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RIP - Comicality
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Melancholic words to dampen your spirit

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It's over!

The final chapter of The Pastel Cowboy has been posted and all the strings were tied into pretty bows.   There are five more chapters of Tim and the Corsair, which will be posted in the next couple months.   Unfortunately, the Kevin project or whatever else is to follow Tim is still in the development stage, or worse.   My life right now has been reduced to what happens today, or worse, what happens this moment.   A good day means exercising, bathing, putting on clothes, and going out of
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

1

In Therapy

Okay, this is the deal:   I'm working on why my mother's death threw me into a major depressive episode that came within a hair's breadth of resulting in an exit attempt. I think the only reason I don't try harder is that some part of me thinks everything will work out for the better. Also, I don't like pain and while being run over by a truck is certain to cause death, it might not be immediate. Hypothermia is still my means of choice, but I didn't do that either. Why I don't know.   We're
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

Big Time Blahs

I'm not working on the Kevin project.   I've written a couple blog entries, but nothing else.   It's been a week since my prescription was upped to 40mg and I'm finally coming out of the fog. I've been asleep for most of the time, but I sleep fitfully.   The Pastel Cowboy is coming to a close. One more chapter, but the Kevin project is not ready to launch.   Tim and the Corsair has five more chapters, but I don't think the Kevin project will be ready to launch at that time, either.   I
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

Need to laugh

Okay, so I'm grasping a straws, willing to do anything to pull the slightest tee-hee out of the air, even if it means stealing a cartoon from another blogger, even if it means resorting to a dog joke.   I have not worked on the Kevin project.   I can barely get anything done.   I have to force myself to do the simplest things.   I am getting better, though.   I'm not plagued with fits of unstoppable yawning. I'm not feeling drugged into submission.   I am tired, though.   So, I loo
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

Duane's Depressed

I don't know how many of you have read Larry McMurtry's final installment of the Thalia trilogy, which began with The Last Picture Show and Texasville, but like Duane Moore, I am now sans motor vehicle.   I will not be driving for at least the next month; or, until the little green men stop jumping out in front of the vehicle.   I went to a therapist today and I'm on the road to recovery, yet again.   The Celexa is causing a lot of yawning and drowsiness and I'm only taking a half dose. I'
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

1

Still depressed

So, this is the deal, "I'm still depressed."   Also, "I'm not driving."   If we need to go anywhere, the wife does the driving. Quite frankly, I'm scared to death I might veer off and do something stupid.   I'm going to a therapist Monday morning. Hopefully, we'll be able to determine whether I should stay away from the big trucks for awhile.   I'm also very tired and I'm having trouble writing on the Kevin project, which I need to be working on because The Pastel Cowboy is almost finish
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

Down

I hate being between antidepressants. It's so depressing.   I have no energy. I have little interest.   Yet, I did work on my first 2008 anthology story. It's almost done. I wanted to get it out of the way. I think most of it was done when the Wellbutrin was still active. It's gone, now, and I've been on Celexa for two days, but not long enough to make a difference.   The Kevin project has turned in a practical rewrite. I wrote a prologue that redefines the character and I think makes him
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

Back to Celexa

I called my doctor today and we had a telephone consultation because he's the best doctor in the clinic and you have to be practically bleeding from several wounds to get a same day appointment with him. I figure we could do all the necessary shit over the phone. It helps, too, that, while he is probably only a few years older than me, he's not all that cute, but he isn't uncute either, but he's not my kind of guy, sort of.   Okay, I don't have the hots for my doctor, but I could, maybe.   H
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

The lost blog

Yesterday morning before leaving Corning, CA, I wrote a blog entry, but when I checked last night it wasn't here.   So, either I didn't hit the right button and zoned out or the entry went to that place commonly referred to by techies as, "it's not supposed to do that." When you don't know blame the machine.   Frankly, I think, due to my current state of unmind, that I destroyed the entry on my own. Things are not as they should be. I'm beginning to lose track of time. And, my decision makin
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

Too much black

I didn't get a shower last night or this morning in Corning because I planned to get one tonight or tomorrow morning at the truck stop in Wheeler Ridge.   Nice plan, except they're having a power outage here.   And, the wind is still blowing. The big truck is rocking and rolling and I'm not even listening to iTunes. Luckily, I hope, it takes about a 70 mph gust to knock over a loaded big truck.   So, it's really dark here and I'm not going to get a shower. They'd better get power by tomo
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

Did it!

