Nemesis: Because I Want You - 14. Chapter Fourteen: Black-Eyed

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Black-Eyed

Nick lay on his back in the cool, green grass of his back garden, staring up at the blue sky where fluffy clouds moved lazily in the spring breeze. It wasn’t quite t-shirt weather yet, but Nick had stubbornly braved the temperature and refused to wear long sleeves.

He rolled over onto his side to look at Dave, who lay next to him, eyes closed, all but purring like a cat in the sunlight. He had opted for a blue and black striped long sleeve, not quite as desperate for spring as Nick was. Nick smiled. It wasn’t something he’d been doing a lot lately, but he took his happiness where he could find it.

Things had been better for a while, though Nick was sleeping very poorly, plagued by blood red dreams. Openly being friends with Dave, to the extent of being included when he hung out with his friends (so long as Alan wasn’t there), had made everything easier. Nick had found himself getting along with Matt especially well, as he liked a lot of the same bands as Nick and played the bass. It had kept him away from destructive thoughts.

Nick had come close to cutting himself twice in the past few weeks. It was something he’d done a few times in the past, by way of a distraction, but never regularly. This time, two things had held him back. One had been the thought of the look on Dave’s face when he saw the cuts. Nick might be able to keep them from his sister, but not from Dave. The other had been the thought of his mother, and the manner of her attempted suicide. It had replaced the pain with anger and made him determined not to do anything like what his mother had done.

The school counsellor had set him up with a shrink, to help him deal with his trauma, whom he visited every Wednesday. His psychologist was a young man named Evan. Evan had, as of yet, been unable to get much out of Nick, who felt he got enough help just talking to Dave and Mel, though the latter was getting busy studying for her AS-levels at the moment.

Still, just sitting in that quiet room for half an hour every week talking about the weather was somehow helpful. It gave Nick some space, allowed his mind to rest for a while. He was grateful to Evan, really.

The Easter holidays had brought with them a break from the shrink as well as from school, though. And Nick and Dave were free to spend as much time together as they pleased. Chas had gone to stay with his grandparents in the Black Country, Matt was spending the holidays with friends in Birmingham, and Alan’s dad had found a job for him which, Dave had told Nick, he was reluctant to divulge the details of, leading them to believe it had something to do with sanitation. What this all meant was that Dave had no obligation to spend time with anyone but Nick, which suited them both just fine.

Nick reached over and traced a circular pattern on Dave’s cheek. Dave raised his hand up to shield his eyes from the sun before opening them and looking at him.

‘Hey,’ said Nick.

‘Hey,’ said Dave and smiled.

‘It’s spring,’ said Nick.

‘I know.’

They looked at each other, silent for a while. Then Nick leaned down and kissed his boyfriend on the lips. Dave put his hand on the small of Nick’s back, and Nick swung one leg over him, laying down on top of him and enjoying the warmth beneath him as they kissed.

Dave’s other hand landed on Nick’s upper arm, and he broke the kiss.

‘You should wear a jacket. You’ll catch a cold,’ said Dave, stroking Nick’s goose-prickle-covered arm with his fingertips.

‘I refuse. It’s spring.’

‘Spring, not summer,’ Dave reminded him, an amused smile gracing his features. ‘You’ll be no good to me if you catch a cold.’

‘I’m fine!’ said Nick dismissively. ‘You’re hot enough for the both of us.’ He smirked, pleased with his own wit, and Dave shook his head.

‘Fine, don’t come crying to me when you’re stuck indoors all Easter.’ Dave glanced at his watch and sighed. ‘I should go soon. Jason’s arriving in an hour, and then my parents will be leaving for the airport. I should see them off.’

‘Yeah, all right,’ said Nick, with a slight pout. ‘Guess it can’t be helped. I’ll see you soon, though, yeah?’

‘Definitely!’ said Dave, grinning, and captured his lips again. ‘I’ll ring you later, okay?’

* * *

‘Dave! Goodness, how you’ve grown!’

‘Shut up, Jason!’ said Dave, grinning. He gave his cousin a brief hug. ‘How’ve you been?’

‘Excellent, excellent! Stressed out of my mind with this dissertation, but otherwise fantastic. Yourself? Got a new girlfriend yet?’

Dave shook his head. ‘Nope. Free as a bird, me.’

Jason grinned at him. ‘Good lad! No good tying yourself down yet.’ He ruffled Dave’s hair fondly.

