Grad school... a far off dream
... that may forever remain so.
Its not that I couldn't do the coursework, I could. Its not that I can't complete all the prerequisites... I can. Its not that I lack the ambition to try courses actually requiring thought, or that I lack the writing ability to do a master's thesis. I excel at analysis and have no problem writing.
Its that I don't have the funds to sign the check to the school, nor is my credit history sufficient enough to merit borrowing against my soul. I would have to borrow someone else's soul to borrow against, a "cosigner" as they're called, because mine is not valuable enough. Great, fine... except no such cosigner exists. My parents are drawing the line at getting me to a bachelor's degree and apparently have no interest in helping any further.
Perhaps I'm badly mistaken but I really don't see myself going anywhere with my bachelor's in political science. It fills the prerequisite for the Master's in Public Administration, my actual goal, and this may be my own misperception but beyond that I don't place much value on it. With a bachelor's in political science I can go back to my job at 7-Eleven cashiering my way to being able to eat and maybe live in a shack of an apartment instead of a homeless shelter. Gee. How fulfilling.
The good news is that eventually the government will recognize that my parents aren't going to pay any more toward my college education... not for several years after I've completed my bachelor's and been wasting time living in poverty forgetting anything I learned in four years worth of college, also enough time for my professors to forget me or enough about me that it would not be right for them to sign letters of reccomendation for me to get into grad school.
I can't even get married and evade those rules that way.
Here's the really fun part... I've still got till december before my bachelor's is finished, but as I find myself with less and less hope for getting into grad school its also difficult to continue giving a damn about the bachelor's degree who's only purpose was to get me there.
Yeah... I'm feeling crappy, disillusioned, frustrated etc. In a bad mood and feeling generally pessimistic. Hopefully I'll snap out of it and not completely kill my chances at grad school by ****ing up my GPA
Cheers to the world, I'm about to go step outside of consciousness for a while and hope I feel better in the morning.
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