Hiya Boys and Girls,

It's been a LONG week for me so sorry I haven't updated but I have had a bunch of stuff going on... Everything is fine, so no worries kay?

A quick story update before I get to the point of this blog... I haven't yet started FBTE 25 because the Anthology deadline is approaching and I need to finish that up first... but then it's back to FBTE and to finish that up, another 2... maybe 3... chapters left in case you were wondering.

Okay on to the smiles right?

So I don't normally do this, I tend to get emails from readers and reply and hopefully build some sort of connection or friendship, but I was just so amazingly awestruck when I got this email from this man, I was literally speechless, and fo9r any of you that know me, that's pretty damn hard to do. I was so... touched, happy, fulfilled, smiling, proud even.. and so I asked him if I could share it with you... thinking that maybe it could give you something to smile about too. Since that request, he has joined here as a member and posted a HUGE post in my forum on the subject if you're interested in participating in the discussion, I would love to hear your answers... Click here to participate... PLEASE participate

If you do participate you will be halfway through reading his post by reading this... but for those of you who don't want to, you should still read this and smile with me...

Dear Vivian,

I just finished reading 24 chapters of "From behind those Eyes."

It was so beautifully written, and profoundly moving, that I only allowed myself to read 1 or 2 chapters a day - soI could savor this story.

Many times during my reading, I found myself sobbing out loud (a rarity for me), with profound tears of sadness, joy and courage. I don't remember ever reading any story that was so emotionally moving to me.

I can truthfully also say, I've never read a love story that was as inspirational as this one about Stephen and Jesse. found myself over and over wishing I had been as loving to my wife as Stephen and Jesse were so consistently to each other. But now at least I know what I want my loving to be like. I'm age 65+, but I still have many years of love to give.

Vivian, You so delicately handled the love scenes - telling us enough to imagine what beautiful things were happening as each chapter gave expression to the genuine love between Stephen and Jesse. You have a truly remarkable gift for being sexually explicit in a way that appeals to the highest part of my character.

I've given some thought to why I sense that I haven't seen even a hint of pornography in your very explicit love story. Another writer could have taken the theme of "coming out" in high school and written a story intended to spark as much lust as possible in the reader. The story would have just enough "plot" to tie together the sexual episodes which drew the readers. But you have demonstrated an amazing gift for consistently painting the scenes as Stephen's primary motivation being to make Jesse feel his love - and feel better. And Jesse the same primary motivation re pleasuring and expressing love to Stephen. To me,that distinction is essential to determining whether something sexually explicit I am reading is porn or not.

I found myself so absorbed in the story that any thought of my taking some lustful pleasure from the explicit scenes seemed like it would be a betrayal of the wonderful love being expressed between Stephen and Jesse - as if I was hiding behind a door or a bush secretly taking pleasure from the holy act being portrayed.

I forget which chapter its in, but I thought it was really classy the way you dealt with Stephen's "need to take care of his erection (or "excitement" maybe?)" You wrote simply that Stephen took care of it while he was in the shower that night. Easy for me to understand what he needed to do without having to give it more attention than it deserved in the context.

Your story has helped me greatly to appreciate the potential for authentic love between gay men - expressed in a way no less beautiful - and true - and indeed, holy, as between a man and a woman.

Over and over throughout the story, I have gained greater appreciation for the men and women I have known who have "come out" under difficult circumstances in order to keep their human integrity. And I have resolved to be as supportive as I can.

I realize that I was warped in my own early development by exposure to the constant teaching that it was a sin deserving of hell (unless one gets to confession before dying) if a teenager allowed himself to dwell on an erotic thought, or continued to kiss or hold hands after becoming sexually aroused. Of course masturbation was gravely sinful. During "retreats"in high school, I heard stories like the one about the teen couple (in the 1950's heterosexual, of course) who fellasleep in he back seat after doing some heavy petting (or more) and were overcome by carbon monoxide poisoning -- and of course went right to hell. Fifty years later, I'm still angry about that kind of teaching. Toward the end of seminary before ordination, my classmates and I came to realize that teachings like that were terribly destructive.

The Episcopal denomination, in which I am a clergyman (for many, many years), is in the throes of division these days over the issue of whether to bless same sex unions or ordain gays and lesbians. If other clergy in my church would read this story with an open mind, I believe a great deal of understanding could be reached about why it could be a very godly act to bless same sex unions in some way. If Stephen and Jesse asked for such a blessing, it would seem so right to confirm this wonderfully human relationship in this way, hopefully encouraging and supporting a life of faithfulness to each other. (Since I'm forbidden to do that currently in my diocese, I would probably suggest that I come over (joining with whichever guests they wanted present) for a "house blessing" that would be very inclusive, blessing the wonderful things that happen in the home to express love to one another.)

I'd love to be in a discussion group with this story as the prime text. It would sure have to be an extraordinarily safe environment to allow frank expression. (It would be wonderful if we could get to the point where men could acknowledge that some part of most of us is not completely straight - or gay. Of course we have been culturally programmed to cast one another as completely straight or completely gay instead of some combination, even tho we only express one side or the other.) This forum may be the next best thing to a discussion group!

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Since then, I have replied, and he has replied, and I have replied again, and he has again, and so on... so I have more to share in a couple days... but I'd love to know that you got as much joy out of this as I did and what you think about it... and Welcome!!! TonyBillD to GA!

Hugs,

Viv