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Why is it so hard to find love?


W_L

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One of the sad truths about being gay and single, it's hard to have a relationship with a decent guy. Sex is a few clicks away, but someone who wants to talk, make dinner together, or walk around the streets is harder to come by. Then, when you do find those kinds of guys, there's a fatal flaw with them: they enjoy sneaking kisses in back alleys (Uh, it's dark and the dumpster reeks), they blow out your tastebuds with some kind of pepper since you told them you enjoy spice (I like spicy, but God, I'm not looking to swallow fire), and the conversations are scary bad (How did a conversation about cartoons we like turn into school shootings).

All this stuff does leave you feeling empty after a while. 

I wonder if it's this hard looking for love with other single gay guys?

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I wish I could say that you are wrong, but unfortunately you are not. I've been assured by friends that there are decent single gay guys out there looking for the same thing, if there are I'm yet to find one. I wish I could find someone to blame for this, you know someone like the media, as almost all gay content on TV and in film only portrays young promiscuous guys bed-hopping, but I don't think they are to blame although they don't help either. From what I've seen over the years the majority of gay men and women who are in loving long lasting stable relationships never, or rarely, go out into the mainstream gay scene. Maybe it's the mainstream gay scene that is to blame? But then, maybe it isn't. I'm not trying, or will I ever try, to look for anyone or anything to blame as that is a negative way to look at things, I try to remain hopeful and positive. 

I identify as a bisexual man which you may think is greedy and increases my chances of meeting that 'special person', you may be right but the flip side of that coin is that it also increases chances of rejection. When you throw in the fact that like a lot of other people I am not 'a perfect physical example' the rejections often come with some very hurtful comments. About ten years ago I met a guy who I thought was the real deal, he assured me that scarring from operations was not a deal breaker stupid me believed him. About six months later, after I'd loaned him several thousand pounds, he walked out on me, you guessed it the loan was never repaid and his business still went bankrupt. He openly let others know that he never had any feelings for me, he considered me 'a freak' due to the extensive scarring on my body, all he was interested in was how much money he could get out of me.

I hope that no-one else has had, or will have, a similar experience, although I still have trust issues I continue to try to be positive. I have a lot of good people in my life and still have a lot of fun so it's not all bad. My advice to other singleton's out there is be positive and don't give up, you may still find the right guy for you.

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11 hours ago, Mancunian said:

I wish I could say that you are wrong, but unfortunately you are not. I've been assured by friends that there are decent single gay guys out there looking for the same thing, if there are I'm yet to find one. I wish I could find someone to blame for this, you know someone like the media, as almost all gay content on TV and in film only portrays young promiscuous guys bed-hopping, but I don't think they are to blame although they don't help either. From what I've seen over the years the majority of gay men and women who are in loving long lasting stable relationships never, or rarely, go out into the mainstream gay scene. Maybe it's the mainstream gay scene that is to blame? But then, maybe it isn't. I'm not trying, or will I ever try, to look for anyone or anything to blame as that is a negative way to look at things, I try to remain hopeful and positive. 

I identify as a bisexual man which you may think is greedy and increases my chances of meeting that 'special person', you may be right but the flip side of that coin is that it also increases chances of rejection. When you throw in the fact that like a lot of other people I am not 'a perfect physical example' the rejections often come with some very hurtful comments. About ten years ago I met a guy who I thought was the real deal, he assured me that scarring from operations was not a deal breaker stupid me believed him. About six months later, after I'd loaned him several thousand pounds, he walked out on me, you guessed it the loan was never repaid and his business still went bankrupt. He openly let others know that he never had any feelings for me, he considered me 'a freak' due to the extensive scarring on my body, all he was interested in was how much money he could get out of me.

I hope that no-one else has had, or will have, a similar experience, although I still have trust issues I continue to try to be positive. I have a lot of good people in my life and still have a lot of fun so it's not all bad. My advice to other singleton's out there is be positive and don't give up, you may still find the right guy for you.

Thanks for sharing and I completely get it as a gay guy with limited vision. A lot of people don't think much of it, because I don't show off my limitations in the past. My vision does affect how I love and how my instincts for attraction operate as I grew older. 

When my eyesight started getting worse and blurrier before the cornea transplant, I had to use my white cane, which I don't think many people knew about. Guys, whether gay, bi, or straight, can be sympathetic like any other human being, but I'm not a person who wants sympathy sex or dependency.

With my eye disease, I know it's hard to love someone who has limitations, but I do hope that you find someone out there, too, beyond just a guy or girl to warm your bed. 

 

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