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Melancholy ... the broken staff of life

A blog by CarlHoliday in Member

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Melancholic words to dampen your spirit

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Troy

I'm spending the night in Troy, IL, when I should be further down the road. I had to stop at the T/A to get fuel and going on would've meant logging another 15 minutes for a post-trip inspection. By stopping here, I was able to combine the required 15 minutes for fuel and do a post-trip at the same time. I finished Chapter 6 this morning. It deals with six different characters in three difference situations. Right now, it appears the character Six is taking over the story. I strongly suspect

May 18, 2008

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Made Marion

I made Marion, IL, tonight instead of stopping in Paducah. My new load delivers tomorrow evening in Sterling, IL, so I wanted to get as far as possible today without messing up my log book. Actually, I was planning on fudging on the book a little, but the scale was open south of Marion so there is a record of my truck passing through it at about the time I wanted to show I was already in Marion. I know it sounds complicated, but running out of hours is a major screw-up and I've been driving long

May 16, 2008

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Missouri

You've probably heard me say this before, but I like Missouri. In fact, I like Missouri so much I'd like to see it become the first totally gay state in the United States. I think we should demand this at the next convention of the Gay Agenda. Missouri needs us. Look at what this state has to offer. First off, it's mostly green. Well, in the winter the corn and soybean fields do go a bit brown, but there are the trees, no, wait they aren't green either. Okay, it's not green in the winter

May 12, 2008

1

Snow!

It's still winter in Wyoming. Last night I picked up a trailer headed for South Carolina. I have to be there Tuesday. I stopped for breakfast in Sinclair, Wyoming. If you're familiar with Sinclair gasoline, this is where it comes from. From what I understand the downtown area is quite picturesque from when this was a company town. It was snowing a little when I stopped. Just a little. I took a little nap. I ate a breakfast cookie, banana, drank an orange juice, and swallowed my meds.

May 10, 2008

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Motel

I'm in the Econo Lodge in Salt Lake City hoping I'll get my new truck today. There's a chance I might have to take a Kenworth W900 which presents itself a whole lot better than a Volvo 670, but it's a bear to back into tight docks. At this point in time I can't be too picky though. You don't have to take a W900, but it might mean sitting for another day until a Volvo comes out of the detail shop. No, I haven't written anything. I meant to, I tried to, but not a lot came out. Chapter Six isn'

May 8, 2008

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Changes are afoot

I haven't written anything in a week. No big deal, so far. But, I have been busy. Maybe too busy. We (my, the wife, Bonita, and our son) are leaving Friday morning for Salt Lake City. I got the call this morning that I'm on for orientation at the trucking company I worked for first. I'll be there until Wednesday afternoon when I get a truck. Then it's boogie, boogie, boogie on down the road. It'll take a while to get up to speed, but I think I'll be smokin' on all cylinders by th

May 1, 2008

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Tampons

I

April 27, 2008

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Out

I finally got Chapter 1 of The Artists pushed out the door so all of you wonderful, beautiful, astute readers can enjoy the first installment of what I hope will be a long project. It certainly has the seeds for it: two young, impressionable, and in some ways intriguing boys; a house full of interesting and artistic people; interpersonal conflicts; a touch of psychological unbalance, just a touch, nothing certifiably crazy this time; straights, gays, and inbetweens; and four years of college ahe

April 24, 2008

1

Unconscious

I

April 19, 2008

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A step in the right direction

A week ago I sent in my resume to the company I retired from back in '04, at the height of my insanity. They're looking for residential credit consultants and I figured I could get hired since I've done that job. It's not a fun job. It's not a job that has a lot of good feelings about it. The last time I did it, I quit after five months because it was such a crappy job, but there were "political" reasons, too. Basically, you call, or receive calls from, customers who haven't paid their phone

April 16, 2008

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It's a sunny day!

The weather forecast is for mostly sunny skies with temperatures climbing up into the lower to mid 70s. A good day to mow the lawn. It needs it because it's been 3 weeks since the first time this spring. I was also seriously considering doing some major pruning on a few camelias that have pretty much finished blooming. There's nothing like a day out in the sun working in the yard, using the power mower (Is it only me or do you too see the conundrum in those two similarly spelled, but dissimi

April 12, 2008

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It finally came to me

Yesterday morning as I was preparing my breakfast the full realization of my change in status finally hit me. I am mentally ill. :wacko: We talk about them. We see advertisements on television about how we should care about them, stop discriminating against them, and come to embrace their unique needs. I am them. When I used to work in downtown Seattle

April 11, 2008

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This is okay?

