Nemesis: Because I Want You - 2. Chapter Two: Taste in Men

CHAPTER TWO

Taste in Men

Nick wasn’t quite sure when he had figured it out. Maybe he had always known, in some way. Girls had never been interested in him, but that was okay, because he had never been interested in them, either. The most painful insult he ever had from Dave and his friends was ‘faggot’, ‘queer’, ‘gay’. It hurt because it was true.

He hadn’t told anyone he knew in real life. Not even Zoë. He thought perhaps he was afraid of telling anyone because that would make it more true. Or perhaps, in the end, he was just worried that even Zoë wouldn’t accept him, unlikely as that seemed.

He lay in his bed, gazing out of the window at the grey, foggy morning. It was five AM and he hadn’t slept at all. Nights like these were the worst. Too many thoughts in his head, too many questions and not enough answers. He already knew he liked boys; it had always been the male celebrities that made him feel tingly, not the female ones. He had browsed the Internet for gay porn, and liked it. But out of all the boys he knew, why did he have to fall for Dave Thompson?

He had long since admitted to himself that he found Dave attractive, but since they had clasped hands on the first day of school, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him. At first, he had thought it was all this talk of them being friends, and that he wanted that, and he probably did—the Dave he had spoken to on the way from Reynolds’s office had seemed a far cry from the arrogant shit he had grown accustomed to—but that clearly wasn’t all he wanted.

He had always admired and envied Dave, and he had put it all down to hatred. The past few years, it had been an obsession. Having no real friends of his own to speak of, Nick’s entire life had in some way revolved around Dave, especially after his family had fallen apart. He relished the time they spent sparring with each other, and the days when Dave wasn’t at school seemed boring and bland. He thought he must have felt this way for a long time, and just never truly accepted it before now.

He sighed and rolled over in his bed to face the wall. He must have fallen asleep after that, because the next thing he knew, Zoë was shaking him awake.

‘Hey!’ she said, ‘Hey, get out of bed, lazy lump! You’ll be late!’

Nick sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes.

‘Christ, you look like you haven’t slept at all!’ said Zoë, one eyebrow raised.

‘I haven’t . . .’ Nick mumbled. He felt like his head was full of cotton wool and shook it in an attempt to rouse himself.

Zoë peered at him over the top of her glasses. ‘Oh, dear,’ she said, looking concerned. ‘Well, you ought to get out of bed all the same, school starts in fifteen minutes.’

‘Fifteen?!’ Nick’s eyes were suddenly wide. ‘I’m up!’ He got out of bed and shoved his sister out of the room so he could get dressed. No breakfast today, then.

* * *

Dave glanced over at Nick’s desk. Unbelievable! The little shit hadn’t arrived yet. He was always on time. It wasn’t like he was worried or anything, of course, but he had sort of missed him this morning. No one to tease.

He picked up his pencil and started doodling absentmindedly on the cover of his notebook. He was famous for his doodling, and his ‘art’ could be found on everything from his school books to his own arms. He was often caught doodling when he should be taking notes or otherwise paying attention, but he usually got away with it, because underneath his devil-may-care exterior, Dave was actually a good student. His father would let him get away with nothing less.

The door opened and Nick entered. He looked terrible. His hair was a mess, his shirt was untucked, and he had heavy bags under his eyes. He looked like he hadn’t slept a bit. For a moment, Dave felt a pang of worry for his ‘best enemy’, but he quickly shoved it to the back of his mind.

‘Wow, Davis, you look like shit!’ he said. ‘Where the hell’d you sleep, at the rubbish tip?’

Nick opened his mouth, as though about to say something, but turned instead to the teacher, Miss Gorman, muttering, ‘I’m sorry,’ before proceeding to his seat.

‘What’s the matter, Davis? Cat got your tongue?’ Dave hissed across the room.

‘That line wasn’t funny when Halle Berry said it in Cat Woman, and it’s not funny when you say it either,’ Nick retorted, but without half of his usual gusto.

‘Be quiet, you two,’ said Miss Gorman, with no real anger in her voice.

Most of their teachers were used to their banter, and despite Mr. Reynolds’s warnings, they hadn’t got into any trouble for it yet. Usually, no one bothered to raise an eyebrow as long as they were just hurling the occasional insult, saving the big guns for the real fights.

