Indiana Summer - 8. Trials and tribulations

Disclaimer: This story includes sexual and romantic situations between consenting individuals. Any allusion to illicit or illegal activity, sexual or otherwise, is used only for enhancement of the story line and not promotion thereof. Remember AIDS, HIV and other STDs are a very real threat, please always practice safe sex.

I can prove copyright on this story so please don't copy or remove this story for personal use without my permission.
*****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Indiana Summer 08: Trials and Tribulations

Billy and I didn't say a word to each other for the rest of the evening. We even avoided being in same room with one another if we could.

I don't know what he told Annie about his shirt but after his shower he went back to the barn and after mine I sat on my bed staring at the wall, trying to control my body. My hands had been shaking since our fight.

Annie called me down for dinner but when I got to the dining room I saw that Billy was already at the table.

I knew I couldn't sit there across from him and pretend that nothing had happened; I'd explode if I tried. Doing my best to avoid both Billy and Annie's eyes I told her I was feeling a bit sick and managed to get excused from the meal.

My reprieve was only temporary though, it wouldn't be long after dinner until Billy came up to his room. When that happened I'd be five feet from him for the entire night, there was no way around it...I have to talk to him about what happened then.

                                                                     *      *      *

Dinner was a nightmare. My dad came home just after David managed to excuse himself, which was something Dad was quick to notice.

"Where's city boy at, construction work a little harder than Mr. Big shot can handle?" He asked with disdain dripping off his tongue before taking a bite out of the roast mom had made for supper. A drop of bloody juice dripping onto his chin.

That was something that I always hated, dad refused to eat any red meat unless it was still moving.

“Real men eat their meat when it's red and juicy.” He'd always say when Seth and I were kids.

Try as he might though he could never sway either of us to his way of thinking.

"Real men can decide for themselves whether they want to eat like cavemen or not." Seth said one night when dad tried to get him to eat his steak rare, dad looked murderous that night.

I had to smile at the memory. Seth didn't care one way or another but even as a kid he'd never bow to dad...and he taught me not to either.

"What are you smiling about boy, something I said funny?" Dad asked and his tone made it plain that whatever he was talking about, whatever I had been ignoring, wasn't something I should be laughing at.

"No, no sir. I'm sorry. I...I was thinking about an argument Sam tried to have with Walker...She tried to make him mad by tearing up his notes and dropping them on the ground...but only managed to get mad herself when Walker wrote to her and told her she needed to recycle instead..." I babbled out the quickest lie I could...if dad knew I was laughing at something Seth had used to humiliate him he'd be furious...more than he already was.

Dad though, after locking eyes with mom, decided that he wasn't going to kill me but went on with what he had been saying.

"You need to tell City boy when you go up to bed that he needs to get over his ailment by the morning, only thing that'll get him outta work is being dead. I want the other horse stalls built and the work bench and shelves behind it fixed and rebuilt tomorrow. The wood is already cut and the plans are out there with the wood. I figure one of you can do the stalls while the other works on the bench and the shelves." Dad looked directly at mom while he spoke. I knew he was only going easy on us because of her, I don't know what she did but dad hadn't been this civil or light handed since I've been alive.

"Yes Sir." I said as I looked back at my plate, no longer hungry for moms roast and vegetables.

I had been avoiding thinking about going to bed; knowing that I'd have to be in the same room with David for the entire night was scary.

What happened in the barn was all I could think about, even though I did my best to distract myself I couldn't forget how it felt to have his body pressed against me... the heat of skin, the smell of his body; even how it felt when he'd roll on top of me while we fought on the floor.

As scared and angry as I was I couldn't help but get a little turned on, which just made it worse.

David knew everything now...he knew about my cutting supplies...I'd moaned his name in my sleep and he HEARD ME and he knew well enough about what I'd dreamt about.

He said he'd help me...but what could he do...he couldn't fix me...no one could, I'd be fucked up in the head my entire life.

"Billy dear, are you feeling well, you're looking a little pale all of a sudden?" Mom’s voice broke through my thoughts.

"No Ma'am, I'm fine no worries." I said with a plastered on smile. Luckily dad had gone back to ignoring mom and I like he usually did during dinner.

"Alright dear, now finish your supper." Mom said with a smile.

"Yes Ma'am." I said with a smile of my own, a genuine smile.

I couldn't help it, even with all the fear and panic I was feeling her smile just made me feel better. Dad hated it when she 'coddled me' but for me it was a reminder of when things were easier. When Seth was still around and dad was a little less of a bastard than he was now.

                                                                     *      *      *

I was leaning back against the wall by my bed when Billy came up. He looked right at me and went pale as a ghost. For a second it looked like he was going to turn and run from the room.

He didn't though. After several hesitant moments he sat down and leaned against the wall too, although it looked like he was trying to push himself through the wall instead of using it for support.

"It's time we talked Billy." I looked right at him as I spoke, though he was staring at the floor.

"There’s nothing for us to talk about." He replied, finally meeting my eyes, he looked scared again.

"Really, what about this," I pulled the wooden box with his cutting supplies from under my pillow, "I think that this could be a good way to start a conversation." I tossed the box onto the bed next to him.

I knew I was going to have to take the lead on this; Billy would only come clean if I made him.

I was in dangerous territory, I know, but even if he decided to pass on my help at least he'd know I was there, and just maybe it would calm things down between us.

"You didn't have any right looking in this." He said, anger making his voice raise.

"You're right, I didn't and I'm sorry for it. I didn't mean to find it and unless you want your dad up here you'd better keep it quiet." I knew it was low to use his dad as a threat like that but it fulfilled the purpose; his face blanched and he looked quickly at the door. He'd keep it down.