I was congratulating myself this morning while I prepared breakfast. I have been feeling rather good lately. Slight depression now and then, very slight indeed. Plus, I'm not overly happy. Just kind of okie-dokie all the time. Well, most of the time. This is afternoon I slipped back a bit. I went out to move the van inside the fence and realized I could just drive away. I could go to the bank and take out a couple thousand and simply disappear like I wanted to do four years ago when I wa

April 5, 2008

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Change, of course

I've been toying with the idea of putting my first novel on GA for a number of months, but I didn't want to do it at the same time as "Chartreuse" like I did with "Pastel" and "Tim". It's just too damn confusing having two stories coming off the press at the same time. What I couldn't figure out was when to put it up, ie, before "Chartreuse" or after. As I got closer and closer to the time for "Chartreuse" to go up, the greater the difficulty I was having with getting it to go. First it was

April 4, 2008

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The Gasman Cometh

Our house is an enigma. It was built in the late 60s by a US Army top sergeant to be his retirement home. Well, by the time full retirement came around, he was living somewhere else and our house was fulfilling its purpose as a rental. We'll have been here ten years this August. Ten years of interesting surprises and angry outbursts of extreme aggravation. Unfortunately, we've contributed to the house's inability to perform at its best. A number of years ago we decided we needed gas heat to

April 3, 2008

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April Foolish

I'm not, by the way, so y'all can get back to the more important things in life. I've been having a small problem with the new story. One of the characters, Jim, is in his early 70s and he's being difficult. Every time I get around to attempting to write about him, I run into a block. It wasn't until this morning that I finally figured out what's wrong with Jim. For starters, what's right about Jim is he's a fairly famous sci-fi writer whose early work bordered on blatant pornography. N

April 1, 2008

1

Angry

I'm back to 276. For a few days I pushed it up to 279, but this morning I was back to 276. Difference? Haven't partaken of the Mexican food for two days and the day before yesterday I had Albondigas, which is a really, really good soup. The mood stabilizer seems to have kicked in. I'm kind of blah most of the time, but there seems to be an edge of anger that hangs over me like that famous sword. I feel like exploding at the slightest provocation, like this morning when the wife commented tha

March 30, 2008

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Tuesday thoughts

For the third day in a row, I weighed 276 pounds first thing in the morning. This isn

March 25, 2008

1

Awake

It's 2:30 a.m. and I'm awake. I suppose I should be asleep, but I'm not. Insomnia is one of the many side effects of the mood stabilizer I'm taking. It also causes drowsiness. So you end up being sleepy when you're suppose to be awake and doggedly awake when you're suppose to be asleep. So, I worked on the new book. I'm probably on the last section of the second chapter. I can't see adding much more to this chapter once I finish with Euphorbia and Casey. The third chapter will co

March 20, 2008

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Tat Number One

I hope I wanted a lizard with a green ankh and a yellow stripe down its back because that

March 13, 2008

1

7 Pounds

One of the fun side effects of mood stabilizers is weight gain which is okay if you

March 9, 2008

3

On Acid

Valproic Acid, actually. I went to the psychiatrist yesterday. Thankfully, he wasn

March 5, 2008

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The Letter

I went to the therapist on Tuesday and gave her The Letter. Dear Mom, Well, here we are. I

February 28, 2008

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Not depressed

I'm trying very hard to get a handle on not being depressed. It's so weird! I'm just, simply, not at all, depressed. Period! And, I think I've got too much extra energy. I'm not as sleepy. I'm drowsy, but not sleepy. I almost have to force myself to go to sleep. Am I cured? Don't know because I could drop into a low, unless the medicine is stopping me. Maybe this is a high on citalopram. I know what a high on buproprion feels like, so maybe this is just what I get on citalopram.

February 20, 2008

1

Looking for fun

First off, I am not depressed anymore. As of Monday morning, when I woke up not depressed, I have not slid back into a down cycle. I'm not particularly happy, though. I was happy earlier in the week, but I could be happy if I wasn't so drowsy. I am sleepy or drowsy most of the time. I sleep for hours, get up, eat, go back to bed and sleep for a few hours more. My counselor and GP think it might be the citalopram causing this extreme drowsiness. The GP cut my prescription back to the standard

February 16, 2008

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