Bernard: Diary of a 46-yr-old Bellhop - 11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Indie Day

Bernard pressed his hands over his ears tightly as the persistent percussion from the fireworks tortured his eardrums.

“Dammit, why do they always have to be so loud?”

Jack laughed. “They’re explosions, my dear. They have to make that sounds due to the chemical reaction.”

Bernard wrinkled his nose. “Well they can react just a lil quieter for my liking!”

Jack shook his head. He was amused, yet annoyed at Bernard’s reaction to the Fourth of July celebration. It’d been his idea to gather up some blankets and a picnic basket and to gather at the nearby park to watch the display.

Not at all like it was before. He lamented to himself. Jack vividly recalled taking Randy to the same park and the same display only a few years back. It’d be their final time together though neither knew it. They’d sat back on the blankets, away from everyone and made out to the pounding noise of the spectacular explosions above them. Jack fondly remembered making explosions of their own. He shut his eyes and tried to push the memory away.

“Jack? You alright?” Bernard yelled.

The dark-haired man looked over at his companion. For a moment, the face blurred to Randy. Such an incredible sight! The long, blond hair that fell to his chin, the piercing green eyes, and the amazing body that was partially on display thanks to a cut-off tee and short shorts.

“Randy?” He whispered.

“What?” Bernard yelled.

Jack shut his eyes and looked up again at his new companion. He was older, and gray, and overweight. His body was squeezed into a new pair of jeans and a tee shirt with a sports logo on the back.

“What is it, hon?” He asked in a half-demanding tone.

“Just wanted to know if you’re alright. You look all lost in space or something.”

Jack wet his lips. “No, no I’m fine. Really. Let’s enjoy the show.”

“You sure?”

“Of course! Come on, let’s just watch the show.”

Bernard nodded. “Okay.”

The two returned home that evening. Bernard was still partially deafened by the booming sounds of the evening.

Jack let them inside and tossed his keys into the small jade bowl that Bernard had had in his place in the front foyer.

“Did you enjoy yourself?”

Bernard strained to hear him. “What?”

Jack balled his fists for a moment. “I asked if you enjoyed yourself.” He asked again in a louder tone.

“Oh, yeah, nice park! Just wish that I’d had earmuffs or something. We used to see fireworks on TV. Not in person.”

“Well, now you know just how loud they are.”

Bernard shook his head. “Oh yeah. Too much! I’m not going there again. I’ll go on a nice summer night with you, but not on the Fourth.”

Jack tried to hide his disappointment. “I’m sorry you had a bad time.”

“What?”

“I said I’m sorry you had a bad time!” Jack yelled.

Bernard’s eyes grew wide and he backed off a bit. “Jack…”

“Let your ears heal so we don’t have to keep yelling at each other. Alright? I’m gonna go to bed.”

Bernard watched Jack walk into the bedroom and slam the door shut. He waited for a moment then walked inside. It was a quiet night for the remainder of the evening. Bernard scribbled a quick entry into his journal.

July 4, 2009

Saw fireworks tonight with Jack, but it wasn’t at all like we wanted. They hurt the hell outta my ears and I bet the whole time he’s dreaming about Randy! I know he said his name when he looked at me! I’m getting really sick of being compared to someone perfect and dead! I love him so much, but I can’t take the comparisons anymore. I need to be loved for me, like Dr. Rasmus says!

The following morning, after Jack had gone off to work, Bernard dialed up his mother.

“Mom?”

“Yea, baby? What’s wrong? You sound kinda iffy.”

Bernard rubbed his hand over his face in a feeble attempt to ease his tension. “Mom, I think I’m goin’ crazy again! Jack and I are havin’ some issues. Can I come over for a bit?”

“Well sure, honey. Your sister’s here. I think you two need to talk as well.”

“What? Brenda’s there at this hour? What’s happened?”

“Well that’s somethin’ she’s gonna have to tell ya herself. Come on over and I’ll make ya some breakfast.”

“I’m on my way.

Bernard showed up at his mother’s house roughly 20 minutes later. Molly answered the door and kissed her son hello.

“My baby boy. Come on in and sit while I get ya some breakfast. You still like pancakes?”

Bernard saw his sister in the corner, curled up in the chair. She didn’t even acknowledge him. He looked back over at Molly.

“Sure, Mom. Just a couple though. I’d like to keep this weight off.”

“I meant to tell you how good you lookin’! I barely recognize you anymore. You’re a slim son-of-a-gun aren’t ya? You must be feelin’ a lot better.”

Bernard cocked his head. “Well, I was. Until lately.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Brenda uttered, breaking her silence.

Bernard looked over at his sister and their matching eyes met. “Bren, I need to tell you something.”

Molly burst into the room and flailed her hands a bit to stop him. “Hold on, baby! Your sister’s got bigger fish to fry than you do right now.”

Bernard pulled up a chair and sat next to his sibling. “What is it, Bren? What’s going on?”

