Bernard: Diary of a 46-yr-old Bellhop - 15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Aftermath

August 6^th. The day after the birthday party incident. Bernard was back at Jack’s house, still sleeping off the emotional night before. At least he was back in the bed and house that he loved. He hoped the worst was over and they could move forward from here. At 11 a.m,, he finally awoke and walked out to the living room.

The normally very clean house had dirty laundry on the back of the sofa, dirty dishes in the sink, and all of the magazines were torn to shreds. The trash hadn’t been taken out in a couple of days and wreaked of old food.

“What the hell happened here?” Bernard wondered aloud. He rounded the corner from the foyer and saw Jack passed out on the sofa, he hadn’t budged from the night before when Bernard laid him down. The normally clean-cut man had a full beard started, and wore stained sweats that Bernard had slipped onto him. He was barely covered with a blanket and had no pillow. On the table were four bottles of alcohol. One has about an inch left in it, but the other three were empty.

Bernard crept forward to the sleeping man. “Jack?” He whispered. “You awake?”

The sleeping drinker stirred a bit and opened his bloodshot eyes. They grew quickly to moons when he saw who it was.

“Bernard! Baby you came home?” He tried to stand up but had such a hangover he fell right back down to the sofa. “Augh, dammit! What a bitch of a hangover! What’re you doing here?”

“Don’t you remember? I brought you back home last night from my birthday party. You were so drunk I couldn’t let you be by yourself! I have to take care of you!”

Jack rubbed his eyes. “Oh yeah! Now I remember. Your mom tried to stop you but you came anyway.”

Bernard stroked his lover’s face. “Damn right I did. Call me crazy, but some part of me actually still cares about you. I don’t like the way we are and we need to straighten things out, but my love for you has never gone away.”

Jack nodded. “Baby, things have got to change for us. I owe you such a huge apology for everything!”

“Hey, I was no easy guy to get along with when we met, remember? Look, we need to work on this together. We can still make this work!”

“Oh really? You respected me huh? Loved me? That’s why you left with a fucking note?! Are you serious? Dammit, Bernard! That tore my heart out! I never wanted another man to just drop out of my life, but you did it anyway! Damn you!”

Jack reached for the last bottle and downed the rest of the liquid, grasped it by the neck and flung it towards the wall next to Bernard which sent shards of clear glass everywhere, but most especially into Bernard’s exposed leg!

“Ow! Dammit, Jack!”

Bernard bent over and examined the damage. It had pierced his calf. Blood poured out and soon the man felt faint. He’d always passed out at the sight of his own blood. Jack watched it all happen as if it were slow motion.

“Bern? You alright? Bern! Answer me! Bernard!”

No answer. The man was unconscious. Jack shot up off of the sofa and over to his ex. He saw the shard sticking out from the skin. Using all his concentration, he extracted the piece, being extra careful. “Okay, got that out. Bernard? You hear me?” He checked Bernard’s pulse, which was astoundingly rapid. Jack made himself look for something to stop the bleeding. He fumbled for the blanket and ripped off a long swatch of it from the end and wrapped it around the cut.

Bernard came to a bit. “Uhhh…Jack? What happened?”

“You got hurt, hon…I need to get you to a hospital.”

“Hospital?” He asked drowsily as he looked up and saw the cut and lost consciousness again.

Jack felt his own heart rate increase. “Bern? Bern? Stay with me, honey.”

Bernard passed out. Jack took a deep breath and wrapped his heavy arm around his shoulder.

“I’ll take care of you, I promise.” He hoisted the man up and leaned him against his thinner frame. He managed to get Bernard into his car and drove them to the hospital.

After a quick check-in with the triage nurse, the duo was in the emergency department. Jack sat with his head in his hands and attempted to keep calm. He had a moment of clarity when he called his sponsor and told him everything that had happened. Bernard was down the hall in the stitching room, being sewn up and cleaned up. Jack stood up and paced the small room.

What’ve I done? This is my fault! I can’t believe this has all happened! I hurt the man I love most in this world! What was I thinking? That’s just it, I wasn’t thinking at all. Dammit! What kind of moron am I?

A few minutes later, Bernard was wheeled back into his room. He was stitched up and awake. He had a large bandage around his leg, but looked fine otherwise. Jack rushed to his side.

