The Others - 22. Chapter 22: Memento

His hand isn’t on mine anymore, but we both know I won’t stop now.

But I do... I stop myself and Codey dead. I just stop moving my hand. It earns me a questioning look from Codey. “We shouldn’t rush things,” I tell him.

“Rush what?” He looks pretty disappointed.

“Us... This.” I give a little squeeze on his junk.

“Hmmm,” he replies.

Please don’t ask why I’m doing this. I’m not sure. I think I want to lay here with him, not doing anything. That’s a good thing, right? It means I really enjoy being here with him.

“Can’t we just enjoy the movie? Together... Close.”

“Ughh, are you really doing this to me? Say hello to the blue balls,” he smiles awkwardly.

How can a boy change that fast, from being shy, to being confident? It’s like he never showed his real self in the first place.

“But sure, I like being with you as well.” As if to prove it he lets his head rest against my shoulder again, at the same time pressing his body against my hard on. I bet he hoped that would convince me to continue, but really, I feel like I’m making the right decision.

Am I in love? Can I be? I was supposed to be forever alone, right? That’s the plan. I like this, being with him, being here.

“What’ya thinking about,” I hear Codey asking. He tilts his head back again to look me in the eyes, he's looking up at me with his head still resting on my shoulder. That’s probably the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

“About you,” I smile and he blushes.

“So, how well have you been following the movie up to now?” he asks.

“Uhm, I saw the start.”

He laughs. “You wanted to watch the movie, so pay attention from now on, and if you don't know what's happening ask me, because I've been watching it.”

“Sure,” I laugh and fold my arms a little tighter around the boy’s waist. I could stay like this forever.

I’m not sure though. Do I like this for me or for Codey? You know what I mean? I always thought I wouldn’t be able to love someone, ever. So is this love? What if it is? I can’t imagine it, but what if…? I’m not Matt. I can’t stay Matt forever. So, I can’t start loving him - like this.

“It's the second time I've seen this movie and I still don’t understand it,” Codey whispers. I’m not sure why he's whispering though, maybe so as not to disturb the moment?

“You know that time in the movie is going backwards, right?”

Codey laughs. “How stupid do you think I am?”

“So what don't you understand?”

“It’s not like you've been following it really well.”

“I saw this movie before. I think I understand it pretty good.”

Codey turns to look at me. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve picked another one.”

I smile and give him a quick kiss on his forehead. “I didn’t want something I had to concentrate on. I thought if it's a movie I already saw, it wouldn’t matter whether I got distracted or not.”

“Ahh, that’s cute. Then tell me, why would he do so much to find a woman he doesn’t even know? He only has a name on his arm which is in his own handwriting.”

“Yeah, it’s in his handwriting, so he once thought it was important enough to write down. He isn’t able to make new memories, this is the only thing he has.”

“But, if he isn’t able to make new memories, then why chase those you don’t have anymore?”

“What else could he do?” Many people would dislike it when a moment like this gets disrupted by a serious discussion, but I don’t. I like the fact I can talk like this about things with Codey. “If you don’t have any memories, what’s life worth?”

“What do you mean?”

“I've thought about it a lot. Aren’t we, as people, not just memories. Without memories, what would we be? Imagine this, what if I told you that one day you would suddenly wake up in the morning and all your memories will be erased? You don’t know anything about who you were, what you liked, what you did in your youth. Nothing. Would you still be the same person you were before you forgot everything?”

“Oh geez, you sound exactly like the anonymous blogger now.”

“You know him?” I ask surprised.

He gives me a disgusted look. “Of course I do, everyone does. I have classes with Mr Hampleton as well you know.”

“What do you think of him?”

He laughs. “Is that a real question? You read what he said about the church, about the bible? That blogger is a piece of shit!”

It doesn’t hurt. Not at all. I think in some way this is a good thing, now I can get rid of any doubt about loving him. He just called me a piece of shit. I didn’t think Codey was that religious, but apparently he is.

