When a friend or other loved on leaves us behind it leaves a mark. I know that when my father passed away in 2003, it was expected - he'd had cancer for more than a year by then and when he came home with hospice, we knew our time with him was limited. That was very hard on him and on us, emotionally, but we got the chance to say goodbye and he knew how valued and loved he was.

I made a friend almost a year ago who wasn't always very nice. He could be, frankly, a jerk. I know why he was the way he was and it explains some of it - not out, professionally disillusioned, sad - likely depressive - and yet we made a lot of common ground through our mutual writing. About a great many other things, we were polar opposites - movies, music, politics - if anyone on paper should not have been my friend and vice-versa, it was the two if us.

But, over the past 10 months, we forged a strong bond. I understood - though didn't enjoy - the failings in his character. The man was never wrong! Even if you read something and liked it, he'd tell you that you liked it for the wrong reasons or that you misinterpreted it. For all that, we were able to be honest on the page and I was able to know the damaged, hurt man on the other side of the screen. We wrote an enormous amount of lines on the page during our collaboration.

He used to write under another pen name, and was once hosted here. I joked once, asking if he'd been banned and, in fact, he had been. He was tremendously embarrassed about the 'why' of that and admitted he did something stupid and bore the blame. He never would say what it was, though. I think that, actually, may have been the only time he admitted fault!

My friend, Ryan Bartlett, passed away suddenly on the 31st. I found out by accident a few days later because I knew enough about him to hunt him down in the real world. I stumbled on his obituary. One of the worst things about our online relationships is that we don't know what happens when someone stops responding - sick? Sold their possessions and joined a cult? Between computers? Sometimes we find out they passed away. Sometimes their family gets into their email and Facebook and chat accounts and discovers...someone they didn't know.

For all his faults, for me he was first and foremost my friend. I plan to honor his memory by posting the stories I know he'd written and sent to me. I also plan to share the serial we co-wrote, because he deserves to be read. If you believe in such things, maybe he'd even get some joy in knowing he's still being read. He died wanting validation in his life - for his life. He had wanted to be published to prove that he could. This is the best I can do for him.