"Then how did you find it?" He asked quietly, he was stalling and we both knew it.

"I dropped a pen, it rolled under your bed. When I got down to find it and I found the box; I opened it. I'm sorry. Moving on." I didn't want to be a prick, he got that enough from his dad, but making him mad was the best way to get him to talk.

"FUCK," He whispered angrily as he thrust the box away and walked over to his window, "What do you want, huh? You already know everything. You know about the box and what I do with it, and from the barn you know why." It was heartbreaking to see the anguish on his face, even reflected in the window.

I wanted to get up and hug him, to comfort him, something I had never wanted to do with anyone before. But he wouldn't let me and I knew it, he wasn't ready yet.

"I want to hear you say it, and you need to hear it too. I bet you've never said it out loud before have you? Never admitted it when you could hear it." He didn't answer me, he didn't need to though.

"It helps Billy, I swear it does." I said when he showed no signs of breaking.

Billy sat down on his bed and leaned forward with his head in his hands.

"Guys turn me on, happy now? I can't shower after gym in school without sprouting a bone. I wake up from a dream and want to vomit because it was about getting fucked by Walker." Billy was back on his feet and standing by the window again. I could see his shoulders shaking as he fought with himself, but his reflection showed no tears on his face.

"And that's why you cut?" I asked, I already knew the answer here but Billy needed to hear it too.

"What, being a fag isn't a good enough reason?" Billy asked with an attempt at sarcasm.

"Don't use that word." I said quietly.

"Why the hell not?" Billy asked, turning to look at me, scorn on his face.

"Because being a Queer myself I have certain dislike for the word. Now please, don't use it unless you want to be knocked on your ass." I said but Billy looked straight past my threat and latched onto the first sentence.

"You're a fa..," Billy started but caught himself in time, "You’re gay?" He finished and it was hard to place the look on his face, it was something like relief and pain all in one.

"Yea, I'm gay." I said and sat back down on the bed, and Billy did the same.

"I'm sorry...I guess I just didn't expect that...you don't look the type." Billy said and I could see that he regretted his choice of words almost instantly.

"Yea, neither do you Billy." I said, reacting in spite.

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have said that...I didn't mean it." Billy looked more upset than I'd ever seen him before.

"I know you didn't Billy, I shouldn't have said what I said either, I'm sorry," I said and Billy looked mildly less upset, "Talk to me Billy, why do you hate it so much, why do you hate yourself?" I asked and Billy looked terrified...but after a few deep breaths he looked up at me.

"I hate it because of what it does to me...what I have to do to stay in control. I don't hate myself... I really don't...I just hate looking in the mirror and seeing what I've done. I don't like to cut; I don't like the pain...but it’s better than the alternative." There was confusion on his face as he spoke. This was probably the first time he had been this introspective in a long time.

I took a chance and moved from my bed to Billy's. I didn't sit right next to him but I sat close enough, and oddly enough Billy didn't move away.

"What’s the alternative Billy?" I asked, already knowing the answer, or at least I thought I did.

"Giving up on changing, on becoming normal. Giving into the fact that I'm a sick in the head freak. Losing my friends and my family, maybe even my life. My dad would kill me if he found out." Billy said, looking dead serious.

"He wouldn't kill you Billy; he is a bastard sure but not a murderer."

"I dunno," Billy moved off the bed and went back to the window, "You've seen what he's like. I do everything he tells me to. I do it to the beast of my ability but it's never good enough. Even if he could manage to let me live he'd get rid of me, make me leave." Billy said the pain in his voice was palpable.

I was starting to understand better now. Billy wanted, no, CRAVED his dad's approval, his love; just like I craved my mothers.

"Your mom wouldn't let him toss you out Billy, she'd stop him. I've seen the way she looks at you, heard how she talks to you. She loves you more than anything." I said sincerely and Billy made a skeptical sound.

"Maybe she'd try, but dad owns everything. I couldn't let her be tossed out with nothing, have to go to her family in shame with her mental son. No, not because of me. It’s the same with my friends; even if they could bring themselves to help they'd lose everything in the process." Billy's voice was quiet but sad.

I couldn't help but feel sad as Billy spoke, the things that he had deluded himself into believing. GOD I wish I could get him away from this god forsaken place, take him somewhere where he could see he wasn't sick or a pervert.

"I don't expect you to understand, all I've got is my family, my friends. You don't know what it's like to lose someone." Billy’s voice barely more than a whisper.

I know Billy didn't know what he was talking about but it didn't matter, his words still stoked a long buried pain in my mind.

"I don't know what its like to lose someone? On July first it will be four years, to the DAY, since my mother walked out on me," Billy turned to me and looked like he was about to say something but I didn't give him the chance, "Mom was a socialite, a country club baby; and she loved every minute.

She grew up with money and married the son of a well known, well to do business man. Dad was a disappointment though, he refused to join my granddads business and instead started his own architecture firm, but he loved her, no matter what.”

“By the time I was born dad had become pretty successful, which had sweetened mom some. My mom was always real good to me, she loved me but she was also grooming me. She made sure that I grew up around all the kids from the money bag families she knew. She had this great big plan for me. I was supposed to grow up and become a lawyer, like her dad and then I was suppose to marry some air head little rich girl.”

“When I was a kid I was fine with that, I let her drag me around to all the parties and did my best to make friends with all those arrogant, stuck up, spoiled little brats all because I loved her and it made her happy.”

“By the time I was thirteen though I had had enough of trying to fit in with the 'entitled' crowd and told my mom I wasn't going to do it anymore, and that I wanted to be an architect like dad. It was funny, mom could handle all that, and she started adjusting her plans. So long as I was successful enough to shove in her friends faces she didn't care, until I told her I was gay.”