“But what’s with all the seriousness? What happened to us being close and enjoying the movie?”

“Maybe you’re right. Why be serious? That’s something we should leave for school.”

I take his chin in my hand and turn his head towards me. I begin kissing him very rough. It’s a rather awkward position, because he is still between my legs, so he has to turn his head further than it’s supposed to be turned. But apparently it doesn’t matter. I place my hand on his crotch again and start massaging it.

“Woah, what happened to the not rushing part?” Codey asks when I stop kissing him.

“We waited pretty long, don’t you think?”

“I'm not complainting,” he moans.

This encourages me to continue. I don’t know why I changed my opinion about rushing it. I think now I know he thinks I’m a piece of shit, there's nothing to lose if I rush it. So let’s have a little fun. Oh, and don’t forget about finding out about my dad, that’s why I’m here. I’m not really using him, am I? He is clearly enjoying this, so I’m making him happy while finding out why my father left me, which makes me happy. That’s mutual happiness.

I kiss his neck while unzipping his zipper. Codey wriggles a bit with his hips so I can push his jeans off easier. I can see his boxers with the bulge clearly visible. I grab hold and continue rubbing it through the fabric of his underwear. I move my hand around and tickle his balls. Then I really slowly remove his boxers to expose his erect cock. I just stroke his skin around it, but don’t touch it.

“Ahh, come on,” my step brother whines. I struggle out from the grip the wall and Codey’s back have on me and crawl around to get in front of him. I kiss him and pull his shirt off. I push him down on his back and start travelling downwards until my head is hovering above his “head”. I feel Codey’s gaze focussed on me, but I’m not done teasing. He called me a piece of shit, so let’s make him feel the consequences. I lower my head so his candle is practically in my mouth, but I don’t touch him. He moans and I wonder if my warm breath alone could be enough to make him cum. I don’t really feel the need to find out though. I close my mouth and make him squirm with pleasure. I focus on getting it over with, because in fact I don’t enjoy a single second of it. I am here to look for clues about my dad leaving, not to have sex! I don’t want this.

When it’s done I just sit there, weirdly watching the boy I just made very happy. He lays there, his eyes shut and if I didn't see his regular little peeks, I would think he'd fallen asleep. His breath is still irregular. He looks exhausted. Wasn’t it me who did all the hard work?

Maybe a minute later Codey asks: “Uhm, so now I’m gonna do you?”

Ughh, could he make it sound any worse? Just because I wanted it to be over with, doesn’t mean he has to think the same way… “No, it’s okay.”

“You sure? I’d be glad to help you out.”

“It isn’t about helping me out, Codey.” I see he wants to say something, but I feel awkward and dirty. I glance at his soft sticky cock and the only thing I can think of is I just had that in my mouth. What am I doing here?

“I’m hungry. Can you get me something to eat?”

“Of course.” He picks up his boxers and gets his jeans on. “I’ll make you a fried egg, okay?”

“That’s great!” The second fried egg today.

Codey slides off the bed but before he leaves he quickly kisses me. “I liked it a lot, Matt. Thank you.”

“No problem,” I mumble and wait for him to leave the room and go downstairs.

Then I get up and sneak into the hall. I walk straight to the room Codey had shown me was “his father’s study”. This is where I can find the crucial information, I think.

Did I really have sex only to get in this room? It was my first time by the way. Was it good? I think it was his first time as well, right? Did I just totally destroy his first experience? You can’t have the first experience more than once, of course. So this was it.

I’m happy we didn’t go any further though. I really didn’t need to change roles. It’s weird, right? You would expect me to want to shoot my load as well, but to be honest, I wasn’t even hard while making the boy squirm with pleasure. It just didn’t turn me on anymore. That's because of what he said about the blogger, but that comment alone isn’t the reason I didn’t like it anymore, I think it pulled me back into reality again. It made me realise I can’t love anyone and I shouldn’t make myself believe I can.

