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About this blog

Melancholic words to dampen your spirit

Entries in this blog

Full of angst

I had one of those "oblivion" thoughts yesterday. I don't know if you have them, but they kind of go like this:   "Religion is good because it keeps the masses in line. If most people did not have religion, they might come to the realization that life doesn't make a bit of sense. We're all pretty much like a herd of gnus. We plod through our lives according to society's plan and then die. Everyting we were, everything we did, everything we might have thought, everything of us dies, comes to an
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

121.9 in Madera

Okay, I'll admit right up front I'm trying to lose a little weight. Heck, I've been trying to lose a little weight since I don't remember when, probably around the time my nickname was "Tubby" and I figured out the other kids weren't trying to be nice.   So, my latest ploy at losing weight is to do it metrically. Using kg's I only have to go down 21.9. Using good ol' avoidupois, I need to drop over 40 and that's a lot to drop. Plus when losing kg's a little goes a long way.   I broke the 122
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

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Happiness reins in an errant soul

Okay, so you didn't get to vote. Maybe you should've sent a comment like Old Bob. If you've got any complaints, send them his way.   No, I'm not going to change the title every month, but I might do it annually.   I'm still riding a euphoric high right now, so enjoy this happy mood while you can.   I'm working very hard on the Kevin project. The words are coming together and if all goes according to plan (i.e., I don't have a setback on the depression front, etc.) Kevin should be ready to
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

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Do I need to change?

As I was driving back from Portland today I thought about changing the title of this blog.   When I first started this, I took the title from my LiveJournal blog, which has suffered significantly from a general lack of entries since this was begun. So, I was thinking maybe I could actually have two blogs if they were named differently.   So, I came up with a few ideas and thought, "Why not give my readers a chance to influence my generally obstinate mental processes?"   I don't have to cha
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

2

100

Well, I gone and done it this time.   I saw that Graeme was celebrating his 17th anniversary and, of course, I had to congratulate him. Seventeen years is quite an accomplishment. (I don't exactly remember number 17, but I'm sure we had fun. We'll be doing number 34 this year. Can you imagine living with the same person for 34 years?)   Well, that post put me over the hump.   I've been worried I wouldn't hit 100 posts before my 1st anniversary here, but Graeme did it to me. Now, I suppose
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

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Weed to Home

I'm home sitting on the bed in pajamas with my laptop on my lap and cute, little Bonita beside me sleeping, playing, cleaning, or simply ignoring me. Pets are like that. They'll give you all their love, but it's on their terms. Dogs are better than cats, though. At least they don't give you a hair ball every few days. There's nothing like the sound of a retching cat.   Yesterday morning, I was waking up in Weed, CA. I like Weed. It's small town America in the mountains. Last Saturday when I dr
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

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It's giggle time!

I got really, really silly today.   I was so high on myself I was having trouble holding a decent conversation with myself. Endorphins were dripping out of my nostrils I was so happy.   I haven
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

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Free Range Apples and Johnny the Demon

Today, I drove down I-5 from the Petro truck stop in Corning, CA, to the Petro in Wheeler Ridge, CA. It was a nice quiet drive except for the accident at the bridge over the Mokelumne River. From what I could see, someone went over the bridge railing. Firemen were getting out backboards so there were a few survivors.   Other than that, it was a pleasant trip and I was able to come up with a couple story ideas.   The first had to do with what is in my trailer. Imagine, if you will, free range
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

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Getting it done

Yesterday, I had some time before I had to deliver a load of empty boxes to the pumpkin seed place in Fresno so I was able to finish my winter anthology story. I've decided the title will be "Walkabout" because that's basically what this story is about, at least in the beginning. The village where the story begins has a tradition of allowing boys who reach the age of 16 to go on a one or two year walkabout too see other places on the planet and decide if they want to come back to the village and
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

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Don't have time for this

I have to be in Gresham, OR, around 10:00 this morning. I said I'd be there to drop this trailer.   Day before yesterday I did the Bay Area. Drove from Corning, CA, to Livermore to deliver some box making material. Then it was down to Oakland to finish the load. I had to sit for a bit before my dispatcher found a load for me. It was in Stockton.   I don't know if I have a load or if I'm taking the weekend off. A couple weeks ago I asked for the time off, but didn't hear if it was approved.
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

1

They might die

I worked on the Winter Anthology story today and got quite a bit done.   I think the two boys are going to die.   I don't want them to die, but the way the story is going it seems inevitable that they'll die.   I just haven't quite figure out how to go about setting it up because if they die both of them have to die at the same time. You know, that together in death thingy. It's such a cliche, but what to do otherwise.   Orignally, I planned on them being taken away to a paradise of sort
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