“That was the last straw. For a month she wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't even look me in the eye. Then one night I heard her and my dad arguing in his office. I crept up outside the door and listened. She said, word for word, that she couldn't permit her son to be a diseased pervert, a fag. She demanded my dad do something. Turns out she had spent that entire month looking up conversion camps and clinics and wanted my dad to send me to one so I could be cured.”

“Dad didn't care that I was gay, I was his little boy, he said so long as I was happy that he was too. Dad told her he wouldn't do it, and that he wouldn't let her do it either. Dad told her that it was her who needed to change and that if she couldn't do that than she could leave that night and never come back and she did.”

“She stormed out of his office, didn't even look at me when she passed by; she just left. She never said goodbye, and I never heard from her again." I forced myself to hold back the tears that stung my eyes. I shouldn't have said anything; this was supposed to be about Billy, helping him, not me bawling over ancient history.

"I'm really sorry David, I...I didn't know." Billy said quietly as he put his hand on my shoulder, I didn't realize until then that he was standing over me.

"It doesn't matter Billy...it happened a long time ago." I replied and Billy sat back down on the bed.

"How can you be OK with being gay when it caused your mother to leave?" Billy asked looking at me with curiosity.

"Because it wasn't my fault. I knew there was nothing wrong with me, that I couldn't change even if I wanted to. It hurt but I realized that my mom's love only went so far, so long as I towed the line she cared, but when that plan got shattered she left. I realized that the people who loved me unconditionally wouldn't care if I was gay. Just like you need to Billy." I said and put my hand on his shoulder, and was surprised when he didn't stop me.

"You said you could help me...but you can't can you...you can't change me..." Billy whispered; it was more of a statement than a question.

"No I can't. In my opinion it isn't possible. I know guys who have tried, a few even went to one of those conversion clinics...they weren't the same when they came back...but they were still gay. I can't help you change who you are Billy, but I can help you make peace with being gay, I can help you accept it and maybe, just maybe; help you to be happy." I said and Billy looked at me, afraid.

"I'm scared...I don't want to lose everyone." Billy said and tears started to force their way out of the corner of his eyes.

I moved closer to Billy and put my arm around his shoulders, he surprised me by not moving away, but instead he scooted closer to me and rested his head on my shoulder as he continued to cry out his fear and frustration.

                                                                     *      *      *

"What was your moment?" I asked Billy as we worked in the barn.

After Billy had cried out all his frustration he shyly accepted my offer to help him. I could tell he was skeptical but it didn't matter, I was gonna do my best to help him.

"What do you mean?" He asked as he sorted the wood he'd need for the new horse stalls.

"Your moment, the first time you realized there was something different about you." I said as I nailed a mounting bracket for the new shelves up.

Billy was quiet for a minute as he set to work on other horse stalls. Billy had trouble reading the plans his dad had drawn up for the shelves and work bench so I offered to do them while he finished the stalls.

"It was the summer, a few weeks after Seth left. Back then the church had two youth groups. One for boys and one for girls. I, of course, was still a member of the group. Both youth groups raised some money and each managed to rent the city pool for a day. I was in the locker room with the other guys getting ready to leave.

I was still real upset about Seth leaving so I tried to stay away from the other guys as much as I could. I had just skinned out of my bathing suit and had a towel around my waist when these two older guys from the youth group came over and sat on either side of me.

I knew them both as they were real good friends of Seth, so I wasn't afraid at first. When they started stripping out of their bathing suits is when I got scared. These guys were sixteen, seventeen years old and a lot more developed than I was....I remember looking at them..." Billy stopped here and recognized the look on his face; that scared, struggling look, and now I knew what it meant.

I moved over to Billy's side and put my hand on his shoulder.

"Take it easy Billy; you don't have to keep going." I knew how hard it was for Billy to bring all this up.

He swallowed hard several times and looked like he was struggling against the urge to vomit but after a few more minutes he relaxed a bit.

"No...No I'm fine. It's like you said, I’ve got to learn to fight that feeling of shame," Billy said with a brave attempt at a smile before he turned back to his work, "Like I said these guys were bigger than me, their bodies were tight and their muscles were really pronounced. They were talking to me as they changed but all I could do was stare, but they didn't seem to notice. I remember that one of them, Miles, had a lot of hair on his torso, legs and arms but Reggie was really smooth.

It was Miles I was more attracted to; I'd never seen a guy that was hairy all over like that. They had stood up by now and I couldn't help but eye their cocks and asses. Reggie had his back to me and his butt was round and looked really firm, but I had my eyes on Miles.”

“Miles was faced towards me so his groin was barely two feet from my face. Just like the rest of his body he had curly black hair around his dick; I remember it was like three inches soft and that his balls were tight up against his body from the cold air in the locker room.”

“That was my moment, if you could've seen through my towel you'd have seen my cock had swollen five inches along my thigh, hell I had to lean forward over my lap just to hide it. I know they were talking to me, asking me how I was since Seth left and if there was anything I needed to talk about and a bunch of other stuff but I couldn't talk, it just wasn't possible.

I KNOW there was no way they had missed me looking at them but neither of them seemed to care. Once they were dressed they sat down on either side of me again and each one put an arm around my shoulders and told me if I ever needed anything that all I had to do was ask them." Whether it was because he had managed to distract himself with his work or because he was getting more comfortable with himself I dunno, but as he spoke he actually looked...well happy at the memory.

"Damn dude, Miles sounds hot." I said with a smile and Billy smiled shyly.