“Will he be alright?”

“I think so. There was no damage to the nerves, amazingly. However that glass got in there, it made a clean cut. It cut the vein, but nothing else. Damn lucky.”

Bernard looked up at the doctor. “Thanks, Doc. Will the nurse be in soon?”

“Yes, she’ll be by to give you your discharge instructions in a while, Mr. Covington. We’re running a bit behind today, but you’ll be out of here soon. Take care.” He extended his hand for the patient to shake.

“Thank you, I will!” Bernard accepted the hand and shook it firmly.

The doctor left and it was just the two of them again. “What did you tell him?” Jack asked without looking.

Bernard sighed. “I told him I got a little wild playing with a beer bottle. He bought it well enough.”

Jack scooted his chair back and looked up at the man. For once, Bernard wouldn’t meet his gaze. “I’m so sorry, Bern…”

“Please…don’t do this, Jack. I haven’t the strength.”

A knock broke the silence in the room. It was the nurse…Nancy! “Hey there stranger, remember me?”

Bernard’s eyes lit up as he took in the sight of his old friend!

“Nancy! Holy cow, how are you? I’m so sorry I didn’t keep in touch!”

The nurse hugged her former patient warmly. “I missed you! You were one of my favorites; always were.”

Bernard kissed her cheek and she sat down next to him.

“You feeling better, mental-wise?”

“Yeah, much! Dr. Rasmus and I stopped our sessions months ago. I went from three times a week to once every couple months. He said I’d made so much progress on my own. Now it’s more like visiting with an old friend.”

“That’s wonderful! I’m so happy for you!” Nancy glanced over at Jack and saw his condition.

“Jack, could you come with me, please?”

“What? What for?”

She walked over and clamped onto his arm and hauled him out of the chair. “Get your ass out of the chair and come with me now, mister.” She looked back for a moment.

“Oh, I’m not your nurse, by the way. She should be in very soon. I saw your name on the roster and had to say hello!”

“Glad you did! See you soon.”

“I’ll be back.” She replied to Bernard. “You come with me.” She growled to Jack and escorted him down the hallway and out of sight.

After a half-hour, the two returned. Both had bloodshot eyes, but walked arm-in-arm. Jack sat down next to his ex and Nancy shut the door for them.

“What happened out there? What’s going on?” Bernard asked.

Jack raised his head and finally spoke what was on his mind.

“Bern, I need and want to apologize for everything I did and said and especially for hurting you so bad! I don’t know what got into me!”

“Jack…we’ve been over this! I thought you couldn’t get over your love for Randy. Everything I did could never measure up to him in a million years.”

Jack wagged his head and laid his head down on Bernard’s stomach. He sobbed aloud and squeezed the man’s large hand.

“I’m such an s.o.b! How could you fall in love with a jackal like me? How?”

Bernard fingered the brunette strands in front of him. “Shhh, because I love you, I always have and I think I always will, but it takes two, hon. I can’t do this alone.”

“Nor should you. A relationship is 50/50, and you deserve the best! I need you, Bernard. I need you to keep me on the good side and help me to move on.”

“What about Randy?” Bernard asked timidly.

“Randy is gone. My love for him won’t go away. We shared a deep bond that I didn’t think I’d ever have again until I met you.”

Bernard fought tears. “Then why did you compare me and I lost out on all counts?”

“I dunno. It was stupid of me to do! You’re two different men that I’ve fallen in love with. Randy was all those things I said, but you are very many more things. You’re patient, and kind, and you’re great at your job too. I know you’re capable of so many things. You need a loving partner to help you bring them out. Bernard, will you please take me back into your life? Move in with me again? I need your help to kick this bottle habit again. Please?”

Bernard was all set to say ‘yes’ when the hotel job popped into his mind. “Jack…I love you more than anything and I want to come back! But I just took a job out of the area.”

Jack raised his head. “What? How far out?”

“Eighty miles.”

Jack blinked back fresh tears. “I see. Well, you had every right to move on and away from me. I certainly wasn’t holding onto you like I should’ve. When do you leave?”

Bernard had to search for words. He looked at Jack and was completely at a loss. “I was supposed to begin on Monday. My little injury kind of puts that on hold though, but just for a day or two.”

