The last few months have been interesting to say the least and the ending of 2012 was not in the least what I was expecting. As anyone who reads my blog already knows, the first part of December my brother was diagnosed with 4th stage Leukemia. Let me tell you, that really threw me for a loop. He is fighting and has already gone through his first two rounds of Chemotherapy and with any luck, he'll only have four more rounds to go. He wasn't doing too bad after the first round, but the second round he had a bit rougher week.

It hit our family extremely hard, not just for the obvious reasons. My brother is a fighter, and if anyone can kick this, it's him. Our hope is that he is able to get into remission, which in this instance essentially means that it won't be detectable by today's technology. The bad news is, since there is no cure, it's very likely that he'll be facing relapses in the future, and if that happens, they'll be looking at a bone marrow transplant. So obviously, while we were extremely distressed to learn that he is so sick, for a lot of my family it was also a case of we can't go through this again.

While I can't speak for the rest of my family, all that kept going through my mind besides my brother being sick is that I couldn't lose another brother. Yes, there are times I am overly dramatic, but this time, that was my greatest fear. When I was thirteen I lost one of my brother's to a car accident, so hearing that my oldest brother had cancer, it terrified me. I was trying so hard to be strong for my parents and my brother, but once I got alone or alone with my hubby, I couldn't keep it up. I'm still terrified that I'll be losing yet another brother, but I'm trying extremely hard to be positive. I am so lucky that I have had the support group that I have, many of them friends of mine from here at GA.

When we got the news, I could barely function. I certainly was too out of it to even think about the things that I needed to get done on GA, but I was extremely lucky to have people who were not only able, but willing to step in and take on my responsibilities while I came to grips with what was going on around me. I don't want to risk forgetting anyone, so all I'm going to say is that for those who stepped in to help me out when I needed it, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I appreciate it more than you know, especially since many of you were going through your own stuff.

Another side effect of the emotional upheaval is that I haven't been able to write. I have ideas. I plan entire scenes in my head. Then I sit down to write and just stare at the screen. For those of you who were/are following Forging Trust, I promise that I will be finishing that story, I'm just not sure at this point when that is going to happen. I am trying to work through the funk and am trying to work on prompts to see if that helps me break through, but only time will tell. I do at least have something posted as I had finished a story for Premium last year and it is now being posted.

Now with that out of the way, here are some of my goals/hopes for this year:

Finish many of my in progress stories

• I have so many stories began on my computer. I'm hoping to be able to not only finish Forging Trust, but to also finish up some of the other in progress stories.
  

Revise and self-publish "Life after Loss"

• "Life After Loss" was the first story I ever completed. As such, it needs a lot of work and I plan to work on that in the very near future. It's a M/F story, but I'm hoping to self-publish it and put the majority, if not all, proceeds towards my brother's medical bills and/or bills. It's something I can do, and while it may not make them or myself rich, every little bit helps.
  

Receive word that the cancer is in remission

• This is by far the most important to me, and don't think there's any need for me to go into further detail.
  

Become more active on GA

• The first step is stepping back into my position of Anthology CoOrdinator. Cia did a great job stepping in for me for the Winter Anthology and the End of the World Anthology, but it's time to step back up and get it done.
  
• Become more involved with the GA Blog again. I took a massive step back with everything going on and I am slowly stepping back in to get things done and organized.
  
• I also HOPE to participate in a couple of anthologies this year, but only time will tell if that is going to happen.
  

There's probably a lot more that I hope to accomplish this year, but on top of all that, I hope things are better for many of my friends. Many of them had a pretty rough year last year and I can only hope that things settle down for them this year. I also hope that if any of them ever need to talk, that they know I will lend an ear, just like they have done for me.

Hugz to all and I hope all of you have a relatively good 2013!

Hugz

~Renee