24 minutes ago, LitLover said:

I was going to ask this in one of the threads, but I guess it's better asked here:  Does every sub call every Dom "Sir: and does every Dom call every sub "boy" (or the female equivalents thereof).  I only know two couples who are in D/s relationships: one is more for bedroom play (there is no Ma'am or boy outside of the bedroom) and the other couple is more fully integrated, and my friend's Dom would s**t kittens ifs she even raised her eyes to another Dom without his permission.  

 

This is more of a curiosity question about personal preferences for the two Doms in the crowd ( @MichaelS36 and @MacGreg and any others out there).  

I would probably laugh my ass of, if someone would call me Ma`am. A title doesn`t change what you are. I have a friend, who is Dom and Poly like me and really has troubles with female dominant persons. Last time we saw each other, he called me head of the family. He will never learn. But at least he really listens to me now. LOL  

2 minutes ago, LitLover said:

 

Thank you for answering, Mike.  I think the averting eyes thing is more for outside of their home.  She doesn't make eye contact with any other men, unless he invites her to look up at them.  She does look me, and others in our friend group, in the eye.  I honestly don't know what they do behind closed doors as it never seemed appropriate to ask her (and I doubt she'd be that forthcoming.. she's pretty private).  

And that is the Dom's decision. I'm not sure what @MacGreg would say but I've never had a sub avert their eyes. 

27 minutes ago, Lyssa said:

I would probably laugh my ass of, if someone would call me Ma`am. A title doesn`t change what you are. I have a friend, who is Dom and Poly like me and really has troubles with female dominant persons. Last time we saw each other, he called me head of the family. He will never learn. But at least he really listens to me now. LOL  

26 minutes ago, MichaelS36 said:

And that is the Dom's decision. I'm not sure what @MacGreg would say but I've never had a sub avert their eyes. 

Thanks, you two.  I appreciate the frankness. 

One last questions (maybe ),,, are subs allowed to interact with other Doms and show them the same level of respect they show their partner/Dom?  One example, is deferring to another Dom (e.g. their opinion or direction) considered to be bad form?  

1 minute ago, LitLover said:

 

 

Thanks, you two.  I appreciate the frankness. 

 

One last questions (maybe ),,, are subs allowed to interact with other Doms and show them the same level of respect they show their partner/Dom?  One example, is deferring to another Dom (e.g. their opinion or direction)?  

I know some D/s couples, who are like this and some not, that just depends on what they agreed. It is all about finding out, what you want and need an what not and to what both have agreed. The limitations are chosen.

If I may...

I did talk to Sir about talking here. Was reminded to be respectful and to remember our limits. Outside of here, we don't know anyone else who lives this life.

7 minutes ago, mollyhousemouse said:

If I may...

I did talk to Sir about talking here. Was reminded to be respectful and to remember our limits. Outside of herr, we don't know anyone else who lives this life.

Thank you, Molly.  I appreciate you being so candid, and your response does give me an answer to my question  

Ok, here's a question I'm curious about. Can two partners do the same role? You have two Doms or two Subs. Can the partnership be versatile, where you swap off the roles? I know a couple who are happy, and in love with each other. They are Versatile sexually, taking an equal role in "bed."  They both seem to be submissive to each other, but I've never thought of it like a D/s relationship until I started reading this thread. (No, it's not me. Though, I am naturally submissive in my personal life, but Dominate in my professional.)

7 minutes ago, LitLover said:

 

Thank you, Molly.  I appreciate you being so candid, and your response does give me an answer to my question  

Any time Lit! 

6 minutes ago, BHopper2 said:

Ok, here's a question I'm curious about. Can two partners do the same role? You have two Doms or two Subs. Can the partnership be versatile, where you swap off the roles? I know a couple who are happy, and in love with each other. They are Versatile sexually, taking an equal role in "bed."  They both seem to be submissive to each other, but I've never thought of it like a D/s relationship until I started reading this thread. (No, it's not me. Though, I am naturally submissive in my personal life, but Dominate in my professional.)

Yes, this can be. It can be very ....challenging if two dominant characters have to deal with each other. But on the other hand, I never met two people, who are exactly the same and so it is with dominant characters too. And sometimes, rarely I would say, they can find something to give to each other, which nobody else can. But it keeps to be challenging. I experienced it once and it was a roller coaster, but wow and it only could happen, because our dominance had different outlines.

