......

In life as there is in fiction, we have blocks in our way. Mine right now is two pronged: 1. What do I do with my career as it is? 2. What should I do about my romantic life?

I've been working and volunteering my time, but I realized now that I was just pushing my mind off those issues. Yes, I am reasonably successful with a good job, but I can see the clouds forming, Health centers even those managed through private firms like mine without a change in their business models will die out within a decade. It is simple as that. I can work in any other health business without issue, but being the one to choose who gets funded and who doesn't is not as fun as it sounds.

I had some tough choices, like adjusting funds after a shortfall from collections for diabetes or AIIDS testing and treatment. I feel guilty that I sided with AIDS, but it is those judgment calls that accounting and finance does in any health business. These seem like small minutia choices, but each dollar means lives saved or destroyed. Less money in one area means less testing and less supplies of drugs. There's a cost benefit reality with how things work in the real world, the doctors know it and so does the finance departments.

As for my romantic life, I really don't have much of one. After my last failed relationship, I am now back in the old game of cat and mouse without success.

It feels like I have a hole in my heart; at times, I wish I had someone to console with and someone to give me that tender shoulder to cry on. Someone I can talk with and someone, who can tell me, you did the right thing.

I don't and all I have is my conscience.