Today was my first day wearing the Fitbit. For some reason, I see myself having this discussion somewhere down the line.

Fitbit: Dude, Dayne. How are you still gaining weight?

Me: I dunno.

Fitbit: I mean, you've been doing so well lately. Been meeting your daily step goals, staying on the right side of your calories in/calories out, and getting plenty of sleep.

Me: Yeah...

Fitbit: ...but you're still a fatass.

Me: **frowns**

Fitbit: Seriously, what the fuck have you been doing?

Me: Uhm....

Fitbit: Like on this day...

Me: Oh yeah, Monday.

Fitbit: Yeah...Monday... See? You were totally under your calorie allotment.

Me: Looks that way.

Fitbit: But you still gained.

Me: I, uh, kinda forgot to log some of dinner.

Fitbit: What part of dinner?

Me: All of it.

Fitbit: Do I even want to know what you ate?

Me: I just had pizza.

Fitbit: How much?

Me: **awkward pause**

Fitbit: How much, Dayne?

Me: Half a pie.

Fitbit: Fucking hell! Is that all?

Me: No, I also **mumbles**

Fitbit: Come again?

Me: I may or may not have had a fuckton of chocolate.

Fitbit: What the fuck?! **sigh** At least you met your step goal for the day.

Me: About that...

Fitbit: Oh for fuck's sake!

Me: What?!

Fitbit: You didn't seriously do the wank cheat again?

Me: .....maybe

Fitbit: I thought we talked about this.

Me: We did?

Fitbit: I'm fucking serious this time, Dayne. You can NOT wank yourself thin.

Me: But, I wasn't wanking. It's called a bi-cep curl...

Fitbit: ...that looks an awful lot like wanking.

Me: Would it be better if I got a Shake Weight?

Fitbit: Oh my fucking God. Why do I even bother?

~End Scene~