And yes on the other hand there are couples who switch smoothly in every direction.

Thanks, @Lyssa for your reply. I've always been one to over-analyze things and wasn't sure what I was seeing, or if it was even possible. New insight, thanks again.

3 hours ago, BHopper2 said:

Ok, here's a question I'm curious about. Can two partners do the same role? You have two Doms or two Subs. Can the partnership be versatile, where you swap off the roles? I know a couple who are happy, and in love with each other. They are Versatile sexually, taking an equal role in "bed."  They both seem to be submissive to each other, but I've never thought of it like a D/s relationship until I started reading this thread. (No, it's not me. Though, I am naturally submissive in my personal life, but Dominate in my professional.)

I switch around, but never assumed dom role with another dom.

There was an encounter where we both preferred to be in control, but I let the guy be the dom and I took over sub,. He operated as a "passive" dom and I was an "active" sub, orders and actions were balanced off.

The Dom and Sub roles can be further divided into active/passive.

so much to learn and perhaps unlearn

Just now, mogwhy said:

so much to learn and perhaps unlearn

Agreed! Just from what I've read here, I know I lack a lot of knowledge on this subject.

13 minutes ago, BHopper2 said:

Agreed! Just from what I've read here, I know I lack a lot of knowledge on this subject.

most people do...that's why it's called a sub-culture 

1 hour ago, JayT said:

most people do...that's why it's called a sub-culture 

Good Pun

Here's a question for my counterparts, I think metal bondage gear is better than leather. I've noticed that leather wears out far too quickly, even though it is popularize as part of BDSM cliche, leather restraints do wear out. .

Anyone else have similar experience?

2 hours ago, W_L said:

 

Good Pun

 

Here's a question for my counterparts, I think metal bondage gear is better than leather. I've noticed that leather wears out far too quickly, even though it is popularize as part of BDSM cliche, leather restraints do wear out. .

 

Anyone else have similar experience?

I don't use physical restraints, so I really have no opinion to offer. I would say if you prefer metal, you should use it. 

8 hours ago, LitLover said:

 

 

Thanks, you two.  I appreciate the frankness. 

 

One last questions (maybe ),,, are subs allowed to interact with other Doms and show them the same level of respect they show their partner/Dom?  One example, is deferring to another Dom (e.g. their opinion or direction) considered to be bad form?  

Subs, in my opinion, should be respectful to all Doms, by calling them Sir. I am aware that tim talks with @MacGreg. This doesn't bother me. If he'd kept it a secret and I'd discovered it, that would be a problem. But frankly I've never had issue with sharing or poly relationships. 

7 hours ago, MichaelS36 said:

Subs, in my opinion, should be respectful to all Doms, by calling them Sir. I am aware that tim talks with @MacGreg. This doesn't bother me. If he'd kept it a secret and I'd discovered it, that would be a problem. But frankly I've never had issue with sharing or poly relationships. 

 

Huh. Well that surprises me. Not in a judging way, but more in a "I never would have suspected you to be a sharer" kind of way.  I think that has more to do with my impression of the roles of Doms and subs in a committed D/s relationship.  I would have thought the dynamic would lend itself more to one Dom with two subs rather than the other way around.  

It's my impression (and granted this comes from talking to other people rather than personal experience) is that a Dom's job is to protect and cherish their sub and the gift of their trust and submission.   The very nature of that submission seems to be giving up control over decisions and trusting their Dom with their safety.    Does the nature of that dynamic mean not trusting another with the care of a sub, at least not without some heavy vetting (or presence) by the Dom to ensure their subs' safety?  

Please don't mistake me.  It's not that I think subs don't have the ability or intelligence to make their own choices (the two I know personally are highly intelligent people), but rather they've willingly given up that right.   Maybe I'm wrong?  Or maybe I need more sleep? 

2 minutes ago, LitLover said:

Huh. Well that surprises me. Not in a judging way, but more in a "I never would have suspected you to be a sharer" kind of way.  I think that has more to do with my impression of the roles of Doms and subs in a committed D/s relationship.  I would have thought the dynamic would lend itself more to one Dom with two subs rather than the other way around.  

 

It's my impression (and granted this comes from talking to other people rather than personal experience) is that a Dom's job is to protect and cherish their sub and the gift of their trust and submission.   The very nature of that submission seems to be giving up control over decisions and trusting their Dom with their safety.    Does the nature of that dynamic mean not trusting another with the care of a sub, at least not without some heavy vetting (or presence) by the Dom to ensure their subs' safety?  

