Okay. I live with a man who is passive aggressive in his attacks. But then again he also likes to attack when no one else is around to hear him. Agh. Sometimes you just wish, I can fill in that blank so many ways right now.

Alright it takes me a while to reach my boiling point. I am not the kind to just attack. However you push me up against the wall and you might find you don't like the mild manner man you had been dealing with.

Okay so my father has been having problems with the phone. I know I've offered to buy a new one but was told he wanted to go looking. Fine. I can accept that. In fact, it means I get to save some money which is never bad for me. However, tonight the phone rings and the answering machine doesn't it get it. I look and there is no power to the machine. So is there a problem with it because Irene blew it out, did the power cord he has it attached to finally go, or did outlet stop working. The answer, i am not sure because evidently I am horrible person who still has DVD towers sitting in the living room and that is why he can't get an electrician in to check the power in the outlet or come to fix the light in the kitchen. I tell him I want to just plug the items into a different outlet for a moment but no. So I am just wrong again. What a joy. Anyone noticing a pattern here?

Right now I am not sure if I want to wish him away to my brother's home, wish I was never born, or hell just wish myself back up to Connecticut where I had a life. Since I have been home, I'm draining the savings I had. The store I work in never bonuses, there are no raises for me in the position I hold, and well the place is a mess. So I've tightened my belt. I go out not at all, I buy nearly nothing, unless you count groceries and the $20 a month I allow myself to spoil myself.

When it comes to living at home, well I try not to do anything that would bother him. I don't have a television so can't be playing that loudly. Any movies I own or watch on my computer using a headset. If I sit with him, well he goes into bed at 8 most nights. What the hell am I suppose to do? Basicallly, I wonder if I died tomorrow would he notice or would he wait till he smelled the rotting body to do something. I know. Not being fair to him but one more time I seem to be the one who can do no right again. Just tired, didn't sleep, and not in the mood to be yelled at. Seems to be a normal situation lately. Oh well. Who knew in your forties you would end up alone, taking care of a parent, and debating whether to put on the happy smile again or just picture the writing I should have on my gravestone from the heart attack I give myself.

Whee. There is nothing wrong with that a few months in a nice padded room won't fix.