Excerpt Two from Becoming Real:

 

Hello, all! The book club this month is featuring my collection of coming out stories, Becoming Real. I will be live to chat on the 31^st, but for those of you who may not know what to expect from the work, I think I will post a few sample excepts. These are a personal sampling, and just meant to give you the flavor of the seven short stories through the lens of some of my favorite moments.

 

Please enjoy, and please leave comments if you have any.

 

Thanks!

 

 

 

From The Old Man:

 

Joshua had awoken nauseous and lightheaded. Then as now, he wondered what exactly the last line meant. As if he were coming out of the dream for the first time, Josh's eyes wandered around the room he was in. The first thing he saw was the black guy coming on to him, then that dancers had arrived and the place was much busier than before. He casually looked over to where the white shirt was sitting, then his heart sank. He watched that ashen-haired boy smile and joke with a man who had sat down with him. So he watched the dancers dance and pondered 'If you want to live, Jump!'

 

 

"I just wanted to see if I wanted to talk to you or not. Anyway, why did you want to talk to me in the first place?"

 

Dick felt a pang of hesitation. Would honesty do, and yet somehow that doubt wavered in the lipid blues that Josh beat on him. "I thought – because, you look different."

 

"Different?" Josh wanted to know, "Like how?"

 

"I don't know. Just, you always look like you're thinking, and…" he paused again, not knowing how he'd sound "…I don't know, you look sweet."

 

Josh didn't know it consciously, but he bit his lip. He liked the always thinking part of the compliment, but the felt uneasy about the 'sweet' stuff.

 

 

Josh noticed that various pieces of tourist-trade art – like majolica plates – were carefully arranged here and there. To his immediate right was a hall, at the end of which stood the open door of the bathroom. Between him and where the hall started, a bookcase seemed singled out for special honors. Hands in his pockets, he bent at the hips and scanned the titles: the far left started with King Henry VI, Part One; in the middle, Much Ado About Nothing, and to the far right, King Henry the VIII. He stepped back, righted himself and saw that on the shelf below was a small bust of the author of the above.

 

Joshua turned to Dick, smiling. "And there he is now, the Old Man of Words himself" He pointed to Shakespeare.

 

 

Every part of Josh's brain longed for itself to shut down, and for Dick's hand to simply take hold of him. He was so tired in his mind, and needed rest in the physicality of his body. But Dick did not take his hand, and this moment so long waited for seemed to stretch out of reach into limbo, forever before his grasp. He turned to Dick, his voice a hushed pleading, "Do you think I'm handsome?"

 

From The Chary of the Heart:

 

He glanced over to the tables again, but quickly turned around because the guy with the mustache had already come down and was making his way through the crowd.

 

Josh thought, 'I'm not in the mood for this.' He watched the dance floor, wondering where that guy was headed. 'Probably to the rest room,' he hoped. Joshua tried to glance around casually. He turned an inch to his left and saw the guy standing there. Mr. Mustache leaned in a bit, his eyes inviting reassurance as he said, "Don’t you ever smile?"

 

Josh's face went blank, he could say nothing but: "Why?"

 

The guy leaned in closer, assuming greater secrecy. "Because, it's so pretty."

 

Now Josh could do nothing but grin like a fool, it sounded so silly, like something a villain would say in a 1940s movie to the good-girl seductress, but one look at the arching mustache, the sincere mood of the man's eyes, and he knew the corny comment was rooted in genuine feeling.

 

"And how…" Josh needed to find out "…would you know, if I never smile?"

 

"I didn't say you never smiled. But, you seem to smile only to your own thoughts. How about one for the rest of us?"

 

Locked in his stupid grin, Josh momentarily thought he'd begin to bawl like a baby, instead he stammered out, "And, what can I say to that?"

 

"Oh, I've seen you smile, I just want you to do it more often, and maybe, I can help."

 

 

"Chase? Oh, he's a cop, and one hell of a nice kid."

 

"And he's Gay?"

 

"Of course, at least as far as I know. He could be bi – but nah – I don't think so."

 

"How about you?" Josh saw the opportunity to ask without pressing.

 

"Me? Oh, I'm Gay, that's for sure, but I'm kind of an exceptional case. You know, everyone's path is different, and with me, I didn't realize I was Gay until late. All my life I had some feelings for guys, I never wanted to leave their company, liked looking at handsome guys, being with them and stuff, but I didn't feel much in terms of wanting to be physical with any of them. As for the rest of the feelings, I didn't pay much attention to them. I know it sounds strange – and all my friends ask about it – but it wasn't repression, cause the urge wasn't there to have sex with another guy, but then again, I didn't feel that urge towards women either. Sex with them was just like jacking off, a means to an end. But that all changed." Doug's mouth grinned all teeth and suggestion, like a lewd Cheshire Cat. "You want to hear this?"

 

"Of course I do – Yeah!"

 

 

Their tongues said hello, and soon Doug's big and commanding hand led Josh's into the bedroom, and onto the bed. They kissed, hands exploring one another, and Josh found out Doug's earlier boast was no exaggeration at all. He felt the dick grow hard in his hand, and harder between his lips. He heard Doug groan with pleasure and felt content. Giving pleasure, this is what Josh learned then and there gave him the most satisfaction. A happy lover meant a happy Josh. Later, after they discussed it in hushed tones, he watched Doug slip a light blue condom on and anoint it with lube. More lube went on Doug's fingers and Josh felt the tender preparation that Doug must always do for his lovers, or else they couldn't take him. Slowly, pressing, then releasing, Joshua felt that most intimate of touches for the first time in his life. In the position where Doug could lean over and press his eager mouth to Josh's, Joshua's eyes began to water, and soon Doug spooned the happy tears up with his tongue. But Doug wasn't done with him yet. He flipped Josh over and pressed his legs flat together on the bed and fucked him over and over again, so much so to Josh's delight, he thought the headboard would break through the wall. He momentarily thought about the neighbors on the other side.