Being Cam - 2. September 28th

It’s been a week and I’m very proud of myself. See I’m not exactly the stick with it guy. I have started hundreds of projects over the years and maybe have finished four. Not exaggerating. It’s all about the idea for me, not the follow through. It’s been a boring week, not much to report here. I know that’s not what you want to hear. You want excitement, crazy parties and shenanigans, but that’s just not my life. Remember, I’m not one of those cools kids.

Something has been weighing on my mind though. Next week is the big homecoming dance at school. Emma and Isaac have been going insane talking about dates and dresses and suits and parties and corsages that I could almost throw myself into traffic.

Even Nate, our shy and quiet addition to the group, was talking about asking Alexa to the dance. Isaac was thinking of asking one of his harem to go with him. See, he is what we would call a player. He’s attractive to the girls, super laid back and easy to talk to and somehow they don’t mind sharing him.

“I’m thinking Mara might be the winner. Ash and Lexi were too eager to go and Rose said she thinking about going stag with some other friends.”

Emma rolled her eyes practically out of her head.

“You are ridiculous. How do women actually like you?”

We all laughed. Emma and Isaac would be perfect for each other if they just got their heads out of their own butts. They were that classic combination of boy meets girl that’s complete opposite and doesn’t take any crap from anyone that eventually fall madly in love with each other. We were still young. There was time.

“It’s obviously my charm and good looks, duh!”

Everyone else kept talking while my thoughts drifted. I never thought about things like this. Isaac always told me about his latest crush or latest girlfriend. Emma talked about the boys she thought were cute. Me, I never thought about anyone. No crushes on girls, no crushes on guys, nothing. The closest I ever got to was thinking Nate was cute when he first joined our group. I was five and we all thought everyone was cute at that age. I never really thought about it until now. Suddenly all eyes were on me and I must have missed something.

“What?”

“Who are you taking to the dance?” Emma asked. She had that know it all look in her eyes that always made me sacred.

“Uh… I don’t know. Probably no one.”

A definitive hush settled amongst us before Emma and Isaac launched back into their discussion. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Nate staring at me. It was a very neutral look. Something I always hated about him. He was so hard to read. I never could tell what was going on in that head of his.

Come to think of it though: Nate definitely was still cute all these years later. I was comfortably enough in my manliness, or lack of, to admit it. Maybe there was more to what was going on in my head than I thought.

What did I like? Or did I not like anything? Was I completely insane? All the above?

Maybe this journal was a horrible idea.