Screwed

I'm at the Garlic Farm truck stop in Gilroy today. I delivered a load of cardboard to a box manufacturer earlier this morning. Later to night I'm going upt the road a few miles to pick up a load that has to be in Portland tomorrow night.   It's been a quiet day of doing a little work on the laptop. I'm working on the story for the Winter Anthology, tentatively titled either "Walkabout" or "Through the Door." It's about two friends, one who knows he's gay and one who very much wants to be gay b
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

1

Naughty Doctor

I'm home for the weekend. Two straight days, two meals at my favorite Mexican restaurant.   Thursday, I figured it was time to post another chapter of The Pastel Cowboy, but when I read through Chapter 10 I realized I couldn't post it without some serious editing. In the Nifty version, there is a graphic description of a sex act between a young patient and his doctor. As far as I'm concerned, this one definitely crossed the line and couldn't show up in GA as written. (Yes, even I have some deg
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

The Green Gecko

A few years ago when I was very close to being certifiably insane, I got the idea of having a green gecko (Not the GEICO gecko!) tattooed on my right forearm. It would be done when I had a story published somewhere, anywhere on paper. Needless to say, my arm remains un-geckoed.   Then yesterday someone in the higher domains of GA blessed me with a PM, a very important PM.   My immediate reaction was quite similar to Doris Lessing
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

3

Home, again

I went to work on Tuesday and drove up to Hermiston, OR, for a delivery in Pendleton Wednesday morning, which I made but was and hour and a half late because I missed my turn because I relied on Gatesian reality and not the directions I received from my company, but it was a nice drive through some pretty countryside, albeit not with a 53 foot trailer following my down the one and a half lane road that bicyclists really like because it's a nice ride through some pretty countryside.   Luckily,
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

The 3:33 to Leksand

There's always been this big mystery in my life and it's bugged the heck out of me for I don't know how long.   My father's father was an immigrant from Sweden. The story in the family was that when he got to Ellis Island and was asked his name he said, "I am Carl Daniel Y______. I left everything in Sweden including my name. I will be known from now on by an American name."   Well, that's the story. From what I know about what happened on Ellis Island, it's just as likely he said his name i
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

Achieving Poignancy

Today, while waiting for a load in our Portland yard, I finished the rewrite of the last chapter of Tim and the Corsair. I wish I could share with you want I wrote, but I can't spoil your own experience with the story.   I think I achieved a high degree of poignancy, though.   I think I reached a closing for all the necessary characters.   I think I came to a point where THE END fit into the story.   In the first version, on Nifty if you care to read it, Tim and Geoff don't meet until la
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

Crap your pants

Two days ago when I was driving up the Central Valley of California I saw a cloud of dust over on the other side of the freeway. It was a huge vineyard and I figured a farmer type was doing some sort of farmer job and making a lot of dust in the process. They're doing it all the time all along the freeway, so it's not all that uncommon to see a cloud of dust blow out onto the interstate.   Suddenly, a car flies out of the dust cloud and bounces up onto the pavement. I thought for a second it w
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

Best Friend

I used to complain about not being able to turn off the creative switch. At times it drove me batty always coming up with these stories. But now I don't care because the depression wipes me out so much I often can't write anyway.   So, this morning before I left Roseburg, OR, I announced I finished The Pastel Cowboy, but was not going to work on any new projects until I wrote the new ending for Tim and the Corsair, wrote my submission to the Winter Anthology (which takes place on Glandar and e
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

1

The End!

It's over!   There's nothing more I can do.   Nothing.   I've come to the end and there's no use in going further.   The Pastel Cowboy has been a fun journey, but when Zach said, "____ ______ _______ since I found out I was gay," I couldn't see any reason to do anything other than write, "THE END."   Now, all I have to do is write the new end to "Tim" and my submission for the Winter Anthology. Only then will I be in a position to decide what project I'm going to do next.   I know I'
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

Home, again

Well, I'm at home, again.   Last night I was supposed to deliver a load of licorice to a local mini-mart distributor, but the delivery dates got messed up and they wouldn't take delivery. When everyone finally figured out what was going on I was sent to the Puyallup yard to drop the trailer and sent home to wait for another load. I leave tomorrow morning for sunny California, delivering on Tuesday.   What have I done at home? Nothing.   Though, tonight we went to our favorite Mexican resta
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

Home, WA

Well, not exactly the community of Home because there is a community on the Key Peninsula called Home.   No, I'm at home.   Silly me forgot my pill supply when I went out. Of course, silly me believed the recruiter when she said, "We like to get all our drivers home every week."   Male Bovine Waste!   So, I needed to get home tonight or tomorrow to restock.   So, my load delivered in Chehalis, WA, which is 50 miles south of here. I was suppose to get an empty trailer and take it to Puy
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

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