The study is very tidy. There are lots of drawers. I really don’t know where to start, but Codey said he knew for sure my dad doesn’t have any other children, so that would mean he would keep his old life separated from his new one. Maybe it’s even a secret, if he is even remotely connected to me, he probably has many secrets. So where would I hide things I don’t want my new family to know about? My eyes wander off to the top side of the large drawers. Up there! I grab a chair and climb on it. Bullseye! There is a small cardboard box up there. I take it down and go to his desk.

I open the box, still listening to hear whether Codey is coming back. Frying the egg could take him a while, but I sure don’t want to get caught in here.

In the box there's a photo album. I open it. The pictures are of my dad, I'm looking at a younger version of my dad. I've seen pictures of him before, but I don’t think I ever saw him for real. This is weird don’t you think, when you think about the fact I’m in his study right now? I just had sex with the boy who thinks of him as his father, while he is in reality my dad. Still, that boy spends every day with my dad while I never see him.

This younger dad is with an equally younger version of my mother. She is pregnant. I don’t know why he would keep this up there. Isn’t it an obvious hiding place? I put the album back in the box, but a single picture falls out. It’s a picture of Tyde and me, standing next to each other. The picture was taken three years ago. How did my dad get this?

Wait, this means he knows what I look like. So does it mean Sandra really knows nothing about us? What is my dad doing here? Okay, one thing is very clear now, I need to make sure he doesn’t see me here. But, on the other hand, if he’s really keeping it all a secret, I could use that to blackmail him. If he sees me, the last thing he's going to do is tell his new wife that I’m his son. This could be a lot of fun, spending time here when we both know the truth. Hehehe.

But, if my dad is living this lie, then I need to be really careful. He is a real challenge, because apparently I’m not the only skilled liar. In some way I even admire him for it, he's managed to keep his whole history a secret, whilst he lives only a few streets away! How could he do that? And why doesn’t Sandra want to know who he was before he came here?

There is a letter in the box. I take it out and open it. It reads:

“Dear Sandra,

I’m terribly sorry for what happened, for what I did...”

“Matt?” I suddenly hear. “Matt, I made the eggs, you can come down now.”

I quickly fold the piece of paper into my pocket and put the box back where it belongs. I sneak out of the study and call back: “I’m on my way.”

Codey waits for me downstairs. “What were you doing up there?”

“I was inspecting my new home,” I say with a smile. He returns my smile. “I like it here. When will your parents move out?”

Calling my dad his father hurts in places I didn’t know existed. It hurts deep inside my heart.

“When you say things like that, I always feel the urge to kiss you,” his smile changes to a huge grin, it's as if we've been in a relationship for weeks.

“Go on,” I say and wait for it to be over. It’s not that I don’t like kissing, it’s more that since I made it perfectly clear to myself that I can’t love him, that I don’t WANT to like him, I feel disgusted every time he does something I like.

He kisses me and together we walk into the kitchen. We eat our eggs. All the time I notice Codey watching me. It’s cute in a way, and it definitely makes me feel good, knowing he likes watching me eat.

“I think I'll go now.” I say when I've finished the eggs.

“Why?”

“I’ve got some errands to run,” I reply. “I’m sorry.”

“Ah, no problem. I’ll let you out.” He gets up and grabs my hand to lead me to his front door, but before he opens it, he pulls me to him. He presses his mouth against mine, our lips touch. We kiss. Suddenly I feel Codey’s hand against my jeans. I’m rock hard. My step brother is slowly moving his hand rubbing my hard cock. It feels fantastic, my breathing starts getting heavier.

“I really have to go now,” I moan.

“I want to return the favour,” he whines.

“I guess you will have to owe me that favour,” I smile and pull away his hand. “I have to go now, unfortunately.”

“It’s okay. Can you promise to call me if I don’t see you at school tomorrow?”

“I will,” I open the door to walk out, but Codey is talking.

“Are we… uhhh… like boyfriends now?”

I don’t hesitate.

“No,” I say and make sure I’m long gone before Codey manages a reply.