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Found 11 results

  1. I'm in a situation where I feel like if I engage, I lose. No matter how I engage, the outcome will be the same. I feel like I'm being wilfully misunderstood. Like assumptions have been made about who and what I am, what I'm like, and no matter what I say or do, the people in question won't change their minds about me. And it makes me question everything. What if they're right? What if I'm the asshole here? I've tried dialogue, but feel like I'm met by a brick wall, utterly unyielding. I've tried to just pretend like nothing, let things be, keep going on the same, but I inevitably end up i
  2. I mentioned in a comment recently, the insidious voices that whisper words of doubt in your own mind. Voices, dealing my entire life with depression, I know all too well. It brought this story to mind: Always, They Whisper. The author also has a spotlight article on the story that is quite insightful, but that should be read after you read the short story.
  3. So, i’m following up on what i posted last week, about me not feeling quite ME. Phil and i talked a lot last week, and to be honest, i teared up more than once. We talked about how i can’t be who i am, do what i do, if i’m not at my best. And i haven’t been at my best. To be at your best, you need to take care of yourself. When you’re on a plane and they give the safety briefing, they say to put the oxygen mask on before you help you someone who may have trouble doing it, children or whoever. It’s because YOU need to be able to function to help THEM. Being a partner, parent, D
  4. My brain's doing that thing, where it's just running away and I can't keep up and I feel anxious and sad and also kind of elated and excited about stuff. So I thought I'd try to just try and write a stream-of-consciousness thing. So, this is my brain on whatever the hell is wrong with me. Sorry about the wall of text. I'm super excited cause I've been reading comic books and I love the Young Avengers and why aren't Wiccan and Hulkling in the MCU? Almost out of comics, gonna have to find some fanfic and, oh god, they're so hot! Hot, hot hot! What was I doing? I have shit to do. Need
  5. Mental illness and disability carry a lot of stigma, and a lot of people don’t understand it. Assumptions are made about various mental illnesses and the people who have them. And the way that we use terms related to mental illness in everyday language to describe completely different things can do a lot more harm than you think it might. This isn’t about getting offended, by the way. This is about enforcing harmful stereotypes that actually hurt people who suffer from mental illness and disability. I’m going to go over a few phrases that I’ve heard intelligent, grown up people say
  6. So, some of you may have noticed that I haven't been very active lately. I checked the forums yesterday and had a huge shock when I noticed that the member status thingies had changed... I haven't been busy. I'm still unemployed. I've barely been writing, and I haven't touched an instrument in like two weeks. I've just been depressed. It's been coming in sort of waves. Then, a couple of weeks ago, I decided to make an appointment with my GP to see if I could get a referral to a shrink. I went last Monday, and she wrote and sent off a referral for me, but she also prescr
  7. I think there's an unfortunate side-effect to mental illness that many experience. It's not one that's easy to understand or admit to, even to yourself, but I do think it's fairly common. At least I have observed it in both myself and many people I know (and I have a lot of friends irl with mental illness; it's like we're drawn together somehow, us weirdos who suck at fitting in because our brains don't function very well at times). As an example, I have a friend with ADHD and PTSD who often has a burning need to rant about all her problems and everything she's going through. She does so to me
  8. It takes many different forms in different people, really. It took me a long time to recognise my anxiety for what it was, because it wasn't like what I saw in the movies, or what friends with anxiety told me it was like. My anxiety generally manifests in one of two ways. The first is anger. This was especially true when I was younger. My panic attacks manifested as temper tantrums. Instead of panicking, I would scream, shout, throw things. Nobody ever recognised this as anxiety. I began to realise that's what it was as an adult, looking back. I know that temper tantrums are common
  9. When you've been depressed for a while, and you've found writing really hard, getting back into it can be a bit of a challenge. I'm feeling a lot better now. Going to school to study sound engineering this autumn, and it feels like my life is back on some kind of track. But the writing is still difficult. The problem is that I have lots of ideas, and I want to get back to writing properly, I really do. But I'm mostly motivated to work on my new ideas. So I sit down thinking, 'I'm gonna write now,' and open up one of the new, unpublished ones (my new viking story, my detective novel
  10. So, I haven't been here much lately, and the longer you stay away the harder it is to come back. So I thought I'd post a sort of general update for those who might be interested. First of all, I'm doing okay. I take my meds, I get up in the mornings and go to school (I haven't quite mastered getting up the mornings I don't have school, but I'm working on it), I do my homework, I mostly eat proper food and the flat isn't a complete mess. Magpie's busy with work and uni, I'm just busy with school. I'm studying sound production. Currently we're learning about pro-tools, an
  11. I'd almost forgotten I even had this blog. Figure, since I'm back, it's time I post something again, so I thought I might talk a bit about why I've been gone for so long and what's up with my mental health situation, which is a lot, actually. First of all, I've been on some medication for the past five years that eventually sapped me of all my creativity. I've been virtually unable to write for over two years, only managing to pen the odd scene or jot down a plot idea here and there, which is really fucking inconvenient for me, because writing is such a big part of who I am. I quit
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