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Wow....like really messed up vibes

xander

Entry posted by xander

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Okay, as you all know, I'm in love with my best friend Justin....and you all know that even if I could get up enough courage to tell him at least that I'm gay, he's been seduced by an evil siren whore aka Whorena. But then theres still the chances that he's not gay :(:( :( ... well last Friday and up until today, our chorus class has been excused from regular classes for our christmas concert rehearsal. There's this kid that sits next to me named Brandon and he's kinda cute and over the past couple days we've kinda became in a way friends. If you just heard some of the shit he said, you would swear he's gay...he like refers almost everything back to "cock"..."god that smells like cock"...."that stuff tastes like cum"...he says it most likely, kiddingly, but it's as if he was trying to hint to me that he's gay or something. And he kept wanting me to get up and go to the pop machines with him, so I have been and stuff. We were talking about Ron White and I was repeating his homophobe story thing...for your ammusement, goes something like this...

 

This one guy I know is like a huge homophobe, and let me tell you that's like one of the stupidest things you can be. I say to him,

 

"we're all gay, its just to what extent are you gay"

"I aint gay!"

"Okay then. Tell me something, do you like porn?

"Yea, I love porn, why?"

"Well do you only like scenes with two women?"

"No, I like seeing a man and a woman making love"

"Well do you like the man to have a small, semi-flaccid penis?"

"No, I like big, hard, throbbin COCK! ......... I did not know that about myself..."

 

And then after him saying all the stuff he had said, he's like (before I told the whole story, he interupted me at "homophobe"), "I'm a huge homophobe" :blink: And I thought Justin sent weird vibes...

 

That was today during rehearsal, then tonight at our concert, he was saying more stuff like that, and he was saying that different things were making him horny ... oo la la ... lol .... if anything I think he's bi because he, I can tell, definately likes girls too...but I'd like to get to know some other gay guys at school and stuff...theres for sure one openly gay guy at my school, but I've never talked to him, he's always hanging around girls and stuff, and he seems like a cool guy to get to know...I kinda made one of my kinda-friends look like an asshole one day about him...the gay guy is in his genetics class and he was saying something about getting partnered up by the teacher for something and he says, "I'm glad I wasnt his partner". I say with a completly smirk-less face, "Why?"...he's like, after a few seconds pause, "I'm not a homophobe, its just that..its...yea.." and he shut up, realizing he had already made an ass of himself. Then there's this RJ (like 18-19 I think) I used to work with at KFC...he was sooo cute and had a great smile. I never found out if he was gay, a few people had said he was, and I had kinda suspected it, but its not like I was gonna go and ask him. I find out the other night that he lives two blocks down from me, and I had seen him outside and he told me to come over sometime...I'd like to, but we used to live in the apartment building he lives in, and it used to have roaches and that is not a memory I want to relive...lol..

 

So I guess the point of all my jumbling is what if Justin isnt gay :( ? I've kinda been reserving myself incase he is, and I think I've hurt a few people in the process :( , and I dont want to do that anymore. But I guess I need to consider if he isnt :( .....yea...just thinkin and confused guys...

5 Comments

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Rocketcnj

Xander...wow, you have grown a lot in a few short weeks.....and are opening yourself to possibilities..

 

now the Gay Guy neighbor..why can't you invite him to your house or agree to hang out somewhere.

 

i would have the same vibes about the choir guy..if he ain't Gay..then I am str8....rofl...

 

and talk about a tease...I am sensing he is..

 

now the cool Gay Guy at school..who says you can't say hi and talk to him..

 

you are breaking out of your shell....so time to go for it...and It looks like you have friends and didn't even know it......

 

If Justin is str8...will you love him any less as your Best Friend Forever? (ok, he has really bad taste in a GF..your last description....it sent me howling with laughter. At least have pity on him.....I mean....somebody better.....the poor guy....(I won't make jokes at the poor guys expense....but come on...you have to laugh at your own last post response to me..it is funny...)

 

You seem in a good place....go forth and find ye Gay friends and friends in general.....well it seems you already have and I am smiling big time.....you are on your way...

 

God made you Gay...she done good.....now your poor str8 friend....he needs to have you pick out his GFs (heck he may be Gay..who knows...but if he is str8....well, you have good taste....can you do a Queer Eye makever for the poor guy?)

 

ok shame on me for being bad..

