Today was my first day wearing the Fitbit. For some reason, I see myself having this discussion somewhere down the line.
Fitbit: Dude, Dayne. How are you still gaining weight?
Me: I dunno.
Fitbit: I mean, you've been doing so well lately. Been meeting your daily step goals, staying on the right side of your calories in/calories out, and getting plenty of sleep.
Fitbit: ...but you're still a fatass.
Fitbit: Seriously, what the fuck have you been doing?
Fitbit: Like on this day...
Me: Oh yeah, Monday.
Fitbit: Yeah...Monday... See? You were totally under your calorie allotment.
Me: Looks that way.
Fitbit: But you still gained.
Me: I, uh, kinda forgot to log some of dinner.
Fitbit: What part of dinner?
Me: All of it.
Fitbit: Do I even want to know what you ate?
Me: I just had pizza.
Fitbit: How much?
Me: **awkward pause**
Fitbit: How much, Dayne?
Me: Half a pie.
Fitbit: Fucking hell! Is that all?
Me: No, I also **mumbles**
Fitbit: Come again?
Me: I may or may not have had a fuckton of chocolate.
Fitbit: What the fuck?! **sigh** At least you met your step goal for the day.
Me: About that...
Fitbit: Oh for fuck's sake!
Fitbit: You didn't seriously do the wank cheat again?
Fitbit: I thought we talked about this.
Me: We did?
Fitbit: I'm fucking serious this time, Dayne. You can NOT wank yourself thin.
Me: But, I wasn't wanking. It's called a bi-cep curl...
Fitbit: ...that looks an awful lot like wanking.
Me: Would it be better if I got a Shake Weight?
Fitbit: Oh my fucking God. Why do I even bother?