Jason was twenty-five years old and very cool. Dave had worshipped him for most of his life. Jason was tall, with auburn hair and bright green eyes. His left ear was pierced, and he rode a motorcycle. Prior to starting his Mathematics degree, he had spent most of his savings backpacking around the world for about three years. He had stories to tell from Cambodia, Nepal, Tanzania, Argentina, and Australia, to mention a few, and had even spent six months on Checkpoint Watch in Palestine, helping Palestinian kids get to school safely. He was the very antithesis to Dave’s father, but he was family, and as such George Thompson tolerated him and was quite happy to leave his son in his care, despite Dave’s protests that he was sixteen and didn’t need a babysitter, thank you very much.

Dave’s father was pulling on his gloves. ‘Right, then,’ he said. ‘We’ll be off. No parties, no alcohol, no staying out all night. I trust you can handle this, Jason?’

‘Yes, Uncle George,’ said Jason with a smile. ‘I’d prefer peace and quiet, anyway, if I’m gonna solve P=NP.’

Dave’s father paused and looked at him, eyebrow raised.

‘I’m not actually solving P=NP,’ said Jason. ‘That was a joke.’

‘I see,’ said Dave’s father. He shook Jason’s hand, and then Dave’s, and picked up his suitcase.

‘Goodbye, then,’ said Dave’s mother, giving them both awkward hugs.

‘Bye, Mum,’ said Dave. ‘Have fun in Lanzarote!’

Dave and Jason waved them off from the front steps as the taxi drove away. When the door was closed, Jason turned to Dave.

‘So, I’ll get the blow and you’ll invite the hookers?’ he said. Dave laughed and picked up Jason’s bag.

‘How’s about I show you where you sleep first?’ he said, still grinning.

‘Lead the way, young Padawan,’ said Jason solemnly with an elaborate gesture.

* * *

‘Maybe I shouldn’t go,’ said Zoë. She stood in the hall, her left hand on the handle of her suitcase, purse dangling from her right elbow and car keys in her hand. She looked at Nick with a pained expression. She had changed her mind half a dozen times in the last hour. ‘It’s so soon after . . . I mean, I don’t want to leave you alone!’

‘He won’t be alone, babes, I’ll be here,’ said Craig.

‘And I’ll be just fine,’ Nick supplied. ‘Go. Have a good time with the girls. You need a holiday. And stop worrying about me!’

Zoë bit her lip. ‘Are you sure?’ she asked.

‘Yes!’ said Nick exasperatedly. ‘Go away!’

Zoë smiled. ‘All right, all right. You’ll ring me if you need anything, right? Anything at all?’

‘I promise,’ said Nick. He kissed her on the cheek.

Craig picked up her suitcase and walked it out to the car for her. Zoë followed, giving Nick one last smile. She kissed Craig goodbye at the car, got in the driver’s seat, waved to Nick who stood in the open doorway, and backed out of the drive, just as the first raindrops began to fall.

‘Guess it’s just you and me now,’ said Nick as Craig returned to the house.

‘Guess so,’ said Craig, shutting the door behind him. He glanced at Nick. ‘Tell you what. If you don’t bother me, I won’t bother you.’

‘Deal,’ said Nick, smiling politely. Then he headed up the stairs as Craig disappeared into the kitchen.

Nick lay down on his back on his bed, pulling his mobile phone out of his pocket, and dialled Dave’s number. It only rang twice.

‘So now Zoë’s gone,’ said Nick. ‘She’ll be back Monday. ’Til then it’s just me and Craig the Creep. Who admittedly is less creepy than he used to be, but . . .’ He sighed into the phone.

‘You should come over tomorrow,’ said Dave. ‘Jason won’t mind. He’s busy working on his dissertation, anyway.’

‘Wish I could come over now,’ said Nick. ‘I miss you.’

‘I love how you can miss me when it’s only been a couple of hours since we saw each other,’ Dave teased. There was a brief silence. ‘I miss you too,’ he admitted after a moment.

Nick smiled. ‘Dave,’ he said, rolling over onto his side. ‘Tell me what we’ll do tomorrow.’

Dave was quiet for a moment. ‘I dunno,’ he said, slowly. ‘What do you mean?’

Nick hesitated as he felt a blush creep up his cheeks. ‘I mean . . .’ He swallowed. ‘I mean, what do you want to do when I . . . When I get to your place?’

‘Oh,’ said Dave. Another silence followed. ‘Well, I guess we’ll go to my room.’

