Men in Paradise - 26. Chapter 26 - The Revelation

The Lingam in Shaivism is an abstract or aniconic image of the Hindu god Shiva. In Hindu temples dedicated to Shiva, also found in smaller shrines, or as self-manifested natural objects, it is usually the primary murti or devotional image. Inside a disc-shaped platform, it is also depicted. A hollow cylindrical pillar-like form of Shiva is the lingam of the Shaivism tradition, made of stone, metal, gem, wood, clay, or disposable material. The lingam is a voting aniconic object found in the temple of Shiva temples and private shrines, denoting Shiva, according to Encyclopædia Britannica, and is' revered as an emblem of generative power.' It is also located in a lipped, disked structure that is a symbol of the Shakti goddess and is called the yoni. Together, Encyclopædia Britannica says, they symbolize the union of feminine and masculine ideals and "the totality of all existence". In Hinduism, the lingam symbolizes Shiva, and it is a phallic symbol as well. Since the 19th-century, Scholar Arvind Dasgupta says, the lingam has been depicted as the male sex organ in popular literature. This view contrasts with the conventional abstract ideals they represent in Shaivism, in which the lingam-yoni connote male and female values in all life.

Sakthi's PoV

Someone said, "People do not change, they are merely revealed", I was not sure what changed in my life, but one thing I was sure about, I liked Jai, more than I thought.

I had no idea when it started, probably when I saw him the way he took care when I was ill twice or when he saved my life bravely from the sharks or when he touched me that night on the harvest at the beach. The more and more I looked at him, his melancholy eyes filled with love for me or the way he spoke to me when I shared the deepest secret of my life or when I saw him nude on the water stream a week before. I knew for certain I was deeply, madly and irrevocably in love with that teenage boy.

Long before, I had doubts about his sexuality, even though we hardly spoke about it. But I guessed the way he looked at me, especially when his eyes gawked at my body while taking bath. In the beginning, I kind of ignored it. As a body builder I was not new at experiencing attention from other guys. It happened all the time at the gym. I kind of liked that attention too. I had my fair share of adoration towards other guys' physical appearance too. My Instagram was filled with my inspirational guys like Arnold, Van Damme, Salman Khan etc. But I never thought that I would find a bony teenager attractive. That was a new experience for me. Slowly, I realised I was drawn into the physical appearances of Jai, there were times my mind fought against those thoughts. And then I gave up fighting against my infatuation towards him when I learned his deep love for me, the way he saved my life. And on top of it, I had no other alternatives on that deserted island to divert my physical attraction or desires either.

Might be I was always a bisexual which I never realised until I met Jai. His toned body, his wanting eyes, his cute face and his self confidence attracted me every day. And he had grown on me no matter how hard I tried otherwise. When he touched me on the beach that night, it broke every single inhibition on me. I knew and still remember his every single touch. I was so aroused and drunk that night I was waiting for more from him. In a way, that was my first experience with a guy, I was an amateur in gay sex, I didn't know how to even reciprocate his touches or advances that night, but I let him have it with me and gave him whatever he desired. And next morning, even with blurred thoughts of what happened the other night, I cherished it.

But it was still a new experience for me, I was not sure how to handle or reciprocate it. It frustrated me a little bit when he stopped talking to me or looked at my eyes the next few days, I intended to talk to him about it and let him know how much I enjoyed that night with him. But then, we had that wild boar incident and then I fell sick. So I was waiting for the right time to pour my heart to the boy I loved.

Yes, I loved him and I have no inhibitions or shame even though it was with a boy. Until I arrived on that island, I was so broken and hopeless. Jai gave me a new meaning, a love and a new beginning and I didn't want to let that go.

But Jai was not as sure as I was about what was happening between us. He was kind of having second thoughts. Too young and insecure about himself. I knew I needed to act more to show my love openly to him.

The other night on the loft when he put his arms over me, I decided to take the initiative to let him know how much I wanted him too. And I knew that I needed to have a man to man talk to him for sure to make sure he knew I loved him too.

Jai wanted to build a small temple for Lord Shiva on the rocks. He had been telling me ever since we came to that island. Now that we decided to leave the island, we wanted to at least leave our footprint and build a temple for visitors who come to that island in the future.

One of the big rocks on that island has a natural cave like space in between. We made a linga like clay structure. Linga is a symbol of lord Shiva. It represents the creativity and cosmic of all existence. Some arguably say that the Yoni represents the union of masculinity and feminine as a phallus-vulva sign for lord Shiva and his wife lord Sakthi. Ancient Hinduism and mythologies include lot of elements erotically, but later revival of Hinduism after the spread of Buddhism, Islam and Christianity, the paganism ideas and traditions were vanished or downplayed in Hinduism. Ancient people in India lived by nature and they had no inhibitions on it, even homosexuality had a place in the history and mythology.