"He was. I wish I knew what happened to him and Reggie too. See that was also the day all this fucked up shit in my head started. I walked around hard for most of the evening. Whenever I'd get the scene out of my mind something would happen to toss it in again, until the news came on that night.

There was this gay couple somewhere upstate that had been attacked and beaten up. It's the first time I remember dad ever saying anything about gay people...He said that faggots weren't real men and that they deserved whatever they got for being diseased perverts, he said that their families should have disowned them the minute they found out, should have tossed them on the street." Billy said and the reality of what he had said took a second to sink in but soon as it did Billy froze, his hammer falling from his slack grip.

I crossed over to Billy side as he stood there frozen, leaning back against the wall. The struggle was back on his face. All the color had drained from his face and he had clasped his hands together so hard his knuckles were turning white.

"It's alright Billy, calm down. You gotta remember buddy that you're not sick, you're not a pervert. You're just different Billy, just like me." I said quietly as I rested my hands on his shoulders. I squeezed his shoulders tightly as he relaxed and let his hands fall to his side.

"I'm sorry David....Sometimes it just hits me so suddenly that I can't control it..." Billy said quietly, looking scared and upset.

"Tell me about it Billy, what does it feel like when it happens?" I asked and Billy looked terrified.

"We...we don't really have time...we got to get back to work." Billy said looking worriedly over my shoulder at the one and a half finished horse stalls.

"You're right, I'm sorry. Let’s get back to work." I smiled and let my hands fall from his shoulders and turned back to the work bench. I had finished the work bench just after lunch and just needed to get the wall shelves finished.

"We can talk though...about normal stuff...then when we're done, if there is time before dinner I can try and explain it to you...or maybe after, if there’s not time we can talk before." Billy said and I turned to see him looking at me hopefully.

"Sounds good to me Billy, you start out." I said with a smile. He was making progress, but it would be very slow going.

We talked the rest of the time we worked. Billy told me more about life on the farm (omitting anything about his dad or his gay problems), he told me about Sam and Walker and the times they'd went camping in the woods and about swimming in the river when it got hot.

I in turn told him what it was like living in 'the big city' as he liked to call it. I told him about swimming in the ocean and having bonfires on the beach. I also told him about my 'friends'.

"I don't really guess you can call them friends to tell the truth. I mean yea we get along well and everything but they don't really care about me. I fell in with them when my mom left. It's easier to hang out with thugs and tramps than it is to rub elbows with the 'richies'. They don't expect anything from you, they're content just to let you bum through life with them.

They left me holding the bag last year on some vandalism and since it wasn't the first time I'd been in trouble I got some juvy time out of it." I said as I hammed the last nail into place.

"Is that why you got sent out here?" Billy asked as he sipped at some ice water, he was already finished.

"Yea, I did really well at first. I got out of juvy and helped my Uncle build his house and had every intention of straightening up my act. But then school started again and I tried to get involved with a better group of people but it was too late. I had developed a bad reputation, I was a trouble maker, a low life, and the only ones who wanted to hang out with me were the ones who got me locked up in the first place.”

“I started staying out late, picking fights, just causing whatever trouble I could without breaking the law. Then one night I was sneaking back into my window and my dad was sitting on my bed. He told me that he knew what I was up to and that I had to stop. He told me he was sending me here for the summer; he said he knew it would be hard on me but that he felt that being out here would give me some perspective on life." I said as Billy handed me a cup of water.

"Have you, you know, gained any perspective?" Billy asked quietly.

"I dunno, I mean I have changed some since I got here. I thought that when I got here it would be worlds apart from where I came and it is, but not like I thought it was. Life here...it moves slower than it does back home, you have time to take things in instead of rushing from one thing to the next.”

“I can't really vouch for how the people are here; I mean with the exception of you, your mom, and Walker no ones been very chatty here. One thing I have learned is that no matter where you're from people have the same problems, the same issues. I know you don't believe it now Billy but there are hundreds of guys out there in just as much pain as you." I said and Billy momentarily blanched.

"Come on Billy, let’s go relax and get some grub." I said and Billy nodded in agreement.

                                                                     *      *      *

David and I were leaning against the ropes of the corral. It was after dinner and I had convinced dad to let me bring the horses down for a bit of extra exercise, it was the perfect excuse to get out of ear shot of my folks.

"I know why you brought me out here Billy. We don't have to talk about it. I don't want you to move any faster than you want to." David said as we watched Shadow, Speckle and Elder trot happily around the corral.

"I know David; you've been real good to me since you've been here. Even an ass like me can see that. I made a commitment to this and I want to see it through." I said and what was weird, I actually meant it.

"Alright Billy, if you're sure. Tell me what you can." David said and turned to look at me, but I couldn't look back, not just yet.

"Sometimes I'll feel it coming on. First I get this cold sweat all over and my hands start to shake and I get this cold, bubbling feeling in my stomach. I feel so guilty and ashamed that I just get so angry with myself because I can't control it." It was hard to talk about it but when I finally managed to finish I felt better, at least a little.

"I'm sorry you have to go through that, it sounds really hard, painful." David said as he rested a hand on my shoulder.

"Those are the good times David. When it starts out slowly I can distract myself or do something to help me forget, like riding Elder or talking to Sam or Walker....its worst when it hits me all at once like it did in the barn today. The sweat, the shaking, pain in my stomach, all of it hits at once like being dunked under water. It gets hard to breath, I panic....and then I hear my dad screaming at me in my head," I had to stop to catch my breath, to calm down. Talking about all of this made me feel like it was happening. David's hand was still on my shoulder and as he squeezed my shoulder I felt calmer.

"You know what my dad's like, especially when it comes to me. When it happens like that I hear all the insults and shit he's ever hurled at me...then I start to make things up.

