Black Friday, in the U.S., is the day after Thanksgiving. It officially opens the Christmas shopping season. It's the one day out of the year that I avoid shopping of any kind, if I can. To me, though, it takes on a slightly different meaning.

The story begins in mid August, 1982. One evening I was sitting out on the porch step and the sister of a friend of mine stopped by with a couple of her friends. They all got out of the car and out stepped a 19 y/o blond God named Phil. A slightly over used term I know, but what can I say other than he was beautiful. And my gaydar didn't have to tell me he was gay, I knew it instantly. We all talked for awhile and made plans to double date the following weekend.

The following weekend we went to the drive-in. Yeah, they were still around back then. During the first movie, Phil got playful and started dropping ice down the back of my shirt. He didn't get the reaction he was expecting. It was so hot out the ice actually felt good. I eventually took the ice out and turned around and dropped it down the front of his shirt. After awhile of going back and forth like that, I got brave enough and at one point, grabbed the front of his shorts and dropped the ice in. That brought an end to the game.

Later on, we decided it was time for some refills and a nature break. Since we were the only two in the restroom at the time, I turned to him and came out to him. He replied, "I know. Why do you think I'm here?"

Phil's birthday was coming up soon, so the girls and I decided to throw him a little party, which also happened to be Labor Day weekend so a cookout was planned. As part of the plan, I had invited him to spend the weekend and everything went off as planned. As the weekend was coming to a close, I asked him to let me know when he was ready to go home. Much to my surprise he said, "I am home, why would I want to leave?" Little did I know that when I picked him up Friday that he had planned to move in. All he brought with him was clothes for the weekend. At some point after we had first met, he had decided that I was his and he was staking his claim.

It took me awhile to get used to living with someone again as I had been living by myself for six years. Phil became my first roommate, and more importantly first boyfriend. It took me a couple of months to realize what my feelings for him were, that I loved him. So that makes him the first guy I've fallen in love with.

Fast Forward to November 23, 1984. When it comes to Thanksgiving, I would take him to his mothers and then spend the day with my family. This particular year, Phil decided that he wanted to invite his mother over to spend Thanksgiving with us, so that's what we did.

November 24, 1984, 8:00 pm, the terror begins. I'm sitting in the living room watching TV when I hear a gun shot. I got up to go investigate. As I round the corner to go into the next room, I see Phil standing in the doorway to the bedroom and in his hand, is my pistol. I duck back behind the corner and yell for him to put the gun down. I waited a bit, peaked around the corner and repeated for him to put the gun down so I could come in there. Since I didn't know what was going thru his mind, escape was also on my mind. The problem was, in order to get out, that meant crossing 5 feet in the open to get to the front door, which was locked. I kept trying to get him to put the gun down.

I finally peaked around the corner a third time just in time to watch him raise the gun to his chest and fire the fatal shot. I rushed into the room, picked up the gun and moved it way from him, then called 911. I then knelt on the floor next to him and was with him when he took his last breath.

And just so you know, there was no note, but I did find out later that night why he did it.

November 24, 2006, will mark the 22nd anniversary of Phil's death. Most years it doesn't bother me too much. This year tho, it's on my mind more as it falls on the exact day it happened 22 years ago. After all these years, I still wonder if we would still be together today. He would have been 44 now. He's still in my heart and mind and always will be.

So this time of year, I become sad and a little depressed, but nothing like the rest of 1984. The closer Christmas got that year, the more I wanted it over with.

Now you know why this coming Friday is truely a Black Friday to me.

Rest in Peace, Phil.