I was not as spiritual as Jai. But I worshipped with faith. When we laid the lingam in the rocks, and spent some time on the rocks in silence, it gave me an amazing peace of mind.

"There was a time, I wanted to devote my life to God and worship. You know like those brahmachari" Jai started the conversation by opening his mind.

"I like to pray, I don't think I want to devout that way. Definitely, I don't want to be a brahmachari" I said it with a chuckle.

"What's wrong in being a celibate?" he raised his thick eyebrows when he posed that question to me.

"Well, it's nothing wrong in general. But you are just 18, it sounds so naive when you talk about it" I gave him my honest opinion.

He didn't immediately respond to that counter. Instead, he turned his face and started staring at the waves which were visible from the rocks. The Sea looked peaceful and painted in blue. Few migrant birds which looked like cranes were busy gathering dead fishes on the beach.

"I don't think I am ever going to find love. I'd rather become a celibate" I heard him murmured that sentence. His voice was not as loud as it was. Because of the noise from the waves, I hardly managed to hear that.

"Then why did you let me have sex with you last night?" I asked him, I knew he would be hesitant to talk about it openly, but I needed to bring that topic out and open. I could not let him be a melancholy soul any longer.

"You didn't want to, I forced you into it" he replied, his voice was even lower than it was earlier. His face was still turned back at me and I had no idea what was on his mind.

"You forced me, huh? Who said that?" That was hilarious and the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard.

He didn't reply to that. Instead, he kept silent again. And I was irritated by that.

"You know what's the problem with you. You keep everything in your head and imagine stuff" I accused him.

"You think I didn't know that harvest night and what happened between us? And you think I had an erection of my life without knowing what was happening? Here is the truth buddy, I didn't know how to reciprocate what you did to me that night, because it was new for me. But I liked it as much as you did" I told him and then continued,

"I like you as much as you like me. For a long time, I know you liked me. I want to have what Afridi and Justin have between them. And I want it with you" I was unstoppable.

I was not sure if he heard me right. He turned his head and looked straight in the eye. His face was covered in shock and excited at the same time.

"How long you know?" he asked me in disbelief and still trying to digress what I said.

"You never spoke about girls and whenever we talk about it, you avoid it" I told him.

"So what? I am not the only guy like that, right. Maybe I was too shy?" he argued with me.

"Come on, your eyes were all over on me during that circle jerk off. I was doing a show off and slowing it down to tease you more, you didn't notice it?" I asked him with a smirk.

"You did that to tease me?" he asked me, still not believing what I said.

"It’s not just sexual. I loved the way you took care of me. The way you put your life to save me from the sharks. I think the love for you, overcame my sexuality" I explained him as best as I could.

"You know that I am gay?" he asked me.

"I doubted it. But it doesn't matter. I didn't want to take advantage of you because you are too young for me. But I am here for you, if you need me" I told him.

"Yes, yes. I need you, and I needed you for a long time" he replied like a whisper.

I pulled him closer to me and kissed him on his lips to make sure I was not kidding. My strong arms and soft body were tangled in a way like a union of Yoni by itself.

He responded to me by opening his mouth and it lasted forever.

Cranes were flying over our head as if they seldom care about anything in the world. Waves were not distracted by what happened in front of them or two guys sharing a kiss. On the big rock with a backdrop of a beautiful ocean and a divine lingam, finally, I found love in Paradise after thirty-five years of my life.

On the way back to the hut, suddenly Jai had an urge to collect seashells. The boy was weird, but I liked him regardless.

"When are we going to harvest the new crops?" he asked me out of nowhere. He was jumping and dancing all the way on the beach, he was even singing some local melody that I heard a long time back at home. I knew he was happy. He looked like a completely different person at that time.

"We will start it in two days" I told him and then continued,

"Don't you think I am too old for you?" I asked him to make sure I was not taking advantage of him in that situation.

"Who said you are old? You are just 35?" he replied casually.

"You are 18 and I am 36 now. I am two times older than you. Afridi could have been a better fit and he is good looking too" I said.

He stopped walking and held my hand.

"Do you think I am too young for you? You can opt for Justin, right?" he asked me and started laughing.

"Shut up" I told him. But he made sense, I didn't think age matters between us. And we had a little option on that island anyways.

"How did this happen? You were straight, right?" he asked me.

"Yep, I don't know. Things are different here I guess" I told him.

"How about us once we go back home?" he asked me with concern.

"We will find a way together. You can complete your college and then come and live with me in Chennai" I told him, it was a practical thought.

"Hmm yeah, I can. But I need to come out to my parents" he replied quietly.