Dave’s father actively encouraged him to continue the enmity, as though it were a sport, something good for his health, like football, and that was yet another reason that the suggestion of Dave and Nick being friends was so ridiculous—in Dave’s home, his father’s word was law.

* * *

For Nick, the morning lessons went by in a haze, and twice his eyes drooped and he fell into a semi-conscious slumber. At lunch, he shuffled off to the cafeteria, got himself a plate of chips, and sat down alone. As he munched his chips, he glanced over at the table where Dave was sitting with his friends and his new girlfriend, Linda Langmann.

Linda was exactly the type of girl you would imagine a boy like Dave would date. She had long, silky, platinum blond hair and hazel eyes. They were a perfect match, both popular and beautiful.

Nick realised with a jolt that he would give almost anything to be where Linda was right now. At that table, in the crook of Dave’s arm, smiling and laughing with a bunch of beautiful people . . . It certainly had its appeal. And then there was Dave.

He took this opportunity to stare, while no one was paying attention. Dave had turned to his best friend Alan and was listening intently to whatever he was saying. Dave had always worn the uniform well, the forest green of the school jumper going well with his golden hair, which was slightly messy in that I-just-rolled-out-of-bed-but-I-look-fabulous kind of way. He rested his right elbow on the table before him, and his finger tips were absently picking at his own lips while he focused on Alan’s words. Then he burst out laughing, throwing his head back and exposing his throat. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down while his laughter rang out across the cafeteria, a bright and clear sound that caused something to tighten somewhere in the vicinity of Nick’s groin.

Nick wondered if he knew. Did Dave realise how utterly beautiful and sexy he was? He wondered fleetingly if anyone had ever actually told him.

Suddenly, Dave turned his head and was looking his way, and Nick quickly cast his eyes down, staring at his plate and trying not to flush crimson.

The chips didn’t taste as good as he had imagined. He cleared away his tray and went outside. The courtyard was nearly empty, so he wandered around for a little while, his hands in his pockets, deep in thought. He wanted nothing more than to stop thinking about Dave, ignore his feelings and go about his business as usual, but he saw the bastard every day, and Dave would insist on arguing with him.

And Nick loved it. He loved the way Dave’s eyes sparkled, and the way he laughed, even when he was laughing at Nick. He must be seriously fucked up to enjoy it, but he did. Just having those interactions felt so much more important than what they actually meant. He could ignore the hurtfulness of the words. At least most of the time.

He went back inside and headed towards the toilets. He was about to go inside when someone called him.

‘Oh, Nicky,’ said a familiar voice, and Nick sighed and turned to see Dave coming towards him. ‘Wrong door, isn’t it? The ladies’ is across the hall!’

‘Give it a rest, will you Dave?’ said Nick wearily. Then he left the way he’d come to find another toilet, one in which Dave wasn’t.

* * *

Nick went to bed early that night, but despite his lack of sleep the previous night, for some reason he stayed wide awake again. Dave was such a complete and utter wanker! But still, in spite of his flaws, Nick knew he could be kind. He was, on occasion, stupidly noble, and for all their fighting and teasing Dave had never dished out more than he could take. Verbally, they were equally matched, though Dave had the advantage of having friends to back him up, and was quicker with his comebacks.

Nick woke up just as miserable the next morning, having had no more sleep than the night before. He even got up early, aware that if he let himself fall asleep again he would miss school entirely. Instead, he took a long shower, during which he got off furiously to thoughts of Dave.

The day passed more or less the same as the one before. Dave threw a few comments his way and Nick tried to retaliate as best he could, without much success. Still, he made it through the day without falling asleep, and that alone was a small victory.

As though by some twist of fate, at the end of the day he ran into Dave in the same bathroom again. He tried to resolutely ignore his presence, but Dave greeted him in the usual manner.

‘Well, hello there, Nicky!’ he said with a smirk.

Nick glared at him. ‘Please stop calling me that,’ he muttered.

Dave raised an eyebrow at him. ‘What the fuck is up with you?’ he asked. Nick noted a hint of concern, but put it down to wishful thinking. He shook his head, smiling in spite of himself. Dave looked positively bewildered. ‘What’s funny?’

Nick looked up at him, no longer smiling. ‘Us,’ he said. ‘This. This whole enemy, fighting each other all the time, infant school shit. What the hell’s it for? I mean, can’t we just put it all behind us, and be friends? Or at least be civil to one another…’ He turned his gaze to the floor.