I imagine that he knows about me, he starts telling me how useless I am, how he wished I'd never been born...I know it's not real and it's just me panicking but I can't help it. It's there and I can't stop it...that's when I reach under the bed for the box.
I don't like doing it...I don't like hurting but it's the only thing that stops all the other pain." I said and as much as it hurt to think about it all it also felt so good to finally get it out in the open; to talk to someone who understood, at least in a way.

"I know Billy but that isn't going to happen, he's not going to find out until you're ready and with luck you'll be on your way out of here if and when it happens." David said confidently.

"I just hope that I'm not getting run down by a mob." I said with a slight smile, trying to sound like I was joking.

"I'm telling you Billy, don't worry about that. Your Mom, Sam, Walker, they're gonna be here for you, they're going to accept you." There was a strong certainty in his voice.

"How can you be so sure David?" I asked, not quite able to keep from sounding skeptical.

"I don't know Billy. I just know it. You've trusted me this far, trust me on this too. Somehow...It'll work out." David said as he laid his arm carefully around my shoulder.

I really liked having David there next to me; his arm around my shoulders like that it was nice, not in like a sexual way just in a close way.

"I do trust you David. You've been real good to me since you got here, even when I've been a prick to you; which I've been pretty much since you got off the bus up in Indy," I turned to look at David and couldn't help but feel terrible, "I'm really sorry 'bout how bad I've treated you since you got here and now you're here trying to help me and I don't deserve it." I tried to hold back the tears but I just couldn't, I turned away as they burned out of the corners of my eyes.

I pulled away and tried to walk off, I couldn't help that feeling of shame creeping up my spine, dad always berated me for crying as a kid, only girls and sissies cry. But David wouldn't let me; he grabbed my shoulder and spun me around. Before I realized it David had his arms wrapped around me, hugging me.

"I know what you're thinking Billy and its bullshit. I cry and I damn sure ain't a baby. If it hurts it hurts, let it out." David whispered quietly.

Part of me wanted to struggle, to push him away and maybe kick his ass, but I couldn't do it, it felt too good. The last guy to hug me had been Seth. I loved Seth's hugs; he always made me feel good, safe. I was always weaker than Seth; he was the one who stood up to dad, who protected me when dad was on one of his rants.

Being there with David made me feel that safety again, but there was something else there too, something that made it feel even better. I didn't care to think about it just then though. I just wrapped my arms around him and hugged him back, letting all that sadness and shame leak out of me.

Soon as I finally managed to get myself under control again I pulled myself out of the embrace, (although it was reluctantly), and stood at arms length from David, he smiled at me and I couldn't help but shy up some.

"I'm sorry...I've gone to pieces a lot lately." I smiled genuinely, what was it about him that let me let go of all this?

"No worries Billy. You DO deserve help; no one deserves the shit you've been going through here. The way you acted before, it wasn't you Billy, not completely." David said his hands on my shoulders.

I knew I shouldn't have agreed with him. More of what I had done and said was me than what he wanted to admit but I let David have this...besides, it let him think I was less of a prick than I really was.

"Now stop looking at me like I've grown a second head. Call in the horses. I'm tired and want to hit the sack early." David said and I had to laugh.

David let his hands fall from my shoulders and backed away as I called for Elder and the others.

                                                                     *      *      *

"Umm David...I'm going to meet Sam, Walker and his friend Chris at this swimming spot at the river today...do you want to come?" Billy asked me at breakfast Sunday morning, he looked a bit shy about it.

The rest of the week had been really nice. Billy and I talked every day while we worked on the barn. Some days we would talk about his problems and others we'd just talk to talk, learning about each other, friends, family, past, plans for the future.

Billy was making some real progress on his acceptance issues. I know it's easy to talk a good game and that the real world is different but he's got this fierce determination that he's gonna make himself better.

"I'd like to Billy, but I don't know. Sam doesn't seem to like me much." I really would like to get off this farm for a while. Billy's dad had been spending a lot of time on the Murphy farm but when he was there he was a real prick, much worse than usual.

"She doesn't but that's just because she doesn't know you...she's acting like how I used to... on misconceptions. Come today though and I'll get her to talk to you, you guys can make up." Billy said earnestly.

"Alright Billy I'll come, do I need some trunks or anything?" I asked and Billy smiled.

"Yea if you've got some...unless you want to skinny dip...which wouldn't be too bad." Billy said and his face immediately flooded with blood, he looked so cute when he blushed.

I looked around the kitchen just to confirm that we were alone before I turned back to Billy, I know I must have looked shocked.

"Come on; don't look like at me like that...I was just joking. You're the one who told me I needed to loosen up and go with the flow of being like this." Billy said sounding hurt.

"I did and I'm sorry, I just wasn't expecting a joke so soon." I said as I put my hand on his shoulder.

"Well I'll warn you next time OK?" Billy smiled.

"Good idea, thanks." I said and Billy nodded and left the kitchen.

I had to smile a bit as Billy left; it was nice to see him smile; to see him happy. I was really starting to like Billy, probably more than I should.

"What are you grinning about?" I jerked a bit at Annie's voice.

"Oh...nothing. I'm just going with Billy to hang out with some of his friends." I said and immediately regretted saying anything. I had forgotten my speech to her about keeping my distance from Billy.

"I thought you wanted to keep some distance between you and Billy." She hadn’t forgotten though.

"I did. It's just that...well we started talking and we worked things out." I stammered a bit but I think it was convincing.

"So, does this have anything to do with that tussle you boys had in the barn Tuesday?" Annie asked and I froze up.