"I leave that to your choice. But as I said earlier, I am here for you" I told him convincingly.

He stayed silent for some time. I realised he was processing everything on his mind. And then he said,

"I did it with Afridi, is that OK for you?" he asked me, as if I didn't guess that already.

"Do we have any rules here? This is paradise, everything is different. Even though I liked Afridi too, whom else couldn't?" as a matter of fact, that was true.

"Wow, really?" he asked me.

"Yeah, and I know Justin and Afridi are doing it. I saw them the other night in the loft" I told him with a laugh.

"There are no straight men in Paradise, ahem" he laughed along with me.

"Don't tell that to Afridi, he will be angry," I said to him with a laugh.

He laughed along with me.

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Summer was finally over. Back in the hut, things were busy. Another harvest was on its way. As expected, Autumn cooled down the entire island. Dry leaves were dropping from the tree constantly and it kept Jai and Afridi busy cleaning it in the lawn. Purple blue flowers on the mountain were gone and it looked green again.

After the harvest, we decided to have one last celebration on the island. And we called it the Fall festival. Unlike, last time we decided not to do too many things and just keep it simple. A good meal and drinks were the plan.

Now that I cleared the air with Jai and left nothing unspoken. We became freer and more open on many things. We even kissed in front of Afridi and Justin to let them know what we were up to. And I guessed they were happy and excited about it.

Everything became freer and more casual on that island without any rules or inhibitions. Last night, we had drinks and even did a circle jerk off once again. It was not as exciting as the first time, but we did it anyway. Afridi was sitting next to me during that time and he even went on to touch my dick as a joke. And he spoke,

"I have been wanting to touch this black cobra," he said with a laugh.

"Well, if it could please a boy like you, let's be it and touch as much as you want" I told him shyly.

"I don't want Justin to become possessive of it though" Afridi said and looked at Justin for his approval.

Justin didn't reply, he just laughed. But we knew that laugh was genuine and there was no hesitation whatsoever.

Third day of Autumn, we found our dear old black snake once again near the stream. We threw stones and scared the hell out of him. I didn't think it would ever appear at the stream again.

Most of the migrated birds such as ducks and others were gone. Our summer visitors from the forest stopped visiting our hut. We were absolutely sure that the wild boar would appear in the forest anytime soon. New breeds of fishes were seen in the sea. Gentle breeze flew over on a regular basis.

A bunch of deer were seen for the first time at the entrance of the forest. We decided never to capture or hunt them. We wanted them to live as free as we were. And we decided to take only what was necessary for our survival on that island. We already had howls, goats, pigs and fishes, they were more than enough for us.

Jai and Afridi worked together to brew plenty of Palmyra beverages for the fall festival. Captain was busy running around them. I loved that dog, and I had no idea leaving it all alone on that island. Paradise was not just a beautiful island, but it provided everything we needed on that island and that includes love and friendship.

It helped us form a beautiful friendship in spite of the language barriers, ethnic and cultural differences we had. It helped us overcome the fear and whatever inhibitions we had earlier. I was not worried about not being able to make babies anymore, I found love and made me realise that God took something out of me, but he also gave me Jai, a gift that I must cherish my whole life. It had been almost a year since we were dropped on that deserted island after the plane crash. Almost everybody else except four of us, boys with beautiful souls and worked hard to create a world of their own. It was an unbelievable story of mankind.

Justin suggested that we should go one last time to explore more plants and herbs for his future research. And we agreed to go with him. Autumn was good for the forest, dry leaves were scattered all over the forest. And Justin was in an excited mode.

"What are you going to do with all these herbs and plants once you go back to the US?" I asked him.

"I don't know. I wanted to write a book about Paradise and what I found here" he told me.

"If you do that, more people will visit here and they will spoil it," Jai told him.

"Yes Justin, please don't give them the location of this island" Afridi pleaded with him with his puppy eyes.

"OK, I will try not to reveal this island in my book" Justin tried to convince him.

"You are going to write a book and then what?" I asked him.

"I wanted to do research on the rocks I have collected here and wanted to know what exactly happened to the mysterious people who lived here" Justin told us on a serious note.

"Yes, that is a big mystery. We couldn't find what happened to them" Jai said with a disappointed tone.

"But I am sure that they didn't die here. They left this island in a hurry. Maybe they feared another volcano eruption here or a big tsunami or there was a drastic climate change that made this island in a drought and people might have left due to that" Justin gave us a lengthy explanation.

Jai and Afridi lost their interest in it. They were not even anywhere nearby to listen to what he said. They started throwing small pebbles at a tree stem. Then they started running around the tree and challenging each other while climbing on it.

Boys will always be boys.