His sister looked up through her thick, matted hair and he could see how red her eyes were. He reached for her hand and was shocked when she accepted it.

“Tell me, Bren. I’m here for ya.”

The woman looked up at her mother and finally back at her brother. She tried to smile, but couldn’t manage one. She took a deep breath and held onto her sibling’s hand.

“Bern, I just told momma today. I didn’t think it was even possible no more…”

“What is it, hon?” he asked gently.

“I’m pregnant.” She whispered in a pained tone.

Molly walked over and rubbed her daughter’s shoulders.

“Damn that doctor for telling you otherwise. You could have a happy, healthy baby.”

“Mama…” Brenda groaned. “I doubt it’d be real healthy. I drink and smoke and…”

“Well ya just gonna have to stop all that, ain’t ya?” Molly snapped back.

Bernard took his mother’s hand. “Mom…back off alright? Just a little bit? This is huge news!” He looked over at his sister again. “Bren, I know we’ve always had our differences, but I’m happy for you.”

She glanced up at her twin brother and actually smiled. “Thanks, Bern! Not like you was gonna give her any grandkids or could.”

“Very true. Not unless we’d adopt.”

Brenda leaned forward in her chair, anxious to change the subject from herself to him. “Mama tells me you got a right handsome boyfriend.”

Bernard shot his mother a look. “Yes I do, and I thought I was going to be the one to tell you all about him.”

Molly let out a sigh. “Well…you always take so damn long and you ain’t got a good history with dating as it is. I didn’t know how long this’d last. Besides, you and your sister never saw eye-to-eye on this whole homosexual thing anyway.”

Bernard looked back at his sister. “Are you better with it now? Is that why you always avoided me? Fear? Or were you grossed out by my lifestyle?”

Brenda looked at her brother and brushed his face. “Oh Bern, it ain’t you. I didn’t wanna come around and watch you be bossed around by whatever guy you’re livin’ with. I love ya and I want ya happy.”

“I am happy!” Bernard insisted. “I’m with a great guy for the first time in my life! He doesn’t boss me around or anything. We get along great!”

“Well that’s wonderful!” Brenda replied. “How did you two meet?”

Molly interjected. “Oh, I thought I told ya, Brenda. Your brother was trying to end his life again.”

Brenda’s blue eyes grew to moons. “Are you serious? When are you going to stop all that? That was what, the fourth time? Mama, why didn’t you come get me?”

“I couldn’t find you! He was only in there for three days. He’s lookin’ a lot better now, don’t ya think?”

Brenda looked her twin up and down. “You sure do. This guy must be agreein’ with ya. What’s he like?”

Bernard smiled at just the thought of Jack. “He’s wonderful. He’s handsome, and a doctor, cardiology. He was in the ER the night I was brought in. He and my nurse, Nancy, were just the absolute best! He drove me home and cleaned up my place, and we started dating not too long afterwards. I’ve lost weight due to his encouragement, and lead a far better life. I haven’t thought about ending it at all since we met!”

Brenda reached forward and embraced her brother. “That’s wonderful!” She shrieked with glee. “Now, if only my life could get back on track. This baby thing is gonna be a huge obstacle for me.”

Bernard shook his head. “Only if you let it. Mama and I are here for you, you know that. I want to be more involved in your life anyway. I feel we got way too disconnected of late.”

“Yes we have, and I’m sorry. That’s my fault. I love you, bro.”

“I love you too, sis.”

They hugged again and kissed each other on the cheek. Molly looked on and smiled.

“Whew…about damn time you two made up! Wish it didn’t have to take a couple of catastrophes to get it done though.”

Brenda rolled her eyes and groaned. “Mama, things was like this before I got knocked up. Damn, I didn’t even think I could get pregnant at all!” She rubbed her still-flat belly, knowing what was inside. “I can’t believe I’m gonna be a mama!”

“You stick by us and you’ll be alright.” Molly said with conviction.

“Jack and I will do what we can for you too.”

Brenda smiled at her brother again. “Thanks, Bern. You’re the best. Who knows, one of us just might eek out a good life after all.”

Bernard returned home to tell Jack what had happened in his family. That night, he unearthed his journal and scribbled out an entry.

July 12, 2010

My sister is pregnant! Can’t believe it, at her age? Oh well, we always were a freaky bunch. Guess that just fits in with the whole Covington crowd. I can’t wait to be an uncle, actually. I want to teach the little new one how to actually live a life you want and not be a slave to anyone else. In fact, all of this has got me thinkin’ about my own life. I need to stop bein’ so afraid of moving out of my comfort zone. Hector was right. I need to at least attempt to apply for at least head bellhop or maybe even another position. Ever since I did my wrists in again, it’s damn hard liftin’ that luggage! I’ll talk to my boss tomorrow…I only got one more month ‘til my 47^th birthday and I’m gonna make it count!”