Being Cam - 11. October 13th

My heart hadn’t stopped pounding since that moment. We pulled apart and hung out for a little before Nate had to head home.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. This was nice.”

As he walked out the door, he winked. I died. Literally died on the spot. Hours later I was still planted in the same spot. Lounging in my chair and just staring out the window. Lost in a world of ignorant bliss I had never experienced before.

So that’s what a kiss was like? It felt supremely more awesome than I imagined it would. Growing up and seeing other people kiss, I thought it would be messy and kind of gross. But this was something words couldn’t even describe. Amazing.

Hours ticked away before I realized it was well after one in the morning again. As the darkness crept into my room, my usual thoughts returned. What did this all mean now? Was I gay? Was I in love with Nate? Was he in love with me?

He said those words already but like that didn’t mean anything. Did it? God. I was even more confused now that I got what I wanted.

Stop!

Even my own head was shouting at me. I needed to play it cool. Just relax and let things happen. You can’t force love and relationships. JeMar taught me that too. I needed to chill out. Something I was horrible at.

I wonder what Nate was thinking?