"Honey nothing goes on here on this farm without me knowing about it. Now I'm not going to ask what happened or how it happened, I just want to know that it isn't going to happen again." She said and once again I had to tamp down that sudden influx of emotion Annie inspired, it was starting to hurt, thinking about my mom so often.

"I can't promise that it won't happen again...but I can promise I'll do my best to make sure it doesn't." I didn't know for sure where this was going with Billy, as angry as he got from time to time; us coming to blows again wasn't out of the question.

"I guess that’s the best I can ask for." She shook her head and sighed, "I am happy to see you boys getting along, to see him so happy. He has been much happier since that fight...except of course when William has been around." Annie said with a sad smile.

She was right though, as much progress as Billy made in his attitude, mood, out-look or acceptance of being gay, one encounter with his Dad would trash him for hours.

"Well you better get a move on, if Billy is taking you where I think he is you better go up and get ready. It's a bit of a walk from here." Annie said with a cheery smile, I got the hint.

I went upstairs and grabbed my swimming trunks from the chest at the foot of my bed; I figured I'd duck behind a tree to change. I tossed the trunks over my shoulder and went downstairs and saw Billy standing in the living room with his mom. He had what looked like two big towels tossed over his shoulder and our round cooler was sitting on the floor by his feet.

"I thought you boys might want something cold to drink.” Annie smiled as I came into the room.

Billy looked over his shoulder at me with a smile before he turned away.

"Yea mom thanks. The others are all bringing some food and drinks so I think we'll be set now," Billy said as he bent down and hefted the cooler, "We really need to get a new cooler."

"I'll consider it. You boys have a good time this afternoon. Just be back in time to wash up before dinner." Annie said as she kissed Billy on the cheek...then walked up to me and did the same.

I had to close my eyes tight and swallow hard a few times at the huge wave of emotion her little gesture had caused. It seemed like everything Annie did reminded me of mom...how she was when I was a kid. The way she smiled, the way she fussed over me, even that little peck on the cheek, the same one mom used to kiss me on...it felt so good but hurt so much at the same time.

"David, you OK?" Billy's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

I opened my eyes to see him looking at me, concerned.

"Yea I'm fine, let’s go." I said as I plastered on a grin.

He didn't look convinced but accepted it anyway and the two of us set off.

Billy struggled with the cooler as we walked and as we passed the barn I had an idea.

"Come in here for a second," I said as I ducked into the barn and took a length of rope off the wall, "Is this used for anything?" I asked Billy, who shook his head.

I took the cooler from Billy and sat on the work bench. A wide band of plastic with the brand logo of the cooler ran around the middle of it and created a small lip that was wider than the cooler itself.

I wrapped the rope around the cooler, under the lip, as tight as I could and tied it off. Then I tied the rest of the rope into a big loop so it could be hung off one of our shoulders.

I picked it up and slipped it across my chest, the cooler was heavy and the rope was rough enough that it cut into my neck a bit but it would be OK.

"Tada!" I said as I showed Billy.

"Here, use this for cushion." Billy said as he took one of the towels he had and tossed it to me.

I lifted the rope and put the towel between it and my neck, it worked well.

"Alright, let’s go." I said and we set off.

                                                          *      *      *

"David, I've been thinking about what you said; about how Mom, Sam, and Walker will accept me and everything..." I said as we trudged through the woods, we weren't far from the swimming hole.

"Yea I've been thinking about that too. I figure the only way you're going to believe me is if I can prove that they are OK with folks like you and me." David said with a smile and I had to fight that feeling of being accused...I was gay...I needed to get over it.

"How do you plan on doing that...wait you're not going to tell them about you are you?" I was scared that that might actually be his plan. I didn't know how any of them would feel about that, dad would ship him back to California if he found out and I didn't want to lose him so soon.

"No, I've considered that though. I've decided that I'll keep that as a last resort though." David said in a matter of fact way.

"So...what are you going to do?" I was feeling a little anxious at what he might say.

"I dunno, I haven't had any ideas yet, but I'll think of something." David said as we pushed through a small group of trees and bushes to a slope that led down to the river.

David looked a little in awe as we set down the slope to the river bank.

"This place is beautiful." David said as we sat down our stuff.

"Don't you have trees, rivers, and flowers out in California?" I asked and David looked a little confused.

"Yea we do, and its great but…I dunno what it is about this place...everything just looks, I don't know...amazing." He said as he picked up his trunks and turned to go back up the slope.

"Where do the others usually come from?" He asked half way up.

"The other side of the river, why?" I asked and he looked a little embarrassed.

"I need to change..." He said and took off up the slope and into the trees before I could say anything else.

I smiled at the idea of David being naked from the waist down just a few yards away and for once it didn't hurt to do it. Smiling even wider at that I kicked off my boots, socks, and jeans; I had worn my swimming trunks under my pants.

I lay back on the grass and closed my eyes. It was a nice day, bright and warm without being too muggy. I felt a shadow over me and opened my eyes to see David standing over me.

He was dressed only in a pair of blue and white board shorts with his jeans and t-shirt tossed over his shoulder. I couldn't help but realize if I shifted a little to the left I could look up the leg of his shorts.

Blushing furiously I sat up before temptation got the better of me.

David sat down next to me and lay back on the grass, stretching out before he put his hands behind his head.

"Lay back and relax till the others get here." David said as he patted my back.

I lay down next to David and tried to relax. David's eyes were closed but I kept mine open and couldn't help but glue my eyes to him. David's chest and stomach were tight and well defined, his pecs were round, hard and dusted with black hair, the same color as the little treasure trail that ran between his ripped abs into the top of his shorts.