‘Don’t be so gay, Davis!’ said Dave, and Nick looked up at him again. Dave had a strange expression on his face. Not anger, exactly; more like something between annoyance and puzzlement. It only lasted for a second, though, before it was replaced with the usual smirk. ‘See ya,’ said Dave and left the bathroom.

Nick sighed. All told, that had gone better than expected.

* * *

Dave turned the shower on and let the warm water pour down his sweaty body. He was exhausted. Three solid hours of football practice took its toll, and there was a match the coming Saturday, which meant tougher practice. The team from Walsall that they would be playing was very good, so he was a little nervous, but at least it was a home game.

Football was a lot of fun, but taxing in the long run. He just stood there for a few minutes, eyes closed, letting the water soothe his tired body. Then he soaped up, rinsed himself off and turned the water off to go get dressed.

The match in three days wasn’t the only thing worrying him, though, he realised. There was something else weighing on his mind. Since their encounter in the bathroom the previous week, Nick hadn’t said a word to him. Well, he’d asked if he could borrow his ruler in maths, but other than that, nothing. All of Dave’s attempted insults had gone ignored, or been met by a sulky, slightly hurt look, and that had been that. It took all the fun out of life.

He stopped by Tesco’s on his way home to buy a soft drink, and when he came outside he noticed someone sitting on the low concrete fence at the end of the car park. It was Nick.

He was reading again, and goodness knew why he couldn’t do that at home. He must have finished that stupid god-book, because now he was reading something else.

‘Oi, Davis!’ Dave called, heading towards him. Nick looked up, saw Dave, and quickly stood up to leave. ‘Hey, where do you think you’re going?’ Dave said, quickening his step to catch up.

‘To wherever you’re not,’ Nick replied.

‘Oh, don’t be like that!’ Dave had caught up now. ‘Let me see that,’ he said, and snatched the book from Nick’s hand.

Nick stopped and sighed. ‘What is it with you and my books, Thompson?’ he asked, sounding exasperated. ‘Is it that you can’t read and they fascinate you in the same way that a fork fascinates a caveman?’

‘Haha,’ said Dave without conviction. ‘Anansi Boys? Well, that doesn’t sound gay at all!’ He handed back the book. ‘Where do you find this shit, Davis?’

‘Amazon dot com,’ said Nick drily. ‘Will you leave me alone now?’

‘Aw, you’re no fun, Nicky!’ Dave pouted. Then, ‘Hey, what’s this?’ He’d noticed a small Moleskine notebook sticking out of Nick’s back pocket, and grabbed it before Nick could stop him.

The other froze, a panicked look flitting across his face. ‘Give that back!’ he said frantically and grasped for the book, but Dave held it out of his reach.

‘Ooh, what is it?’ he asked, genuinely intrigued now. ‘Love poems? Memoirs? A secret diary where you detail how many times a day you have a wank? Yeah, that’s got to be it! Let’s see, then!’ He opened it on the first page, and stopped dead.

The first word he read was his own name. Dave, it said, This person that I hate. I’ve hated him for all my life. I’ll never know, never see why…

Nick had stopped struggling and sat down in defeat. ‘Shit,’ he muttered.

Dave scanned the page. Does he hate me too? Or is it a mere facade? Maybe we could be friends if we tried. He looked up at Nick, his brow furrowed. ‘What the hell, Davis? Are you writing poetry about me?’

Nick met his gaze defiantly for a moment. Then he suddenly got to his feet, snatched back the notebook, and ran off, leaving Dave behind in the darkening car park.

* * *

‘Are you feeling alright?’ asked Linda, looking up at Dave. They were lying on his bed, in each other’s arms. ‘You seem a lot more quiet than usual today . . .’

‘I’m fine,’ Dave replied with a smile.

‘You were so quiet at school today, though . . . You hardly argued with Davis or anything.’ She sat up and looked down at his face with hazel eyes. ‘Want me to cheer you up?’ She smiled coyly. Then she kissed his lips, and his cheek, and his neck and his collar bone, as the top two buttons of his shirt were undone. She unzipped his jeans and began sneaking a hand slowly down into his pants.

Dave pulled in a sharp breath, and for a moment he was going to let her go on, but for some reason it didn’t feel right.

