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Grad school... a far off dream


... that may forever remain so.

 

Its not that I couldn't do the coursework, I could. Its not that I can't complete all the prerequisites... I can. Its not that I lack the ambition to try courses actually requiring thought, or that I lack the writing ability to do a master's thesis. I excel at analysis and have no problem writing.

 

Its that I don't have the funds to sign the check to the school, nor is my credit history sufficient enough to merit borrowing against my soul. I would have to borrow someone else's soul to borrow against, a "cosigner" as they're called, because mine is not valuable enough. Great, fine... except no such cosigner exists. My parents are drawing the line at getting me to a bachelor's degree and apparently have no interest in helping any further.

 

Perhaps I'm badly mistaken but I really don't see myself going anywhere with my bachelor's in political science. It fills the prerequisite for the Master's in Public Administration, my actual goal, and this may be my own misperception but beyond that I don't place much value on it. With a bachelor's in political science I can go back to my job at 7-Eleven cashiering my way to being able to eat and maybe live in a shack of an apartment instead of a homeless shelter. Gee. How fulfilling.

 

The good news is that eventually the government will recognize that my parents aren't going to pay any more toward my college education... not for several years after I've completed my bachelor's and been wasting time living in poverty forgetting anything I learned in four years worth of college, also enough time for my professors to forget me or enough about me that it would not be right for them to sign letters of reccomendation for me to get into grad school.

 

I can't even get married and evade those rules that way.

 

Here's the really fun part... I've still got till december before my bachelor's is finished, but as I find myself with less and less hope for getting into grad school its also difficult to continue giving a damn about the bachelor's degree who's only purpose was to get me there.

 

Yeah... I'm feeling crappy, disillusioned, frustrated etc. In a bad mood and feeling generally pessimistic. Hopefully I'll snap out of it and not completely kill my chances at grad school by ****ing up my GPA

 

Cheers to the world, I'm about to go step outside of consciousness for a while and hope I feel better in the morning.

2 Comments


Recommended Comments

sumbloke

Posted

Hey Demetz!

 

I don't know how things work in the US so this is just vapour but...

 

Can't you take a Masters while you work? In the UK there are lots of institutions that offer two year part-time Masters programs for people in full time work.

 

If you were working in the public sector - government or education for example - isn't it possible to negotiate help with graduate study with your employer? Again, that's common in the UK - public sector employers often offer assistance with fees for employees and give study leave and so on to help them complete their studies.

 

Finally, scholarships. Again, the US and the UK are different but I know at least one student of my dad's who couldn't afford graduate study. She looked for scholarships and eventually made two things work. She targeted small scholarship funds that had specific aims - in her case she found a small private trust set up to help women complete their graduate studies. But she also wrote directly to people and just straight out explained her situation, the research she was doing and why needed money. She got all her personal expenses paid by people she approached that way! Write to the guys who just endowed that big law school in California: swallow your pride and tell them that you are a gay man who wants to work in public administration where you can do some good. You have nothing to lose!

 

Jakob

ex52tech

Posted

Sorry to hear about all the stress. When doors close, others open.

 

I guess all I can say is keep your mind and yourself open to any options that make sense, and don't be willing to settle for something less than what will move you forward toward your goals. You may have to change your whole idea of what it is you want to do in life, in order to do what you need to do, and that is to be successful.

 

If you give up and settle for working in a 7-11, then all those years in school did you no good. Go after what you want and need, it will not come looking for you.

 

I spent 25 years making airplanes fly, with two major airlines, and the military. The job was my major goal, the money was secondary. When the jobs dried up, then reappeared at less money, my secondary goal became my primary one as it should have been all along. I now work for myself, I'm not doing what I love, but I'm doing what I need to do.........make money.

 

I guess all I'm trying to say is don't handcuff yourself to one thing, then throw the key away.

 

Sometimes a little 80 prof alignment fluid helps to get things back into perspective.

 

Hope the hangover wasn't bad.

 

Best wishes to you and Silven.

 

Ex.

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