I closed my eyes and did my best to push the thoughts and feelings I was having away. Not because I was feeling ashamed or sick...but because I didn't want to risk getting aroused in my baggy trunks; especially with my friends coming.

"Well, well, well. Look who we have here." I opened my eyes with a smile at Sam's voice.

"Hey Sam, Walker, Chris. It's about time you three got here; we've been here for almost ten minutes." I said and Walker pulled a notebook out of the pocket of his shorts and wrote a note out and handed it to David.

"It's good to see you again too, Walker. Billy managed to convince me to come; he told me Sam wouldn't be such a pain in the ass." David said with a smile at Sam.

Sam looked murderous for a single second before smiling as she dropped her stuff and started stripping out of her clothes, like me Sam wore her suit under he clothes, in her case it was a tight black one piece.

"Yea, well, don't count on it." Sam said with her trademark devious smile.

"Hey Billy, how deep is this water?" David asked as he stood up.

"Umm pretty deep it comes up to my chest, why?" I asked as he smiled and stepped closer to Sam.

"Just wondering." David said before he suddenly lunged at Sam, scooping her up in his arms.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" She shouted as David carried her to the river.

David didn't say anything as he waded out into the river, as the water reached his waist he turned slightly and smiled at the three of us still on the bank before turning and tossing Sam straight into the water.

"What the HELL was that for?!" Sam shouted as she struggled up out of the water. She looked livid.

"That was my offer of a peace treaty, you stop being a bitch to me and I'll stop being an asshole, at least to you." David’s voice was half laughing half serious.

"You think dumping me ass first into a freezing cold river is a good way to offer up a peace treaty?" Sam screeched; if her voice got much higher only dogs would be able to hear her.

"Well to be honest I thought you'd melt when you hit the water." David smiled and Sam grabbed him by the back of his head and threw him face first into the water.

Walker, Chris and I lowered ourselves into the chilly water, but didn't DARE move closer to Sam and David.

"You dick-heads get in here and help me, she's kicking my ass." David yelled as Sam grabbed his shoulders and dunked him repeatedly under the surface of the river.

Walker lay back on the grass and roared with laughter, it was good to hear him laugh. His laugh was a lot like his voice, deep and grumbly. I realized just how much I missed hearing him talk; I hoped whatever was keeping Walker silent would end soon, I'd like to hear him talk before I left for Seth's.

"You’re on your own there bud, we know better." I shouted as David tried to stand up and wade through the water away from Sam, but she jumped on his back and knocked him into the water.

"Fucking cowards you-" Whatever else David might have wanted to say was drown out in a gurgle of rushing water as Sam forced his head under the surface again.

Chris and I looked at each other; Walker was still rolling round in the grass laughing.

"What's your point?" Chris called out as David managed to get to the far bank of the river.

"Alright, alright, I yield, you win." David said breathlessly.

"DAMN right I win. NOW are you gonna wise up and start acting like a gentleman or do you need some more persuasion?" Sam asked as she tossed her sopping wet red hair out of her face.

"No, I ain't no gentleman, but I'll be nice if you will." David was standing up to her like none of us ever had.

"I guess I can live with that." Sam said as she stepped aside and let David pass by her.

"Cool." David said as he waded past her.

I saw Sam creep up behind him and knew exactly what she was about to do, having been on the receiving end several times when me and Sam were younger. Before I could shout out a warning Sam grabbed the waistband of David shorts and yanked them down.

David hit the water immediately but not before Chris, Walker (who had stopped laughing and sat up) and I had a decent view of his privates, though thanks to the cold water there wasn't much to see.

"That was payback for dumping me in the river, we're even now. Nice ass by the way." Sam smiled as she waded past him with as much dignity as a girl who just pantsed a guy can muster.

"I'll get you for that one of these days." David said as he emerged above the water, covered up again.

"I look forward to it." Sam said as she lay back, floating along on her back in the water.

"Not a word, anyone of you." David said as he sat down with the three of us on the bank.

Walker reached behind him for his notebook and wrote out a quick note and handed it to me.

"Walker wants to know if he can still make fun of you by writing notes." I read and David looked like he wanted to toss him into the river too.

"No Walker, you can't." David said and Walker tore a few pages he had been writing from his note book, wadded them up and tossed them over his shoulder, looking a little dejected.

"Why didn't you guys tell me she was...was...” David stemmed for an appropriate word.

"Pure concentrated evil?" I read from the note Walker laid in my lap.

"Yea, why didn't y'all tell me?" David said and lay back on the grass.

"Well I thought about it but seeing this was too good to pass up." I said as I looked at David.

Walker wrote out another note and handed it to me.

"Beside this makes you one of us now, we've all had our asses kicked by one Samantha Susan Cain." Chris said and Sam, who was floating past us, splashed him with water.

"He's already one of us, didn't you just hear him? I don't think they used the word Y'ALL out in Cali." I said as I turned to Chris with a smile.

We all roared with laughter, so much so that none of us noticed David had moved up behind us.

Before we realized it David had grabbed me and Chris by the shoulder and pushed us into the river. He tried to do the same to Walker but didn't succeed; instead Walker turned and grabbed him around the waist and tossed him into the water.

"I've really got to stop picking fights with you country folks; I can't take much more of this." David said as he floated past Chris, Sam and I.

                                                                     *      *      *

I was sitting on the bank of the river with Chris, our legs swaying in the waves as we watched Walker, Sam and Billy horse around in the water.

"Walker's been talking, well writing about you. He says you’re a real good guy." Chris said as he rested his forearm on my shoulder.

"I try to be. Walker is a good one too." Chris nodded his agreement.

