My Internet History
Entry posted by AFriendlyFace
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It was early 2000, and I was a sophmore in high school. One of our cats suddenly got very sick and since the vet in our town was closed, my mom and I drove to the city of my aunt and cousin to take her to the all night emergency clinic. After dropping her off we go and visit my aunt and cousin and the four of us play the card game rook, which I hadn't done in about 4 or 5 years. Playing it makes me remember just how much fun it is, and what ashame we never play anymore. "But wait" I think, "this is the internet age, there's bound to be a site SOMEWHERE that offers it". Fast foward a couple of weeks and I'm playing rook at games.com (No longer offered there 
). I'm having a great time, I meet LOTS of new friends, and spend almost all of my online time exclusively there for the next two years. Eventually several of us start an internet forum for all the players and I help run the site until about late 2003/early 2004.
Rewind to 2002, it's now my senior year of high school. I'm hanging out at my best friend's house and his mom starts talking about how much she used to enjoy playing spades in college. So for the next couple of hours she teaches us and we play. My friend quickly becomes obsessed and insists that we play together on Yahoo. We do for about a month then he loses interest. I don't. But now I need a partner, and an atmosphere more conducive to a "community" feeling. Being an entrenched member of the work forum I decide to look for a spade forum. I quickly find an awesome one and become a member, and join the players at their site. For the next two years I more or less balance rook and spades, but slowly spades takes over my time and affections. I make MANY new, close, dear friends there, and have a thoroughly enjoyable time.
Fastfoward to early 2005. My little spade home has become more of a war zone. The majority of the original members have left, and the head administrator (once a fairly close friend of mine) has completely flipped. He's turned against most of my closest friends and partners and I can no longer placate him. Gradually I come to the realization that he's all but certifiably crazy, and quite honestly paranoid, and he comes to the realization that I'm not going to roll over and watch him banish my friends. Slowly our relationship deteriorates to nothing, and I take quite a long "break".
While I'm away the situation comes to a head, he bans most of my friends, and the rest withdraw. Of the aproximately 180 original/early members he now has about 20 left and his "newbies" are basically "yes men/women". My main partner immediately contacts me and tells me that she and most of the others have joined a new league and created their own team composed of our old players. I immediately join and resume active play. The snag is that I'm still technically a member of the other league, and a small handfull of my friends remain there. For the next couple of weeks I juggle the two leagues and try to make everyone happy. One day the admin. of the first league decides "if you aren't with us, you're against us" (is it any wonder I'm so sick of that particular phrase and line of reasoning), and demands that I make a decision between the two. I say if I'm being forced to choose then the decision has been made for me, and I leave/get banned.
It's now June of 2005 and I've been with the new league close to 6 months. One evening I'm surfing the web and come across Nifty . "cool site", I think. A few weeks later I'm exploring it and discover TOU. I quickly read all the chapter that were then posted (up to chapter 10), then desperate to get my fix I realize that more are posted on the author's home page. Once there I find another 3 chapters and quickly read to the end of chapter 13 (the marshmellow scene). I see that there hasn't been an update since April and begin to freak out. Fortunately, in my despair, I decide to check out TLW, which has the benefit of being finished. Over the next week or so I read it and it immediately replaces TOU as my favourite. Once I'm done reading TLW I find that I'm effected. STRONGLY EFFECTED. For the first time in years I begin to think perhaps a relationship like Owen and Aiden's is something I not only want, but might eventually need. More importantly I begin to think it's even possible to have that kind of loving, healthy relationship. In my desperation to talk about TOU I join Gay Authors. Gradually over the next few months I spend less and less time with my ("new") spade league and more and more time at Gay Authors. And the rest, as they say, is history 
********************************
So what was the point of that brief (by my standards 
) history of my internet use? Well reasons:
1) I simply thought it might be nice to post a little "background"
2) The yesterday I recieved an email from an old friend at the orginal spade league (who briefly followed us to the new league). Here's the email with the names of the players/league removed. Also keep in mind that he's not a native english speaker.
So of course the other reason is that all of this has just been brought back to the surface and is fresh on my mind. I went back and checked out the league page. When all was said and done "J" had basically taken a once flourishing, happy and extremly fun league of over 250 active members and all but destroyed it, reducing it's number to under 40! With less than 20 active members. Only about 5 of the original members now even remain on the list, and only 2 of them are still "active". He was an extremely paranoid person, and only seemed to grow worse and worse. It was always conspiracy theories with him, he banned almost everyone for some sort of percieved plot to destroy the league. Shortly after my group it seems he had the most damning falling out with his closest friends/supporters/junior admin. I don't know the details but once again he decided they were involved in some sort of scam to drive away membership and he banned them. Irnoically after that he decided that we were all "innocent" and invited us back on his online radio (yes toward the end he had his own online radio station,,,,which tragically consisted of him sitting on his soapbox spouting all the injustices he'd suffered). I heard all this 2nd hand (not being a fan of the radio station even while I was still a member). Fortunately only 2 of our number (Q being one of them) actually took him up on his offer of "clemency".
But reading that email and then seeing the death throes of the league with my own eyes, I really was struck with a strong sadness. It was seriously one of the best, most enjoyable internet places I've ever spent my time. In it's "golden age" it was a much happier, friendlier place than the rook gaming site ever was. We always referred to each other as "family", and until J decided to start disowning various "cousins, uncles, aunts, brothers, and sisters" we really were. I've grown to really care about a great many of you here at GA; you're some of the most teriffic, inspiring, awesome people I've ever met. But in many ways I loved the people at the spades league just as much. It was a home.
Reading that email though, with that final last ditch effort to "save" the league, I realized something; it's already dead. It died even before the first major "exodus". It died when the first of our brothers/sisters suddenly felt abandoned and ostracized for expressing their honest view point. It was nothing like "home" the entire last 6 or 7 months I was there. It started with a noble and worth dream J had. A close friend of his died too young and in his grief he decided to create the league in his friend's memory. It was his hope that we would all find a little peace and happiness. A little solice. A safe harbor from the outside world, where we could go and forget our trouble and just have fun with each other, playing a game we truly loved. And we did.....but in the end, for whatever reasons, which I'll never know or understand, the dream turned into a nightmare. The dream is over now, and it's time to wake up.
**************************************
I won't be at GA forever. Eventually something else will occupy my attention. Eventually the people, that to me, make it "home" will move on with their lives. I don't know how it'll end. I hope it remains the beautiful, good place that it is. A place for troubled, hurting, lost people to find comfort in good stories and each other's company. A place were the happy, carefree, exuberant among us can share their joy and wisdom. I hope it always remains a warm, caring community.
Someday, be it in a few weeks, a few years, or a few decades; I will be gone from here. And rather it continues to go on well here or not; I intend to take the happy times, the fun, the love and support, the goodness with me. Nothing lasts forever but that doesn't make it any less valuable and worthy.
My sincerest and most earnest respect, admiration, and appreciation go out to Myr, the GACs, the authors, the sub-committee GACs, and of course the members! Whatever has been, or will be, this IS a beautiful and truly amazing place and I'm happy to call it my internet home.
Kevin
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