Being Cam - 7. October 5th

Apparently, that feeling was fleeting. Another lesson that my sisters had taught me. Crushes were over as soon as they started.

That must have been how Nate felt. I waited all day to hear from him but never even got so much as an “I’m sorry I was completely crazy last night but I’m back to my senses now” text. I would have understood that at least. But this was much worse. Now I’m left hanging. It had to be something about me. Like I was some disgusting beast that he couldn’t bear to be around. Ugh.

School tomorrow was going to suck. Having to look Nate in the eye after our almost admittance of feelings. Maybe I really did imagine all of that. Like read too much between the lines. Maybe I was just projecting my feelings onto him thinking he was reciprocating them when really he was just being a nice guy.

He always worried more about what other people were feeling before he worried about himself. It’s the first thing that drew me to him. Most people couldn’t care less about what was happening to those around them. Just what mattered to their own lives.

I couldn’t even bear to read my own musings like this. We’re 13. Not everything is as dramatic as I make it out to seem. Of course I’m just like everyone else. Maybe Nate had something else going on and he couldn’t get away today. It didn’t have to be some big deal.

I could forget about the conversation and just act like everything was okay. He didn’t do anything wrong. He just was living his life.

And that’s what I needed to do. Just live life. Not think so much.

Yeah I could do that.