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Thorn Wilde

Entry posted by Thorn Wilde

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I'd almost forgotten I even had this blog. Figure, since I'm back, it's time I post something again, so I thought I might talk a bit about why I've been gone for so long and what's up with my mental health situation, which is a lot, actually.

 

First of all, I've been on some medication for the past five years that eventually sapped me of all my creativity. I've been virtually unable to write for over two years, only managing to pen the odd scene or jot down a plot idea here and there, which is really fucking inconvenient for me, because writing is such a big part of who I am. I quit taking those meds this summer, and immediately, the ideas began to flow, and I got the urge to write, and I literally couldn't help but do so. Add to that my current hypomania, and this explains why I just wrote a 60k word novel in three weeks.

 

I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder back in January. For years, I've been carrying around a major depressive disorder diagnosis, and though I've been in constant therapy during that time, it took them that long to realise what was actually wrong with me. Having the correct diagnosis is a blessing. Finally, I understand why I am the way I am. I can look back at things I've done and understand why I did them (such as the time I decided out of the blue that, to hell with the music and the writing, I want to be an astrophysicist! It was a resounding failure, obviously, as I don't even know maths). I now recognise hypomania. I understand that my depressive episodes are triggered by stress (as are my hypomanic ones). I understand what's going on in my brain and my body when I feel a certain way. And I'm on the right medication, finally. One that doesn't utterly murder my creativity.

 

I was gone for such a long time because I couldn't write, and being here reminded me that I couldn't write. It reminded me of how shitty I felt about that, and I felt ashamed and embarrassed for not managing to finish my stories. Now, that's no longer the case. Now, I'm finishing everything. And I feel so good about it.

 

I know I might crash at any time. Hopefully when I do, my medication will prevent me from crashing too hard. And hopefully, as has been the case during depressive episodes before I started on those fucking meds, I will be able to continue to write through it. I really hope I will. And I want to make myself stick around here, too, no matter my mental state, because honestly, I've really missed this place, and all the people here, and some of them have even disappeared while I've been gone and that breaks my heart. Still, I'm here now. And I'm not planning on going anywhere.

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Valkyrie

Valkyrie 110,437

Posted

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It's good to have you back and writing. :) But even better is to have the correct diagnosis and meds.  It makes a world of difference, as you can see.  :)  

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Thorn Wilde

Thorn Wilde 27,004

Posted

4 minutes ago, Valkyrie said:

It's good to have you back and writing. :) But even better is to have the correct diagnosis and meds.  It makes a world of difference, as you can see.  :)  

 

It really, really does. Thank you! :hug:

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Mikiesboy

Mikiesboy 143,939

Posted

I'm glad you've been able to get the right help. And i'm very glad you've been able to write once more ... it's very difficult when that leaves you, even for a short period of time. You know there is something you should be doing ...  :) ❤️

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Thorn Wilde

Thorn Wilde 27,004

Posted (edited)

31 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

I'm glad you've been able to get the right help. And i'm very glad you've been able to write once more ... it's very difficult when that leaves you, even for a short period of time. You know there is something you should be doing ...  :) ❤️

 

It's been rough, yeah. But when I stopped taking those meds it was like my mind opened up and I could breathe again.

Edited by Thorn Wilde
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Ron

Ron 6,151

Posted

I get you. I suppose those three words best express what I want to say more than any other words that I could lay down. You haven't been one to, shall I say, "beat around the bush" about your mental health. But your mental health issues are not the only example of your voice, you know this. Now, I tend to read and follow the same author's works again and again through the years for various reasons. Mostly, of course, it is because I enjoy what the authors have to say--what they write--but here on GA we can enjoy a more privileged connection beyond the words that are written. Here, through your freely expressed experience, we (I) are allowed to revel in your personal triumph. I never give up on good author, even when they experience something resembling a slump. I haven't, and I won't, give up on you either. Cheers and my best, best wishes for your continued good health.

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Thorn Wilde

Thorn Wilde 27,004

Posted

2 hours ago, Ron said:

I get you. I suppose those three words best express what I want to say more than any other words that I could lay down. You haven't been one to, shall I say, "beat around the bush" about your mental health. But your mental health issues are not the only example of your voice, you know this. Now, I tend to read and follow the same author's works again and again through the years for various reasons. Mostly, of course, it is because I enjoy what the authors have to say--what they write--but here on GA we can enjoy a more privileged connection beyond the words that are written. Here, through your freely expressed experience, we (I) are allowed to revel in your personal triumph. I never give up on good author, even when they experience something resembling a slump. I haven't, and I won't, give up on you either. Cheers and my best, best wishes for your continued good health.

 

:hug::kiss::wub:

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Slytherin

Slytherin 24,555

Posted

I'm so glad they found out the right diagnosis, it  must've been so hard for you before they did :hug:  Welcome back to GA ! :) :D 

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Thorn Wilde

Thorn Wilde 27,004

Posted

2 hours ago, Slytherin said:

I'm so glad they found out the right diagnosis, it  must've been so hard for you before they did :hug:  Welcome back to GA ! :) :D 

 

It was rough, but knowing is definitely a step forward. :hug:

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