‘Stop that,’ he said softly, and pulled her hand away.

‘What the hell’s the matter with you?’ Linda asked. ‘You know I’m good.’ She looked at him cockily.

‘God, Linda, would you give it a rest?’

‘What are you, gay?’ she shot back.

He fell silent for a moment, looking away. ‘Look, I’m just not in the mood,’ he said finally. ‘I have a lot on my mind.’

‘Not in the mood?’ she repeated, clearly outraged. ‘Not in the mood?! What the hell is that supposed to mean?’

‘It means I’m tired right now!’ Dave snapped at her. ‘There’s a lot going on at the moment.’

‘I know that,’ said Linda, back to her sweet self. ‘I’m just offering some stress relief, baby. Get your mind off everything for a little bit.’

‘Thanks, but that’s just not gonna work right now,’ he said kindly and smiled. ‘I just need to think for a bit, that’s all.’

Linda sighed exasperatedly and sat up. ‘Fine,’ she said coolly. ‘I guess I’ll just leave, then. Call me when you’re done being a philosopher.’ She pulled on her cardigan and picked up her bag from the desk chair. ‘I’ll see myself out.’ She left the room, slamming the door a bit harder than strictly necessary.

Dave rubbed his eyes and sighed. His relationship with Linda was still a pretty recent thing. They’d only been seeing each other since the start of term. She had pursued him quite aggressively at his 16th birthday party in the first week back, and as she was pretty, popular, and came from a good family, Dave had seen no reason not to go along with it. But she was proud and vain, and Dave didn’t feel like they had much in common, or like he could talk to her about what was going on with him.

Not that he could really explain what he was thinking, anyway. He felt guilty, and it was because of Nick. He felt bad for hurling insults at him for the past week, when Nick hadn’t responded in kind. And then there was the meeting in the car park the night before. The look on Nick’s face when Dave took the notebook, and that poem or whatever it was… What was that all about?

He had this feeling of hopelessness in his gut, which just wasn’t a good thing a couple of days before a match. He needed to pull himself together and stop thinking about Nick Davis, of all people.

He sat up and rubbed his face. Time to snap out of it.

* * *

The following day, Linda showed no sign at all that their disagreement had ever happened. She was all over Dave just as always. While Linda had always been popular, she had experienced an extra surge in social status since she had started seeing him, and was obviously not about to throw all that away.

Dave and Nick still weren’t talking, however. Nick acted as though they didn’t know each other, and Dave felt oddly uncomfortable all day.

The next day was Saturday, and the day of the football match. Dave rode his bicycle down to the football pitch, his stomach churning. Pre-match nerves were a fairly common occurrence, but this was more than that. For some reason, he dreaded it.

He parked his bicycle and shouldered his sports bag. Turning around, he noticed someone leaning against the stands a little way off.

It was Nick. He wore a grey hooded sweatshirt with the sleeves rolled up, and had his hands tucked into the pockets of his faded blue jeans. He looked up as Dave caught sight of him and, oddly, grinned. ‘Hey,’ he said, starting towards him.

Dave blinked, and then his brain started working again. ‘Hello,’ he replied. ‘Look, I know you want me, Nicky, but we just can’t keep meeting like this!’

‘My heart’s torn,’ said Nick with a mock-pout. ‘But, sadly, I’m not here to make out. I just wanted to say, good luck.’ He smiled genuinely. ‘Knock ‘em dead!’

Dave stood for a moment, unsure of whether he should thank him or say something sarcastic, but before he could make up his mind, Nick turned around and walked away, hands in his pockets.

Dave went to get changed and warm up, feeling slightly dazed, and before he knew it, they were meant to go out onto the pitch and start the game. As he walked out there, he was surprised to discover that he was back on form.

He scored the first goal, but the opposing team was very good, and soon they were tied. Toward the end of he second half, however, Dave was shoved by another player and awarded a penalty, which he took, and nailed. Like something out of a bad movie, the stands erupted in cheers just as the time ran out, and Dave’s teammates milled about him, to hug him and lift him up and carry him towards the changing rooms. After showering and changing, he went outside to meet up with his friends and Linda, who all greeted him enthusiastically and congratulated him on his victory.

Then they went out for pizza, and he enjoyed the praise of his friends, but all through this perfect moment, Dave couldn’t help but feel like there was something missing.