‘What will we do there?’ asked Nick, his breathing growing slightly shallow.

‘What do you want to do there?’ Dave countered.

Nick drew a ragged breath. ‘I want to kiss you,’ he said. ‘I want to take off your shirt and look at you, and feel your skin . . .’ He ran a hand through his hair and swallowed again. ‘Fuck, I just want to be with you.’

‘Yeah, me too,’ said Dave. ‘Most of all I think I just want to hold you.’

‘Yeah.’ Nick sighed and turned back onto his back. He slid his hand uncosciously down his front, to his crotch, slowly palming himself through his jeans. ‘I like the sound of that.’

There was a sound in the background. ‘Fuck it,’ Dave muttered. ‘I have to go, Nick. Jason’s calling me.’

‘Yeah, okay,’ said Nick and stopped what he’d been doing. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you.’

He gave another sigh as he hung up, uncomfortably aware of his erection, but somehow he didn’t feel like doing anything to alleviate it. Tomorrow was the day, he decided. They had waited long enough. He didn’t want to wait any longer.

His bedroom door creaked and he looked up suddenly, to find Craig staring at him from the doorway. He had an unpleasant look on his face.

‘Who were you talking to?’ he asked.

‘Why do you want to know?’ Nick asked, pocketing his mobile and sitting up.

‘I think you were talking to your little friend Dave,’ said Craig. Nick said nothing, but he felt his pulse quicken. How much had Craig overheard? ‘I certainly can’t think of anyone else who’d want to talk to you.’ Craig took a step inside the room. ‘I knew it!’ he hissed. ‘I knew you were a dirty little faggot!’ His eyes glinted madly, and he advanced on Nick.

* * *

Dave was in the kitchen making beans on toast when there came a knock on the front door. He turned off the induction hob and walked out into the hallway, wondering who it could be.

He opened the front door, and there stood Nick. He was hugging himself awkwardly and looking down at the ground. He was wearing Dave’s black leather jacket and his clothes were sodden with spring rain. He looked miserable.

‘Hey you,’ said Dave.

‘Hey,’ Nick mumbled, still not looking at him.

‘This is a surprise.’ Dave opened the door wider. ‘Come in.’

Nick took a tentative step forward, into the hallway.

‘What’s wrong?’ asked Dave. ‘Hey, look at me.’ He reached out a hand to touch Nick’s cheek. Nick flinched away at first, but then he lifted his gaze to Dave’s. His cheeks were red. Tear stained.

‘What’s happened?’ asked Dave, sharply.

‘Craig.’ Nick’s voice was quiet. ‘He was . . .’ He looked away again. ‘He figured it out. He heard me on the phone with you, and he figured it out. Called me names. Said he was gonna knock the queer out of me,’ he said bitterly.

Dave grabbed hold of him then, and held him close. ‘It’s all right,’ he whispered, stroking Nick’s hair gently. ‘You’re here now. You’re safe. You can stay here till Zoë gets back. My parents won’t be back till next Tuesday.’

Nick nodded into his shoulder.

‘Who was it?’ came a voice from the living room. Nick and Dave quickly broke apart as Jason appeared in the doorway to the living room.

‘This is Nick,’ said Dave. ‘He’s a friend. He’s having some trouble at home, so would it be okay if he stayed here for a little while?’

‘Of course,’ said Jason at once. ‘No problem. Uncle George said no parties, but he didn’t say anything about friends sleeping over.’ He smiled and shook hands with Nick.

‘Come on,’ said Dave. ‘Let’s get you some dry clothes.’

He led the way up the stairs to his room. Nick followed. When they got up there, Dave sat Nick down on the bed and began to rummage in his closet for something that would fit.

‘They’re a bit old,’ he said, handing Nick a pair of jeans and a yellow t-shirt, ‘but they should fit you better than the stuff you borrowed last time.’

Nick nodded. ‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘For helping me.’

‘Of course I’ll help you!’ said Dave. He sat down next to him and took his hand. ‘I love you.’

Nick turned his face towards him. Dave reached up to brush a strand of hair from his forehead. Then he leaned in close and kissed him. Nick kissed him back, fiercely and urgently. They climbed further up on the bed, and Dave began to remove Nick’s wet shirt. He caressed the pale skin of his torso, where angry bruises were already forming. They broke apart and looked into each other’s eyes.