"So what is it like living with the Templeton's, I hear Mr. Templeton is a real bastard." Chris said as he looked out at the others splashing around.

"It's nice for the most part. Mrs. Templeton is really nice, and Billy is starting to come around. The Old man is a real piece of work though." I said as I looked back at Billy.

"Walker says he's really hard on Billy. He doesn't deserve that kind of stuff. Billy is a good one, a real something special." Chris looked at me as he spoke, like he was trying to figure me out.

"Yea he really is. No one deserves to get ragged and hassled like he does to Billy. He's angry and harsh and bitchy and arrogant and he just pours all that on Billy...he tears him down so badly and so hard..." I said without really thinking.

"Yea that's what Walker says too, only don't tell him we’ve talked...He knows that Billy doesn't like people to know about this kind of stuff." Chris said as he patted me on the back.

"No he doesn't. So I'll keep quiet if you do." I said and Chris nodded in agreement.

"It really is a good thing what you're trying to do here, helping Billy out. I've only met him a few times but he seems happier today than I've ever seen him before." Chris said as Billy and Walker swam over to us.

Walker didn't say a word; he wrapped an arm around Chris' waist and hauled him over his shoulder like a sack of dog food. Chris didn't say a word or try to struggle, he just hung limply across Walker's shoulder with a cheesy smile on his face as Walker wadded out into the river and dropped him into the water.

"Come on and mess around with us." Billy smiled up at me, my legs were still in the water and I felt his hands glide up and down my calves then latch onto my ankles and pull me.

I was a little too shocked to protest as I was hauled feet first into the river. There was no way I could play Billy's action off as casual or playful, his hands moved slowly and deliberately as he stroked my legs...and he looked me straight in the eye as he did it.

I put Billy's actions on the back burner of my mind as I splashed and horsed around with the others. It was nice, fun and innocent. We were just there, screwing around, enjoying each others company.

"Is this a private party or can anyone get in on it?" I heard a light, female voice say as I tried to drown Walker. I let him up and the five of us turned to see the new arrival.

A tall, leggy blonde I'd never seen before was standing on the bank of the river. She was wearing a plan pair of jeans and tight red t-shirt. It was easy to see the girl was stacked, she had a lean waist, a round tight butt and it looked like she had two big grapefruits tucked into her bra.

"Candace, is that you?" Billy asked looking a little apprehensive.

"Oh Billy you remember me? I'm flattered." Candace said with a silky laugh.

I looked around at the others to see if they noticed how phony this chick appeared to be. Chris and Walker had gone back to horsing around but Sam looked like she wanted to choke her.

"Of course he remembers you; you're hard to forget Candace. It was a pretty wide spread thing, you getting expelled for wearing an size extra small, white t-shirt, bra-less, when you should have at least been in a large to cover those blimps." Sam said acidly and while Candace smiled I could see the death glare in her eyes.

"Sam, you're so funny, I've missed that cheeky sense of humor of yours. So what's the deal, can I dive in with you?" Candace asked with another silky laugh. She didn't wait for a response though, she quickly lost her jeans and t-shirt, revealing a VERY skimpy two piece red bathing suit that left NOTHING to the imagination, and slipped into the water.

Chris and Billy chatted up Candace or Candy as she told them to call her, but both Sam and Walker were giving her a wide birth, Sam still looking murderous. I had no reason to get involved, sure everything about Candy screamed phony slut but she seemed harmless.

"So where have you been Candace, we haven't seen you in a couple years?" I heard Chris ask as I floated past.

"Oh I've been out in Minneapolis staying with my Auntie. She's been sickly the last few years so I've been staying out with her and going to school. My cousin is home for the summer so I decided to come back for a visit." She repliedas she splashed the guys, her ample tits bouncing obscenely.

"So you're going to be here ALL SUMMER?" Sam asked in shock.

"Of course I am silly. Who knows, if things go well I might just be sticking around permanently." Candy said as she wrapped her arms around Billy and pressed herself up against him, but tried to look innocent at the same time.

I smiled as Billy blushed and pulled away from Candace. He pushed her in a playful way and dove under the water and surfaced next me, still looking flushed.

Candace wouldn't be dissuaded though. The rest of the time we spent at the river she would swim up to Billy and try to talk with him or get involved with him in some way. She got the point though when Sam swam up behind her and dunked her under the water when she kept brushing her chest against Billy's; totally by accident of course.

"I swear that girl could turn a gay guy straight the way she lays it on." I said to Sam in a quiet, joking voice as she swam up to me as Candace mingled with Chris, Billy and a reluctant Walker.

"God I hope not. I would lose respect for EVERY gay man in the world if even one of them decided to jump that skank's bones." Sam said with venom.

"You respect gay people?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Of course I do. I mean you've got to respect their courage, standing up for themselves in a world that seems to constantly drag them down. I don't see what the big deal is, so a gay person would rather be with a person of their own sex, big freaking deal. Love is where you find it; so long as you're not a pedo or something, I have no issues." Sam said carelessly and she twisted her hair, trying to squeeze some of the water out of it.

"You know Sam, I think me and you are gonna get along just fine." I tossed an arm around her shoulder and pulled her up against my side.

 

"Don't count on it Cali boy. I'm harder to win over than those three," Sam said casting a look at the guys, who were all messing with Candace, "as you can tell." She said, giving Candy another scornful look.

To be continued......
*****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
I hope you all enjoyed the chapter; I will have more to you soon. As always I love to get your thoughts and opinions so feel free to email me at allenarcane88@yahoo.com, drop me a PM, write me a review or visit the discussion forum.

I read and respond to everything.

Discussion forum link
http://www.gayauthors.org/forums/topic/26094-indiana-summer/