Hopefully Aqua will join us and our family will be complete.”

“Yes, My Lord.” There is genuine pleasure in his voice and I know I have made absolutely the right choices.

“Sacha. I have been thinking.” He smiles at me, his head tilted slightly to the side in invitation for me to continue. “It is not appropriate for family members to address each other formally. I don’t want you to call me ‘My Lord’ any more.”

He looks surprised. “Then what shall I call you My... Sir?”

I smile again. “Call me Lu... Wait.” My mind rushes quickly through possibilities. ‘Father’ is not appropriate, ‘Sir’ is little better than ‘My Lord’, Luma is completely out of the question... yet. “Call me Radu.”

“Radu? Is that your name? Your real name?”

“It’s a name, one that I had at a time in my life when I was happy. I think that this will be another happy time for me so it’s as good a name as any, for now.”

“It will take some getting used to.”

“It is to be used only here. Outside these suites I am still ‘My Lord’... for now.” I have a feeling that neither Aqua nor Bridge will ever call me ‘My Lord’ anywhere, for very different reasons.

“Yes My... Radu.”

The name sounds good falling softly from his lips and I kiss him to taste it. He whispers it again against my ear and I sweep him up into my arms. At another time I would have taken him there and then, with Bridge asleep or awake and joining in but he is too fragile as yet. Therefore I take Sacha next door and we... make love. I can easily get used to this.

Sacha and I eat together, a light lunch in our private kitchen. I cook scrambled egg and it feels good to be cooking again. It actually gives me pleasure to make food for him, but not, I think, as much pleasure as eating it gives him.

After lunch I have to take care of Mario. I call in on Chancey, who is singing in his office... singing? “Someone sounds happy.” He starts and gets to his feet.

“My Lord.” He bows his head to hide the blush.

“Don’t worry, I like it. Is Ara making you that happy already?” He tucks in his chin as his face catches fire.

“I would like dinner served on the terrace this evening at seven. There will be four for dinner and one of them will be Aqua. Make sure he is suitably dressed and... instructed.”

“What ‘instructions’ would you like me to give?”

“Only enough to keep him from either trying to run away or kill me.” Something inside flares into fun. “On the other had just make sure he knows the futility of flight. It might be fun if he tries to kill me.”

“My Lord?” Chancey looks shocked. I smile at him.

“He is full of fire Chancey, burning with it. You’ve seen his eyes. There is something in there that makes my heart beat faster and my veins throb with life. He is glorious and I don’t want to tame him, I want him to come to me wild.”

Chancey’s eyes are wide as if he has seen a snake turn into a butterfly. “My Lord?”

I laugh. “I know Chancey, it doesn’t make sense. None of it makes sense. Aqua, Sacha, Bridge.”

“Bridge, My Lord?”

“Of course, I haven’t had the chance to tell you. Bridge is to be part of my inner family. There will be four of us.”

Chancey is not, as I expected, surprised. “He’s special.”

“Bridge?”

He smiles fondly. “I recognised it the moment I saw him; something fragile and dreamy and sweet. It’s almost as if he’s magical.” He pulls himself from his reverie.

“I hope you are not going to get greedy Chancey. I have already given you Ara; Bridge is mine.”

Chancey smiles. “You have nothing to fear, My Lord. Ara is more than enough for me. I think, perhaps you will be surprised.” There is such a glow of pride in his eyes when he speaks of Ara, little Ara the beautiful child, that it makes me think that perhaps I have missed his growing up.

“I am going to Mario. He will be difficult and I require assistance. It’s been a while since you have been involved in something like this, would you like to take part?”

“Oh yes, My Lord.”

“Bring Ara and... Taz with you.”

“All of us?”

I smile, feeling warm. “This is going to be fun I think.”

“My Lord... will we all...?”

“Oh yes Chancey. Have Mario brought to the tower, I think that will make the greatest impression on his mind.”

“Yes My Lord.” His eyes are twinkling and there is a certain bounce in his step as he hurries off. There is a spring in mine too as I head for the stairs.