Being Cam - 13. October 29th

And time I gave him. Myself too. As much as hated to admit it, it made everything easier. We just hung out, talked, spent time together. Becoming closer than we had ever been. It was nice.

His favorite color was orange, which was surprising to me. When he grew up he wanted to be a teacher and counselor for a high school. Not sure what subject yet, but as he said once we made it through high school he would know. And he liked me. Every day we spent together he made sure to let me know how much he did. Saying things like he never felt this way before. My stomach was in knots when he spoke like that. Love or whatever makes you feel all kinds of things. Good and bad.

Lunch time was another discussion about a dance time, my favorite. Halloween was one of the biggest dances of the year for our school. People were insane about the holiday. Decorations were all over town, covering every space that was available. Like usual I was very indifferent during the discussion. Isaac and Emma were obviously going together.

But still I had no one. Sure, Nate and I were definitely becoming something but we agreed to keep it low-key for now. I wasn’t ready to come out. I didn’t even have a label for it yet. Just that one word that stuck in my head; demisexual. But I wasn’t even sure if that was it. Could I be Natesexual? That was definitely true.

“So, what about you two?” Emma’s voice broke my inner monologue. “Any lucky ladies?”

Nate avoided all eye contact, turning beat read in the face. God, was it adorable when he got embarrassed.

“Not for me. I probably won’t even go this time.”

You would have thought I killed her entire family.

“Not going!? Unacceptable!! You’re going if I have to drag you there myself.” I swear flames shot out of her nostrils as she raged on.

“Why? I don’t have anyone to go with. Not like you and Isaac. I’ll just chill at home.”

Emma fumed, smoke twirling out of her ears. Even Nate looked my way. Did I say something wrong?

“I can’t believe you. You better change your mind by then.”

Emma wasn’t one to give up. She would figure something out and force my hand. It’s part of her undeniable charm. If she wants something, she’s getting it.

For the rest of the day, Nate avoided me. No texts. No talking between classes. Nothing. Did I really hurt his feelings at lunch? I was just playing a part. Acting like we were just friends. It’s what we wanted. Right?

I really didn’t know anymore. Being different and being Cam was getting more and more difficult.