‘I’m never letting anyone hurt you ever again,’ Dave said fiercely. ‘He’s never coming near you again, you understand? Never!’ He was fully aware of how cheesy he sounded, but he didn’t care. He leaned in and kissed Nick again, more softly but just as passionately, hand still caressing his chest.

Tears welled up in Nick’s eyes again. He broke the kiss and buried his face in the other boy’s shoulder, a sob shaking his body violently.

Dave put his arms around him and just held him, stroking his hair, kissing his neck. After a while, Nick’s tears stopped falling, and the sobbing ceased, but they stayed like that for a while longer anyway.

Afterwards, Dave fetched a wet flannel from the bathroom. He returned to find Nick sitting on the edge of the bed with a faraway look in his eyes.

‘Hey,’ said Dave, sitting next to him.

‘Hey,’ Nick responded automatically, still staring straight ahead. His voice was flat. Dave examined his bruises, running the cool flannel over them soothingly. They appeared most prominent around his abdomen, his sides and his upper arms and shoulders. Here they looked like finger marks, like someone had grabbed and squeezed.

Nick shuddered every time Dave touched one of the bruises with the flannel.

‘Does it hurt?’ Dave asked.

Nick nodded, slowly. ‘A bit,’ he replied, voice still flat.

‘What did he do to you?’

Nick was quiet for a few moments, working his jaw and swallowing.

‘He, er . . . He came into my room after I hung up with you. Accused me. Called me a faggot. I told him it was none of his fucking business. So he punched me, here.’ He touched a hand to the side of his stomach. ‘Many times, until I couldn’t stand up. Thought I was gonna be sick. Then . . .’ Nick shuddered, looking down at his hands.

‘Yes?’ Dave prompted. ‘What happened next?’

‘He loosened his belt. Pushed me down on the bed, on my stomach . . .’ His voice was getting quavery and his eyes teared up again. Dave took his hand, his body shaking with rage.

‘Did he . . . ?’ He couldn’t finish the sentence, it was too much to take in. He struggled to keep his voice even. He swallowed and tried again. ‘Did he—’

Nick said nothing, but nodded, squeezing his hand to cut him off. He cleared his throat. ‘He said . . . Erm, he said that if I liked taking it up the arse so much he’d teach me better manners. He—he held me down . . .’ Nick’s lips quivered and his wide eyes shifted restlessly, still not looking at Dave. ‘He held me down,’ he whispered helplessly, and Dave put his arms around him again, holding him tightly. He stroked his hair soothingly. The flannel lay forgotten on the bed.

‘I’m sorry, Nick, I’m so sorry,’ he whispered, unable to find anything better to say. Nick’s body shook violently in his arms, and he held him tighter. ‘I’m so, so sorry!’

‘When he’d finished,’ Nick croaked through the sobs, ‘it was like he realised what he’d done. The look on his face . . . He disappeared, I heard him turn on the shower, so I got up and I ran. Didn’t look back.’

‘Good,’ said Dave. ‘I’m glad you came here. You’re safe here. It’s all right. You’re safe.’ He kissed the top of Nick’s head. ‘You’re safe.’

They stayed like that, on the bed, for a good while. Dave felt awkward and useless and angry. He wished he could erase what had happened to Nick. He wanted to beat Craig to a pulp, give him a taste of his own medicine, but he knew that wasn’t an option.

‘Would you like me to run you a bath?’ he asked after a little while. Nick pulled away. Sniffed. Nodded stiffly.

So Dave went into the bathroom once more and began to fill the enormous bathtub. Then he busied himself with finding towels, clean pants and a spare toothbrush for Nick. When the bath was halfway full, he went over to the doorway.

‘Nick?’ he said softly. It took a moment before Nick responded, but he got up slowly and made his way towards him. Halfway there, he clamped a hand over his mouth and broke into a run, making a beeline for the toilet. He sank to his knees and vomited.

Dave sat down on the floor next to him, stroked his heaving back with one hand and held his fringe away from his eyes with the other. When Nick’s heaving and coughing subsided, he slumped onto the floor in the foetal position. Dave stroked his hair in what he hoped was a soothing manner.

‘Shh, it’s okay,’ he whispered. ‘It’s all right, love, you’re safe.’ He repeated those words, ‘you’re safe,’ just as much for his own benefit as for Nick’s. He felt like they were all he had to offer, and he wanted them to be true.

