Being Cam - 10. October 12th

The day had finally come. Alexa had joined my small circle of friends after our talk, practically texting me all the time making sure I wasn’t going to chicken out.

Alexa: Don’t be afraid, you got this! No matter what he says you’re still an amazing person who deserves to be happy! Go get him tiger! J

Messages like that filled my phone for the last two days while I tried to figure how to approach this best. Nate still hadn’t talked to me and I didn’t want to scare him off. I had four friends. I really couldn’t afford to lose any of them.

Every Sunday Nate got home for church with his family at exactly 12:30. They were very punctual people.

Me: Hey. Can you come over at 1 today? Just want to talk quick.

I knew he wouldn’t respond right away, letting it all hang in the balance until he would say something.

Minutes ticked by, then an hour and then two. Finally at 12:56 he responded.

Nate: I’ll be there.

Step #1 done. Now my insides twisted into a knot. The doorbell rang and I could barely move my legs.

“Hey man, what’s up?”

No words could come out. He was still dressed in his Sunday finest. I could barely breathe. Not the time to get weak. Needed to stay strong.

“Hey I have to tell you something and text just wouldn’t do.”

“Okay.”

His apprehension was undeniable. It filled the room with a negative energy that could be cut with a knife.

“Come upstairs, I don’t want any eavesdroppers.”

From the kitchen I could see Jen and Marla poking their heads around the corner trying to see what was going on.

Some day they might get that satisfaction. But not today.

Nate plopped down on my bed while I sat at my desk trying to get back the words I planned to say. Everything I rehearsed with Alexa.

“Nate I just wanted to talk about the other day, the dance you know?”

“What about it?”

My heart pounded in my ear. Filling my head with white noise. Pulsing. Gah. I couldn’t do it. No. Man up.

“I think we had a lot of fun together and it made me realize that maybe I like you. As more than a friend. Much more.”

The sentenced stumbled out like word vomit. Nate just stared at the space between us.

“I know you don’t feel the same and you’re nothing like me but I just had to get it out in the open and get over this awkwardness we’re going through.”

Still silence. We both shuffled in our seats. My heart raced. I couldn’t take it.

“So that’s all. Do what you want with that info. I just had to say my piece.”

Each word sounded more stupid. Just empty noise to fill the void. Nate sprang up from the bed. He marched towards me. Cradled my face. Pulled me in for a kiss. Everything melted away around us. The tension. The room. My house. The world.

We stayed locked together for hours, or more like two minutes. Nate licked his lips as he pulled away and smiled at me. My heart turned into a puddle.

“I’m sorry. I was so stupid. I was scared you didn’t feel the same way and I couldn’t bare to face you that day. And then I felt like you were on to me the whole week and I just couldn’t deal with it.”

He kept rambling on until I kissed him back, shutting out everything again. Our hearts beating in tune as our lips pressed together.

I had to remember to thank Alexa.