 

but I am proud of you:)

 

the miracles of the holidays...you are on your way:) yippee:)

 

Michael

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AFriendlyFace

Hey Xander,

 

First off way to put that other guy in class in his place, without being overly mean about it. :2thumbs:

 

Just my opinion but it sounds to me like the chorus boy just REALLY wants your friendship and approval. I mean I could be wrong (I often am), but it sounds to me like he makes the comments in an attempt to be cool and/or impress you. Also the likely reason he's always trying to drag you with him to the coke machines. As for the homophobe story, well had you already expressed your views about it? If you really only got as far as "

This one guy I know is like a huge homophobe, and let me tell ...." or something before he inturrupted then maybe he misinterpreted where you were going with the story and thought YOU were a homophobe, and only wanted to agree or encourage you. Just my impression but I'd guess he just wants your friendship (not necessarily more), he may or may not be gay I would think.

 

As for what you were saying about holding off on meeting anyone incase Justin is gay and becomes available.....Well I'm going to be honest, I wouldn't if I were you. It's always risky to fall for someone who may not ever be able to return those feelings, and even if he is gay, he isn't available and no telling when he will be, or how long it would take him to sort all that stuff out anyway. Sure it's worth the wait if it's possible, but basically I don't think you should "hold your breath" as they say. I mean the majority of guys AREN'T gay, and again either way, he's not available. I'd say go ahead and try to move on, if you fall for someone else who's also interested in you GREAT! Just see where life takes you, and I'm a firm believer in "if it's meant to be, it'll happen". If he is gay, evenutally you'll know it (assuming you two always stay in touch), and then you can deal with it, if you're single great. If you're already in a good relationship.....well you're already in a good relationship, and should probably stay put.

 

I know I'm going on and on, and I may be wrong, just my opinion. Also one other option is, if you're ready and you're pretty sure HE could deal with it okay, you could come out to him. You'll be able to tell alot by his reaction, and if he does have any romantic feelings for you, that'll let him know it's at least possible. But don't do anything you aren't ready to do. Take care and good luck

 

Kevin

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Rocketcnj

Xander...I have to agree with Kevin...go find your Prince Charming and also some very cool friends...

 

Not sure if the Choir Guy is Gay...just that I don't know many str8 guys who would make the comments he does.

 

You know of at least 2 Gay Guys who you could chill with...that's a big start and I bet they all have a circle of cool friends....so go on and get in on making some cool friends, vibing with your fellow Gays:) and enjoying life.

 

Who knows if Justin is Gay..but one day if you wish to come out to him maybe he will be super cool with it...maybe not...but I am betting he will be....even give him time to adjust...as it happens.

 

Don't miss out on life...as my BFF told me ages ago (go live your life...go be happy...every one else around you is living their life...don't miss out...(she was referring to my worries over how family and friends would take it when I came out to them...as she said, knowing my sisters, I could have brought home a wife and they would have found fault..so forget that...they live their lives..go live yours...find a Guy to love and so on.)

 

Its good advice..so you are starting to live your life...freeing yourself to be the best happiest Xander, who is Gay and sings well, pretty humorous, smart, has some cool guys who want to be friends with him, etc.

 

all in all....pretty cool? I think so:)

 

Michael

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xander
....your last description....it sent me howling with laughter. At least have pity on him.....I mean....somebody better.....the poor guy....I won't make jokes at the poor guys expense....but come on...you have to laugh at your own last post response to me..it is funny...

Are you talking about the Ms. Grinch thingy? If so, it's true! Lol...Ron White quote again..."things that make ya go 'bahhaah' "...

 

:) Xan

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Rocketcnj
....your last description....it sent me howling with laughter. At least have pity on him.....I mean....somebody better.....the poor guy....I won't make jokes at the poor guys expense....but come on...you have to laugh at your own last post response to me..it is funny...

Are you talking about the Ms. Grinch thingy? If so, it's true! Lol...Ron White quote again..."things that make ya go 'bahhaah' "...

 

:) Xan

 

Xander...Yes, I am speaking about your description of Ms. Grinch......I read it (and no offense to str8s..but kept thinking......"Thank God I am Gay!!!" Ms. Grinch....well, yuck, phoeey, gross, disgusting....and a Mean one Ms. Grinch...

 

and I don't know her but evil, evil, evil....

 

If your best bud is in fact str8.....there has to be a nice down to earth girl for him...geez, its the Holiday Season, can't you and his Mom run a search for him....I say you get veto power, well never mind..next GF he decides on..just pick her for him...

 

In the mean time, rescue him every once in while from the sloth of his own making....

 

more important though is the great work you are doing for yourself.....finding some pretty cool Gay guys to hang with whom I am betting know pretty cool Gay Guys and before you know it..you have found a "Quinn", a "Luke", a "Jude"...etc....and even some cool Gay friendly str8 Guys....and then you are less dependent upon the whims of Ms. Grinch letting your BFF see you....she probably knows you are a threat..you have taste, are human, etc....

 

I know shame on me for being very bad......for someone I don't know..but all I have to say is "Amen, I am happy camper to have born Gay" when you face that kind of Grinchdom!

 

Michael

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