The bathtub began to overflow, and he got up to turn the tap off and drain a little bit of the water. Then he flushed the toilet and helped Nick to his feet. He filled his toothbrush cup with water so Nick could rinse out his mouth, before helping him get undressed.

When only the pants remained, he hesitated. He had seen Nick naked before, in the changing rooms at school, when they were younger, but not in a few years. These weren’t the circumstances under which he had imagined seeing his boyfriend naked for the first time, and he wondered if maybe he should leave the room, give Nick some privacy. But before he could voice his concern, Nick had already unabashedly removed the garment himself and was climbing into the bathtub.

Dave felt like he ought to look away, but he couldn’t seem to manage to. He found himself staring at Nick’s body. His skinny hips never the less made way for a rounded and very nice looking bottom, but as he stared, mental images of Nick on the bed with Craig on top of him flashed through Dave’s head and he looked away, his eyes tearing up in anger, his hands balled into fists.

Nick sat down in the tub, a visible shudder rattling his body as he made contact with the hot water. Dave stood in the middle of the bathroom, unsure of what to do next, but Nick made that decision for him.

Looking up at him, Nick gave a sort of sad half smile. ‘Get in with me?’ he said, and how could Dave say no to that?

He took off his clothes while Nick watched him tentatively. Nick moved forward in the tub so Dave could fit behind him. As he got in and sat down, Nick shuddered again, and Dave thought that he must be remembering.

He sat so his legs were on either side of Nick’s hips, and Nick leaned back against his chest. Being in this position would have been a turn-on, but under the circumstances Dave didn’t feel anything like that. All he felt was sadness and anger. Tears were pouring from Nick’s eyes again, but his sobs were silent, and Dave kissed the back of his head and smoothed his fringe with his fingers.

‘I’m sorry,’ said Nick after a long moment of silence.

‘Sorry? About what?’ said Dave incredulously. ‘You have nothing to be sorry for!’

‘I am anyway. For dumping all this on you. Thank you for . . . for helping me . . .’

‘You really needn’t thank me,’ said Dave. ‘What else was I to do, turn you away?’

‘You could’ve done.’

‘No, I couldn’t, Nick.’ Dave sighed and shook his head. ‘When are you going to get it through your thick skull that you’re actually important to me? I want to do this. I couldn’t not help you, it would be like . . .’ He thought for a moment, trying to come up with an appropriate analogy. ‘Like not running away from a tiger or not trying to come up for air when you’re drowning. No, it’s like a soldier not fighting back if someone’s trying to kill his mates. It isn’t a matter of choice, it’s just what you have to do.’

Nick squeezed his hand, almost painfully. Then he turned sideways a little bit and looked at him. Not breaking eye contact, he touched his hand to Dave’s chest and traced a line down into the water. As the hand reached his hip bone, Dave threw his head back involuntarily and gasped. It was impossible not to react to that kind of stimuli, and God, how he would have wanted Nick to go on . . . But he grabbed Nick’s wrist and pulled his hand out of the water.

‘No,’ he said firmly but gently. ‘No way, not while you’re in this state. I won’t have you thinking you need to thank me, and I won’t have you equating that with what’s happened to you today.’ He brought Nick’s hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles, one by one. ‘Don’t get me wrong,’ he said between kisses, ‘I want . . . I mean, I really do, but not like this.’ He pulled Nick close again. ‘There’ll be time for all that later.’

* * *

Nick nervously punched his sister’s number into his mobile phone. She picked up after three rings.

‘Hello?’

‘Hi,’ said Nick. ‘I just wanted to let you know, I’ll be staying with Dave while you’re in London. I . . . I forgot to tell Craig before I left, so . . .’ He clenched his fist as he said the name. He couldn’t tell her over the phone what was going on.

‘That should be okay. Dave’s parents out of town, then?’

‘Yeah, but we’re not alone, his cousin is here. He’s about your age.’

‘All right. Everything okay?’

‘Yeah,’ said Nick. ‘Fine. Just . . . come here and pick me up on the way home, okay? There’s something I need to talk to you about.’

‘What’s up?’

‘Nothing important. Just pick me up before you go home, yeah?’

Zoë laughed. ‘All right, silly. Could you put Dave’s cousin on, please?’

Nick did. They talked for a couple of minutes and Jason jotted down her number before handing the phone back to Nick.

‘Right, well he seems nice,’ said Zoë. ‘I’ll see you in a few days. Take care, sweet!’

‘Thanks, you too,’ said Nick. ‘Love you.’

‘Love you too!’