The Improve & Encourage feature is back!!! These features are meant to both provide feedback to authors and, similar to story reviews, point out stories that readers might not otherwise have found. It's similar to a review, in that the person doing the critique tells you what they liked about the story, but it differs in that they also provide constructive criticism. Each author signed up to participate, and sign up's are still open!  These will post once a month until all listed authors have been critiqued. If you'd like to provide a critique for the blog, sign up in the thread. I'm hoping to have a lot more authors sign up, and just remember, by signing up, you are also volunteering to have your story critiqued and featured.

Jager

Cole Matthews

Critique By: Dodger

Please give us a short summary of the story you chose.

Jager, is a moving and powerful story about an elderly gay couple whose lives—after more than forty years together—are disrupted when one of them is affected by dementia. Despite the serious underlying theme, this is basically a love story with an interesting twist that should have you fooled. It was originally written as an entry for the 2016 GA Secret Admirer, Short Story Competition and unsurprisingly it finished in first place.

Jager, incidentally, is the name of the couples wooden rocking horse, which swings during the course of the story from hero to villain and back to hero again. The story is told through the eyes of Glen as he and his partner Adam prepare to host their annual St. Valentine’s Day party.

What do you see as the strengths of the story/poem?

I enjoy reading stories that are a little out of the ordinary or from an unusual perspective. Something that perhaps doesn’t follow the normal well-trodden paths and this story is a good example.

It is a truly beautiful tale, well-written and almost guaranteed to pull at your heartstrings. Part of its strength is its simplicity although this is not apparent until the end. To get there you will need to put your trust in the author, but you won’t be disappointed as everything begins to unravel.

The story has a very slow, retired feel to it, as the narrator delves into the past in an attempt to explain the present. I don’t think that there are many authors who would have been brave enough to want to include dementia in a Valentines Day story, but Cole Matthews expertly strikes a good balance and the reader is constantly reminded of the couples love for each other which overrides everything else.

What do you see as the weakness of the story/poem?

I enjoyed this story so much that I felt a little robbed in the end because it didn’t go on long enough. Cole handles the subject exceptionally well but 3322 words don’t do it justice and it wasn’t enough detail in it for me. I feel that there was enough room to get to know the characters and their history a little better, without giving anything away.

It seems almost criminal trying to find fault in such a wonderful story but it says a lot, I suppose, if my only worthwhile complaint is that the story is too short.

How do you think the story/poem could be improved?

A little more character development would have been good for me. I would like to have known more about their past and their early lives together even if the recollections weren’t entirely lucid. I know that it wouldn’t have been easy for them in the early days and perhaps more could have been made of this. I obviously know why the author felt the need to limit what information was fed to the reader, but it seemed a little rushed at the end.

Maybe I’m asking a little too much but Cole has set a consistently high standard and this is one of his best.

What was your favorite part?

My favourite part of the story is the final paragraph, including the last four words at the end, just before you reach for the tissues. However, it’s impossible to quote this without spoiling the story for anyone who hasn’t read it.