I had my talk with my advisor with my proposed plan for the second year of grad school.

Some things came clear. I won't be doing a thesis. I might work on some publications, but it's not really where I want to go.

I also don't want to go into a PhD program, at least for a few years. Which pretty much means I really don't have a chance of working in the community college scene because the job market is so bad that PhD's are fighting over jobs in that field.

I want to work in a museum, or I want to try consulting. And it might turn out that I'll get into something that I never would have thought I'd get into.

Another thing that became clear is that I really won't be able to keep sleeping in until 11. I'm taking a 10 a.m. class next semester, which means I'll have to wake up at 9:30 a.m. or earlier. Ugh. I haven't had a class before 11 a.m. since fall semester of senior year. I told my professor this, and she pretty much ripped me for not wanting to wake up at 10 a.m. She had a good point, and I will take that class.

It's scary to think I'm almost done. It's scary to think that I'm graduating in a dismal economy with a hefty student loan debt. And it's scary to admit that I'm 25 years old and I don't really know exactly what I want to do in my life. What I do know is that I'm interested in a lot, and I want to be a guy who can do a variety of things in a variety of fields.

It's just weird. I came into grad school thinking I'd have all the questions figured out at the end, but I'm finding out that I pretty much don't know. I have no clue. Which is why I'm pulling back from trying the PhD track, because I think I need to have a better clue of what I want out of life before committing myself to 7 more years of school.

Part of me thinks that I need to embrace the fact that I'm going to run out into adulthood with no clue about where I'll end up. The other part just wishes I could go back to my junior year of college where my biggest concern was whether or not I'd find a good party.

I'll try and stay optimistic, but god. It's really hard to be, with this economy and with the knowledge that I'm in a field that's getting clobbered.