 

Please don't mistake me.  It's not that I think subs don't have the ability or intelligence to make their own choices (the two I know personally are highly intelligent people), but rather they've willingly given up that right.   Maybe I'm wrong?  Or maybe I need more sleep? 

Does it surprise? Hmm. We are committed, very much so. But I would share tim with another, if it felt right.

In fact I will be and have started that process. what tim wants, requires another because it is out of my range of experience. And it needs someone who knows exactly what they are doing because it could hurt him both physically and mentally. tim knows the requirements which will be submission to John the other Dom, in all ways, and myself. That said, I will always be with tim. 

I've known John for thirteen or so years. He knows what he's doing having been doing it for 25 years. So I trust him. I wouldn't just hand tim over to someone I don't know. But again, I will always be there. 

I've spoken about this in our PM group. I have not taken tim's right to make choices. tim is what he is and he has given me control, because it is right for him. It's got nothing to do with intelligence but more nature. tim is bright, intelligent, funny, and talented. he has love for live and is a great writer, and cook and partner. 

he needs someone to take care of the rest, of him. That's my job.   I have wanted to bring in other partners, but tim resisted. Forcing him, yes i could but that would ruin our dynamic.

what we are venturing into, tim asked for. he discovered something he wants to try, he understand this means submission to and serving another, so it suits us both. I get to see tim with another Dom and he gets to stretch himself and become more, which pleases me, which is really what submissives want. 

let me know if you have questions

M

5 minutes ago, MichaelS36 said:

I've known John for thirteen or so years. He knows what he's doing having been doing it for 25 years. So I trust him. I wouldn't just hand tim over to someone I don't know.

This is exactly what I meant.  YOU vetted the person and YOU trust them.  That's all I need to know.  The details are irrelevant.  The fact is that you and tim both have made it your responsibility to keep him safe. 

28 minutes ago, LitLover said:

 

It's my impression (and granted this comes from talking to other people rather than personal experience) is that a Dom's job is to protect and cherish their sub and the gift of their trust and submission.   The very nature of that submission seems to be giving up control over decisions and trusting their Dom with their safety.  

I came back to speak to this term: their gift of submission. 

They are not gifting me with anything. To me and I'm not trying to offend, is very 'internet' speak or BDSM romantic novel. It brings up visions of subs in flowing, veil and other nonsense. This so-called gift is no greater than what I bring to our table. 

This relationship is more symbiotic. We need each other equally.

Knowing which boundaries to push and which to let remain intact... A delicate balance at times, I imagine.

Just now, MichaelS36 said:

I came back to speak to this term: their gift of submission. 

 

They are not gifting me with anything. To me and I'm not trying to offend, is very 'internet' speak or BDSM romantic novel. It brings up visions of subs in flowing, veil and other nonsense. This so-called gift is no greater than what I bring to our table. 

 

This relationship is more symbiotic. We need each other equally.

I also didn't mean to offend and I didn't mean to imply that you bring nothing to the table.  Maybe gift was the wrong word, but the point is the same: the Dom takes on responsibility for their sub, and the sub chooses to allow it. 

Just now, LitLover said:

 

I also didn't mean to offend and I didn't mean to imply that you bring nothing to the table.  Maybe gift was the wrong word, but the point is the same: the Dom takes on responsibility for their sub, and the sub chooses to allow it. 

Still LitLover, I don't believe, and you are welcome to ask him, that tim chose to be a submissive. I think it is simply his nature. And like other creatures with symbiotic (mutualism) natures there isn't a choice, it is simply what we are.   Some I suppose do choose, like for sex, it's a bit of fun to be tied up and submit.  

But for us it is everyday, in all we do and are. 

M

1 minute ago, MichaelS36 said:

Still LitLover, I don't believe, and you are welcome to ask him, that tim chose to be a submissive. I think it is simply his nature. And like other creatures with symbiotic (mutualism) natures there isn't a choice, it is simply what we are.   Some I suppose do choose, like for sex, it's a bit of fun to be tied up and submit.  

 

But for us it is everyday, in all we do and are. 

 

M

You may have misunderstood me. The choice I'm referring to is not the choice to be a submissive (I believe that submissiveness is an inherent trait).  I was referring to was the choice in who to give up that control too.