Jack ran his fingers over the gauze and looked into the sparkling blue eyes he’d fallen for. “I almost lost it when that glass hit you! I’m so sorry!” he sobbed.

Bernard brushed his ex-lover’s hairy arm. “Shhh, Jack. It’s alright. I promise you. I’m alright now. I just wonder if you are.”

The aggrieved man shook his head. “No, I’m not alright at all. Not since you left my life. I can’t live without you, Bernard! You’ve shown such strength and resilience and what do I do? Fall apart like a house of cards! I’m weak and sad, and not a very good man to be in your life.”

Bernard tilted the whisker-laded chin in his direction. “Now you listen to me, Jack Larson, I fell in love with you months ago. You were my first time, my first love, all the huge milestones. You helped nurse me back to health after that ridiculous suicide attempt! I’ve faced my demons and won for the first time in my life! I have you to thank for that.”

Jack recoiled. “No, it wasn’t me. You did it all yourself. You had the power inside of you. Look at me! I’m a drunk! I fell apart and ran back to the bottle quicker than ever!”

Bernard shook his head. “But you’re willing to stop now, aren’t you? Hasn’t all of this made you see the light?”

Jack wiped off his face and nodded. “Yes, it has. But I honestly don’t know if I have the strength anymore. I’m a failure! I failed you and us and worst of all I failed myself. I went from the charming Dr. Jack to a bum, all with one bottle of whiskey.” He looked up into Bernard’s face and reached for it, but pulled his fingers back at the last moment. “I don’t deserve you anymore. You’ve moved on. You’ve got a great new job and your own life. You’ve got a new nephew or niece on the way. What do you even need me for?”

Jack turned away and stood up to face the wall. Bernard sighed and reached for the man’s hand.

“I need you to love me, be by my side, support me, everything. I know the power is in you too.”

A knock at the door broke the scene. It was his emergency room nurse, Nicole. “Excuse me, Mr. Covington? All set?”

Bernard smiled at Jack and appreciated his assistance in standing up. “Yes, very much. I am very ready to get home.”

“Here, sign this and you’re on your way.”

Bernard scribbled his long signature and smiled at the nurse. “Thank you.”

“Take care of that leg, Mr. Covington. Good night!”

“Thanks, Nicole. Night!”

Jack waved goodbye and helped Bernard walk out of the room to his car, and drove off to Jack’s house.

When they reached the inside, they both sat down on the sofa and surveyed the room. Jack saw the shards of glass still on the floor, along with all the other alcohol. Bernard hopped up off his seat and began picking things up.

“W-What’re you doing?” Jack asked.

“Remember what you did for me after I got home? You cleaned up my whole place. Now it’s my turn.”

“But your leg—”

“Feels much better. I’m not going to do it all today, but I just want to get rid of a few odds and ends.” He walked towards the bottles of whiskey.

Jack drew in a sharp breath as he watched Bernard pick them up and hobble over to the recycling bin and pitch them in. “Bern—”

“No. It’s time for the doctor to become the patient. You need help and I’m here to give it.”

“But I don’t deserve it; not after what I did…” Jack broke into tears and buried his face in his hands. Bernard hobbled back over to him and sat down next to him.

“Jack, look at me.” The gray eyes met his blue ones. “I love you, and I know you love me too. Yes, the past gets in the way, but we’ll survive it. We just need to talk about things or just let them go altogether. Don’t you agree?” He rubbed Jack’s back and kissed his cheek.

“Dr. Rasmus taught you well. You’ve truly gotten stronger.”

“I owe you and him a great amount of gratitude. Right now, I think we need to get to bed.”

Jack’s ears perked up and his posture reflected it. “Bed? Together?”

Bernard nodded. “Not for that, but in time again I hope. Right now, just for sleep. This whole morning has exhausted me and you too I’m sure. Let’s just sleep for a while and deal with things in a fresher way, alright?”

Jack’s nodded. “Are you going to stay?”

“I want to. Right now, let’s just get a nap in. Come on.” They grasped hands and walked back to their bedroom and fell asleep.

That afternoon and evening the two cleaned up the house and Bernard told his mother and sister what was happening. He still hadn’t decided. He went back to see Brenda that night to pack up his possessions, ‘just in case’ and they talked most of the evening, Bernard returned home to Jack later on.