I know this is worth about as much as the paper it's not printed on, but I just finished reading every story in the Winter Anthology.   Yeah, yeah, I know, so what?   Well, I also went to each and every forum and entered a comment about what I liked about the story. I, also, sent a PM to one of the authors with some personal comments that I felt were inappropriate for the forum. (No, it wasn't something nasty. I liked the story and felt the writer could've done a better job. So, I made a few
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

1

Not sleeping

It's midnight and I'm not sleeping. I'm not sleepy, either. I am cold, though.   I was driving south on I-5 and needed to pee, but there wasn't any parking at the rest area. So, I drove to the Love's truck stop south of Roseburg. When I came out I noticed the air hoses under the trailer were not hanging by the spring. The service line had been worn through. Of course, if it had been the other line, I'd have been up the highway with locked brakes, not a pretty scenario.   Needless to say, I w
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

Modesto of my dreams

I'm on the road, again. Wednesday, I picked up a trailer full of Coke and took it to Redding and Marysville, CA. Then it was down to Modesto to pick up what I'm carrying now. Hopefully, I'll drop the trailer in Portland tonight and pickup another trailer headed south. I need to maximize my on-road time for the next few weeks. It was nice being off over Christmas; well, it was mostly nice being off over Christmas.   The wife is sick. She has a cold.   "My nose burns!"   "You have a cold."
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

1

Bummer!

The mouse pad gave out. Nothing lasts forever. We live in an era of programmed obsolescence. Use a mouse pad on a laptop too much and it stops working. Not the pad, the switches. Switch the switches, but they still wear out.   So, I bought a replacement mouse. Its lifespan was a couple years and then it gave up the ghost and died. Not, the mouse, the cord.   Plus, the USB plug-ins on the laptop are right next to the power connection. They interfere and the monitor flashes every time the lapt
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

Doing it!

Okay, I've said this before, so if you're not interested or if you're put off by my incessant whining, you're excused from reading further.   I considered commiting the ultimate sacrifice tonight.   No, I did not consider offing myself.   Get that out of your heads right now.   I'm too F**KIN' chicken to do myself in. I can't stand the thought of experiencing a nanosecond of terminal pain.   No, I considered going away for awhile.   You see, the thing is, there might be enough money
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

A lavender fairy

Went to the doc today and let him finger my prostate. Oooh! Such a feeling!   "It's a shame you have to go through something so disagreeable," he said.   I almost, almost said, "you can stick a finger up my ass anytime you want," but I didn't. No need in going there. I'm not out to him and don't see any reason why he needs to know. He's my wife's doctor, too, so why put him in the middle of something he doesn't need.   "It's a normal exam," he said.   "Thanks," I said.   Then I went do
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

2

Nearly a week gone by

I'm at home tonight. I drove from Aurora, OR, to Puyallup, WA, to drop my trailer and come home. What is normally a two and a half to three hour (150 miles) drive ended up being nearly nine hours (480 miles) because I-5 is closed due to flooding.   And, then my truck went gaga. Seems I have an injector going bad. According to the company maintenance manager, I can still drive the truck, but when the engine needs all six cylinders, mine's only going to have five, or four depending on which inje
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

F-wording down I-5

WARNING: Some people may find this blog entry extremely offensive. Please read at your own risk.   Last night I was at a rest area outside of Myrtle Creek, OR. Tonight I
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

Thwok!

My fairy godmother bopped me in the head with her wand last month. I think mostly to get my attention. He (well, it's certainly obvious to me) doesn't flit by all that often so I'm never ready to get that little stick upside my head.   And, then, lo and behold I get a PM advising me I'm going to become a Hosted Author here at GA.   Well, what could I say?   Of course I said, "Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, you can have my first born male child." (I could've promised a female child, bu
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

2

At the edge, again

I know it's because my mother just died.   I know that.   On Saturday, I did a posting blitz and posted more in one day than I've ever done since being here. Quality was not my goal. Humor reined supreme.   The laughter is gone.   I stand at the edge of oblivion.   If it wasn't so damned cold, I'd go for a swim.   If it wasn't raining, I'd go for a walk on a high bridge.   If I didn't want to live, I'd cease to be.   Life has been bad before.   Oh, god, has life been bad, befor
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

0

She's Dead

What does one write about a dead mother? (It was last night around 2100.)   Well, I
CarlHoliday

CarlHoliday

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